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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Rude Awakening: I Am Not My Husband's Next Of Kin And Beneficiary!! (42041 Views)
As A Husband, Or Wife, Who Will You Make Your Next Of Kin / Why You Should Be Careful In Choosing Your Next Of Kin (Photos) / My Brother In Law (sister's Husby) Is Becoming Too Rude For My Liking... (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Rude Awakening: I Am Not My Husband's Next Of Kin And Beneficiary!! by tahoe(m): 10:39am On Mar 18, 2015 |
What is it with women and will. You expect him to pick you over his brother, Who knows maybe you cheated on him. |
Re: Rude Awakening: I Am Not My Husband's Next Of Kin And Beneficiary!! by ajayiopy: 10:40am On Mar 18, 2015 |
Check yourself, there are thousands of foolish behavior he has been trying to correct you on and you refuse to change or may be you are giving him a lot of problems that makes him think he does not have future hope in you. Most men some times like to adopt silence treatment for peace to reign at home. Women learn how to be submissive and you get everything you want in a man. Men are the simplest thing to dealt with. I had the same experience early in my marriage but I was advised to adopt submission and the same man went to bank and change everything in my favor. 1 Like |
Re: Rude Awakening: I Am Not My Husband's Next Of Kin And Beneficiary!! by einsteino(m): 10:41am On Mar 18, 2015 |
majekdom2: There is somewhere where it is written that your wife has to be next of kin. In their gold digging skulls! "how wrong it is for a woman to expect a man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself- Anais imagine the OP has only been married for a year and she wants to be next of kin to stuffs her husby probably owned before he ever knew she existed! that is gold digging! how many husbys are their wifes next of kin? yet they don't cry foul. for me, i prefer using my kids as next of kin. 1 Like |
Re: Rude Awakening: I Am Not My Husband's Next Of Kin And Beneficiary!! by Barezzi(m): 10:42am On Mar 18, 2015 |
BritneyStacy:You wrote this August last year, so your marriage is not up to a year! I want to believe you're yet to have a child... Prolly explains why your hubby used his brother. BritneyStacy: 1 Like |
Re: Rude Awakening: I Am Not My Husband's Next Of Kin And Beneficiary!! by tablu: 10:44am On Mar 18, 2015 |
Ahhh that ur husband need prayers oh! In this harsh economy and ur next of kind is ur brother!Eeven if he cant change it to ur name let him have one of ur children b NOK.When ur talkin to him pls dont sound desperate, maintain that savings acct for rainy days. |
Re: Rude Awakening: I Am Not My Husband's Next Of Kin And Beneficiary!! by Luxury: 10:48am On Mar 18, 2015 |
BritneyStacy: @BritneyStacy There are men from a certain tribe in Nigeria who are brought up this way. i was having a convo. with some friends and one of us brought up the same thing - His brother was his next of kin - and he has 2 kids! We all attacked him to explain y? In his opinion, his blood relatives - "cannot miss it for him" in case of his demise, his wife can still marry another man, and he dosnt want his children to suffer. To my astonishment, he honestly and sincerely believed all that crap. WHO WILL TAKE CARE OF YOUR KIDS BETTER, YOUR WIFE OR BROTHER?? If his close friends have the same mentality, your problem is bigger than you think! You might not be the one who can change his mind and if you want to, it has to be over a 'stealthy" period of time - you know how you women build up to a climax! Build up scenarios over time. Dont be confrontational or bring it up in a direct jist type setting If he finds out you have a secret account, you have full-proofed his reasons. Talk to him before you start this. Start to pray about it, ask God for wisdom 1 Like |
Re: Rude Awakening: I Am Not My Husband's Next Of Kin And Beneficiary!! by oluwaisaac(m): 10:50am On Mar 18, 2015 |
Janedoe26:Most Nigerian marriages are not by choice my dear, many external influences ruin their very foundation. Call me later, I'll explain! |
Re: Rude Awakening: I Am Not My Husband's Next Of Kin And Beneficiary!! by dhabeautyjas(f): 10:51am On Mar 18, 2015 |
Janedoe26:my dear, the thing tire person. most people marry for the wrong reasons. women should just shine their eyes, NOTE: this doesn't mean every man is the same, if your husband is a loving, caring and understanding man that takes his responsibility serious, you shouldn't hide anything from him. so for those reading comments here, don't just act based on this story for all me. you know ur man and how best to you handle yourselves. 2 Likes |
Re: Rude Awakening: I Am Not My Husband's Next Of Kin And Beneficiary!! by sacostyles(m): 10:54am On Mar 18, 2015 |
Madam, you are right for having such concerns because I don't know how my wife to be would feel like if I were to forget to make such changes in all our documents and registries in various agencies of the public and private arms of the system... One can only imagine the stress you would have had to go through to dig through a pile of dusty files and folders laying bunched up like prisoners stuffed inside ghana-must-go bags or in a neglected tattered suitcase left to rot in one corner of your house only to find that your in-law is still your brother's benefactor... Maybe the thought of waiting in a never ending que to be attended to by a grumpy toad put him off... Or maybe the repeated burning of thousands of naira worth of credit on calls to advice of the new declaration of next of kin has got him fed up with the incumbent nigerian system. ![]() All I'm saying is I may be wrong but I don't think you are doing your job as a help-meet. Maybe you should give your husband the benefit of the doubt and ask him WHY? And WHEN? And HOW? Instead of going around perpetuating tribalistic and gendercentric falacies Maybe you are putting yourself in bad light by airing your husband's dirty laundry in NL... Or have your forgotten that traditionally wives are the ones that launder their hubby's paints! At least pay someone like a lawyer to go make those ammendments for the two of you if you are truly making all those nairas flooding your household. ![]() A wise lady once told me that anytime I make her look bad in front of my friends I actually make myself look pretty bad too... And anytime I hail her hottness before my friends, they in turn pat my back and slap me high 5s ![]() ... Hmmmm BritneyStacy: 1 Like |
Re: Rude Awakening: I Am Not My Husband's Next Of Kin And Beneficiary!! by Nobody: 10:58am On Mar 18, 2015 |
Janedoe26: The only sensible comment in this thread. Thank God i am not the only one who thinks this way. You can see why a lot of nigerian marriages are shams!! 3 Likes |
Re: Rude Awakening: I Am Not My Husband's Next Of Kin And Beneficiary!! by JustCalMeDBoss(m): 11:00am On Mar 18, 2015 |
Why are women so stupid, is it love or what. I also just discovered that mt senior sister has been the one taking care of her husband. Now that she has little he his misbehaving. To tell the truth part of me feels she deserves what she is getting. But when I look at her kids. Am confused. |
Re: Rude Awakening: I Am Not My Husband's Next Of Kin And Beneficiary!! by jbenchuks: 11:03am On Mar 18, 2015 |
i must insist u remain calm and rather have a total change of attitude. u may not see it as he does now, but simply ur hubby still feels slightly, u may not be trustworthy with all the wealth for ur taking. perhaps u r materialistic, u indulge in ur blood relatives than u do with him and his family which should now be ur family, over the years maybe there have been conflicts on money issues, u raised. then of course maybe there aint kids yet or ur kids are still very young especially young enough for you to toss over to ur mom or siblings to take care of while u begin a new life after hes gone with another man. Now the change, love God and show him u r a God fearing and trust worthy woman. that can only happen with u loving and being a lover of jesus and his commandments, because u will then be trustworthy and even faithful and loyal even in death. Dunno ow else to tell to be calm and ensure whatever doubt u may have raised in the past to ur hubby u now change to erase ehm all. so confronting him now is not wise but if it affects ur peace and happiness in ur home them confront him with a smile not showing anger and tell him u want to win his trust and loyalty otherwise change then go check the files secretly if ur name has now been put there. as a married man i speak from exp. Goodluck with ur marriage. 1 Like |
Re: Rude Awakening: I Am Not My Husband's Next Of Kin And Beneficiary!! by Nobody: 11:06am On Mar 18, 2015 |
U see the issues here , a faithful wife will get to be part of the beneficiaries if her husband's property but we might not know what u had done to him that makes him decide such thats 1 and 2 he might be acting under a spell cos families sometimes are very funny and 3 do u av any child together? Lastly sometime u need not to discuss this with cos u might get Urself into trouble cos u don't know what lies underneath, if a man can hide such away from u then he's dangerous, u can start planning a life for yourself , don't get families involved in this cos dey might cause more wahala with wrong action taken on this issue , get a new life and work towards ur future and pls av a written diary of this.. Wish u luck |
Re: Rude Awakening: I Am Not My Husband's Next Of Kin And Beneficiary!! by Nobody: 11:08am On Mar 18, 2015 |
Dyt:stop these assumptions, she contributed 60 percent and didn't check on the papers before now. Whatever happened to family lawyers and property documentations. Why did she have to even bother herself checking on documents. She would be thinking of building hers if she has got the right mentality. 1 Like |
Re: Rude Awakening: I Am Not My Husband's Next Of Kin And Beneficiary!! by sacostyles(m): 11:08am On Mar 18, 2015 |
... And if it is truly the tribal ish many are hinting at then maybe confide with the pastor that joined you, or maybe confide with a MARRIED mentor you trust, chances are they have been through similar and can help direct you better than any joker here, like me. Just don't cry to them that your husband is a bastard prick. There's honestly nothing to be ashamed about, chances are they are going through their own problems and are cowardly keeping it to themselves. until you walked in of course ![]() Looking fly like doctor phil ![]() |
Re: Rude Awakening: I Am Not My Husband's Next Of Kin And Beneficiary!! by sacostyles(m): 11:10am On Mar 18, 2015 |
majekdom2: Thank you *bows* |
Re: Rude Awakening: I Am Not My Husband's Next Of Kin And Beneficiary!! by Dyt(f): 11:11am On Mar 18, 2015 |
majekdom2: Exactly why she's dumb |
Re: Rude Awakening: I Am Not My Husband's Next Of Kin And Beneficiary!! by xtervaganza(m): 11:12am On Mar 18, 2015 |
Hv u given your hubby reasons not to trust you? Anyway the man is not serious 1 Like |
Re: Rude Awakening: I Am Not My Husband's Next Of Kin And Beneficiary!! by Sunnybobo3(m): 11:13am On Mar 18, 2015 |
blessingee: If my wife approaches me to discuss such an issue in the manner you advised above, I'll ask her if she has plans to kill me before my time. 1 Like |
Re: Rude Awakening: I Am Not My Husband's Next Of Kin And Beneficiary!! by Sunnybobo3(m): 11:13am On Mar 18, 2015 |
xtervaganza: Can you explain to us how the man is not serious? 1 Like |
Re: Rude Awakening: I Am Not My Husband's Next Of Kin And Beneficiary!! by sylve11: 11:14am On Mar 18, 2015 |
idupaul: Lwkmd! ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Re: Rude Awakening: I Am Not My Husband's Next Of Kin And Beneficiary!! by LaRoyalHighness(f): 11:15am On Mar 18, 2015 |
1000 likes. Janedoe26: 2 Likes |
Re: Rude Awakening: I Am Not My Husband's Next Of Kin And Beneficiary!! by BritneyStacy: 11:17am On Mar 18, 2015 |
Flautist:Yes |
Re: Rude Awakening: I Am Not My Husband's Next Of Kin And Beneficiary!! by Becalm(m): 11:20am On Mar 18, 2015 |
Please, have a serious conversation with your husband. Many factors might have contributed to his actions, especially cultural and social factors. If you don't have kids with him and the marriage is less than 15 years, he will most likely act that way. If you have not shown frugality in spending (careless about best education for the kids but crazy about very expensive jewelry, wears etc) and he has a God-fearing brother who has maturity in handling finances, it could also be reasons for his actions. The reasons do not justify his actions because of what marriage stands for but right now you need solutions to a problem and DIALOGUE is key, and strong conviction that your can take care of the entire family in his absence. |
Re: Rude Awakening: I Am Not My Husband's Next Of Kin And Beneficiary!! by ChynoBEATS: 11:21am On Mar 18, 2015 |
BritneyStacy: His. Brother instead. Of You or your children.... Nawa. O..hmm. ..#wondersOF2015 1 Like |
Re: Rude Awakening: I Am Not My Husband's Next Of Kin And Beneficiary!! by BritneyStacy: 11:22am On Mar 18, 2015 |
Dyt:sorry to disappoint you am not as dumb as you think. Because I let him Ђåvε̲ access to all I Ђåvε̲ is because am of the conviction that in marriage, your lives should be shared; what he has his mine n whatever I Ђåvε̲ in his...except maybe am wrong then somone needs to convince me otherwise. I don't believe there should be undue secrets in marriage..even as am writing this, I Ђåvε̲ savings but its jst that he knows about it and whenever he has problems, he always runs to me for help! 4 Likes |
Re: Rude Awakening: I Am Not My Husband's Next Of Kin And Beneficiary!! by Sunnybobo3(m): 11:23am On Mar 18, 2015 |
Janedoe26: When you have a son that the family's land was sold to either set him up in business or sponsor him through Uni and his siblings had to forgo Uni so he could go, encourage him to make his wife next of kin when they haven't got kids yet and the family depends on that son having invested the family inheritance on him, inugo? |
Re: Rude Awakening: I Am Not My Husband's Next Of Kin And Beneficiary!! by mrrock: 11:24am On Mar 18, 2015 |
BritneyStacy: You've already seen the man's intention and you're still wondering what to do?. Oya, wait until something happens and the junior brother throw you out of the house. Such a man don't even have the intention of marrying you for long. My conclusion: You're just living with the man but the man don't trust you. At least he considers his "previous" family more important than you. Advise: Start saving for yourself immediately!. |
Re: Rude Awakening: I Am Not My Husband's Next Of Kin And Beneficiary!! by BritneyStacy: 11:28am On Mar 18, 2015 |
nedu2000:in my clean and honest conscience, before man and God , I kno I Ђåvε̲ been a very supportive wife! Without mincing words or trying to put him down in anyway, 80percent of his clothes right now were bought by me with my money...the car we are using now, I gave him 200k to balance up payment for the car when the car dealer got up somthing higher than his budget. I Ђåvε̲ paid one of his siblings fees in a university more than 100k before. Mind you, we Ђåvε̲ been married for just a year and 4months. How else would a lady support her husband?? 12 Likes |
Re: Rude Awakening: I Am Not My Husband's Next Of Kin And Beneficiary!! by liminister: 11:28am On Mar 18, 2015 |
his son'll b his nxt of kin bkos, incase if anything happen u can go an marry another man. any body that will take care of his children after his death, be it the wife or the family will hav access to the money. |
Re: Rude Awakening: I Am Not My Husband's Next Of Kin And Beneficiary!! by tomzman: 11:30am On Mar 18, 2015 |
Op, you need to search yourself and answer some questions. First look out for the dates on those documents to be sure that they are not before you guys got married. Next, I would ask if you have a son for him. If yes, then it might be appropriate for your son to be his next of kin. But most importantly, I would like to point out the issue of trust. The truth is trust is hard to build but easy to destroy. The fact that your husband married you doesn't mean he would trust you for life. It is your responsibility to keep on building on that trust that made him marry you in the first place. Most men find it difficult to trust their woman and it's mostly the woman's fault. Time and space would not permit me to share my experiences with women as regards this issue of trust. But search yourself, are there some 'little little' things you might have done in the past that made his level of trust in you to reduce? again I say search yourself. The last thing I would point out is communication. It is very important in marriage. Find time to talk to him (reasonably and calmly) about this issue and hear him out. It may even lead to the opening of other secrets. Communication is key. Finally, have your own account, no matter the situation. You guys can still be contributing to another account but you should have your personal accounts. All the best. |
Re: Rude Awakening: I Am Not My Husband's Next Of Kin And Beneficiary!! by BritneyStacy: 11:31am On Mar 18, 2015 |
veave:Babe, they were not filled before we were married. Like one of those forms specifically has 8March,2015 written on it. I believe so much in self sacrificing love. I usually give my all to who ever I feel I love. 1 Like |
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