Maaamaaa:



Thank you. I asked HR and they told me that

I have worked in Human Resources. it's not allowed, but if granted, you will not be paid for the whole of that three months or it may even lead to sack. just be friendly to the HR or if possible to the GM etc. but Mark it you will come out strong. thanks

Mayflowa:


You don't know men. These are presumption. A man will go for any girl, just any girl whether poor or rich, beautiful or ugly if the lady show him interest. How many men can resist a woman? you know why? Getting woo by a woman doesn't happen to us everyday even compliment is hard to get from a lady. So we are beguiled anytime we hear such. Why do you think young girls fall quickly for scope? They are easy prey until they become use to boys' deception.

Another secret, many men develop cold finger whenever they are going into marriage. Some are even at the blink of calling it off while the bride goes on shopping spree oblivious of the fight going on on her fiance mind. Why? Men don't want to be taken. They keep assuming there is a better person out there. Men are chief crier over lost girlfriend and if given the chance, they soon realized the other girl is worse than who they with.

we are prisoner of our mind but time wear all of these and we soon grow to love our spouse. So this guy will come around if she knows how to neglect him but take care of his things and food.The guy nor get level. him wey never fit pay rent dey talk how he wan to marry anoda girl!

I guess you are right.

Also most men like to think they still have an option until the very last minute they walk down the aisle.

Getting pregnant makes then feel cornered in a way, and resentful. Like they were robbed of their choice.

Maaamaaa:
I will try my best not be biased about our story and if you have any questions to ask please do.

I met him last year December precisely and we both work in the same office, we became best of friends but he was in a relationship (distant) and I was single.
We were really close because we both were new in town with no family around and then I fell in love with him and opened up about my feelings to him but he said he was in a relationship.

I was hurt but I held my head up and moved on. I started mingling with other male colleagues and then he became jealous and so I confronted him about it (still loved him) and u also told him to choose between us and he said he wants me. His decision was based on the fact that the other lady was far away, he thought she was promiscuous and she is an OND holder etc (I got to find out about this later).

We moved in together because of financial stress and talked about getting married next year... Late June this year I found out he had not broken up with the other lady, confronted him about it and he settled the issue.

I got pregnant July and he asked for an abortion, I insisted on keeping the baby with or without marriage.. He finally accepted to marry me and proceeded to tell my parents(he later said I forced him to that). He accused me of so many things and called me different names.

He traveled to his hometown and informed his parents about it all and met with the lady. On his return, he said the lady gives him peace and if I lose this pregnancy he will go back with her and that he loves her but he is just getting married to me because he respects my family and do not want to bring shame to me at work.

I cried, prayed and endured it all. Two weeks ago his family came for the introduction and the wedding has been fixed for December but I'm not happy.

I'm a shadow of myself, he feels disgusted by my presence and I can't say anything without him getting angry. I used to nag and quarrel a lot but I've stopped, even when I'm angry I just walk away.

He does not care about me and this pregnancy and if I tell him I'm sick or tired or anything, he will just say that I'm not the first to get pregnant and that it's when I push the baby he will take responsibility.

I have tried my best and I'm confused, last night I called him peacefully to ask him what I'm doing wrong but he said I'm disturbing him. I used to call his parents and my parents to intervene but he said I should stop that and I have stopped.

Please what can I do to save our relationship, it's not easy for me . this is not the man I fell in love with help me and please I need your advice because I am ready to do anything.

I want my child to have a normal family.

...just. note. that. love is a gradual even in marriage, don't. get confuse. ome day heart we judge. over humans altitudes

For sure the guy will come around especially when he sees his baby, please if you can let stale the wedding till the childs birth that will be good. If he agrees to move out, better. Avoid fights, confrontation and arguments with him. More like keep to yourself and if possible get church friends or neighbours to be around you for the support you need during pregnancy. Surely he will come back for you but just in case he doesnt, having a baby will still make you happy and you will still get married in the future. Its well with you.

this words I will never forget from my pastor. "whatever you see in a relationship, will double after marriage" move on. read Romans 12:2

Maaamaaa:


I did not ask him out and I did not try to make him jealous, I decided to make other friends so I will not be attached to him so much.

We moved in together because he did not have money for his rent.

Puhleassssssse!!!

Ishilove:
Hmmmm, aunty, this your story dey somehow o... He never loved you, obviously, but you were too blinded by 'love' to see all the warning signs. That he asked you to abort shows he never had you in his long term plans.

Fact is, you pushed yourself on him and being a man, he saw the opportunity for free punny. Now the novelty of the said free punny has worn off and coupled with it, the said punny is pregnant for him, so he is feeling stifled and thus resents you for making him do all things he doesn't want to do.

He wants to marry you out of pity, which is why he said he doesn't want to bring shame to you and your family.

Sister, you are on your own. Better wake up seriously because deep down, you know the truth. Love, they say, is blind but na inside marriage eye dey clear. You are seeing all the signs but you still want to go ahead to marry, because you want to bear 'Mrs', or you want your child to have a normal family as you claim. Sister, you want your child to grow up seeing you unhappy because his or her daddy doesn't love mummy?

Sister, I repeat, You Are On Your Own.

u are both players and now the game is against u normally I should blast u for toying with a man's mind to leave his distant lover because u think u are better than her but that solves nothing now. so my advice is leave him to his lover and agree with him to raise the child together or u will not enjoy that marriage

@op. ....I will like ask you 2 questions

1) is there any physical abuse
2) does he provide some financial assistance /contribution

If No and Yes is the answers then I will advise you go ahead with the marriage plz.

I'm talking from experience

My dear sister, you better join APC now.

Acheron:
Maaamaaa,

The guy will come to his senses when that baby is finally born, trust me. For now, just stay healthy and try your best possible to be a good woman and wife to him.

I can bet it with anything that things will return to normalcy when the baby is here. That baby will draw you both together especially if the baby turns out to be a boy and a replica of him. I've seen this happen before.

That baby needs you to be strong right now. This shall pass.

i think i reason along with yoh. She should stay with the guy and deliver the baby. That baby needs a father and so is best that u stay with him.
On the other if he fails to man up and accept he is your husband and a father to your baby then u can go ahead and divorce him.

The best thing will be to leave marriage for now, however I have never seen or heard of a pregnant lady calling a wedding off in real life in Nigeria,
(I’m not saying its not possible, just saying I’ve never seen it happen)
so unless she is super strong mentally, and she doesn’t come across as someone like that, Im not sure she will be able to pull that one off by the time everyone in her family and others start to cajole her.

She also does not have her family’s support, and she said her father said she must NOT have a baby out of wedlock, so they won’t support her if she goes and says dad I am pregnant but I don’t want to marry Joe, even though Joe has come home to ask for my hand in marriage.

Thirdly she does not have a stable financial base. How will she survive on N20k a month and without her parent’s financial assistance?

She also says that inspite of all she still loves him even though he treats her like shitt. So I am almost sure that she will go ahead and marry him.

To make matters even more complicated, they live together and neither can afford to move out to give the other space.

Its 80 percent sure banker that he will treat her badly for the length of the marriage, but that is her cross.

Sorry I am being blunt but telling the truth as that’s just the way it is.

Maybe this will be a lesson to someone else out there who thinks that they are superwoman and better than and have what it takes to take away someone else’s man.
Sometimes it works and sometimes It doesn’t but be ready for the repercussions. It’s a gamble.

If the man had not told you about Jane, then it’s a different story altogether.

Most single Men when offered free sex will not turn it down. You sold yourself cheap and he is paying cheap and at 32 he was more mature than you and knew how to get what he wanted from you

I do feel for you because which ever option you choose is not going to be an easy ride but I pray that you are strengthened

All the best.

Move on with your wedding . he's angry at this moment cos he lack money. He was thinking that he's about to enter into full responsiblity in prepare.
No news of gregnacy is expected to be honey with this trick you use.
My pattern use that trick for me n I over reacted. But later move on.. Trust me I love her much now. She's with 3kids now.
Minimize talking back to him even in your marriage. If you show him . he's your president... Trust me you are good to go.
But you women were snake.... You just targeted him with pregnancy... I pray that God will bless both of you... As for more business to do sothat marriage will be more sweet. Watsap me I will help. 08039432621

I sincerely think u should move. Life is too short. Some days are like that.

Just be patience ,everything will take shape in time but don't expect too much ,you are pregnant ,take good care of yourself so that your baby will come out well ,...

When the baby comes,you will know what real love is ,TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF ,forget about him now

Maaamaaa:
We still live together and we just paid the rent. I don't have any money to move out and I don't want to ask my parents for any money.

I still want to stay here till my rent expires. Is it a good idea?

I'm just going to focus on me and my work. I don't want to tell my parents anything for now.

I paid half of the rent and I don't want to say anything to my parents if not he will say he wants to marry but I'm the one that cancelled it.

You can just pretend you're married for now even to your organization to earn you maternity leave. I don't know how but I think it's not impossible while you remain legally single.

Secondly I'd advise you go ahead and tell him you don't wanna marry him again. Do some shakara even though it's not easy. If he's amenable, he'll come for you and insist you guys can marry. Else, just live your life no matter how hard things would be at first.

@Maaamaaa Reading through your post, I have this strong feelings you are an intelligent lady. Mistakes have been made, you can't take back the hands of the clock. From your responses and comments so far, you have not tried to exonerate yourself from blame or tired to embellish the story. You told that as it is. Thank you for that. My advice to you which I will give my daughter, sister or friend is that don't marry this dude for any reason. Keep the baby. It will turn out to be the "worstest " mistake if you marry him. I wish you the very best. I wish we could chat personally.

Marriage at times become stronger when a child is involved.

Maaamaaa:
I will try my best not be biased about our story and if you have any questions to ask please do.

I met him last year December precisely and we both work in the same office, we became best of friends but he was in a relationship (distant) and I was single.
We were really close because we both were new in town with no family around and then I fell in love with him and opened up about my feelings to him but he said he was in a relationship.

I was hurt but I held my head up and moved on. I started mingling with other male colleagues and then he became jealous and so I confronted him about it (still loved him) and u also told him to choose between us and he said he wants me. His decision was based on the fact that the other lady was far away, he thought she was promiscuous and she is an OND holder etc (I got to find out about this later).

We moved in together because of financial stress and talked about getting married next year... Late June this year I found out he had not broken up with the other lady, confronted him about it and he settled the issue.

I got pregnant July and he asked for an abortion, I insisted on keeping the baby with or without marriage.. He finally accepted to marry me and proceeded to tell my parents(he later said I forced him to that). He accused me of so many things and called me different names.

He traveled to his hometown and informed his parents about it all and met with the lady. On his return, he said the lady gives him peace and if I lose this pregnancy he will go back with her and that he loves her but he is just getting married to me because he respects my family and do not want to bring shame to me at work.

I cried, prayed and endured it all. Two weeks ago his family came for the introduction and the wedding has been fixed for December but I'm not happy.

I'm a shadow of myself, he feels disgusted by my presence and I can't say anything without him getting angry. I used to nag and quarrel a lot but I've stopped, even when I'm angry I just walk away.

He does not care about me and this pregnancy and if I tell him I'm sick or tired or anything, he will just say that I'm not the first to get pregnant and that it's when I push the baby he will take responsibility.

I have tried my best and I'm confused, last night I called him peacefully to ask him what I'm doing wrong but he said I'm disturbing him. I used to call his parents and my parents to intervene but he said I should stop that and I have stopped.

Please what can I do to save our relationship, it's not easy for me . this is not the man I fell in love with help me and please I need your advice because I am ready to do anything.

I want my child to have a normal family.

He never want you

He never loved you

You forced it

And you are still trying to force it

Onegai:


That doesn't make sense, a pregnant lady is still pregnant, married or not. Go ask your HR.

Don't marry this guy. He doesn't love you, you don't love him, so why force things? I'm sure someone will tell you to go ahead, he will love you later. But no-one can promise that. Keep working, if anyone asks about the baby's father tell them with a very strong face "we met when he came to town and it didn't work out". You have to pull yourself together, you and your ex work together, you're pregnant and hormonal, I mean, you really have to strengthen your mind.

If this young man relents, don't allow him to put a ring on your finger till after the baby is born. Don't let his guilt consume your life eventually. He has to prove that he wants you for you, not because you got knocked up. So when the baby comes out, things will be rough for the first couple of months but once it stabilises, both of you can look forward and see what you both want for yourselves and your child.

A lot of guys react like this fellow after making plans and promises in the heat of emotions and then reality slaps them in the face. He did cheat on his gf and you enabled him, so you two must at least try and start afresh on a cleaner slate. But you're not going to fix things now and if you do get married, the next 6 months will feel like hell and if you're unlucky and this guy continues to hate your guts, so will the next couple of years. So put all thoughts of weddings aside until after baby is born.

I believe this is the best you can do. Hold off the wedding until after the baby is born. For now, u have to move out. Move in with a friend that is understanding. You both need time to think. Let him miss you. Tell him u can't get married when there is no love, and stand by your words. Don't waver. All will be well. Its just a phase, it will pass.

Open the link below to read the testimony of someone that recovered from high blood pressure without chemical drug

http://thenationonlineng.net/uncovered-story-amaka-woman-recovered-completely-high-blood-pressure-without-chemical-drugs/

Maaamaaa:
Yes, it's totally my fault. I decided to stay because I was just stupidly in love.

I won't make this same mistakes again, I just thought there was a way I could make it work but I guess there is no way . I have decided to keep my head high and ride through the storm.

My baby and I is my priority.

Thank you for your harsh but loving words. GOD bless you all...

Does everyone know you are preggy? If not, just get rid of it at a very good specialists' if there is still time. Whether you leave the guy or not, that child will psychologically suffer from you guy's mistakes.

Congratulations! You just became a "Baby Mama".

Maaamaaa:


I did not ask him out and I did not try to make him jealous, I decided to make other friends so I will not be attached to him so much.

We moved in together because he did not have money for his rent.

forget what olagbemi said up there about prayer and patience, they ain't going to do squat ma. if d guy's doing this now, imagine what he would do when u guys are married truth is he's displaying his bad side to u so YOU would do d needful n call off the wedding since he obviously can't

#myowntwocents

Another bleeped up story

My advice for u is to move on because marriage is a life institution and their is no MANAGE in it. don't think about d shame or insult just focus and it will pass away gradually. think about your baby and whenever u do d baby will make u happy. if u get married to him u can never be happy and if God said his d one he will surely come back to u

I subjected (though a possesed) lady to something similar & i'm still striving hard to recover! Let him be!...he'll later regret.

Acheron:
Maaamaaa,

The guy will come to his senses when that baby is finally born, trust me. For now, just stay healthy and try your best possible to be a good woman and wife to him.

I can bet it with anything that things will return to normalcy when the baby is here. That baby will draw you both together especially if the baby turns out to be a boy and a replica of him. I've seen this happen before.

That baby needs you to be strong right now. This shall pass.

if ur company are nt willing to take kia of ur meternity I can get u registered with my company an HMO were I work for a better medical attention ffor a year plan that wil b of benefit to u !!!!!!!!! 07030498217

Acheron:
Maaamaaa,

The guy will come to his senses when that baby is finally born, trust me. For now, just stay healthy and try your best possible to be a good woman and wife to him.

I can bet it with anything that things will return to normalcy when the baby is here. That baby will draw you both together especially if the baby turns out to be a boy and a replica of him. I've seen this happen before.

That baby needs you to be strong right now. This shall pass.

terribly horrible advice,, na when d guy kill d lady una go know say love no be by force or by spirituality...

This guy is a weakling, a confused idiat, very indecisive fellow, he's not worth you at all... MOVE ON... he feels he has power over you, prove him wrong... make that decision and I tell you he will come begging... the truth is its not going to be easy at all... but that's the only way to bring that mofo down

If u were to quit d wedding n move on , u needed people to talk to expecially ur mother or elder person to talk to.
Make d best decision n stop listening to gossip.

Yes i agree but no matter what, a woman is already carrying your child. I know some women are just devil's second in command but why go ahead to marry her if she is bad. Marriage is not a manage thing at all

accountbalance:


Bro, you don't know this for sure. Remember, you haven't heard from the guy's end?

What I can deduce from your posts is that you're desperate and your reasoning faculty is low. Have you ever found time to go through family thread on nairaland? There is more to marriage than what you think. I pray you don't come back here to seek some idiotic advice on how to cope in the marriage. Whenever people post marriage issues here, what I always do is to go through their previous posts and from my observation most of them started in this manner you're about to start yours. It's better you LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP. It's glaring, HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU. Marriage will make it worse. I'm not God but it's glaring.