JUST CAME ACROSS THIS......

At what point did you realise the relationship was moving towards marriage?
MC Abbey: I did not make my intention of marriage known to her until we were friends for one year because I needed to know her very well. When I told her, she thought I was joking and she set up a meeting between me and her pastor. She wanted to be convinced that I was serious.
Jumoke: I didn’t take him seriously at first. I told him he had to be younger than his looks. He convinced me about his age by showing me his driving licence. I told him to try the next girl if he was not in for a serious relationship because I was not looking for a boyfriend. He told me he was serious. I started taking him seriously when I got a confirmation from God that he was the man for me. Before I met him, I dreamt of getting married to a tall, fair-skinned man. Thank God I didn’t walk by sight. If I had, I’m sure my life would have turned out a lot differently.
What was the main attraction?
Jumoke: Like I said, I did not set out to be wooed by him. I just liked (and still do) the fact that he always made me laugh uncontrollably whenever he called. I didn’t even know he was a comedian at first. Also, he is a man of integrity, and the goodness of his heart always shines through.
MC Abbey: Her beauty was the first thing I noticed the first day I met her. I observed that she was not just beautiful, she was a combination of beauty and brains.
How do you hang out as a couple?
MC Abbey: We love watching movies together; we also have a couple’s time out where we review the status of our relationship every quarter. We discuss our areas of conflict or misunderstanding and I ask her to mention things I do that are not pleasing to her. She is free to tell me how to improve on certain aspects of my character. We pray together at the end of the review.
Jumoke: We also enjoy each other’s company a lot. We go out most times to watch one of his shows. We dine out and go to the movies. Sometimes, we leave the kids at home and spend a night or two out in a hotel somewhere, just to make sure that we are constantly in tune with each other.
What changes has this relationship brought to your lives?
Jumoke: Being married to MC Abbey has brought me a lot more exposure. I’m a private person; I would rather be by myself and not seek out company, but that is no longer possible. Also, I can be so goal-oriented that I tread on people without considering their feelings, as long as I get my results. He has taught me to relax and smell the roses; that the process is as important as the result.
MC Abbey: She has changed me a lot. I am more prim and proper now. I was just a rugged and rough man but she has beaten me to shape. She tells me, ‘Before I married you, you were not looking this handsome.’ I do a lot of facials because of my wife; she takes me to the spa and does my manicure at home. She is my make-up artist.
How do you settle quarrels?
Jumoke: My husband always insists on thrashing out issues as they occur. No matter how long we need to talk to get to the point where we understand one another and agree on divergent issues, he will make sure we stay on the topic. Also, have a ‘quarterly review,’ like a date night, where we would examine what each party is doing that the other does not like, and make resolutions to change. The change will then be assessed at the next review.
MC Abbey: We work with the philosophy that people should not let their anger go down with the sun. I don’t like sweeping things under the carpet, sometimes she might want to say we should just forget about it but I would insist on discussing the issue. I have learnt to always say, ‘please, I am sorry, forgive me.’ I don’t need to be wrong or right.
What are the things you dislike about each other?
MC Abbey: There are some things she does that make me angry but I still love her for them. For instance, she is always too particular about how she looks. Sometimes she would say she is adding too much weight and she would run to the gym and I always warn her, ‘If you want to lose weight, make sure you don’t lose weight around your backside.’
Jumoke: Sometimes, my husband just can’t be bothered to do certain things, even when it is something that appears to be important to me, such as taking proper care of documents, and not just putting them anywhere.
What do you do to keep the marriage strong?
Jumoke: We pray together and for each other. We make time for one another, no matter how tight the schedule, no matter how short the time. He loves having my attention, and I try to make sure that ‘his’ time is not overridden by chores or caring for the kids. For both of us, the other person’s satisfaction is more important.
MC Abbey: I have learnt to listen more to what she is saying, sometimes she can say a whole lot of things without saying a word and that is very deep. I have grown to understand her silent language and speechless communications. I have also grown to understand the fact that I can’t be better if she is not better[b][/b][/b][b]

barcanista: SMILES! you eh... we seem to meet in same threads

Ogbeni, you are one of the reasons some of these ladies think you guys are desperate and despicable animals roaring to devour. You come across as someone who has been trailing kuliye and you cheapen and belittle yourself. Even in formal letters people start with Dear.....this or Dear Mr........

Here someone has warned you to keep that appellation to yourself just because you are trying to be unduly friendly and you still won't learn to mind your business. If you have a problem with wooing and believe it must only be kulyie then let me know, I will help arrange a coupla decent girls who are not sitting on any high horse and are willing to make you a happy home. Leave out the sisters who are getting married to Jesus to wait it out with him.

Idowuogbo:
Margaret Hilda Thatcher! We dey wait o! He must hia am.

Btwn, happy sabbath day!

lol i have to put my mind,spirit and body to worship God and forget other things for now till church is over

lola.luv:
Must every story have a fictitious female name of Lola?
Ahn ahn! What are it? What tapen?

ehen we don see you

Geez! Doesn't anyone have a nice story of a happy home that worked out right ?? All the negativity on failed relationships and marriages is beginning to ooze outta nairaland....#walks out n disappointment#

hardbody:

Ogbeni, you are one of the reasons some of these ladies think you guys are desperate and despicable animals roaring to devour. You come across as someone who has been trailing kuliye and you cheapen and belittle yourself. Even in formal letters people start with Dear.....this or Dear Mr........

Here someone has warned you to keep that appellation to yourself just because you are trying to be unduly friendly and you still won't learn to mind your business. If you have a problem with wooing and believe it must only be kulyie then let me know, I will help arrange a coupla decent girls who are not sitting on any high horse and are willing to make you a happy home. Leave out the sisters who are getting married to Jesus to wait it out with him.

thank you for directly and indirectly delivering me from stalkers o :p

afterall nairaland is not the only place to look for wife 8-)

fabolakers: Marriage is not 2 minutes instant noodles.

I luv dis parrrt!

kulyie: you are completely wrong.go to a thread here in this same nairaland where lawyers are complaining of high rate of divorce.check the percentage of marriages this days,a lot are in chaos.dont be decieved by the and co husband and wife wearing the same thing portraying peace and bliss in their homes outside when they know peace is far from their homes.

Meanwhile i am not saying all men are bad,there are still some reasonable men with empathy out there so there is nothing like insecurity issues.i amso secured in myself but to each his own sha.anyone that wants to jump into the band wagon withoutensuring compatibility and other factors is so free to jump in,infact,she is as free as the bird.anyway i didn't say marriage is not a beautiful thing,its beautiful gaannn.yes it really is

Trust me, I am a good guy!

hardbody:

Ogbeni, you are one of the reasons some of these ladies think you guys are desperate and despicable animals roaring to devour. You come across as someone who has been trailing kuliye and you cheapen and belittle yourself. Even in formal letters people start with Dear.....this or Dear Mr........

Here someone has warned you to keep that appellation to yourself just because you are trying to be unduly friendly and you still won't learn to mind your business. If you have a problem with wooing and believe it must only be kulyie then let me know, I will help arrange a coupla decent girls who are not sitting on any high horse and are willing to make you a happy home. Leave out the sisters who are getting married to Jesus to wait it out with him.

Lmao!!

rman: If all these girls advising others regularly on nairaland are so smart like they claim, why are they still single?

How come Kulyie's posts on most relationship threads are all about failed relationships and negatives in men?

Lonely girls turned relationship advisors on nairaland.

Good point!

I think the greatest obstacle to marraige is this thing called love. When the ideal of love is taken out of relationships the parties quickly discover they have options.

Was love the basis of taking up that employment. Do we love our bosses, colleagues at work, the market woman who sells us stuff, our pals at the pub, yet we seem to get along better than the guy at home who we 'love' and at times we rather be at work, shopping or at the pub. Why.

And don't tell me you can't turn love on and off at will and be objective. At 35 singlados do. Why not at 25.

RuuDie: I've always said it that in contemporary African Society, the Man always has the edge in the marriage!

"Marriage is beautiful" --- why not!!? As a man, if I find my woman unsatisfactory in one way or another, what stops me from going out and getting another (legitimately or otherwise); can a woman do the same!!?
Some men just marry for the sole purpose of "tying the woman down!"

Women, need to wise up --- marriage isn't a goal that has to be achieved by all means necessary. You can still make a life of yourself without it!

gbam.i wonder why female singlehood makes men edgy.very repulsive

tintingz: ehen we don see you

I had to register my presence na.
Oya, carry your tintin self go one corner. I've seen you too!

kulyie: everyone still remains entitled to their opinion(s) about who anybody is even if its a biased judgement or judging someone from afar anyway happy sunday and happy democracy day in advance lets keep praying for a better democratic nigeria free from disorder,chaos,lawlessness and gross injustice in all sectors

Happy Sunday/democracy day in advance to you too. But please change your perception about men, not all men are bad. You have millions of good men on NL (I am one of them ). Stereotyping is not good. Have a great Sunday.

kulyie: you are completely wrong.go to a thread here in this same nairaland where lawyers are complaining of high rate of divorce.check the percentage of marriages this days,a lot are in chaos.dont be decieved by the and co husband and wife wearing the same thing portraying peace and bliss in their homes outside when they know peace is far from their homes.

Meanwhile i am not saying all men are bad,there are still some reasonable men with empathy out there so there is nothing like insecurity issues.i amso secured in myself but to each his own sha.anyone that wants to jump into the band wagon withoutensuring compatibility and other factors is so free to jump in,infact,she is as free as the bird.anyway i didn't say marriage is not a beautiful thing,its beautiful gaannn.yes it really is

He's right jor! And who told you He said you shouldn't check who you marry? Abeg! The guy abi na Girl correct Die, stop being petty.

Better-person:
Kulyie is d most annoying gal on nl. If yu see as she take curse one gal wen get belle b4 marriage eh, una go pity am, pesin open thread say she dey confused becuz she get belle, na so kuylie begin criticize dis gal left & right, even guys sef begin hala. Yu r one of d popular miserable gals ive noticed. Immediately after Church she as she ran here to start trouble. Who wan put dis kain woman for hse, sef if she cooks love portion, e nor go work, God pass yu. Nor dey form say yu get bf, yur private place don turn forest becuz guys no gree fvck, iddiot

lmao rant,blab,make noise all you can.one good thing your comment cannot do


take a dime from me,change who i am or affect me,so keep on spewing

sorry many peeps hate truth

Gaggi:

Life is full of ups and downs so why not marriage? U have issues at work, with ur friends and family, why not with ur spouse? The world is a mixture of pleasure and pain, why should marriage be all pleasure?
Let's be realistic, marriage must have it's highs and lows. Even the 'worst' forms of marriage has its moments. The problem is when the downside outweighs the good side.
I was once an anti-marriage advocate when i was younger because i loved myself and my me time but the beauty of marriage is when u know u are now responsible for others.
Let people make their mistakes and learn from them, it helps them become better persons. That's why i respect those who have gone into it and failed and still choose to go into it again. I'm hoping someday u too will understand.

my best coment on nairaland so far dis year

Gaggi:

Life is full of ups and downs so why not marriage? U have issues at work, with ur friends and family, why not with ur spouse? The world is a mixture of pleasure and pain, why should marriage be all pleasure?
Let's be realistic, marriage must have it's highs and lows. Even the 'worst' forms of marriage has its moments. The problem is when the downside outweighs the good side.
I was once an anti-marriage advocate when i was younger because i loved myself and my me time but the beauty of marriage is when u know u are now responsible for others.
Let people make their mistakes and learn from them, it helps them become better persons. That's why i respect those who have gone into it and failed and still choose to go into it again. I'm hoping someday u too will understand.

my best coment on nairaland so far dis year. Nice one frm u and i gues u are talkin frm experience cuz i was wonderin y pple remarry afta breakup wit dier hubby, if mariage is nt as rosy as som pple want it to b and wic they av als experience, so y goin into it again. Som1 shud help me find answer to dis

redsquare:

Happy Sunday/democracy day in advance to you too. But please change your perception about men, not all men are bad. You have millions of good men on NL (I am one of them ). Stereotyping is not good. Have a great Sunday.

thank you

Adamo84:
He's right jor! And who told you He said you shouldn't check who you marry? Abeg! The guy abi na Girl correct Die, stop being petty.

think before you type dude

lola.luv:


I had to register my presence na.
Oya, carry your tintin self go one corner. I've seen you too!

you no serious o... Me carry my tintin self

i dont know why y boys are only fixated on kuly she is happy wit her life n moreover u know nothing abt her

her online persona may be vastly different from her real life

The worst drivers i know are gentle in the office

so leave her and lets enjoy this time we have together on this land in peace

if we met in the real world.. good if not still good

beeefers

tomakint:
Trust me, I am a good guy!

ok.good for you and good to know

biolabee: i dont know why y boys are only fixated on kuly she is happy wit her life n moreover u know nothing abt her

her online persona may ne castly different from her real life

The worst drivers i know are gentle in the office

so leave her and lets enjoy this time we have together on this land in peace

if we met in the real world.. good if not still good

beeefers

i tire o.e be like say they don turn jenny's thread to shewa dissing sunday and of course them go meet me there

emi na o shey eran riro 8-)

What's this thread about again?
Kulyie?

kulyie: ok.good for you and good to know

I said that to you because you are blunt! I love blunt ladies because they are the best among ladies

kulyie: i tire o.e be like say they don turn jenny's thread to shewa dissing sunday and of course them go meet me there

emi na o shey eran riro 8-)

you should ignore.. some of the posters have been settin out for you from prior threads

you know NL peeps dey like do gang up

so no let them faze u..

relate with the ones who get brain, others waka pass or tell them to talk to the hand...

everyones destiny is different

Some strive to be mrs and die shortly after

others marry for companionship in mid age and adopt

kulyie: thank you

Hello Shewa, hawayu? can i ask you a question. why do you hate marriage so much

slimyem: What's this thread about again?
Kulyie?

lol.. right?

kulyie if dem bring their crap.. throw them away

Moreover when i did an empirical research on why nigerian females marry

Publish full results now, plenty MA holders for this place.

Gaggi, barcanista and nony30 are no longer following this thread, are they? I have a culture of seeing the full development of an issue before I contribute to it, that's why I browsed through the whole thread to make sure I got the full story before commenting.

To start with, nony30 spoke like a real jerk. Of course, everyone's got a right to be whatever they want, but every right comes with a responsibility to accept the consequences or outcomes of exercising them. So, nony30 was a major jerk whom I would have enjoyed going to war with on this thread. How disappointing and rather refreshing that he took his jerkiness elsewhere.

Barcanista, one small shade more courteous than his apparent disciple nony30, was not that smart either. A thread has a specific point of discussion that participants may agree with and reinforce with their own perspectives or disagree with and criticize with their own perspectives. Which did this broda-man do? Agree? He seemed to. Disagree? He seemed to. I think his summary of his arguments or rant or whatever was: there's nothing wrong with putting a timeline on your marriage plans as long as you do it for the right reasons. Which promptly causes me to wonder: did he read the op at all or he just read the title and his mind blanked from the rush of antagonism that had him rushing to type nothing?

His subsequent comments smacked of an annoying arrogance that he felt he'd said something smart for whatever reason.

Gaggi...Gaggi Gaggi Gaggi...whoever this person is, I'm both glad and quite upset that I didn't meet this thread as soon as they first commented. From his/her first comment, I was so put off that I could almost not wait to read the rest to get whatever they really meant to say. I still intend to go back and reread all he/she said so that I'm really sure that I get it. Suffice it to say that my first impression of this person is rather unpleasant. But, I gladly accept that I mightbe wrong. And the reason for being that open to correction was how kulyie responded to him/her. She accorded him/her a respect that I would have reserved for people I thought better of.

Ok. About Gaggi'sresponse to the issue, at first, it did seem like s/he was answering the op then it seemed that s/he was answering kulyie in his/her first post. Now, granted that each marriage and each relationship is unique, are all marriages and all relationships not based on the same principles? That is, are they not all fundamentally the same?

Now, if they are (and they actually are), should someone who gets the fundamentals better not offer what wisdom that they have come to possess to others who may not yet possess it? What is their crime in sharing what they have learned with their friends and people that they care about?

Again, does the fact that human beings are basically very good actors not show that a couple's attitude outside the walls of their own home in the sight of everyone is not necessarily the same as their attitude away from everyone's gaze? That fact along with the principles of marriage give the lie to the example of the couple who club and do whatever and still are such great friends.

Finally, I missed where the op insinuated that marriages made on short notice were always going to fail while those made after considerable time taken to court or whatever would always succeed. It seems pretty clear to me that Gaggi simply did not engage intellectually with the op. S/he just skipped the whole "thinking" part and jumped straight into the refuting part and ended up saying almost nothing.

Perhaps I'll pick particular posts and respond to them in subsequent posts that I make to address more directly what each poster of interest said.