Well! If need be.

Only if the man has a stomach for truth,but i assume if a man has not been tested and trusted then dont tell him everything, it might wreck lives!i donnt tell my wife everything!
got friends who cheat on their girlfriends or wives,dont expect me to tell my wife about my cheating friend, l

why not? for a relationship to last it must be built on trust. I support the fact that a woman should tell her husband the truth but there are instances when you have to lie to protect your marriage

My advice (yes I'm married):

Do not volunteer (provide without being asked) every information to your husband.

By all means say the truth when asked about a specific thing/incident.

Volunteer information only on a need-to-know basis.

Believe it or not, some things are better left unsaid.

Looking at all the answers to this question, and the number of people advocating for secrecy, its a wonder why divorce rates seem to be increasing. If you cant tell your significant other, who do you want to tell? Theres a difference between dealing with issues yourself (between you and God, for your partners protection), and deliberately keeping secrets you know can rear their ugly heads later.
Just my humble opinion.

I read this entire thread in one sitting.

In my thinking, wisdom is required.

-How does the hubby in question handle negative information?
-How deadly is the information you are keeping away from your hubby?
-When you say Every thing; would you want to recount every single minute detail of
your day when he returns from the office?
-In day to day normal living have you always told him every tiny winy little thing that happend?

I guess answering these questions could help individuals determine how to approach
the situation when it pops up in thier lives.

I cannot tell my husband everything because there are certain things that happend to me before I met him that I will not let him know because he may not like it. I cannot come every and tell him the number of men that toast me, he will feel that may be one day I would accept one of them. So there are somethings things the woman should keep to herself because even the man has some things he cannot tell the wife. The man cannot tell the wife that he is still in love with his former girlfried or they still see each other. In all wisdom should be applied.

IF YOU WANT YOU RELATIONSHIP TO THRIVE ABOVE LITTLE MISCONCEPTIONS, TELL HIM EVERYTHING.

BELIEVE ME SECRETS ARE NOT WORTH KEEPING ESPECIALLY FROM SOMEONE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ONE WITH.

THATS INFACT THE BEST WAY TO EARN THE TRUST OF ANY PERSON!

the funny thing is there are no such things as secrets. sooner or later he will know. So open up and tell him everything. Good or bad.

for a long lastng marriage, a woman must not tell her husband evrything. becos there are some thing she tell her dat can detroy their marriage, is better to keep dat to herself alone

girlie_bab:

for a long lastng marriage, a woman must not tell her husband evrything. becos there are some thing she tell her dat can detroy their marriage, is better to keep dat to herself alone

Until the secret comes out and destroys her marriage right? Where did you get this idea from? Where is it written in stone? I'm simply curious by the way.

D holy book tells us that once a man & a woman gets married they become one. so why keep secrets

If it's something that doesnt have an impact on your family then, no not really.

No o! Does he tell me everything?

Otukpo very correct! a woman does not need to run her mouth blo-blo-blo like an over beaten prisoner when with her husband or anyone else.

Again for those that say lie when he asks you something that might hurt the marriage please give examples.

How does one decide if lying is better than telling the truth?

Also do you keep a book of the lies you told so that when he asks you again in 2 years you know the same lie to tell?

Are you not afraid that you might slip up and tell a different lie or the truth later? Does that not put your marriage in jeopardy?


I can not even fathom the thought of telling a lie to my husband when he asks me a direct question. Because I am not good at remembering what lies i told to whom.
There are things that I have told hubby that I have forgotten I have told him and when they come up in conversation later he says I know you already told me that but I am glad to hear it is consistant with the first time because that means you told me the truth.

He has come to me and asked me a question he has asked before to see if the story is the same and it always is because my policy is to always tell the truth no matter what.

What I have done, experienced or lived thru in the past is what has shaped me into the woman I am today. That woman that I am today is the woman that he loves. If you cant accept the things in my past that have shaped me then you cant accept me.

Yes she has the right to tell her husband everything about her self, it help in developing trust and love in the family.

i think that a woman should tell her husband everything. because they are married and no secrets should be in the marriage. because secrets can torn apart a family. i think also a man should tell a woman everything.

in a real sense, all relationships, be it marriage or courtship should be built on trust. if a couple do not trust one another then they are not fit to be called husband and wife. therefore i will say telling one another secrets which you know if found out by the next party in future will cause a problem should be said at the right time. To crown it all any thing secret is alway not good.

For those women objecting to the basic truth on the nature, i wonder the kind of home or family u keep. definitely, not the emulating type. Or else what is it that a man who picked u out of millions and made u a proud woman. you dare have the naive to consider the things he should know and all that.

U never hala, na the day weh him go tell u say him know everything weh u dey do, na that same day u go locate your papa house, sharp sharp. By then, you will have the absolute right to keep millions of secret. na we and una for this world. no long thing, i no fit shout, my teeth dey pain me

hi fellow nairalanders,
in an ideal situation, i dont believe in keeping secrets but i have learnt the hard way.its a known fact that some men cant handle issues. The best thing to do is to employ wisdom.if you know your partner cant handle the truth,then tell half truth or just keep quiet.though it may keep burning you but it may be best thing to do for the sake of peace.
it also depend on the gravity of the issue. An example is having a child out of wedlock or destroying your womb from an illegal abortion. you simply cant keep that kind of information secret, they ALWAYS come back to hunt you,so divulge such before marriage and not after.
there are a lot of marriages that break because a bombshell was delivered. Remember, it's better to have a broken engagement than to have a broken marriage. Some men dont break up with you but make you miserably for the rest of your life and you could become a mental case.Go to neuro psychiatry and check out the patients.
also time the period to break any distressing news.do not break a horrible news when your spouse just had a nasty day at work,he would certainly transfer aggression to you.

sistawoman:

Again for those that say lie when he asks you something that might hurt the marriage please give examples.

How does one decide if lying is better than telling the truth?

Also do you keep a book of the lies you told so that when he asks you again in 2 years you know the same lie to tell?

Are you not afraid that you might slip up and tell a different lie or the truth later? Does that not put your marriage in jeopardy?


I can not even fathom the thought of telling a lie to my husband when he asks me a direct question. Because I am not good at remembering what lies i told to whom.
There are things that I have told hubby that I have forgotten I have told him and when they come up in conversation later he says I know you already told me that but I am glad to hear it is consistant with the first time because that means you told me the truth.

He has come to me and asked me a question he has asked before to see if the story is the same and it always is because my policy is to always tell the truth no matter what.

What I have done, experienced or lived thru in the past is what has shaped me into the woman I am today. That woman that I am today is the woman that he loves. If you cant accept the things in my past that have shaped me then you cant accept me.

Women all over the world should please emulate the footstep of the above writer that you may do good to your self, family and to the society as the case may be. the truth is alway better but we should choose to embrace the truth because it does not hurt. Morally ignorant could be accepted while legally ignorant is not an excuse. My advice to women, you people should please make this world a better place for all!!!

My honest opinion is to ask yourself; how mature is he to handle this information I am about to give him? If you can't tell him because you know that he can't handle it,do not give it unless he asks, and when he does ask, it may be wiser to explain to him that it may be better not to talk about it.

I believe that it is imperative for the survival of a marriage to tell each other everything, but unfortunately, the world is not perfect. I know of husbands who beat or have even divorced their wives because of the information provided by their wives.

I don't think there is a uniform formula for every marriage, the decision should be tailor made to each individual marriage, but it is better to be open about everything than not.

if ur husband is d type that  handles truth well , my dear u should not hold water pls . but if he's  not the type that handles truth well , my dear  all u do is  always place a scenario and see  what he thinks about it , , before you let the cat out of the bag . .
For me is always good to share ur secret with ur pal it helps alot trust me .

spikedcylinder:

No o! Does he tell me everything?

I was earing u before not until i saw your post on this topic. Sorry, my interest is gone. bad influence!!! cheers

Rofl. who the hell is this

Well, in my opinion, keeping secrets can be a strain to whom ever is keeping the secret. We are encouraged to tell the truth no matter the situation. I guess this topic is the reason we have elders, pastors and councillors. If you know such info will cause problems go to them for advice on how to put forward such info. Also marriage is a life long thing, so its a discovery channel or adventure (practical) for the married.

This is a very sensitive topic, the truth is that openeness will always win, it pays to be open to your spouse.

Believe it or not, some things are better left unsaid.

@chipass, like what?