barcanista: by the way how e take affect you if i demand for friendship of all girls using social network? abi na crime again?

Ogbeni, face front! U derailing o!!!

coefoe:

Ode, u wan fight na u get power, go and fight the strong women that cursed u out of NYSC Batch B, weak fool, they gave u the insult of your life, fear no gree you, keep your mouth closed before that man leaves you and runs overseas, fiance ko, sad relationship ni, poor man is not happy because you're a burden to his life, cry and open another thread 2moro about your fiance running away from ur folishness, ode

I love this and I hve learnt a lot from it.In my own case I hve someone who I am dating for 3yrs now bt no marriage because he his finacially unstable,We love each other so much,my people are disturbing me to get married and they are giving me serious headache now,they even got me someone toma rry bt I refuse jst because I can't marry a man I don't know,and I cant rush my fiancee to marry when I knw he his nt dat finacially stable what he his earning is not enough to feed us well and dis might cos problem when we marry,so this is what I did I told my people we will do introduction first which after 6 month marriage will come by them things wil be ok,I also made them understand that their pressure won't put food on the table when I am married,if things are nt working out well or if u are begging for money they wil d one insulting u again.my advice is long term courtship,patient and a lot of prayers,don't get married because someone is doing so.I am 26 and he his in his 30s

brainky: I am 26 and he his in his 30s

You're still young. Keep supporting him and he can't forget you.

Osas~79:


Ode, u wan fight na u get power, go and fight the strong women that cursed u out of NYSC Batch B, weak fool, they gave u the insult of your life, fear no gree you, keep your mouth closed before that man leaves you and runs overseas, fiance ko, sad relationship ni, poor man is not happy because you're a burden to his life, cry and open another thread 2moro about your fiance running away from ur folishness, ode

Haba!!!! Ewo ten pe? Dude, easy na!

Interesting topic. Lets checkout jennette-"i will wait for u" for more insight on youtube. [
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igCj3jsbcqs]

.

jennykadry: Story 2.

I know women who have met men that are not interested in courtship but marriage. Some of these marriages fail, the others are success stories. My eldest sister met her husband and he wanted marriage, no time for 10 years courtship. I did say it once on this forum that a sane and smart man knows if a woman is a a wife material after spending a few hours with her.

100000likes. I agree wit u perfectly. And. I disagree wit d OP. Marriage fails because of lack of compromise not because people. Are completely opposite.

/
It is not only ladies.
It happens to guys too. For me, I must marry this year by fire by force.

I want to have kids so badly that I have given myself this year as deadline.
Does that come out as being desperate? Yes, I am desperate to marry folks.

Help a brother out, if you could.
/

I think that its hard for some to hear their own voice I'm the midst of the pressures that surround us. The truth is if you get to know yourself, and learn to listen to the voice of reason inside, you'll never step into rushed marriage. I know some who got married after a short courtship and have very happy marriages. But they weren't rushing to the alter. They knew what they wanted and were blessed to find someone who wants the same.I've learnt that no matter how much my flesh and immediate needs are met, all I need to do is listen to myself. Am I really in love? Does this person line up with my values? What will our days truly look like? Is he ready to settle down? You know the answer but 9/10 times we ignore it.

Quite an Interesting subject matter. I will also like to add that some of us folks find it extremely difficult to really meet our present needs in a partner because of the way it(the needs) is fashioned. Take for example, me as a person don't want to have kids; don't get me wrong, I love children so so much, but it's just a decision I've come to make. But if I throw that to a lady she sees me as strange, in short all the ladies I have approached sees it has very strange, I'm yet to meet someone who is okay with that. Mind you, even here in the states where I reside, I'm yet to meet a person that sees the idea as my own decision rather than giving me the usual weird look, talkless of coming back to 9ja to wife hunt. I know it will be a long road but under no circumstances have I promised myself to compromise my stance. I can draw an inference from what I just explained that one can be forced into desperation and thereby become a father one did not even imagined because of the societal pressure.

Osas~79:


You're still young. Keep supporting him and he can't forget you.

What if he finally gets a good job and decides to go for a much more younger lady to marry?

[size=13pt]Na by force to get married ?[/size]

If all these girls advising others regularly on nairaland are so smart like they claim, why are they still single?

How come Kulyie's posts on most relationship threads are all about failed relationships and negatives in men?

Lonely girls turned relationship advisors on nairaland.

rman: If all these girls advising others regularly on nairaland are so smart like they claim, why are they still single?

How come Kulyie's posts on most relationship threads are all about failed relationships and negatives in men?

Lonely girls turned relationship advisors on nairaland.

So true

Gaggi: Forget all these theories, life doesn't work that way. We have seen people get desperate and date for only few mnths before marriage and it was successful. We have also seen long term courtship that resulted into marriage but wasn't successful.
We have seen successful marriages that crashed after a while because someone changed.
It's silly for people to be advising others on marriage. Every relationship is different and what may cause a break up in one may unite another couple.
I know a couple where the man clubs, drinks and smokes but the friendship between him and his wife is enviable. In other homes, clubbing and drinking will lead to divorce.
Bottom line is that ladies should mind their business and stop interfering in their friends relationships and marriage. If it works out fine if it doesn't it is none of ur business. u don't need to start saying i told u and narrating the story all over. Gosh, women are so petty.

One million likes. You just made my point. Truly, what works favourably well for Kunle and adamma might turn out to be a problem for Biola and emeka. The OP made it look like people who have opposing views can't live together as a couple. Myself and my spouse used to have opposite views on a number of issues, this is expected considering the fact that we come from different homes. Though we are from the same place we were born and bred in different places as a result we both adopted the culture and values of the environment in which we grew up so it's like an intertribal marriage except that we speak our native dialet. I have adjusted so much from the person I used to be. My tastes have changed, my method of cooking and tolerance of certain things have changed and I now accept certain things I never used to in the past same goes for my spouse because we both are working for a successful marriage. Do you know what it means putting two people from differnt homes together for life? Even when brothers and sisters live together There's misunderstanding talkless of unrelated persons. Two opposite persons can have a beautiful and successful marriage provided they both are matured and can accomodate each other's excesses and adjust their lifestyle to suit their spouses. Here on nairaland the ibos can't tolorate the yorubas and vice versa because of unnecessary prejudice tell me how someone with such a mind set would go into a marriage and not rubbish it? @ OP, if Lola and Emeka can accept each others excesses, adjust their lifestyle to suit the other, learn to understand each other and dwell more on what they have in common, they can make a wonderful and successful marriage.

barcanista: did i tell you i'm searching either? besides why is so difficult to respond to simple direct question? Can we be friends? its yes or no. You should not implore unnecessary tactics to respond to direct questions. haba! i fear fear o

It's a Nigerian girl mentality thingy..


Can we be friends translates to "I wan do your punny". It's offensive if they don't av plans of shagging u..learn now mate!

If not for the Nigerian meantality, is marriage a do or die affair, must ur happiness depend on someone else, must ur future be hinged on someone.
Dats is the Nigerian problem, evry girl goes into a relationship with marriage in mind and if it doesn't work, she loses her mind.

nony30: I have never met ‎u or have any plans τ̲̅ȍ even do that in dis life.But for the records ‎u sound cheap and dirty with this ur "Quitter never wins"behaviour.
Idowuogbo is looking like an Angel compared τ̲̅ȍ you.

Easy on Kulye, very bad experience with people could change anybody and make them unnecessarilly defensive. Problem is when we continously allow such experience to define the rest of our lives.

As for Idowuogbo, I don't know her personally, but given some of her "Sarcastic" comments here and there, she is one girl that can make a good partner and even turn a 'bad' man to a wonderful partner without even trying hard.

She is witty and forgiving. She comes across as one of those girls who will not waste time in making ammends with her partner as soon as she wrongs them. The partner would have no choice but to do same when they wrong her.

A few of her over the top comments here is just for the fun of it.

I may be wrong tho'.

Nw i kno dat dis kuylie/shewa of aa girl is a loosd cannon. She is old, not married, has lost hope 4 marriage, blames men 4 her predicament, hates all men 4 nt marryn her and nw wants 2 recruit mor ladies ladies 2 join her evil campaign by dscouragn dem on marriage issues. Pls ladies i beg u, do not join dat devil incarnate in her miserable lyf. She has lost it alredi & wants u all 2 b lik her. Jst lik satan wen he was thrown down 4rm heaven. Mschewwwww.

nikkykay: Please let all the singles learn from this.
Thank you


THESE days my heart cries when I see individuals who are desperate to get married; who can do anything whatsoever to get that ring on their finger. A desperate person is someone who feels she has no hope and is ready to do anything to satisfy this burning need. I read the tale of woe of two individuals that will be getting married in a couple of months. I will call them Emeka and Lola (real names withheld). Lola is in her late 30s and her desire to find the right guy has gone from hopefully optimistic to desperation so much that after only three months of knowing Emeka, she’s decided to marry him. The thing about Emeka is that he is the complete opposite of Lola. She is obsessively neat; but Emeka never learns to clean up himself. She is an independent career woman; he has a chauvinistic streak a mile way. She manages her money well; but he buys based on what he wants rather than what he can afford…and the list goes on. They fight constantly to the point that it is uncomfortable to be around them. With the wedding only two months away, the only thing left to ask is “Why would she want to marry a man who is obviously incompatible with her?”

A female friend of mine also shared the story of a guy she met, who didn’t even ask her out, and blurted out suddenly “Please, marry me”. He didn’t hear her out, and started making plans for a wedding. Individuals like this have an invisible signpost on their head with the inscription: “Will you marry me?” After a year or two into their wedding borne out of desperation to get married many men and women soon realise that they are miserable with their spouses. Yes, you are being pressured by friends and families to get married; pressures that make those family picnics and extended family events bitter experiences. That is not enough reason to rush to the altar. Anything done in desperation is usually as a result of a decision taken under pressure. The romance novels and movies showing quickie marriages and glamour often don’t show the reality of a couple’s life later in their journey together. No thanks to singles seminars which only promise participants swift marriages without teaching them how to go through due process in relationships.

According to Dr Angelis: “When you are feeling lonely or desperate, you are much likely to make poor love choices and end up in unfulfilling relationships”. Some people are so emotionally empty that they are desperate for anyone to marry. In the end, they end up in a painful relationship. The following are the signs of desperation which are not exhaustive.

Getting too attached too early: When you start getting attached to a person you just met and even saying “I love you” after a few dates, it’s a sign of desperation. You can make a clean break if you are involved with a needy, clingy and desperate person.

Having a profile listed with every single known dating site online: This is a serious clue that you are desperate. If your profile is on every dating site you come across, that is a red flag you must deal with.

Constantly buying gifts: Getting gifts is good, but when it becomes too much it loses its meaning and relevance. This is usually obtainable among men. The average dude believes he can use gifts to buy his way into a lady’s heart.

Wanting to meet the family too soon: “When am I meeting your people?” Is usually the question a desperate person asks. You should give much time before introducing family and other relatives to a suitor. If you are dealing with a person who is pushing to meet your family and you are barely dating two months that’s a red flag. Allow time to play its role in your relationship.

Dressing in attire that is provocative: This is a clear example of someone who is insecure. This is prevalent among women. If you come across this type of lady it’s time to move on to someone who is comfortable in her own body and doesn’t need to show off her cleavage to everyone she comes in contact with.

From a young age many of us have been taught that marriage is a rite of passage and you don’t become an adult or a woman until you get married. This social pressure, real or imagined, doesn’t make it true. You do not become a full fledged adult by getting married. Marriage doesn’t validate your adulthood; it only reflects your maturity. Dear friend, get off the desperation trap and let God’s will be done in your life. God’s time is still the best; He makes everything beautiful in His time.

By Kehinde Ajose, a talent development strategist, publicist, and blogger.

Deceiver

Marriage is a necessity for the stability of sdciety and propagation of the human race. So everyone ought to marry at some point in their life. In choosing a partner one should not be unnecessarily idealistic. Just be observant that you avoid a person who is unpredictable in his actions - substance abusers (alcohol drinkers, weed and cocain users) and temparamental individuals. All this talk about compatibility is just theorising. But you need loads of patience and attitude of give and take in marriage. That`s it - go ahead and try your luck after all life itself is not predictable, you just pray and hope for the best.

rman: If all these girls advising others regularly on nairaland are so smart like they claim, why are they still single?

How come Kulyie's posts on most relationship threads are all about failed relationships and negatives in men?

Lonely girls turned relationship advisors on nairaland.

God 'll bless u 4 dis post. I dont kno dat som1 else sees wat i c here. Dat KUYLIE of a girl is frustrated & hopeless 4 lyf as fara smarriage is concern & has vowed 2 mk oda girls join her, bt so many off dem r nt noticing it here. Pls tel dem 2 leave dat girl in her miserable unmarried world.

Nairalanders don yab themselves finish...

.infact i believe my mom now when she says making decisions about marriage is harder than all the degrees you can ever earn in your life,its fragile yet tough.
This is really a big lesson and an advice.

Desperation-Not an option for any good thing, Courtship-No ideal duration. Love-No perfect definition or criteria for assessment. Wayout: Prayer, Patience,Tolerance and Compassion are viable tools required for preparation and nurturing of a blissful marriage.

InvertedHammer: /
It is not only ladies.
It happens to guys too. For me, I must marry this year by fire by force.

I want to have kids so badly that I have given myself this year as deadline.
Does that come out as being desperate? Yes, I am desperate to marry folks.

Help a brother out, if you could.
/

Dis one na Pep Guardiola oh! see as u dey plot tactics and plan technical game play to find woman for NL. Your inbox for don full now! Ote

rman: If all these girls advising others regularly on nairaland are so smart like they claim, why are they still single?

How come Kulyie's posts on most relationship threads are all about failed relationships and negatives in men?

Lonely girls turned relationship advisors on nairaland.

Don't you know it's easy to cook a vegetable soup with your mouth.

tintingz: You should be in convent dancing with the nuns

bros, xctly wat pple dont c in dat fool of a grand spinster

I just had to share this,hoping someone on Nairalander will learn something. I Love you sweetheart...Okay..just had to put that there cus wifey log in periodically to nairalander with my account.
To all the Ladies and gents, honestly MARRIAGE is beautiful. A successful marriage has no destination but rather it's a journey. A journey that will take two individuals ( wife n hubby ) and their luggage ( kids ) through a smooth road at times and bumpy road other times. Each and every one of us gets to a point in our life,where we know we r ready to settle down and this includes those of us that clubs , womanizes, pursue ''magas'' and so forth...and when that time comes, it's very imperative that we seperate that life-style from the one that we know is right! one doesnt have to be a rocket scientist to know if the person we are dating or that "someone" interested in us is good for us , or a match for us or thats what I need and not what i want E.T.C. WE KNOW Amongst our boyfriends/girlfriends who is a wifey /hubby material! but alot of times, MEN n WOMEN try to measure up to those we grew up with or friends. ALL FINGERS CAN NEVER BE EQUAL.
A good start is to ask yourself, WOULD YOU MARRY YOU? in otherwords, if you were to marry, will your present self (personality, attitude , life-style e.t.c ) be suitable for marriage? only thing constant in life is CHANGE! if you are not marriage suitable then begin to change what needs to be changed.
Secondly, list those things you HONESTLY wish you could change about you...and try to find them in your suitor or admirer..if they have it, in most cases they'll motivate you to acquiring it over the course of your marriage all things being equal.
furthermore, seek a partner that makes you HAPPY ! he/she may not be rich but his/her presence is worth more than GOLD!
GoodLuck to those of you that are still searching...
I know of a guy that met his WIFE (gorgeous) on Nairaland. I found out about this site through him..because he said he knew what was happening in Nigeria live through Nairalanders, and this guy happens to be my course mate in Undergraduate. he went further to earn a Ph.D., works for Shell, bought a nice home in an afluent neighborhood but looking back when we were in school, almost all the girls in school then shy away from him, even some laugh at him or call him funny names. well, he's very short (5'4 " but very intelligent. I knew he will be a success. Today, some of those girls are still single and shamefully are after him. i'm not kidding, we live in thesame city (Houston, Tx ). He tells me stuffs that these girls do now that even gets me warning him to stay clear of them so that his wife would not have any trust issue. its pathetic.
Abeg I forget to add PRAYER ! pray always for God to send you a good compatible partner..

at Op, ''from desire to desperation '' Might mean ''from desire to I am ready to settle down''...there are 3 schools of thought here:
Desire - most of us do desire to get married..
Desperation - ahahahh I get belly , i must marry before i bring shame to my family.
the other desperation - I am ready to settle down , done with all the partying, flexing , olingo....ike is out peace !

Marrying someone is not basically out of desperation most times,its the desire to want to feel accomplished and get other aspects of your life going,there comes a time in ones life you just have to take that bold step,basically everyone should know what he or she wants in life and in their partners and seek God's grace in any decision your heart yearns to make at a particular moment in time.