Ihedinobi:
Once you've promised to marry someone, you're bound by that promise.

Is there any scriptural reference to specifically support this?

The ones you gave so far seem non specific and could also be applied to the boyfriend/girlfriend scenario the way I see it.

"Yes, I will marry you"; "Yes, I will be your girlfriend". Both are promises. Why can you break one and not the other?

Personally, I would rephrase that statement like so, "Once you've promised to marry someone, you should act in all good faith towards that promise/person."

Ihedinobi:


The sort of people you asked about need to loosen up. And that's not easy. They are very conscious of temptation. They are also too self-conscious. I should know, I used to be one of the worst, even though women were always my weakness so I wasn't that shy with them. I just did my best to avoid approaching anyone I was attracted to.

As a girl though, if you're interested in one, you should get close and ease into him. Help him relax enough to come out and ask you out.

I was actually wondering why a bro would send a married bro to do part of the talking for him and he still wants to be anonymous.

Baby mama:
I wrote earlier how a man of God had a word of knowledge for my hubby during our engagement.
I would have still married him regardless but it was proof to me that God was and is in this.

It is not my thinking that God is not in your marriage. Adultery and murder were sins punishable by death. David committed both. He repented. Despite the fact that they were terrible sins, God brought Solomon out of them.

My stance has been that we should not excuse wrong-doing on the strength of what comes out of it. A dead lion is still dead for all the honey a Samson can get out of it.

Meanwhile you strung a Christian sister along for 6 solid years ,hinting marriage and never popping the question,wasting her time and making her lose out prospective suitors and in the end parting ways
Hmm
These brothers sef
Y u no marry am by fire

I did not hint o. I did not string anybody along. When we broke up, it was also to free her, like she seemed to want, to find somebody else who was financially ready to settle down immediately. I would have married her if she wanted me.

yetseyi:

I was actually wondering why a bro would send a married bro to do part of the talking for him and he still wants to be anonymous.

lol...so people still do stuff like this? I think any lady that respects herself should insist that the bros comes to talk with his own mouth. Being a christian means you have freedom in Christ to be soooo much more, any body that uses Christianity as an excuse to slack is a learner...lol

geez im getting addicted to this thread.

yetseyi:

This part got me thinking. I once heared someone say that until there's a solid commitment; a proposal or his family officially visits yours. You are very much open to other options i.e you can actually go out with them.

question to all.as a xtian in a relationship (not engagement),is it wrong/sinful( xtian wise) to still go out/hangout with other suitors.if no,is it morally right/justified to do so

ileobatojo:

Is there any scriptural reference to specifically support this?

The ones you gave so far seem non specific and could also be applied to the boyfriend/girlfriend scenario the way I see it.

"Yes, I will marry you"; "Yes, I will be your girlfriend". Both are promises. Why can you break one and not the other?

Personally, I would rephrase that statement like so, "Once you've promised to marry someone, you should act in all good faith towards that promise/person."

"I will be your girlfriend" is fulfilled by the beginning of a romantic relationship, isn't it? Breaking up is a risk inherent in romantic relationships. It is not the same as breaking the promise to be one's girlfriend. Besides, "I will be your girlfriend" is open-ended as far as duration is concerned.

Engagement is not the same.

As for Scriptures, I already offered Paul's admonition to Timothy concerning keeping promises. There is also the place in Proverbs that instructs us to be careful of commitments because we will be held to them. We were also told by Jesus that our "yes" should be "yes" and our "no" no indeed.

yetseyi:

I was actually wondering why a bro would send a married bro to do part of the talking for him and he still wants to be anonymous.

Wahala de.

bluuu: geez im getting addicted to this thread.

question to all.as a xtian in a relationship (not engagement),is it wrong/sinful( xtian wise) to still go out/hangout with other suitors.if no,is it morally right/justified to do so

Why would you want to hang out with other suitors?

Would you be ok with your boyfie hangin out with other babes?

Ihedinobi:
"I will be your girlfriend" is fulfilled by the beginning of a romantic relationship, isn't it? Breaking up is a risk inherent in romantic relationships. It is not the same as breaking the promise to be one's girlfriend. Besides, "I will be your girlfriend" is open-ended as far as duration is concerned.

I see. So saying "I will marry you" and breaking is bad simply because you didn't marry the person. No other deeper meaning for this? So if for instance a young girl tells a guy she will be his girlfriend after she finishes her studies, but finds someone else along the way, is it the same level of promise breaking as someone who broke off an engagement?

Ihedinobi:
As for Scriptures, I already offered Paul's admonition to Timothy concerning keeping promises. There is also the place in Proverbs that instructs us to be careful of commitments because we will be held to them. We were also told by Jesus that our "yes" should be "yes" and our "no" no indeed.

So the gist is that whatever you say you will do, you must do? I don't think so.

I think the gist is that you should not make frivolous promises, don't be lose with your mouth, not that you are automatically bound by them once you do. People make promises to do evil and then get a change of heart and don't do it. People say no to things they shouldn't and have a change of heart and eventually say yes.

I think I understand what Ihe is saying - but it's more of an opinion not a biblical issue.

Yes it is honourable to keep your promise but not something that you cannot exit from - even for a reason that's not 'moral'.

Biblical betrothal is not the same as engagement - biblically betrothal is a formal agreement different from what is called engagement today.

http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/articles/3229-betrothal

If what you did was equivalent to this act as done in the bible, then yes, you have that binding nature.

This is why I personally don't believe in lengthy engagements - once you get engaged, you should marry very shortly after.

Nevertheless, a Christian should not treat engagement frivolously - you should not enter into such a commitment with a whimsical view to getting out of it. If circumstances do make you feel a need to change your mind, do so - provided it isn't happening serially (which indicates an underlying issue) - and cannot be described as pervasive dishonouring of agreements.

That means if it isn't working out for u, u will still superglue yaself to the r/ship simply bc u made a promise?

Ogaa o.
A broken engagement is better than an unhappy marriage.

yellowpawpaw: That means if it isn't working out for u, u will still superglue yaself to the r/ship simply bc u made a promise?

Ogaa o.
A broken engagement is better than an unhappy marriage.

Gbam!
One of the reasons I had misgivings about my then fiancé ,he was a very easy going man and I feared for my future with him
And I couldn't go on with it
He didn't take life too seriously and had dreams of being a politician
I hate politics and politicians
I couldn't imagine myself on a podium campaigning
Very handsome and sexy man o with Anya love
He ended up in politics ,he has done quite well in that area and made plenty money
What I liked about him,he plays the guitar and wrote music and I love to sing and we would sing together
He also adored me,sadly still does
Still goes by to see my parents and relatives when he is their area for campaigns,as late as this year and " dashes " them money
I broke his heart no doubt,I wish he could get over it,it's been years

bluuu: geez im getting addicted to this thread.

question to all.as a xtian in a relationship (not engagement),is it wrong/sinful( xtian wise) to still go out/hangout with other suitors.if no,is it morally right/justified to do so

morally right - no
It all depends on what you call hangout, its not really a straight forward situation. A sis can have like 3 bro's coming 2 toast her for relationship/marriage that means maybe they are acquitances already may be not close friends yet. Sis is trying to see which one she will go with, off course she'll receive calls frm 3 of them, sometimes hangout with three of them, study 3 of them, pray about 3 of them during the selection process. Is it morally wrong?


And I ve heared some people say do not enter a relationship with a sister if you are not viewing her as a prospective wifey. ( thats another matter on its own)



But it all boils down to TRUST. If there's trust why would you want to see other people coz a major reason why people see other people even in a relationship that has commitment is the fear of 'what if he leaves me at the last minute'. Thats why I said never say what you do not mean.

netotse:

lol...so people still do stuff like this? I think any lady that respects herself should insist that the bros comes to talk with his own mouth. Being a christian means you have freedom in Christ to be soooo much more, any body that uses Christianity as an excuse to slack is a learner...lol

loool

l

Ihedinobi:
Wahala de.

Na real wahala, church brothers no go kill persin.

netotse:

lol...so people still do stuff like this? I think any lady that respects herself should insist that the bros comes to talk with his own mouth. Being a christian means you have freedom in Christ to be soooo much more, any body that uses Christianity as an excuse to slack is a learner...lol

loooll

bluuu: geez im getting addicted to this thread.

question to all.as a xtian in a relationship (not engagement),is it wrong/sinful( xtian wise) to still go out/hangout with other suitors.if no,is it morally right/justified to do so

I think God has given us a conscience and we know what is right or wrong. If you are in a relationship and you are happy with what you have and you can see the relationship heading somewhere, what are you doing with other suitors? I believe people should be truthful and straightforward with their potential partners. If you have not decided who you want to be with, then tell everyone you are still searching and do not give anyone your word. No need accepting a proposal when you still intend "hanging out" with other suitors. I am not sure if you will be very happy if your boyfriend keeps hanging out with other girls but he claims he loves you.

That does not mean you cannot break up with someone. If you are not happy with the person you are dating you can break up and then go date someone else, but I just don't like the idea of being in a relationship and still hanging out with other suitors to see if something better is out there. If you are not sure if you want to be with your guy, let him know so he can give you your space.

Baby mama:

Gbam!
One of the reasons I had misgivings about my then fiancé ,he was a very easy going man and I feared for my future with him
And I couldn't go on with it
He didn't take life too seriously and had dreams of being a politician
I hate politics and politicians
I couldn't imagine myself on a podium campaigning
Very handsome and sexy man o with Anya love
He ended up in politics ,he has done quite well in that area and made plenty money
What I liked about him,he plays the guitar and wrote music and I love to sing and we would sing together
He also adored me,sadly still does
Still goes by to see my parents and relatives when he is their area for campaigns,as late as this year and " dashes " them money
I broke his heart no doubt,I wish he could get over it,it's been years

@Baby Mama,he wasn't just in love with u but was(still) crazy about u(I sympathize with him). I guess he was ur hubby's forerunner.with u still on his mind,I doubt if he'll ever love another woman.

ileobatojo:

I see. So saying "I will marry you" and breaking is bad simply because you didn't marry the person. No other deeper meaning for this? So if for instance a young girl tells a guy she will be his girlfriend after she finishes her studies, but finds someone else along the way, is it the same level of promise breaking as someone who broke off an engagement?

We're not discussing levels of promise-breaking. If I break a promise to come over and see you, you know, just a social call, it's not on the same level as promising to pay your hospital bills for a critical operation. But both are promise-breaking, a morally wrong thing. That one instance is worse than the other does not make the other good.

So the gist is that whatever you say you will do, you must do? I don't think so.

I think the gist is that you should not make frivolous promises, don't be lose with your mouth, not that you are automatically bound by them once you do. People make promises to do evil and then get a change of heart and don't do it. People say no to things they shouldn't and have a change of heart and eventually say yes.

Why bother about frivolity in making promises if it is ok to break them when you're a bit wiser or you have a change of heart? The whole reason to avoid frivolity in making promises is because it is wrong to break promises. You're bound by promises once you make them, it is not good moral practice to break them. For this reason, you should avoid making frivolous promises.

Again, I've said, it is impractical to insist that promises must never be broken. Not even God requires that of human beings. What is required is that human beings should be careful to make promises they mean to keep no matter what or avoid making them altogether. In the event of making a bad promise, you may need to repent it and break it, but do not equate the good in breaking a bad promise to the good of breaking a promise at all. That's wrong.

a friend asked me this question n i quote" i dont gt very jealous seeing my bf wt a gal discussing.for 2 days iv not called him tho my mind goes to him bt d tingly thing u feel dt makes u call ur partner s not just there in me.i trust him bt dt lil feel of jealousy is not there,do u think i really love him??' .i didnt know wat to tell her n told her i'l gt back to her.so my NL oracles,wat would be ur answer to her

yellowpawpaw: That means if it isn't working out for u, u will still superglue yaself to the r/ship simply bc u made a promise?

Ogaa o.
A broken engagement is better than an unhappy marriage.

Who said you should "superglue" yourself to anything? I have consistently said that you should not even glue yourself in the first place. Don't commit to a future that you're not ready for or sure you want. Because commitments are binding. That you enjoy being his girlfriend does not necessarily mean that you must or should marry him. But once you accept his ring for engagement, you've made a promise you should do everything morally allowable to avoid breaking.

If it becomes morally impossible to keep it, you'll need to break it. But that need does not necessarily justify promise-breaking. What it does is strengthen the need to make promises more carefully to avoid having to break them again.

It seems this thread is gradually losing its original intent.

Ihedinobi:
Who said you should "superglue" yourself to anything? I have consistently said that you should not even glue yourself in the first place. Don't commit to a future that you're not ready for or sure you want. Because commitments are binding. That you enjoy being his girlfriend does not necessarily mean that you must or should marry him. But once you accept his ring for engagement, you've made a promise you should do everything morally allowable to avoid breaking.

If it becomes morally impossible to keep it, you'll need to break it. But that need does not necessarily justify promise-breaking. What it does is strengthen the need to make promises more carefully to avoid having to break them again.

U dey vex?
U r really angry.
Abeg I don run.

bluuu: a friend asked me this question n i quote" i dont gt very jealous seeing my bf wt a gal discussing.for 2 days iv not called him tho my mind goes to him bt d tingly thing u feel dt makes u call ur partner s not just there in me.i trust him bt dt lil feel of jealousy is not there,do u think i really love him??' .i didnt know wat to tell her n told her i'l gt back to her.so my NL oracles,wat would be ur answer to her

with all the lecture you have read on nairaland ,you still don't know what to tell her? Hmmm! Are you a otodo? Lol, don't mind me. Merry xmas in advance.

People dey divorce anyhow not to talk of engagement.
If I find myself not happy in my union, we discuss it and we can work on it if not everyone find him level.


I have a question o, so what happens when a guy ask his girlfriend her ring size, buys it after his vacation and comes around to propose but she decided it's not right. Is it a broken engagement? Ring has been bought, she knows he was gonna propose. What do we call this. Broken promise?

Baby mama: Down in the bedroom

I hope I don't venture into uncharted territories but any marriage without great sex and explosives ones every once in a while is doomed!
Good sex can sometimes keep a marriage from breaking.
The scriptures say the woman and man must not withold sex from one another and I believe that 100%.
A woman must never punish a man by witholding sex and vice versa.
It serves absolutely no purpose but builds further resentment if there's already a problem.
Good healthy sex life can turn around a failing marriage because it can help open up conversation,problems discussed are problems solved.
A woman should make herself attractive to her man and make him rush home from work.
She should be willing to try new exciting things
make out time to set the mood for love
It's your home,your man, your marriage,make it the best thing on earth.
Intimacy is not just his thing,it should be your thing too
Play the music you like to make love to
Take a good bath
Get the sexy lingeries,the sweet body sprays
no monotony,ask him what he likes and do it
Tell him what you like too
Perfect your teasing skills and you'll have that son of a gun woof woof whenever he thinks of you.



Men by their make up like sex.
Women like romance and the feeling of being loved more than the actual sex.
That's just the way it is
Sometimes a woman may not feel like it but if that's what he wants,give it to him.
It only takes minutes not hours, you can do it.
There are some I describe as fast food.
Let him have it and everybody is happy
There's absolutely no need claiming headaches and backaches when you have a fully loaded man infront front of you.
Most of the time these ones are short and quick,only the length of abour 3 or 4 TV commercials.
Any loving wife should be able to handle that.
Let the babies cry,they can wait a few minutes for that bottle,there's business to be handled .

Keeping it exciting

Variety they say is the spice of life.
There is no rule anywhere that says it must be on the bed missionary style.
Monotony creates boredom
Add excitement and your love will never grow cold.
There are many rooms in the house, use them.
Change positions often in one session,you'll be surprised how long you both can last doing that.
The cloud of affection in the room could be cut with a knife just make sure to put a pillow over your mouths as you yell out your obscenities, or whatever you yell for the sake of the kids and the neighbors.
I cannot over emphasize soft romantic music
That is a great ingredient in an intimate moment with one's spouse.

As for me this is it!
My one and only marriage and I'll do whatever it takes within my power to enjoy it to the max.
The marriage bed is undefiled,let the couple do whaever they are comfortable with.
there are some no go areas personally if you ask me and they are:

1.Porn
2.swinging / three and foursomes
3.Anal

That is just my personal opinion.

Nice work. I feel tears rolling down my eyes as I read this piece. I got married at the age of 27 to my wife at 24. We have 3 kids and now I dont know what to say of my marriage. I am confused as my wife always give excuse to be with me. She told me I can only have her when she wants. Since we married 12yrs ago. I have never cheated on her. She is the only one I have known and each time we have sex she is always enjoying it because I make sure she is satisfied first b4 I think of myself.
I dont know what has happened actually because we quarrel every blessed day for past 1yr and am fed up with whole thing. Im in my late 30s now and my body is always wanting my wife but she is always pushing me away as if to say that she knows I cant do it elswhere. A sort of purnishment or what I dont know. I have even mentioned it to her mother without any change from her side. What do I do. I need help and Im seriously thinking about looking outside because I cant keep on like this.

debosky: I think I understand what Ihe is saying - but it's more of an opinion not a biblical issue.

Yes it is honourable to keep your promise but not something that you cannot exit from - even for a reason that's not 'moral'.

Biblical betrothal is not the same as engagement - biblically betrothal is a formal agreement different from what is called engagement today.

http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/articles/3229-betrothal

If what you did was equivalent to this act as done in the bible, then yes, you have that binding nature.

This is why I personally don't believe in lengthy engagements - once you get engaged, you should marry very shortly after.

Nevertheless, a Christian should not treat engagement frivolously - you should not enter into such a commitment with a whimsical view to getting out of it. If circumstances do make you feel a need to change your mind, do so - provided it isn't happening serially (which indicates an underlying issue) - and cannot be described as pervasive dishonouring of agreements.

How is it not a biblical issue?

Strange thing to say about engagements and betrothals. An engagement is a betrothal. It is an agreement that two people will marry. The only differences may be in who is agreeing for who. In the past, parents may betroth or engage their children, today, people wngage or betroth themselves. In the past, there may have been elaborate ceremonies which generally were sort of advance marriage ceremonies, like a down payment. Today, there may or may not be.

Engagements can and sometimes should be broken but anyone entering into one should be as sure of their preparedness to fulfill its promise as they can possibly be to avoid breaking it.

yellowpawpaw:
U dey vex?
U r really angry.
Abeg I don run.

Oh, c'mon, YPP. Why I go vex? I promise you I'm not angry. I have not been angry on this thread. I have no reason to be. I try to spell out what I'm thinking so that it is properly understood. Whether people agree with me or not is not as important to me as that they understand what I'm saying. If they do, my job's done.

Abeg, I'm not angry. When I am, it's unmistakable.

Baby mama:

Gbam!
One of the reasons I had misgivings about my then fiancé ,he was a very easy going man and I feared for my future with him
And I couldn't go on with it
He didn't take life too seriously and had dreams of being a politician
I hate politics and politicians
I couldn't imagine myself on a podium campaigning
Very handsome and sexy man o with Anya love
He ended up in politics ,he has done quite well in that area and made plenty money
What I liked about him,he plays the guitar and wrote music and I love to sing and we would sing together
He also adored me,sadly still does
Still goes by to see my parents and relatives when he is their area for campaigns,as late as this year and " dashes " them money
I broke his heart no doubt,I wish he could get over it,it's been years

Nne m, you can say sorry for pushing somebody into a pit but it is not your fault that they build a hut and stay there.

Chillisauce: People dey divorce anyhow not to talk of engagement.
If I find myself not happy in my union, we discuss it and we can work on it if not everyone find him level.


I have a question o, so what happens when a guy ask his girlfriend her ring size, buys it after his vacation and comes around to propose but she decided it's not right. Is it a broken engagement? Ring has been bought, she knows he was gonna propose. What do we call this. Broken promise?

No. But if she knew earlier that she wasn't entirely sure she wanted to be engaged, it would have been good to try and discourage him.

yellowpawpaw: It seems this thread is gradually losing its original intent.

Is it?

PocketEconomist: Is it?

I skipped a few pages but it has brought out a valid point about the levity with which each person takes making promises.

A lot of things would be a lot easier if we were all upfront with each other in relationships.
@all
any thoughts on chinebu's post?

salsera:
I skipped a few pages but it has brought out a valid point about the levity with which each person takes making promises.

A lot of things would be a lot easier if we were all upfront with each other in relationships.
@all
any thoughts on chinebu's post?

everyone should be careful when making promises. Women especially hold men to their words, so guys, please watch out for this.