I don't blame her tho.

saintugo: Marrying someone is not basically out of desperation most times,its the desire to want to feel accomplished and get other aspects of your life going,there comes a time in ones life you just have to take that bold step,basically everyone should know what he or she wants in life and in their partners and seek God's grace in any decision your heart yearns to make at a particular moment in time.

yes,true but need i remind you that desperadoes for marriage are usually victims of sister justinah,the lord sent me to you that you are my wife or i dreamt that we were getting married and i had a conviction that it is you when in actual fact nothing of such happened.not even when a dedicated brother in church is a regular tithe giver and he meets the pastor and says pastor jacob,there is one sister i have been eyeing in church.her name is sister chi chi.the following sunday the pastor says sister chi chi i have a conviction in my spirit that brother joseph is your husband.in case he comes and meets you,dont say no.after the whole drama,sister chinyere goes back to pastor and says pastor it is true o,it has happened and the pastor says i told you so.that is after pastor and brother have done behind the scene rehearsals,they will now be lying against God that God said this when he didnt say.

Those groups of people are another source of income for some 'pastors'.so why wont they encourage desperation among ladies

by the way i have seen one amusing banner on my way to the market.2o13 the year i must to marry and divorce spirit husbands and wives

kulyie: * singing in d.banj's voice* olorun maje o.

Eleda mi ko.meeting a man on nairaland eleda mi ko,Godforbid it

You sound arrogant,the same guys you meet all over the place in real life also have nairaland account. I know your kinda girl, always claiming smart and hard-to-get.

...

This Kulyie is a funny gyal...
She reminds me of Kobojunkie

Gaggi:

Life is full of ups and downs so why not marriage? U have issues at work, with ur friends and family, why not with ur spouse? The world is a mixture of pleasure and pain, why should marriage be all pleasure?
Let's be realistic, marriage must have it's highs and lows. Even the 'worst' forms of marriage has its moments. The problem is when the downside outweighs the good side.
I was once an anti-marriage advocate when i was younger because i loved myself and my me time but the beauty of marriage is when u know u are now responsible for others.
Let people make their mistakes and learn from them, it helps them become better persons. That's why i respect those who have gone into it and failed and still choose to go into it again. I'm hoping someday u too will understand.

Very very true for most women. I have noticed that my wife is at her happiest when she is in the kitchen taking care of me and the kids. She just loves it when we hang hang around the kitchen like vultures waiting for food. Sometimes, she will upgrade to sadistic pleasure by delibrately delaying serving that Rice with dodo.

At times,after taking other things into consideration,u don't hv to blame a woman for bein desperate. Except for cases of I'm too good for u gals,there r real ladies out there nobody has approached for a date for a long time and d biological clock is thickin.
I've seen very good ladies prayin for spouse but didn't c,not bc they r bad. I found out dat d bad once marry quicker(look around). When u hv a friend like that especially lady,take style do some connection for her(she will never know) that way,u r helpin out instead of always sayin God's time is d best cos she may not want to hear that.
Let's not paint all of them black.
Also I've seen cases where though one entered into it out of desperation,it became a success story.
Let us not condemn so much. We r all diff.

D heart is more treacherous dan anythin else n is desperate.who can knw it? Says d bible, evn wen u spend yrs in a rltnship, u neva cn tel wat ur spouse intentns rly r, but by prayers n supplicatn things culd turn 4beta..

Nuzo':


Easy on Kulye, very bad experience with people could change anybody and make them unnecessarilly defensive. Problem is when we continously allow such experience to define the rest of our lives.

As for Idowuogbo, I don't know her personally, but given some of her "Sarcastic" comments here and there, she is one girl that can make a good partner and even turn a 'bad' man to a wonderful partner without even trying hard.

She is witty and forgiving. She comes across as one of those girls who will not waste time in making ammends with her partner as soon as she wrongs them. The partner would have no choice but to do same when they wrong her.

A few of her over the top comments here is just for the fun of it.

I may be wrong tho'.

Hmmmmm...How sweet! *blushing*

Hi5 bro!

nnanyereugo: God 'll bless u 4 dis post. I dont kno dat som1 else sees wat i c here. Dat KUYLIE of a girl is frustrated & hopeless 4 lyf as fara smarriage is concern & has vowed 2 mk oda girls join her, bt so many off dem r nt noticing it here. Pls tel dem 2 leave dat girl in her miserable unmarried world.

Shut up! If u no gbadun d gal online parole, u ignore and seat on ur damn fingers. Oponu ara Galatia!

Arranged marriages in olden days turned out more successful than the ones happening in this generation that crumbles like a pack of cards.

All these rules and patterns have no bearings on successful marriages. If the two individuals involved feels it can work, it is no one's business to bring in their own prejudice and say it won't.

And it is also wrong to say people that are old enough should still play by some time wasting rules.

A guy met a girl in a club, a few hours later, they shagged at the back of his car, now they are married with three kids. What rule did they follow? The intimacy on first date rule. They ve been married for 17yrs.

In fact, know want you want and go for it. That's the only rule that works

leadzeal: Quite an Interesting subject matter. I will also like to add that some of us folks find it extremely difficult to really meet our present needs in a partner because of the way it(the needs) is fashioned. Take for example, me as a person don't want to have kids; don't get me wrong, I love children so so much, but it's just a decision I've come to make. But if I throw that to a lady she sees me as strange, in short all the ladies I have approached sees it has very strange, I'm yet to meet someone who is okay with that. Mind you, even here in the states where I reside, I'm yet to meet a person that sees the idea as my own decision rather than giving me the usual weird look, talkless of coming back to 9ja to wife hunt. I know it will be a long road but under no circumstances have I promised myself to compromise my stance. I can draw an inference from what I just explained that one can be forced into desperation and thereby become a father one did not even imagined because of the societal pressure.

I know a Nigeria lady Pastor who has similar desire, and has same challenge with meeting men if similar plan. PM me if you need a hook up.

redsquare:
You sound arrogant,the same guys you meet all over the place in real life also have nairaland account. I know your kinda girl, always claiming smart and hard-to-get.

everyone still remains entitled to their opinion(s) about who anybody is even if its a biased judgement or judging someone from afar anyway happy sunday and happy democracy day in advance lets keep praying for a better democratic nigeria free from disorder,chaos,lawlessness and gross injustice in all sectors

The Emeka and Lola relationship will work out perfectly because.. (1) opposite attracts
(2)two captain can't steer a ship nor two rams drink from one bucket at the same time
(3)the two opposites will always have a way of striking a harmonious balance.

The Emeka and Lola relationship will work out perfectly because.. (1) opposite attracts
(2)two captain can't steer a ship nor two rams drink from one bucket at the same time
(3)the two opposites will always have a way of striking a harmonious balance.

Gaggi: Forget all these theories, life doesn't work that way. We have seen people get desperate and date for only few mnths before marriage and it was successful. We have also seen long term courtship that resulted into marriage but wasn't successful.
We have seen successful marriages that crashed after a while because someone changed.
It's silly for people to be advising others on marriage. Every relationship is different and what may cause a break up in one may unite another couple.
I know a couple where the man clubs, drinks and smokes but the friendship between him and his wife is enviable. In other homes, clubbing and drinking will (not added by commentator mbhs139) lead to divorce.
Bottom line is that ladies should mind their business and stop interfering in their friends relationships and marriage. If it works out fine if it doesn't it is none of ur business. u don't need to start saying i told u and narrating the story all over. Gosh, women are so petty.

Sir or Madam, the advice aren't bad like you are trying to paint and neither what you said is bad too.

At the bolded and as a matter of fact with reference to all that has been said, I think the advice should have been what should ladies/guys do as a solution when the once 'i love you' starts getting tough.

As far as I'm concerned I don't think there is any marriage that is perfect; there will always be infractions here and there whether or not you court for eternity. The most important thing in marriage is understanding and perseverance, particularly from the women folks. But our ladies of now adays; with all their degrees will never succumb to any excesses from any man.

Gone were the days when our grand-mums will put water in the bathroom for their husbands and his concubine after the ... 'you know'. Yes, my granny told me of such stories.

Gone were the days where wives will cry, begging their husbands because he refuses to eat, even when he didn't provide money for the meal.

Infact, i know say i don stair the honey's nest with this my post from ladies ... temi ba mi!

Idowuogbo:
Shut up! If u no gbadun d gal online parole, u ignore and seat on ur damn fingers. Oponu ara Galatia!

lol let me come back from church first

anyway happy sunday idowu :*

Leadzeal must be an impotent.

kulyie: lol tlet me come back from church first

anyway happy sunday idowu :*

Margaret Hilda Thatcher! We dey wait o! He must hia am.

Btwn, happy sabbath day!

Chinom:


Very very true for most women. I have noticed that my wife is at her happiest when she is in the kitchen taking care of me and the kids. She just loves it when we hang hang around the kitchen like vultures waiting for food. Sometimes, she will upgrade to sadistic pleasure by delibrately delaying serving that Rice with dodo.

. Sir, i envy this your statement. I can't just wait to be at the kitchen door gisting and waiting for my wifey to serve me fud. Stil 27 though'

This marriage of a thing is all about luck, u can marry a good man and he decides to change after some years of marriage, also someone bad can change to good. What am try to explain is the fact that every marriage depends on the level of understanding and compatibility. 4 instance I know someone that married a guy just with pictures, she never dated or mate the guy face to face until after the traditional wedding and the are leaving happily.
Also I hv seen someone who dated a guy 4 over 5years an later got married to him, bt it was after the marriage that the guy started bringing out the devil in him. So I believe anyway it is, it all depends on God.

Marriage is not 2 minutes instant noodles. You have to take your time to work for the best.

jennykadry: Story 2.

I know women who have met men that are not interested in courtship but marriage. Some of these marriages fail, the others are success stories. My eldest sister met her husband and he wanted marriage, no time for 10 years courtship. I did say it once on this forum that a sane and smart man knows if a woman is a a wife material after spending a few hours with her.

This is not a fact. A few examples here and there does not make it universal. As you said, 'a smart and sane man'. For the average couple to be proper courtship in today's world remains the best option for stability. I may not have had good parenting, I may not attend a good church, I may not even be socially educated, I may not afford this or that but every person has the time to think things over carefully before decision time.

I've always said it that in contemporary African Society, the Man always has the edge in the marriage!

"Marriage is beautiful" --- why not!!? As a man, if I find my woman unsatisfactory in one way or another, what stops me from going out and getting another (legitimately or otherwise); can a woman do the same!!?
Some men just marry for the sole purpose of "tying the woman down!"

Women, need to wise up --- marriage isn't a goal that has to be achieved by all means necessary. You can still make a life of yourself without it!

Yvete: Quick question, what marks the transition from desire to desperation? Could they be sick of the long wait to satisfy their sexual drive (virgins), fear of menopause, biological needs, yadda yadda?? These are justifiable reasons to be 'desperate' IMO. Although, "Desperation" is subjective.

Pple confuse actively searching for desperation e.g imagine if ure 35 & a single virgin, you'll be actively searching for a partner. God created companionship dats why nobody wants us to be alone. Even those dat dont want children need lovers. we all need love. nothing like desperation.

jennykadry: I don't think Emeka and Lola's story has anything to do with compatibility but finding that balance that will help them compliment each other. I talk a lot my hubby doesn't, I am Emeka when it comes to spending ( see my closet for reference) and my hubby is Lola financially. To be quite honest, if I had married a man who spends as much as I do, yawa would gas. Most times we need a complete opposite of us to keep us in check.

You are 99.99% correct. My wife is just my direct opposite and people do come to us for direction or advice on how to have a happy family. I am a parrot while she is a camel. I love going out a lot buh she prefers staying indoors. I am also the spending type while she is the saving type buh one way or the other God has been so kind to us to balance things up. We never quarel for a second since we started dating till the present second.

Gaggi: Forget all these theories, life doesn't work that way. We have seen people get desperate and date for only few mnths before marriage and it was successful. We have also seen long term courtship that resulted into marriage but wasn't successful.
We have seen successful marriages that crashed after a while because someone changed.
It's silly for people to be advising others on marriage. Every relationship is different and what may cause a break up in one may unite another couple.
I know a couple where the man clubs, drinks and smokes but the friendship between him and his wife is enviable. In other homes, clubbing and drinking will lead to divorce.
Bottom line is that ladies should mind their business and stop interfering in their friends relationships and marriage. If it works out fine if it doesn't it is none of ur business. u don't need to start saying i told u and narrating the story all over. Gosh, women are so petty.

jennykadry: Story 2.

I know women who have met men that are not interested in courtship but marriage. Some of these marriages fail, the others are success stories. My eldest sister met her husband and he wanted marriage, no time for 10 years courtship. I did say it once on this forum that a sane and smart man knows if a woman is a a wife material after spending a few hours with her.

God Bless You! Couldn't have said it any better, With someone like you, I have hope that Nairaland isn't a total waste of Time.

fabolakers: Marriage is not 2 minutes instant noodles. You have to take your time to work for the best.

That's it and this fact is oft lost among the women folk. Marraige is like buying a new car. The benefits are clear but the wahala is round the corner and will be manifest with time so you must be prepared to work.

Of course the first scratch or dent upsets you. You fix it but after a while and a few dents more your love for your car becomes functional rather than superficial.

That's where most marraiges untangle. The reluctance to alter principles, accept realities, change standards, lower expectations, exchange superficiality for functionality.

Lwtmb...lwkm..

Aye ma ni ka o!see how den don finish these gals wey no wan marry...no mind dem den KUKU wan turn LEGEND of d seeker!u gat me?eh eh eh...

Need I talk more?u guys should just keep it coming!lmao!

Gaggi:

Let them get desperate if they want. Sometimes it works out for them. At least they know what they want. Even the one's not desperate also experience failed marriages. The beauty of being desperate is that at least the desperate person knows what he/she wants from the start.
Seriously, I've met friends whom didn't look compatible with their girlfriends and went ahead and married. the marriage has and is still flourishing. Sometimes the people we see as bad for others actually change and make perfect partners. To each his own.

You can't tell if a marriage is flourishing except u r part of dat marriage.

Must every story have a fictitious female name of Lola?
Ahn ahn! What are it? What tapen?