shreks:

keeping secrets can be a strain to whom ever is keeping the secret.

It's better a strain than a struggle.

Either party begins to struggle at the consequences of divulging sensitive information that really hurts.
Say all Break all.
Check this kind of bull yarn
"Honey I killed a lady two weeks ago for dragging a sweet guy with me when I traveled for my company's seminar"
Is he supposed to be happy ?
What's the use of informing a spouse that you slept with his father severally before you met him ?
Will he undo the act or relish your amorous conquest ?
Many had done things strong enough to kill for in the past; re- opening that gist go scatter things.
I no support unnecessary talk talk all in the name of marriage.
Motto :- Sealed lips always.

Jazz Freak:

It's better a strain than a struggle.

Either party begins to struggle at the consequences of divulging sensitive information that really hurts.
Say all Break all.
Check this kind of bull yarn
"Honey I killed a lady two weeks ago for dragging a sweet guy with me when I traveled for my company's seminar"
Is he supposed to be happy ?
What's the use of informing a spouse that you slept with his father severally before you met him ?
Will he undo the act or relish your amorous conquest ?
Many had done things strong enough to kill for in the past; re- opening that gist go scatter things.
I no support unnecessary talk talk all in the name of marriage.
Motto :- Sealed lips always.

There we go!!!

Seriously what more can i say??

completely agree with you but still i want to know everything from my woman

A woman must tell her husband everything about her life starting from the time of their engagement till tommorrow, BUT may not tell him some certain things about her past, especially which has no connection to her husband and which her husband may not be happy about.

Not a must, but a good thing if she wants to have a trusting and harmonious relationship with her husband,

wonda wat u can hid from yourself. if you cant hid things frm urself why shld you hid things frm ur hobby? havnt u read? for this reason the two shall become one? either tell him and earn his trust or let him find out and let hell loose on ur head

Openness and sincerity are some of the hallmarks of an enduring relationship/marriage. We need to apply wisdom to everything including marriage.

Each persons in a relationship should, at every stage, and with every experience in the union evaluate the ''impact'' of not opening up or otherwise on the other person. This is not to say that couples should tell lies to one another in order to ''protect'' their marriage. When the truth about anything, any act or action is demanded by one partner, the other should in all honesty provide it, not minding the consequences! But we must apply Godly wisdom in everything.

Imagine a situation where telling the truth to your partner, abruptly, without any reservation and decorum. This will/can definately destroy your union. I will rather advise that the ''offending'' guy/lady create the ''right environment'' first, and show every sense of remorse before divulging the truth. Let the other person see through you that you are indeed a partner who is interested in the progress of the union.
I base my reasoning here on the fact that marriage is for life. Once married to one man or woman, you're forever glued to that man/woman - for better for worse until death do you part. Gods word is clear on divorce. When you divorce your wife or hubby, you don't remarry until the other partner is dead. And God generally frowns at divorce. Now, if telling the truth will lead to divorce (that's about the worst thing that can happen), then so be it, so far the partner calling it quit will not marry again!

Every relationship/marriage is unique in many ways. And solution A to marriage/relationship A crisis, may not apply to marriage B crisis. Hence the need for Godly wisdom while handling the task of opening up to your partner about anything - good or bad!

Most people judge marriage like mere boyfriend,girlfriend thing,
My answer to the question is: YES,everything should be TOLD, my trust for you (wifey) depreciates when i find out informations about her that she didnt tell me.There should be NO SECRETS why do we keep forgetting this?
Day to day activities not ommiting an event should be shared, laughed about and actions,responses should be criticised and encouraged by both of them.Only the truth would make you last.
No even try come into my house con de hold back information.
My Two Naira Anyways!

I dont understand why you would marry someone that you cant share your whole life with? Someone that can accept what I have done in the past.

I would never marry a man that cant handle the truth of who and what I am. I guess I am very blessed to have a man that accepts all of me and me him.

Noooooooooope its not always good to tell your husband your secrets.yes TRUTH is better
but wives should try and desist from anything that will ruin their family.please open up to your husband during courtship than when he has alredy paid your dowry.

sistawoman:

I dont understand why you would marry someone that you cant share your whole life with? Someone that can accept what I have done in the past.

Then don't marry the guy.

Now, if you marry this guy and then somewhere down the road, you ''suddenly realised'' that you cannot live with him anymore because he told you some ''truths'' about himself, or you discover some ''truths'' yourself, sawwie. It's too late. You have to live with those ''truths'' that you recently found out - no matter how ugly they are!

Woman must be submissive says the Bible so I see no reason why any woman should keep anyuthing away from her husband. That's deceitful. Same goes for men too

why should she?
Some things are better kept to oneself
For instance if your family member said some nasty things about your husband , you better keep those to yourself

These things are complex. for pre-marraige secrets, they must be fully exposed but for post-marraige secrets! wahala! you tell him a damaging atrocity you committed that might mark the end of your roses if he cant live with it or mar your relationship as he may be dissapointed. vice-versa too!

Lesson: Never mis-bahave post-marriage. If any situation is likely to make you mis-bahave, let him/her know quickly so that the two of you will know how to tackle the problem together especially if it has to do with the opposite sex. Tell him all advances made towards you that you consider threatneing and how you want him to deal with it. That is how i relate with my wife-she tells me all advances made and we deal with it together! For me i dont make advances - i am a clean guy! work no allow me get time fr useless runs! Moreover, my wife is too complete for me!

Please live clean especially post-marraige!

you guys that are saying that a woman should tell EVERYTHING, how many of you would be interested in hearing
all the gist going on in your wife's work place? am sure before she's halfway through you will be either asleep or looking
for the best way to get out of that room - if you haven't already left. Yes there are things that a couples should share
together but remember women like to communicate; unfortunately most of us guys are not quite as fond of doing that.

@topic yes.

i guess the below reading wld provide an answer for the topic.


Once there was a couple in their mid forties walking through a bush path and they came across a patch of mushrooms. The husband insisted it was the non
poisonous one while the wife was adamant this was the lethal stuff. Husband carried on to pick the mushroom and consoled the wife; 'What we will do is
we will cook the stuff and feed it to the dog. If the dog dies, then we throw it away but if the dog is ok then we will also eat it.'

They got home and fed the mushroom after cooking it to the dog, it was the happiest dog in the village for a full four hours.

They then proceeded to eat the mushroom themselves.

Just as they finished, their son ran into the room and announced in a hurry the death of the dog and then ran out.

The two parents looked at each other and tears rolled down their cheeks, the husband then announced: 'My wife I should have listened to you.
Anyway seeing we are going to die I need to rest in peace and make sure I have been honest with you. You see that lady from next door has been my part-time
since we moved in and we meet in the garden every Sunday.'

He continued, 'When your sister came for X-mass, and you had too much wine and passed out, I slept with her too - your mother too but only once last year on
New Year's Eve.'

With tears in her eyes the wife says, 'Its ok my darling that was all weaknesses of the flesh I have forgiven you, but you must listen to me too.
Each time I go to the butchery I always bring a lot of meat. Well it's because our second son is the butcher's child. As much as you have slept with the lady next
door I also sleep with the Husband on Saturday evenings when you are out with the Boys, and lastly since we got married 20 years ago I have never had
an orgasm from you.'

Both had mixed emotions, hatred, regret but their consolation was they were dying without any secrets.

So their son then run into the room again and looked at the parents weeping.

He then commented: 'My God! I didn't realize the two of you loved the dog that much! Anyway the guy whose car ran over the dog says he can buy us another
one!!'

Have a great day

Yes. But he ain't going hear much of the ranting. 
Yes She Can! Like Obama!

I agree with sistawoman, there should be no secrets between married couples. Secrets lead to lies and lies kill all relationships. The husband and the wife are one, therefore they shouldn't hide things from each other. Well that is my 2 cents

@ poster

If a wife is a true wife and she is in the right marriage, what have you to hide from the part of your body?

Moreover, the wife should be Godly wise (not worldly wise) - reveal those things at the appropriate time; consider the story of Abigail in the bible.

Abigail's Story - The husband has terribly offended David - David is on his way with men to completely kill all the males in that family - Wife Abigail heard about it - She appealed to David behind husband's back without telling him - Husband was balling / partying at home - After husband became sober in the morning, she told him these things, that his heart died within him, and he became as a stone.

If non religious, consider the case mentioned in a logical way and you will get the picture.

I was earing u before not until i saw your post on this topic. Sorry, my interest is gone. bad influence!!! cheers

Like seriously, wetin I do you?

I guess you will also stop "earing" me if I tell you I don't believe in God.

@ FBS

@chipass, like what?

1. Let's say you know your husband is cheating on you and you had his mistress killed
2. As has been said elsewhere on this thread, say you had sex severally with your father-inlaw before you married your husband

gender inequality.y must it be a woman y not a man.if the man ask y not say it and if he doesnt dont make him feel bad by bringing up a topic that will crash the home afterall it is unto God alone man is suppose to make confession of sins

sistawoman, your "No Lies" understanding with your man is so idealistic I wonder if its practicable. Its good to tell what you're asked, but how about what you're not asked. For instance, if your hubby only met you last year as a chorister in the church choir and fell in love and proposed, would you poison the relationship by confessing to him that you were in the "escort" services in far away Italy so many years ago?

yes a woman tell her husband everything it helps a lot in marriage cos wen he later finds out the relationship will go sour as u know nothing is hidden under the sun.

Openness and Honesty both ways is key. Nothing is hidden under the face of the earth that cannot be revealed so best to tell the truth and pay the price if any than to have lived a happy married life for a good period of time only for a secret to be revealed that ruins the marriage for both parties and the children.  A habit of keeping secrets breeds deceipt, if I keep a secret of something that happened 5 years ago what stops me from doing the same about an adultery I will commit tomorrow, I can put them in the same bucket and lock them away.

If anyone thinks keeping a secret will hold their marriage then they are living a lie, only grace can keep it together so better to depend on grace after you have confessed all using the right approach.  Atleast if the marriage/relationship doesn't work you know your conscience is clear and if the two individuals are meant to be, they will still be.  Deceipt is not a good way to go into any business let alone a marriage.  Looking at the postings -I worry about the number of women that expect to have succesful marriages by living lies - "if the foundation be destroyed what then shall the righteous do".  Please understand that whatever works now will breakdown if either party finds they didn't get what they bargained for.

As a guy, I make it a habit to confess my sins as soon as they happen so as I don't remain in my vomit and would only be with a woman that does the same and can understand the intent of this.

Some women find it difficult to open up there secret, if you have giving birth to a child before or you have a sad past, before getting married to that man you have to try your best to open up your secret for him. It help in building trust in marriage.

This issue goes beyond honesty and openness,i am an advocate of telling it all but the problem now is how the revelation is now recieved by the husband or partner.i know of a friend of mine who told her husband that sha had had 4 abortions,when she started having problems getting pregnant and having countless miscarriages,the husband started saying somany unprintable things about her and it almost ruined her marriage.to God be the Glory cos today she has 2 lovely kids but she regrets ever telling her husband about the abortions she had.the truth of the matter is that alot of women are willing to say everything about their past but the mans understanding and reaction is what makes most keep to themselves.

Guys telling the truth in a relationship matters a lot although many of us respond differently.

I sure am glad i read this post because it is an issue with my babe till now. She wants to know how much I earn n I just aint tellin. I think I want to keep dat to myself. Am I wrong please?

@ Hesperus

I think it does not matter if your babe knows how much you are making, we should be manly enough to handle our own homes or relationships.
Even married couples have to deal with issue of money.