Please help me.I really need matured advice.my husband traveled without telling me he was.we had an argument some days ago and as usual with him he refused to talk to me.this is quite normal for him after a fight.I used to beg him before as he will not eat my meals too but recently I have decided to also ignore him though I cook and serve his meals which he doesn't eat by the way.should I call him to ask where he is or should I ignore him.

madam u r gradually pushing ur husband into d hands of hungry ladies out der,any virtuous woman wunt be asking dis qntn....call him asap

schmilez:
Please help me.I really need matured advice.my husband traveled without telling me he was.we had an argument some days ago and as usual with him he refused to talk to me.this is quite normal for him after a fight.I used to beg him before as he will not eat my meals too but recently I have decided to also ignore him though I cook and serve his meals which he doesn't eat by the way.should I call him to ask where he is or should I ignore him.

I can't believe this.
Pls don't call him now, wait till after 3 months.

what sorta shitty reply is dis? now she's not a virtuous woman bc she's asking for advice ? this stu.pid mentality dat nigerians hv dat when a man treats a woman badly or worse, cheats, the woman is to blame, is terrible . u only prevent men from admitting their wrongdoing . if he cheats ( if he hasn't started already ) u can't blame her ; he's 110% responsible for his actions !

misspicy:
madam u r gradually pushing ur husband into d hands of hungry ladies out der,any virtuous woman wunt be asking dis qntn....call him asap

aflyingbird:
what sorta shitty reply is dis? now she's not a virtuous woman bc she's asking for advice ? this stu.pid mentality dat nigerians hv dat when a man treats a woman badly or worse, cheats, the woman is to blame, is terrible . u only prevent men from admitting their wrongdoing . if he cheats ( if he hasn't started already ) u can't blame her ; he's 110% responsible for his actions !

It's so sad. Why are women treated so badly. Really heartbreaking what women are going through

You should call him.
I want to believe however this has been going on for some time and he waits for you to always call and apologise.If that is the case,don't indulge him.When he eventually gets home,both of you should sit to talk and work out ways to resolve your differences.A lot of men keep acting like babies rather than act the leader or head that they claim.
If I may ask,whose fault was the cause of the quarrel?

misspicy:
madam u r gradually pushing ur husband into d hands of hungry ladies out der,any virtuous woman wunt be asking dis qntn....call him asap

Please if you don't have anything sensible to say, it's actually smart to keep shut, like wtf?

OP, you already married an immature prick(I'm sorry I couldn't help it), the only thing you can do now is try to get him to grow up, if he will.


I advise you call him and when he comes home, have a heart to heart talk, no yelling, no names calling, just two people who are supposed to love each other talking like adults. He might try to act childish as usual so I suggest you prepare your mind, use your feminine charms to woo him and get him to open up to you.


It will also be helpful if you can shed more light on what leads to these arguments.

Thanks all.yes he is usually like this when we quarrel over some things I even cannot get my head around .ad we have Sat down numerous times to talk about his actions and how they affect me generally.
He is some one that will call you names like how can you be so stupid to think like this when you both are discussing something and may be you have different views or he says something like how can you be thinking like an uneducated person.when he is in his mood he can even call your names in front of our child .this last one I have begged and talked and fought and cried for him to stop doing in front of our kid

What caused d quarrel this last time was this.he came home and met me sleeping because I had come back from work with a little headache I had even bought something to eat on d way so I will not have to cook for myself.ate and decided to rest.I dosed off .I woke up to the sound of him coming in and playing with our daughter and this is someone that when he is sleeping i tiptoe around him because I have made the mistake once of waking him up when when his boss was calling and I received the insults of my life.he didn't speak to me for at least a month after this and didn't eat either.that period was hell for me.
Back to the matter he asked me what was wrong even though I had d pillow over my head I answered nothing, looked at the time realised it was some minutes past 6 ,mind you my husband doesn't let anybody cook for him except him.I got up went to the bathroom,washed my face and my mouth came out to the bedroom,told him welcome and asked him what he wanted for dinner.all I got was silence.I asked him about 3 times and no response.he changed and left me alone in the bedroom.I thought about ignoring him but I decided against it and followed him to the living room and I repeated the question when I didn't get an answer I decided to ask him what I did wrong.and that was when he started shouting that he was asking me a question and I didn't reply him, tried explaining that I did and all and then he stormed off into the room.I didn't know when tears dropped out from my eyes ,felt so helpless and defenseless and that Was when I shouted at him that God will judge him for accusing me wrongly and why did he want to just pick a fight with me.needing closure I went into the room telling him that I said really answered him and all,he started screaming at me telling me he didn't have time for any rubbish and stuff.I had my back to the door and when he started getting forcefully trying to open the door forcefully.I left him so that he will not injure me

freecocoa:
OP, you already married an immature prick(I'm sorry I couldn't help it), the only thing you can do now is try to get him to grow up, if he will.


I advise you call him and when he comes home, have a heart to heart talk, no yelling, no names calling, just two people who are supposed to love each other talking like adults. He might try to act childish as usual so I suggest you prepare your mind, use your feminine charms to woo him and get him to open up to you.


It will also be helpful if you can shed more light on what leads to these arguments.

Things like am getting a little late with his food will lead to a fight,and he is not like he is without sin.speaks rudely to me irrespective of who is there.he tells you something you don't hear and if he has to repeat himself once or twice he shouts it at you.
I have spoken generally about his temper and how he tends to overreact to things and how his actions demoralised me especially when he talks to me the way he does in front of friends and family

By this time I was really upset at why he was behaving cruelly to me and I decided not to speak to him too since he was giving me d silent treatment.we went to bed.made him breakfast the next day and took our kid to school.he came home at night and I greeted him but he d didn't answer me.made him dinner served him but he didn't eat it.at this point I had decided to ignore him but continue my duties as his wife.made him breakfast the Next day he didn't eat it.made his dinner.he came home went straight to bed slept for a while and went out.came in after we had all gone to bed.
Woke up this morning prepared his breakfast,got my baby Ready for school and then I noticed him packing.By the time I dropped my daughter off and come back home because am on leave he had left the house without eating the breakfast I prepared for him
I sent him a text wishing him a safe trip after waiting for a while if he would call or text.
Later in the evening I sent him a mail detailing a the hurt I was feeling and asking him if I meant so little or if our marriage was meaningless that he could leave town without letting me know where he was going to

Op, learn to pay deaf ears to his rantings. .. I know it would be hard cos it's really hurtful when a loved one uses foul languages on you but then once he sees you don't give a $hit about whatever he says, he may stop...

Eehh, you get mind shaa, you blocked the door when he wanted to leave??


However, I think you guys have alot going on, like lots of resentments, you really need to talk and strt living like husband and wife.

To answer your original post, yeah call him, he's your husband. . Pls bring him bk home.... All d best

Madam, this is beyond the two of you sitting down to discuss as that have failed. He needs too many reset buttons, anger management and a thorough bashing from an external source.

Sincerely, I don't know how to advise you in dealing with such a man because he is the one in need of urgent and serious advice (provided what you have painted is true). However, what I can tell you now is to handle him with tact, wisdom and patience. Never ever let any of your arguments, disagreements and brawls degenerate to physical abuse. Always keep your distance. He needs someone to talk sense to him.

Does he act this way in his office or it is only with you? Meanwhile, you should call him to ask after him and nothing more.

schmilez:
By this time I was really upset at why he was behaving cruelly to me and I decided not to speak to him too since he was giving me d silent treatment.we went to bed.made him breakfast the next day and took our kid to school.he came home at night and I greeted him but he d didn't answer me.made him dinner served him but he didn't eat it.at this point I had decided to ignore him but continue my duties as his wife.made him breakfast the Next day he didn't eat it.made his dinner.he came home went straight to bed slept for a while and went out.came in after we had all gone to bed.
Woke up this morning prepared his breakfast,got my baby Ready for school and then I noticed him packing.By the time I dropped my daughter off and come back home because am on leave he had left the house without eating the breakfast I prepared for him
I sent him a text wishing him a safe trip after waiting for a while if he would call or text.
Later in the evening I sent him a mail detailing a the hurt I was feeling and asking him if I meant so little or if our marriage was meaningless that he could leave town without letting me know where he was going to

nawa oooo... So immature. .. A man who's supposed to bring his family together acting like a child...
Really hurtful, imagine preparing his food for three consecutive days without him touching them...

Nevertheless, I will still say you call him... Things may get worse if you don't. Two wrongs don't make a right. Just bring him back home first..

Take solace in your beautiful daughter. . Things will get better dear...

MarvellousGod:
nawa oooo... So immature. .. A man who's supposed to bring his family together acting like a child...
Really hurtful, imagine preparing his food for three consecutive days without him touching them...

Nevertheless, I will still say you call him... Things may get worse if you don't. Two wrongs don't make a right. Just bring him back home first..

Take solace in your beautiful daughter. . Things will get better dear...

Thanks a lot.As I read people's comments tears are just streaming down my face.I used to think i was asking for too much.

bellong:
Madam, this is beyond the two of you sitting down to discuss as that have failed. He needs too many reset buttons, anger management and a thorough bashing from an external source.

Sincerely, I don't know how to advise you in dealing with such a man because he is the one in need of urgent and serious advice (provided what you have painted is true). However, what I can tell you now is to handle him with tact, wisdom and patience. Never ever let any of your arguments, disagreements and brawls degenerate to physical abuse. Always keep your distance. He needs someone to talk sense to him.

Does he act this way in his office or it is only with you? Meanwhile, you should call him to ask after him and nothing more.

He has a temper generally and ones he is angry and feel he is justified will even insult his father's mate.and he never ever accepts his shortcomings ever

schmilez:



Things like am getting a little late with his food will lead to a fight,and he is not like he is without sin.speaks rudely to me irrespective of who is there.he tells you something you don't hear and if he has to repeat himself once or twice he shouts it at you.
I have spoken generally about his temper and how he tends to overreact to things and how his actions demoralised me especially when he talks to me the way he does in front of friends and family

Ha! I don't like to tow the line of 'did you not know this about him before saying I do' but it seems like there's no way around that here.

@OP, be the bigger person. Call him and ask him where he is.

Whenever, he comes home, you guys need to talk. Sorry u got yourself a boy as opposed to a man. I have no ideas or advisory as to how to resolve this but right now, you need to stoop to conquer. Call him.

schmilez:


He has a temper generally and ones he is angry and feel he is justified will even insult his father's mate.and he never ever accepts his shortcomings ever

I think you should get someone he respects to talk to him or both of you enrol for counselling. .

He has anger issue, just try as much as you can not to be provoking him since It doesn't always end well.

Then, you need to wipe your tears, things will get better ok??

schmilez:


He has a temper generally and ones he is angry and feel he is justified will even insult his father's mate.and he never ever accepts his shortcomings ever

He needs to be broken....

God willing, you will be in our prayers.

schmilez:


Thanks a lot.As I read people's comments tears are just streaming down my face.I used to think i was asking for too much.

Sorry dear, take heart, it is well with you IJN

[quote author=freecocoa post=33547647]Ha! I don't like to tow the line of 'did you not know this about him before saying I do' but it seems like there's no way around that here.

[/quote
To God I didn't know it was this bad.he actually hid a lot from me cos we had a long distance relationship spanning a little over two years .we fought yes during courtship both I alas had a part in most of our fights too and he will be quick to apologize.the most we ever spent together during courtship was like 2 weeks. He was staying with family and so was I.so he travels to see me or I travel to his base to see him and I had family there so I really did spend more than 4 days max together.though we saw quite often

[quote author=bellong post=33548108]
He needs to be broken....

God willing, you will be in our prayers.
[/quote)
Thanks alot

Schmilez.

Hmm, the matter serious o but you guys are already married so....


Anyways, at this point, I think you both should see a counselor and your husband needs anger management therapy, meanwhile, I think you shouldn't get in his way whenever he wants to leave, so he doesn't get physical with you.

I hope he gets better.

[quote author=schmilez post=33548181][/quote]

Sorry to say this sis, my words might sound hurtful but trust me I feel your pains and wish you the very best.

From what I read in all your posts, I believe your hubby married you cause there was pressure on him or you both. There doesn't seem to be an iota of love between you both at all.

How can a grown up man display such attitudes Its so sickening. You have really tried o.

Your additional posts show your hubby has anger issues and is immatured.
Tip-toeing around the bedroom so you don't wake him up..........wahala.

Don't know if your hubby can get anger mgt classes if u are in Nigeria but he needs to see a counsellor.
Does he have someone he looks up to and listens to?

thorpido:
Your additional posts show your hubby has anger issues and is immatured.
Tip-toeing around the bedroom so you don't wake him up..........wahala.

Don't know if your hubby can get anger mgt classes if u are in Nigeria but he needs to see a counsellor.
Does he have someone he looks up to and listens to?

To be sincere his father has really tried.he behaves for a while and then back to square one.my husband can buy you all the good things in this world,change your wardrobe when he has money and behave generally loving and nice but even when he in this loving happy mood i am on guard watching what i do or say so as not to set him off.

but i cannot keep calling the old man over every time.

schmilez:



To be sincere his father has really tried.he behaves for a while and then back to square one.my husband can buy you all the good things in this world,change your wardrobe when he has money and behave generally loving and nice but even when he in this loving happy mood i am on guard watching what i do or say so as not to set him off.

but i cannot keep calling the old man over every time.

is he the only son?
Does he go to church or mosque?

thorpido:
is he the only son?
Does he go to church or mosque?

he is not.he has an elder brother and a younger one.
we are muslims

@schmilez
since U knw the kind of person and reactions ur husband gives, why did U ignore him, when he asked a simple caring question, stood up, went to the bathrooom and washed ur face. just to come out and ask him what he will eat. nobody saw this part, yes ur hubby reaction no try but U are a trigger. its a two way thing. manage the situation. call ur hubby !!!!