Una don dey watch 2 many nigerian film that u pple can't see a good script and know its good.ibe is no amatuer either is priest and his gang stupid why will dy put ibe out without him changing in the van so he can blend in.its only nigerian movies that the actors go carry that same cloth they walka around without changing.watch america movies the guy go don change clean mouth u won't believe na the same guy kill person.this novel is international standard.oga frank abeg no jus bring down to nigerian film level.we like the suspense and intrigues.more grease to ur elbow.u nid to see me refreshing this page checking for update.hope sey sunday own go long

Rap maestro: Frank, Ibe held a knife abi? Shouldn't there be bloodstain on him when murdering the guards that should have been visible while he was amidst the crowd...
BTW, the two cops sent by the inspector, can they see what's going on inside Daniel's house because if assuming he was the perpetrator, he could call people to do his nasty job for him while he is inside except if he is wired or being watched with a placed, secret camera

rofemiguwa: Una don dey watch 2 many nigerian film that u pple can't see a good script and know its good.ibe is no amatuer either is priest and his gang stupid why will dy put ibe out without him changing in the van so he can blend in.its only nigerian movies that the actors go carry that same cloth they walka around without changing.watch america movies the guy go don change clean mouth u won't believe na the same guy kill person.this novel is international standard.oga frank abeg no jus bring down to nigerian film level.we like the suspense and intrigues.more grease to ur elbow.u nid to see me refreshing this page checking for update.hope sey sunday own go long

And I no wan comment again o but body no gree me. The international film that you watched, shebi u saw the actor changing clothe. So why can't he write it that the guy changed clothe?

Shebi for novel he go write and dy car was on the road ˚°◦ooo☺º°˚˚°ºo they way the use to say act it.this is novel the author shouldn't describe everytin up to the texture of their poo like flow use to abi?.we need to make use of our minds too biko.The plot and description is good.

luvmijeje:
And I no wan comment again o but body no gree me. The international film that you watched, shebi u saw the actor changing clothe. So why can't he write it that the guy changed clothe?

rofemiguwa: Shebi for novel he go write and dy car was on the road ˚°◦ooo☺º°˚˚°ºo they way the use to say act it.this is novel the author shouldn't describe everytin up to the texture of their poo like flow use to abi?.we need to make use of our minds too biko.The plot and description is good.

Nobody is saying the plot and description is not good. What we are saying is that it could be done better. And I believe that is one of the reason he posted his work here.

Great beginning, frank! Love it

I hope u don't mind me pointing out a few things I noticed?

**
Post #1

"He reflexively deemed his eyes as the light
from the white bulb in his room hit his eyes.
He tried to shield his eyes with his right hand
while his left hand remained on the switch,
soon his eyes started to adapt to the light."

I see a lot of gaps in this paragraph. At what point did he get up? He was by the window at the beginning of the story, so when did he cross the room to where the light switch was? Why did he switch on the light? Was it dark? How long was he in darkness? You did not indicate the time of the day. Details, details, frank. They give us a clearer picture of narration.

He 'deemed'(dimmed) his eyes- he squinted his eyes.

A few issues with tense usage. Nothing a good editor can't handle. Great job, love the suspense!

Do you mind if I point out stuff post by post? Let me know so I can keep an eye out

Ishilove: Great beginning, frank! Love it

I hope u don't mind me pointing out a few things I noticed?

**
Post #1

"He reflexively deemed his eyes as the light
from the white bulb in his room hit his eyes.
He tried to shield his eyes with his right hand
while his left hand remained on the switch,
soon his eyes started to adapt to the light."

I see a lot of gaps in this paragraph. At what point did he get up? He was by the window at the beginning of the story, so when did he cross the room to where the light switch was? Why did he switch on the light? Was it dark? How long was he in darkness? You did not indicate the time of the day. Details, details, frank. They give us a clearer picture of narration.

He 'deemed'(dimmed) his eyes- he squinted his eyes.

A few issues with tense usage. Nothing a good editor can't handle. Great job, love the suspense!

Do you mind if I point out stuff post by post? Let me know so I can keep an eye out

welkum.. Oya take chair and do ur thing

Ishilove: Great beginning, frank! Love it

I hope u don't mind me pointing out a few things I noticed?

**
Post #1

"He reflexively deemed his eyes as the light
from the white bulb in his room hit his eyes.
He tried to shield his eyes with his right hand
while his left hand remained on the switch,
soon his eyes started to adapt to the light."

I see a lot of gaps in this paragraph. At what point did he get up? He was by the window at the beginning of the story, so when did he cross the room to where the light switch was? Why did he switch on the light? Was it dark? How long was he in darkness? You did not indicate the time of the day. Details, details, frank. They give us a clearer picture of narration.

He 'deemed'(dimmed) his eyes- he squinted his eyes.

A few issues with tense usage. Nothing a good editor can't handle. Great job, love the suspense!

Do you mind if I point out stuff post by post? Let me know so I can keep an eye out

I will be definately glad it u point out errors post by post. Only tht I will only effect the corrections in my own copy but not on this thread. This is something like a skeletal work and the point u help me points out are the reason why I am posting this here. Thanks

frank3.16:


I will be definately glad it u point out errors post by post. Only tht I will only effect the corrections in my own copy but not on this thread. This is something like a skeletal work and the point u help me points out are the reason why I am posting this here. Thanks

sooo true

Frank abeg I need my sunday dosage of this. Correct story.as usually u no D̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣γ̲̣ dull Ūя̲̅ home boys

Its sunday already oga frank,where art thou

Chapter 11

deleted

ishi...hmm, upon the azonto wey i dance

keep it coming...

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deleted

princesa: ishi...hmm, upon the azonto wey i dance

i am at ur back and dancing with u.

this is the much i can upload today... the next update should come in on tuesday. that will b the concluding part of chapter 11. thanks

@frank i jus have an idea, ur complaining of not having enough traffic, why not campaign so ur topic will grace the front page? Cos what u ve got here is a real combo of action and thriller filled with enough suspense.



I hereby move the motion that "The religion" by Frank 3.16 grace the Nairaland front page..... MODs where art thou.

Who is supporting me??

Supported.Front page pls mod

weezii: @frank i jus have an idea, ur complaining of not having enough traffic, why not campaign so ur topic will grace the front page? Cos what u ve got here is a real combo of action and thriller filled with enough suspense.



I hereby move the motion that "The religion" by Frank 3.16 grace the Nairaland front page..... MODs where art thou.

Who is supporting me??

Seconded. Its a frontpage Tini.

Frank- great job u doing man. What I like most about u is d way u so open to criticism. Gosh it shows u r heading places.
Following u like twinta

weezii: @frank i jus have an idea, ur complaining of not having enough traffic, why not campaign so ur topic will grace the front page? Cos what u ve got here is a real combo of action and thriller filled with enough suspense.



I hereby move the motion that "The religion" by Frank 3.16 grace the Nairaland front page..... MODs where art thou.

Who is supporting me??

Seconded. Its a frontpage Tini.

Frank- great job u doing man. What I like most about u is d way u so open to criticism. Gosh it shows u heading places mehn. U know u r good but not perfect hence u take criticism even from ppl u r better dan; thumbs up ma broda.
u can only get better.
Following u like twinta

princesa: ishi...hmm, upon the azonto wey i dance

O my, I am so sorry!! I completely forgot
I will bookmark your thread right away

Front page approved.frank u. Remain d best

Wow... This is thrilling.. Seeping slowly through my medulla.... I'm loving it

good work Frank...

really good

This is the part where suspense can cause heart attack...............brother frankkkkkkkkkkk where are you ?

Yeah I support dis thread to graze d front page.It is a wonderful work.Keep it up Frank

Great!!..
Simply Awesome!!

MOD, Na FrontPage stuff b ds na,,,,or u r stil waitin for more views??!!

Frontpage tinz

Wow i'm thru with 11pages within 5hours,i'm really hooked up to dis story.@op more ink to ur pen.

princesa: keep it coming...

let me get this straight ... You left your thread to another and you're saying keep it coming

frankkkkk where are you nah? Show something for ur people nah

frank3.16:


Luvmi, luvemi, stop calling me bros, remember I will soon have ur hAnd in marriage(xcept u are less than 18), is that what u will call me when we want to make l...? I will threat u like jideooo,

Bassey incurrptible? Well, u can guess that, but anybody could have been a mole for any reason, even bassey, I didn't potray him as thatn but u could. But dat does nt make him intelligent.

Deligent? Ya he is, but that does nt make him intelligent.

Critical tinker? Remember chidi has a role to play in realizing that there was a mole. Well any body oulld have also guessed that given what happened, that's nt wisdom but its ok if u chose to call It that.

Wise? Chidi is much wiser to me.

Now I studied psychology and I know much about such trauma as attempted ra.pe or ra.pe itself. Most of them die slowly because of the build up inside. Nt telling anyone could be as bad as the ra.pe itself. If adanna can't tell daniel who she had started taking a liken on, who else will she tell. He has been open to her all these while, she felt she could open up.

Now luvmi, u are really loveable.

I thought I would be able to contain my excitement and not comment until I had caught up with the latest update but I just had to after evaluating the possibility of the bolded plot twist. I imagined it was possible earlier and I will have to continue reading to know if it actually worked out like that.
However, here's a pending remark for you, Mr Frank; your plot is a .........plot - a big one for that matter, for want of words to describe it.
And I support the person who said you were a Dan Brown in the making. Excellent work, bro!!! Cheers!!!!
Let me complete the story and get back to you.
Wooow!!!

weezii:

I hereby move the motion that "The religion" by Frank 3.16 grace the Nairaland front page..... MODs where art thou.

Who is supporting me??

+1000 Supports
Supported!!!
Attention Mods