ileobatojo:

It does…because it is.

But at least you're amending that statement now.



I have no problem with this.

I am not.

Chillisauce: IN the spirit of Xmas, merry Xmas all to my Christian brothers and sisters.

No more fightings, no more cabals, no more terrorizing defenseless people, let's enjoy peace.
Shout out to everyone on family section,
Baby mama, Efe, CC, Ileo, coogar, Jenny, YPP, Damiso,buka, ihedi,debosky, TV, byvan, Ewuro, ujujoan, Nashville, Bellong,baby123, blue, aluta, kulyie kulyie,,tryour, RR, Tgirl, pocket economy, tpia , Kanwulia , debrief( where ever you are), jidegirl ,

If I miss ya name, kindly remind me and don't be offended..old age callin
Y'all great, keep up the good works.

Jenny the yekini guru, how's the ikworikwo going on. We need another Jenny junior by September 2014. Let's go dia.

Joyeux Noël ,

Feliz Navidad

bukatyne: It is deceit however you look at it.

Except a couple spent all the courtship period hopping from KFC to silverbird, they would hqve dealth with real issues. There is also nothing that stops two people from being lovey dovey if they want to be 30yrs into their marriage. If baba 70s can still groove with friends why not two people who pledgd their lives to ech other?

I always smile when i read or hear marriage is very hard work or courtship is different from marriage.

Your marriage is what the couple make it to be. There is no universal manual anywhere

When you buy a new car and dote on it every day, But later after 4yrs of use, you stop washing it everyday is that deceit?

dayokanu:

When you buy a new car and dote on it every day, But later after 4yrs of use, you stop washing it everyday is that deceit?

You are comparing your wife to a car?

Issorait

bukatyne: You are comparing your wife to a car?

Issorait

Its the same emotions that make new born or even lastborns get more attentions than older children

Abi no be human being

All I can see is engagement engagement , who is engaging their selve? Lol

dayokanu:

Its the same emotions that make new born or even lastborns get more attentions than older children

Abi no be human being

I don't see how having one husband compares with having several kids

Besides new borns are much more dependent than other kids

bukatyne:

I don't see how having one husband compares with having several kids

Besides new borns are much more dependent than other kids

Even when lastborns get older they get more attention than older kids

Its only natural that after a while feelings wane, Its not possible to be on the same emotional frequency as you were the first time.
EVen if you marry Beyonce. A couple that couldnt leave each other alone would be different after 6yrs of living together

What i say is all those in divorce courts started out as firebrand lovers, the attraction wanes it needs more than the attraction to sustain a marriage

I just wanna say this... This is the BEST thread i ever visited in my three year adventure on NL. My hope and prayer for you all 's that you all live to see next year, and may we continue to work to build happy families, as a happy family builds a healthy society. My new year resolution(it's not new year yet) is to be a better man than i was in the previous year. Cheers.

@bukatyne, I think i'll go with Ihedinobi on this one. Some things come more easily at the start ofa relationship. As tine goes on and the whole butterfly and chilly feelings simmer, you tend to take it cool. I think the married pple in the house should be able to explain better!

@all the married people here, are there things u did in courtship or early days of marriage to please ur partner that you'll really not do again now?

If yes, wld u say u were being deceitful then?

The beauty of this thread is dt we have loads of experience to help!

E.g when you fiancee is visiting or youre going to visit him/her

How many minutes do you use to prepare compared to now after several yrs of marriage..

When dating if she use bobbby brush you small you know how you react or when you feel his bulge.
Compare that to 5yrs of seeing each others nuditty every night

This issue at hand has very little to do with emotions. It's mostly a mindset problem coupled with over familiarity; and part pretense.

Baby mama:

Your wish is my command.yekini here we come

For the married ladies in here I have a question
If you were at this age of your life and unmarried,would your check list for the " ideal " spouse change?
Would you " lower" your standards to increase your chances
Would you for instance be more open to marry from another tribe or even religion
Would you consider a short man even though you are one who wouldn't have done so some years back?
How about a man wey im sumtin dey like Aki and paw paw one

Personally I kNow that if I were single till this point,my priorities will be a little different
Things like faith in Christ would not be compromised but I will comfortably manage,a short ugly man with no functional blokoss if he were stinkingly rich

I am talking affluence n'enwero atu ( affluence without measure)
Even if he had no Blokoss kpa kpa,we can manage ourselves in other ways as long as he is willing to be trained in other ways
His secret and ( wallet) will be very safe with me


Oya ladies,answer the questions

firstly, I must really thank you all for your great and realistic input in this thread.To the questions, I don't think you will be happy married to a man with no blokos,even if he is very rich,I am sure you will be missing the really thing,with time you will start feeling disgusted, no matter the size of his wallet.
Secondly,I have a question for the married folks,is MouthAction compulsory for couples to stay sexually connected?does every couple practice it?for those that are not getting it are they old-fashioned?dose it make a man to feel loved and cherished?

Chillisauce: IN the spirit of Xmas, merry Xmas all to my Christian brothers and sisters.

No more fightings, no more cabals, no more terrorizing defenseless people, let's enjoy peace.
Shout out to everyone on family section,
Baby mama, Efe, CC, Ileo, coogar, Jenny, YPP, Damiso,buka, ihedi,debosky, TV, byvan, Ewuro, ujujoan, Nashville, Bellong,baby123, blue, aluta, kulyie kulyie,,tryour, RR, Tgirl, pocket economy, tpia , Kanwulia , debrief( where ever you are), jidegirl ,

If I miss ya name, kindly remind me and don't be offended..old age callin
Y'all great, keep up the good works.

Jenny the yekini guru, how's the ikworikwo going on. We need another Jenny junior by September 2014. Let's go dia.

Joyeux Noël ,

Just got back from Carol Service in Church and soo basking in the Christmas spirit , ,Merry Christmas Chilli And everyone else

benedicta0: firstly, I must really thank you all for your great and realistic input in this thread.To the questions, I don't think you will be happy married to a man with no blokos,even if he is very rich,I am sure you will be missing the really thing,with time you will start feeling disgusted, no matter the size of his wallet.
Secondly,I have a question for the married folks,is MouthAction compulsory for couples to stay sexually connected?does every couple practice it?for those that are not getting it are they old-fashioned?dose it make a man to feel loved and cherished?

Though i'm not married, what i know about sex is that it's for MUTUAL pleasure, not that of yours, or his alone. Both parties should try as much as possible to fufill [/b]each other's[/b] needs. That being said, if the woman is comfortable doing it, and the man likes it, maybe. One problem troubling many marriages today is selfishness in love making. This is especially true in some men. They believe everything about sex should be about them alone and care less about the sexual and emotional needs of their wives. That's so wrong and must be discouraged. If a man fufills his wife's emotional and sexual needs, a rational wife will also try her best to fufill his own needs. House, correct me if i'm wrong, and sorry for long story.

bukatyne: HI dami,

I am happy he is changing to be more romantic

However a line really got to me and overconfirmed what I had already confirmed.

The reason why marriage seems like an uphill task is because during courtship, we do most things for show. We know we will never do chores but will help our ladies do everything from laundry to cooking We know we will tell her I love you only on new year's day yet will turn it to adaily anthem during courtship. We know that we will not contribute N1 to housekeeping yet will pay part of the bills during courtship.

After the wedding ceremony, the other party begins to feel deceived and shortchanged and quarrel starts.

Deceit and putting up appearances during courtship defeats the very purpose of courtship.

It is better to pick a random person on the street and marry than to marry a deceiver during courtship. With a stranger, you learn A likes X, B does not do Y and adapt to it will encouraging the person to make necessary adjustment if any while in a deceitful courtship, you have to unlearn all whatyou kniw about hi/her and relearn new things.

This post is really to intending couples in courtship and singles

I get your point Buky but I think the 'show' was really not meant to be decietful.I am tired so cant type epistle but looking back it was more a difference in backgrounds and priorities.My husband cant pretend even if you paid him so I knew he was not a holiday person even while dating/courting.If you look at it sef maybe the deceitful person sef was me cos I knew this thing was not like a real big deal to this person so why the nagging?Why nag and go on and on about it when you know this person does not think this thing is a big deal? If holidays and all those stuff were like a big make or break thing for me I should have broken it off.Like I said even if he did not change I had made up my mind to just do those things I.e birthdays, valentines etc without necessarily expecting the same measure on mine.

My husband still (I know cos he I know him so well) is not a fan of holidays esp valentines day but is (just as he did when dating) making an effort to make me happy.To me that's the real romance or heartwarming part.
Today he still said I pity all those people who go into debt for Christmas . It's just 24 hours I don't get the obsession especially for all this people that don't even believe in Christ .I looked at him and said na you know.

damiso:
I get your point Buky but I think the 'show' was really not meant to be decietful.I am tired so cant type epistle but looking back it was more a difference in backgrounds and priorities.My husband cant pretend even if you paid him so I knew he was not a holiday person even while dating.If you look at it sef maybe the deceitful person sef was me cos I knew this thing was not like a real big deal to this person so why the nagging?Why nag and go on and on about it when you know this person does not think this thing is a big deal? If holidays and all those stuff were like a big make or break thing for me I should have broken it off.Like I said even if he did not change I had made up my mind to just do those things I.e birthdays etc without necessarily expecting the same measure on mine.

My husband still (I know cos he I know him so well) is not a fan of holidays esp valentines day but is (just as he did when dating) making an effort to make me happy.To me that's the real romance or heartwarming part.
Today he still said I pity all those people who go into debt for Christmas . It's just 24 hours I don't get the obsession especially for all this people that don't even believe in Christ .I looked at him and said na you know.

I tire o my sister, Even witches dey celebrate christmas Remember harry potter?

PocketEconomist: I tire o my sister, Even witches dey celebrate christmas Remember harry potter?

]

Even atheists

damiso: ]

Even atheists

Even juju man sef. I see one juju man with santa claus cap for head some years ago If you see as the red cap fit the red wrapper and bare chest, you go think say na traditional father christmas

PocketEconomist: Even juju man sef. I see one juju man with santa claus cap for head some years ago If you see as the red cap fit the red wrapper and bare chest, you go think say na traditional father christmas

LOL santa voodoo style.

Jokes apart though, I kinda see his point, these holidays are getting so commercial in nature especially Christmas that is actually meant to be religious .It helps the economy sha so make I no too dey do Mr Scrooge.

Alot of kids in the UK think Christmas is about Santa and gifts and Easter about the Easter Bunny and egg hunt.

@aluta, even when the emotions r very high during that early stage, its always good to be urself.
No need pretending to win over a guyo or a gal. Let ur partner c u as u r and fall in lv with that personality.
Some pretense always backfire if u can't maintain it. Why will u lie to appear like an angel to a guy or a woman?
Low self esteem at work.


A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y,and Z.
(I know everybody,s name fall into any of the letters)
Happy xmas to u all.

yellowpawpaw: @aluta, even when the emotions r very high during that early stage, its always good to be urself.
No need pretending to win over a guyo or a gal. Let ur partner c u as u r and fall in lv with that personality.
Some pretense always backfire if u can't maintain it. Why will u lie to appear like an angel to a guy or a woman?
Low self esteem at work.


A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y,and Z.
(I know everybody,s name fall into any of the letters)
Happy xmas to u all.

I perfectly understand the above.
Sometimes, I wish I could even pretend to save my life if needs be

However, you did not answer the question

benedicta0: firstly, I must really thank you all for your great and realistic input in this thread.To the questions, I don't think you will be happy married to a man with no blokos,even if he is very rich,I am sure you will be missing the really thing,with time you will start feeling disgusted, no matter the size of his wallet.
Secondly,I have a question for the married folks,is MouthAction compulsory for couples to stay sexually connected?does every couple practice it?for those that are not getting it are they old-fashioned?dose it make a man to feel loved and cherished?

Thanks sweetie.
Speaking about bee jay
I doubt if there is any man born of woman that does not enjoy it and want it done
I am yet to meet that man

Gosh!
That last line doesn't come out right,it presupposes that yours truly has sampled and sampled men from Ijebuode to Abakaliki when that is far from the truth
Where is the Yekini expert,can you weigh in on this rofl

Then on the other matter about a rich man with no Yekini,Nne there are many routes to get to arochukwu
The ultimate satisfaction for a woman is to hit the roof top
And the secret to making her hit that rooftop is not just the Yekini but the continual stimulation of the c during action by that Yekini or whatever device ( I might say)
A man can have Blokoss the size of Ijebu plantain,if he doesn't know to move in a fashion to stimulate the c optimally,that woman ain't enjoying a thing.
That is the gospel truth
So a man without a Blokoss can do other things to get her there

dayokanu:

Even when lastborns get older they get more attention than older kids

Its only natural that after a while feelings wane, Its not possible to be on the same emotional frequency as you were the first time.
EVen if you marry Beyonce. A couple that couldnt leave each other alone would be different after 6yrs of living together

What i say is all those in divorce courts started out as firebrand lovers, the attraction wanes it needs more than the attraction to sustain a marriage

When I am referring to love, it's not the muchy muchy feelings I am referring to. It is a conscious decision.

If I rely on my feelings, sometimes I do not want to go to work but I drag my big behind off my bed. Sometimes, I don't feel like a Christian or other crazy things but I know that they are very unreliable.

Most divorced couples didnot really love each other in the first place

ileobatojo: This issue at hand has very little to do with emotions. It's mostly a mindset problem coupled with over familiarity; and part pretense.

alutacontinua: @bukatyne, I think i'll go with Ihedinobi on this one. Some things come more easily at the start ofa relationship. As tine goes on and the whole butterfly and chilly feelings simmer, you tend to take it cool. I think the married pple in the house should be able to explain better!

@all the married people here, are there things u did in courtship or early days of marriage to please ur partner that you'll really not do again now?

If yes, wld u say u were being deceitful then?

The beauty of this thread is dt we have loads of experience to help!

I was not referring to feelings; I was referring to actions.

I will use myself as an example:

I cannot marry a man that believes chores is beneath him or a potato couch.

Imagine I begin a relationship with Emeka and when he wants to do something, I say leave it, I have got it covered; he says he doesn't believe indoing chores and I say 'you are correct' while in my mind I have written the program that will make him do chores by hook or crook

OR

Emeka knows my stand on chores and starts helping even when he knows in him that he will never do it in marriage afteral, I can not divorce him because of chores

Each of us know what we can't do as a result of our principles. Doing that doing courtship to make our partner interested or comfortable is deceit. If you want to change, make it total.

I am not bragging but there is absolutely nothing I am doing now that I intend to stop later. We treat ourselves as married without the official ceremony. The hallmark all these years was sincerity and transparency amongst others.

I guess everyone's experience is different.

dayokanu: E.g when you fiancee is visiting or youre going to visit him/her

How many minutes do you use to prepare compared to now after several yrs of marriage..

When dating if she use bobbby brush you small you know how you react or when you feel his bulge.
Compare that to 5yrs of seeing each others nuditty every night

We will have spent 8yrs in March 14 but Keke Maruwa still carrys me past my busstop when I am in deep thought I still gave someone his number in error.

It depends on how you want it to be

If I am getting married with the thought that it will sizzle after a few years, I won't bother at all

I get yourpoint too and I am not trying to be whatever

The issue is that if he could do it during courtship to make you happy, he coud continue it after the marriage to contiune the happiness.

It is well

damiso:
I get your point Buky but I think the 'show' was really not meant to be decietful.I am tired so cant type epistle but looking back it was more a difference in backgrounds and priorities.My husband cant pretend even if you paid him so I knew he was not a holiday person even while dating/courting.If you look at it sef maybe the deceitful person sef was me cos I knew this thing was not like a real big deal to this person so why the nagging?Why nag and go on and on about it when you know this person does not think this thing is a big deal? If holidays and all those stuff were like a big make or break thing for me I should have broken it off.Like I said even if he did not change I had made up my mind to just do those things I.e birthdays, valentines etc without necessarily expecting the same measure on mine.

My husband still (I know cos he I know him so well) is not a fan of holidays esp valentines day but is (just as he did when dating) making an effort to make me happy.To me that's the real romance or heartwarming part.
Today he still said I pity all those people who go into debt for Christmas . It's just 24 hours I don't get the obsession especially for all this people that don't even believe in Christ .I looked at him and said na you know.

bukatyne: I get yourpoint too and I am not trying to be whatever

The issue is that if he could do it during courtship to make you happy, he coud continue it after the marriage to contiune the happiness.

It is well

I never said you were trying to be whatever....I simply did not think 'deceit' was the right premise for the point I was trying to make.As I said I kinda knew that all those things likr birthdays, anniversaries were not his forte and when I said 'show' I meant it in like okay o lets do it please you.Even after marriage he would still do it but not like the big gestures I would pay attention to eg maybe just get a cake and forget to buy card.To him cards are just paper so he will rather wake you up at 12 and pray for you.But I like cards so would say stuff like you eh forgot card again.Stuff like that.

Each to his own, as I said I(speak for myself here) do not see the issue as make or break.I just take exception to the word 'deceit' in my case thank you.See why some people do not like sharing real personal experiences on NL.