thehunted: I see you guys endorse oral head. I'm not trying to be selfish here but the d!ck and the v.jaj are not the same. I ve been sexually active since I was 17 but never given a woman head and I doubt if I will do it. It is simply not hygienic. I have lots of ways of making her feel really good. I know what I gat and that can please any woman. But I say a big no to giving a woman head. Call me selfish....na u sabi.

PocketEconomist: You are also right. During my stay in Carson, i noticed this funny trend of our igbo brothers phoning home so that they will arrange wife for him. That caused, and is still causing problems in my family in the states. I will NEVER make that mistake. Even a senior uncle of mine (although the age gap between us no wide) ditched his Trinidad girl he knew since his days at Cali State because of pressure to marry from home. Na look i dey look them. But gini ka anyi ga-eme maka ugly trend a? Gini na-eme ndi ulo anyi? Is it compulsory to marry from home via arranged marriage? Who knows what my relatives have planned for me sef?

damiso:

That's Ok Bukatyne I get your point.

Maybe my first post was kinda like a ramble but I was just trying to illustrate how our experiences, backgrounds etc kinda shape how we view stuff I.e. I coming from a background where people made a fuss about stuff like that and he growing up without that.Sometimes in marriage we view things on how we percieve it should be and sometimes conflicts are better resolved if we look at the root cause on why the other party does not see it our way.

I agree with you though on not keeping apperances on some core issues eg faith etc.Its deceit if I find out you were doing all the spirikoko church thing only for us to marry and find out you were an atheist all along and just pulled the 'church brother' act to get a wife.

Efemena_xy: ^^ Yep, I think so too...

@Ihe: abeg close your eyes - we nor wan spoil you...



***faints!***

Efemena_xy:

Interesting story.

So what would you do, if you were in your uncle's shoes?

Efemena_xy: ^^ Lol!

Compromises, Dami, compromises - he's got good looks!



Hi Bukky,

You've got some solid points there, but the thing is this...there are no hard and fast rules about how one should act during courtship and what should or shouldn't happen post courtship (re: marriage).

I think it's safe to say that people grow (and I daresay evolve) during courtship. The main thing here is that yes, aside the initial fireworks, the couple try to impress each other. It's a natural instinct, even wild animals do it - you've got birds (e.g: peacocks) displaying their colourful feathers trying to impress and woo a mate, gorillas / apes puffing up and beating their chests (some men do that sef), etc. I think the distinction between us humans and wild animals is when outright deceit comes into it in the form of lying or claiming to be what you aren't. Then yes, it's wrong and that's where the problem lies.

Additionally, after all that wooing and wanting to impress each other during courtship, most married couples sort of simmer down a few years down the line. Now this happens because over the years, they've grown to understand each other and (should) instinctively know what their spouse likes or doesn't like. Also, contrary to popular opinion, people do change during marriage. A man who says he isn't one for performing household chores will do so without the blink of an eye when a love one is involved. Same thing goes for us women.

A loving and caring spouse will do things to make his / her home a peaceful, conducive atmosphere for themselves and their kids. On the flip side of the coin, some do get lazy during marriage. A bachelor who used to cook (quite badly ) for himself will happily give up the apron and frying pan for his wifey to take over.

So you see there are no hard and fast rules about this. At the end of the day, yes, marriage is hardwork and you only reap what you sow into it. It takes a lot of commitment, dedication, understanding and compromises along the way to make it work.

It is well with our marriages.

Ihedinobi: PE, dude, adultery does not necessarily happen because one spouse is not doing it the way the other likes. UNILAG girls are notorious for their promiscuity. I wouldn't judge a man's sexxual ability by what his UNILAG wife does.

chaircover:

Its not all about sexx. Unilag just happens to be an environment where these things abound. These same women probably wouldn't have affairs if they were housewives or primary school teachers and didnt have much access to so many men and in such an "everything goes" environment. When I was in school I too saw a number of married women having affairs with lecturers and fellow students. . .openly for that matter. I heard the same goes on in NYSC camps too. In many cases its opportunity & lack of integrity and not because their partners are no good in bed.

Men should satisfy their women in all areas and vice versa & not just in the bedroom. You may not know this but a woman who is emotionally starved is more likely to have an affair than one who gets bad sexx. Women are more emotional beings.
Women respond more to what they hear; and men respond more by what they see.

PocketEconomist: Sorry to ask, but are you a learner? I don see some of their husbands, apology, dem no try at all. And besides, not all of them are promiscuous, let's say 65 percent. Anyway, that's by the way side. Which woman no like beta thang? Pot belky against six pack, 4 inches against 7 and a half? Conservatilvely lousy in bed against Certified freak in bed? And the list goes on. Even female lecturer of late 50's dey collect rod of akpako, who no like beta yekini But seriously, men should satisfy their wives very well o! Don't say i no warn una,

Ihedinobi:
Dude, woman like better tin, who no.know am? My point is, I wouldn't judge any man's sexxual ability or attractiveness (if I haven't seen him) by the behavior of his wife if she's a UNILAG girl. That's all.

PocketEconomist: What about the lecturers? Many of them are freaks! Is just the societal stigma that hides them.

damiso:

Awon Unilag Club Boys .If not for Naija se you guys know that is Statutory Rape

PocketEconomist: Women in the house please answer... Do you really take our words for it? Or do you wave it aside. Do our words really get to you, console, and reassure you? Urgent answer please.

Ihedinobi: The last time we were together, I very nearly proposed to her. She knew, because I mentioned it a bunch of times, that I wanted to marry her, but I never popped the question

yetseyi:

I looked at this portion of your post from the persepective of the question pocketeconmist asked.

Ihedinobi I m not trying to judge you or anything but maybe you never should have mentioned it since you were still a bit skeptical about the proposal thing.

She probably would have had it at the back of her mind that this guy had mentioned marriage thing at one point or the other.

yetseyi:

I looked at this portion of your post from the persepective of the question pocketeconmist asked.

Ihedinobi I m not trying to judge you or anything but maybe you never should have mentioned it since you were still a bit skeptical about the proposal thing.

She probably would have had it at the back of her mind that this guy had mentioned marriage thing at one point or the other.

Ihedinobi:
I agree. However, even when I felt worried about it, I kept working at it. My concern was that I didn't want to try and change her. But I believed that the fact that we loved each other would help us fit to each other.

We didn't break up because I was worried about our compatibility. At least, not to my knowledge. I just held back from proposing because of it, trying to decide whether it was really possible that we would eventually fit. We broke up because I couldn't take the emotional strain that something I still refer to as 'her games' put me through anymore. I was willing to take the risk and hope that we would grow into each other. But she couldn't stop playing with my heart. And I couldn't take guessing what she was doing and what she wanted anymore. I needed my mental energy to face the work of building my life.

This has been my position from the beginning. A promise should be honored. It should only be broken under circumstances that are truly morally justifiable. In fact, ideally, promises should not be broken at all. Rather than break a promise, don't make one. That is simple morality. You don't promise a guy that you'll marry him and he relaxes and sets to work to prepare his home for you, making heaven knows what kinds of investment and then turn around and tell him, sorry, no can do. That is not right. It is just as wrong as when a man offers promises of marriage to a woman and she keeps waiting for him only for him to turn around and say, sorry I'm not the guy for you. How would she feel about all the time she's wasted on him?

BM, the fact that that guy has had bad marriages is no proof that God was looking out for you. It could be as a direct result of your leaving him that he became this person that can't stick in a marriage for whatever reason. That happens. You can never know what would have happened if you took another path. Not until God Himself tells you. And I don't think it is right for you to keep talking about regretting anything as though you're supposed to. You need not regret your marriage to this great guy that I keep envying everytime you mention him. The thing that matters about past wrongs is repentance. You simply choose never to repeat certain choicea and leave the past alone. You can't change what's done and God does not demand that anybody does. He Himself offers to clean up the past with Jesus's Own Records. Our business is the present.

You shouldn't have broken your promise. You did. You have a great marriage. The other guy doesn't. Leave it at that. Let God do the rest of the explaining. Maybe you should never have promised him marriage in the first place. You certainly shouldn't have broken your promise when you did. But that is all out of your hands now. Do not use it to justify dishonouring of covenants. It will always be wrong and immoral to break promises and covenants.

Forgive me if I sound preachy. I'm not meaning to talk down on anyone. I have myself broken enough promises to lose the right to judge. However, I believe that life is about nudging each other to better ourselves and rise from our past mistakes and reach for sweeter tomorrows.

yetseyi:

okay.

Since u're a xtian bro let me ask you this question:

Why do most of our church/christian brothers find it difficult to express themselves to a lady they obviously like and want to ask out especially when they meet @ church or any other religious activity.

Baby mama:
Meanwhile you strung a Christian sister along for 6 solid years ,hinting marriage and never popping the question,wasting her time and making her lose out prospective suitors and in the end parting ways
Hmm
These brothers sef
Y u no marry am by fire

Ihedinobi:
Because of ignorance.

Traditionally, the thinking about Christianity is that it is a mass of taboos, a large heap of "thou shalt not's". That turns men into mice and women into icicles. The instant that that myth is broken, Christian brothers find their tongue and Christian sisters their feminity.

Baby mama:

That is where we differ
courtship to me is a discovery period and does not tie me down to the marriage
Looks like you see yourself as bound by it no matter what,I am not.
It didn't feel right,I broke it and moved on.

I admit my former fiancé told me the reason he married a second wife was that he was still searching for someone he could love as much as he loved me.i thought that was a silly excuse for polygamy,his life nevertheless.

yetseyi:

Hmm oohk I was just wondering

Ihedinobi:
Because of ignorance.

Traditionally, the thinking about Christianity is that it is a mass of taboos, a large heap of "thou shalt not's". That turns men into mice and women into icicles. The instant that that myth is broken, Christian brothers find their tongue and Christian sisters their feminity.