I married my wife and brought her from Nigeria. I had lived here for about 7 years before she came to join me and everytime we have a disagreement, she just screams and shouts. I absolutely hate shouting. She shouts about everything imaginable on earth and my house which had always been quiet is becoming a noisy one as a result of her arrival.

She is not an educated woman so this probably makes it more difficult because she doesn't seem to be able to help herself. Since Sunday there there have been arguments because we went to a party and I danced with one of my work colleagues. She said my colleague must be my girlfriend and we must have been doing things at work. The dance was less than a minute because she was even on her way out and this colleague lives with her boyfriend.
I got back from work yesterday and she started making noise about the same thing so I decided to go out anywhere at all. There was no where for me to go as I dont have many friends here and the one I wanted to go and meet was not at home. I say down in the car and decided to drive to one ex gf's house as I was completely tired after a long day at work.
while in the girl's house we were playing and touching each other and she suddenly shouted that I should leave her home immediately. Thankfully nothing had happened between us so she cant scream rape or anything and her friend was also in the house.
That incident made me think that my wife is an agent of the devil in my life pushing me to do things I should not do. I pledged myself not to be unfaithful but she pushed me and only God knows what could have happened that night.
I am thinking of helping my wife to comlete the process for her to get papers in the country and telling her to go her own way because it's better if I'm single than to be in jail.
What do you guys think?
This is very serious and I am feeling completely depressed at the moment. Once when I tried to tell her family about this they sounded very hostile to me so I decided not to discuss anything with them again.

Your wife nags over an event and you jump out to another woman's arms? That's not the way to be a man. Handle your home in a matured manner please you need to learn a lot about communication and you have a lot of good talking to do since she is not educated.

She is no agent at all just that your ex suddenly remembered that you are married and only making fool of her body reason for her action.

This is not a one off event. It has been persistent and it's what I hate the most in life and I did not jump into the arms of another woman. I had nowhere else to go and I wanted to get away from her noise.
Its not my intention to ever jump into any other woman's arms. otherwise I would not have married

From my observation, you did not really court her before you bring her home and it could be one of the reasons why you still can't understand her deeply.

Try and take things easy by communucating with her and always let her know that their is no other woman beside her. Otherwise jumping to the hand of another woman will bring more untold calamity than you have never imagined.

Thanx. it's true we did not court well enough but I have tried to tell her several times that I cant stand her shouting. a few other ppl have talked to her about it too. and I cant stay in the house with her shouting. it's just too much for me to stand

Real men don't have arguments with their respective partners and then go visit an ex GF then come close to doing the act.

wonders shall never end in the cold cold world!!!

@ poster
i also can't stand anyone that's loud either male or female, so i can imagine what you're goin through. . . sorry o
but seriously, you funny sha. did u not know she was un educated before you brought her overseas
anyways you have to try and talk to her and if she refuses to change, simply get a divorce!!!

BTW
you shouldn't have gone to your ex-girlfriend's house. . .

I think you are probably more of a devils agent than your wife (apologies as no harm meant).
Yes your wife maybe a bit jealous but have you tried to make her understand western world's culture in relation to harmless dance?
Do you talk to her when she calms down as i find it hard to believe that someone will rant on continously round the clock.

@poster
u need help asap!!!!

haba tope2000 abi wats ur name sef.
gud to be more constructive u know

jay bee:

haba tope2000 abi wats your name sef.
good to be more constructive u know

lol, oni ran ti na ni

while in the girl's house we were playing and touching each other and she suddenly shouted that I should leave her home immediately. Thankfully nothing had happened between us so she can't scream rape or anything and her friend was also in the house.
That incident made me think that my wife is an agent of the devil in my life pushing me to do things I should not do. I pledged myself not to be unfaithful but she pushed me and only God knows what could have happened that night.
I am thinking of helping my wife to comlete the process for her to get papers in the country and telling her to go her own way because it's better if I'm single than to be in jail.

i think he is the one with issues, he knew wat kind of person the woman was b4 he brought her here. so why complain now.

wifepalava:

She is not an educated woman so this probably makes it more difficult because she doesn't seem to be able to help herself.

If I may ask what's the level of your education? You've been abroad for seven years, went home and the only lady that is attracted to you and you chose to marry as huge as Nigeria is, is the "uneducated". That speaks volumes about yourself.

I understand what you're all getting at. i am not claiming to be perfect but I did not set out to visit an ex. I had nowhere to go after the day's work and I was extremely tired. On second thoughts I could have parked the car on a side street and slept there but it didn't occur to me at the time.
I also knew she was not educated but I assumed that education will not be a factor in the relationship. I was mistaken. besides I did it mainly because we have a child together and I did not want my child growing up without both parents. I knew her long before I came abroad.

Wow! what can i say. Dude you sure are not a perfect man just like everyone else so i wont balme you for what you did or did not do. One thing is i feel your pain. What you felt would be a plus to your simple peaceful life in another man's country is turning to a nightmare enuff to push yu into doing what yu sincerely weren't inclined to. With your kind of person i know you want things to turn out right and i think yu should put in effort as much as humanly possible (tap into heaven for ability and grace) to communicate and understand your wife and vice versa, It aint gonna be an easy task cos yu kinda putting the horse after the cart now but dude, impossible is nothing. Set a time frame in your mind to achieve this, say 6 to 12 months, after this hopefully things will work out for good, but yu must dilligently work at it o, with a lot of patience. I know say d woman no be animal and she sef go wan make things better. And after all that she no budge nko? well her papers go don ready by then and you will sadly have to let her go, so yu can live yur life in peace. Sadly because i am not an advocate for break up of the wonderful institution called marriage. but meeenn guy at times the shit cant but hit the fan. But still try. Best wishes.

Thanx. the problem is that whenever I try to tell her about her shouting she ends up shouting more. anytime I think there is a measure of peace and I try telling her that she can communicate without shouting it always ends up with more shouting.
To be honest I am at my wit's end at the moment and scared of what can happen to my health as a result of these incidents

My heart goes out to you.

I hope and pray that God's will comes to pass in your marriage

There's nothing wrong with your wife at all. She's just not compatible with you. That's all.
She's hot tempered and noisy and she's married to a man who can't stand nagging. In a strange land.
What you need to do is deal with whatever you are doing that is making her so angry. That's all.

wifepalava:

I understand what you're all getting at. i am not claiming to be perfect but I did not set out to visit an ex. I had nowhere to go after the day's work and I was extremely tired. On second thoughts I could have parked the car on a side street and slept there but it didn't occur to me at the time.
I also knew she was not educated but I assumed that education will not be a factor in the relationship. I was mistaken. besides I did it mainly because we have a child together and I did not want my child growing up without both parents. I knew her long before I came abroad.

education is not a factor, she can be educated and still nag (have dated someone like that)
it was actually wrong to have gone visiting ur ex no matter how angry or confused u were, shes ur Ex and there is a tendency to ignite something btw u guys just for that moment.
ur Ex was probably smart enough to have quickly resisted, if not it might have been a different story.
as Seun rightly said, u guys are just not compartible and u should have noticed that before walking down the altar.
i wont say its too late now.
All you both need is to work on each other and learn to adapt to changes, let her know how u feel whenever she shouts and reacts the way she does. A little compromise here and there and am sure u guys would just be fine
wish ya the best bro.
Cheers

I got a call from the police this afternoon that the white ex has reported me for assault. I have to report to be interviewed by the police tomorrow afternoon. my world is exploding in my face

wifepalava:

I got a call from the police this afternoon that the white ex has reported me for assault. I have to report to be interviewed by the police tomorrow afternoon. my world is exploding in my face

are you for real?

Yes I am for real and I am serious.
I just don't know how I got myself into this kind of mess. I did not ever think this can happen to me.
I have always lived my life by the law. No illegalities for me and certainly not something like assaulting a woman. I have never attacked any human being before not even a man.
I have not been able to talk to my wife since. and she does not know about all of this yet

what in the world?


your ex is a white woman? and you just went to her house like that? OMG- you better start praying.

If you don't know anyone who you can send to your ex to ask her to drop the charges, then you have a long journey ahead of you.  And if you contact her at this stage, she can file stalking charges as well, if she hasnt done so already. And sometimes, law enforcement can still refuse to drop the charges even if the spouse asks them to. The case is taken over by the state.

The charges she filed may be for sexual assault. That means you were forcing yourself on her while you were making out.  In your disturbed state that night,you probably ignored or didnt notice her reluctance and antagonism, until she started screaming.


A lot of naija guys have fallen into this kind of trap, and believe me, its not funny. And instead of people warning fellow Nigerians about all these dangers, they'll keep quiet until something happens, then start gossiping, gloating and badmouthing the person. I heard that in a lot of states, Nigerians are profiled in the criminal justice system as being prone to violence. Dont know if this is true or not. And the system capitalizes on that. When you're a black male, you don't need much of an excuse to get in trouble with the law.

If your wife is disturbing you at home, and you can't change whatever behavior it is that annoys her so much, then plz check into a hotel or friend's house until things cool down. In the US, YMCA is always available.



Well, you can wait and see what happens next. But your best bet is probably to get legal counsel. Even if you don't want to hire a lawyer, call one and ask for advice about the case. If you're not a citizen of whatever country you reside in, then that's another potential problem right there.

since you say you've never been in any trouble with the law, then thats one thing you have going for you. But it still doesnt mean they'll let you off lightly.

My best advice to you is to talk to a lawyer, unless there are other options. I don't really know of any.

she reported you for assault on what grounds? Although I don't condone your going there in the first place, i understand your situation

In your initial post, you said nothing happened between you guys. Just make sure you have evidence that nothing happened. She might be trying to incriminate you, because you did not marry her, but you stopped by to see her. e.g she is not good to marry,but you don't mind hanging with her

Besides, why did she let you in her house, if she did not want to see you.

Instead of running away from your wife, everytime you disagree, Pray for wisdom to deal with your wife.

wow!!!.somehow is in a hot boling peppery soup.
i wish you come out alive and unhurt.

I hope he has papers sha.



In any case, what kind of character does the ex have? If she's also been in trouble with the law in the past, or has been documented as being mentally unstable (like is she on medication), then that's something the OP can use in his defense.

Thanx everyone. I have contacted a lawyer and he said I should not say anything except to confirm personal details for the police tomorrow. I went to her house like that. it's not the first time and when I got there she seemed happy enough to see me and I met her flatmate there who also seemed alright for me to be there.
I am a naturalised British citizen. I don't know the girl's medical history except that she used to smoke a lot of harsh. I believe she still smokes it.
I don't think she will have any evidence that anything happened. I was out of her house as soon as she changed her tone and said I should get out. I only picked up my phone. I did not force myself on her

God is my witness that all I need was a place to rest after the day as my wife made the house too hot with her noise. Now i have more than my wife's noise to deal with

to tell the truth, its up to you to maintain the peace in your home.

You already said your wife is uneducated, so the shouting shouldnt come as a surprise. Since you're more exposed than she is, then you have to go the extra mile until she adapts to her new environment.

Surely you knew the risks involved in marrying someone from the village? You implied she only just arrrived recently, so she doesnt know the ropes yet.

And as people pointed out here, your ex girlfirend's house isnt the next place to go after having a fight with your wife. You're undermining yourself that way.

You can rent a hotel room somewhere. What's wrong with staying alone for a while in order to get some rest. You dont need to invite another ex girlfriend to the hotel either. i dont see how someone can rest if you're busy chasing exes all over the place on account of your wife.

@poster
Her lack of education has nothing to do wit anything.
First, u disrespect your wife's presence to dance makossa wit a female colleague (did u even ask your wife for a dance? was this your first party together? did you introduce your co worker to her?)
Then u decide to blame her instead of admitting that u were somewhat wrong and magically drove to your ex girl's house and started touching ? and u claim devil is pushing u ?i guess u are one of those people that blame their mistakes on others

Your wife makes noise, huh? That's not a nice thing to say about one's wife

What can I say? You married whom you didn't know.

@post

Why not try to educate her? send her to school where she can learn maths and english. she'll then be interacting with other people where hopefully she'll realise that she have to control her noise. Then hopefully when her maths and english has improved and she's educated to a certain level start a business for her. Am just thinking that she won't be shouting at her customers coz she will lose business {and business equals money} so she'll have to learn to discipline herself.