Get her to see all the various advice you have been given on this thread.

then get her to choose the one she is best suited to.

una don give all the advice finish

Well, 6 years and 3 kids is quite a distance in your marriage but you still have a lifetime ahead, so you need to be sensible in handling this issue. From your write-up, there was no indication that your wife is getting some on the side, so this is a situation that demands more than the short term fulfilment of your sexual desire through sexual blackmail as suggested by some of us here. Please note that there are many issues to confront in marriage and many couples are handling tougher challenges than yours without jumping ship. What makes you a man is your ability to overcome the challenges in life and not by taking dangerous short-cuts.

You mentioned having had several talks with your wife and though we are not privy to her reasons, there is the solace that you are getting rolled once a month. That is something to hold on to till your wife comes round, and she sure will, in time. The situation demands among other things, sacrifice and delayed gratification. Men have given up more than sex for greater cause and your kids should be a source of inspiration in this case.

And the ignorant men from nigeria adviced the man who should have been mature and keep his dirty laundry out of the sun, things and ways they would not want their aunt's husband, sister's husband, niece's husband, cousin's husband, or daughter's husband to treat their women folks, in such a crisis. Stupid ignorant gutter men. No wonder there is epidemy of sexual diseases and damaged family values in "new nigeria".


If everyday is a bed of roses, it will be stale, if only for a moment. Marriage, is more than sex. And sex is more than just jumping the bones. There is nothing wrong in being patient, making love to your wife without penetrating it, boring man who thinks his wife is going to be ready for him, everytine he wants her. There is something called cuddling. And it could be the best thing right now in your marriage. This allows you to be intimate with her, even you dont have sex. In the process she knows that you are there, and not just when you are crawling all over her.

If you improve your condition and show kindness to her, she may snap out of what she is going through, alone in her heart, since it seems as if you dont know the reason your sex life is in a funk. You can solve all of this by showing tat you care and talking about problems, other than why arent you ready when I want it.

These men dont know how to romance. How could they know how to make love to the heart and soul instead of just having sex with the body, which after a while, she already know what you will do next, in the process? Go to your wife and be er friend, man and stop listening to these thugs calling themselves males.

@op
shine ur eyes. . .women can de devlish,yh devlish,no allow woman use u do mugu. . .y will ur wife tell u all dat without a reason? she is ur wife not girlfriend

Etcheeeeeew
sorry someone hz bin WARNIN d Engine,n 4 d streets TRY ONE:-@

kulutempa:

MOBO444 is the only person making sense here. The poster's wife is enjoying exercising power and control over her husband because he has made her believe that she is the one and only and that he doesn't have any other options. The marriage has become like a warder prisoner relationship. This is how people who think they have a monopoly on something behave until they experience competition. The poster will do well to read a previous post on Nairaland titled "How to maintain and control a woman". The link is below

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-396243.0.html

What this guy needs to do is to exercise true control like a man and shake his wife out of her complacency. He doesn't necessarily have to chase skirts outside but he should start getting home late and if possible sprinkle some ladies perfume on his shirt while whistling as he walks into the house. He should also ignore her and look the other way even if she is completely unclothed in front of him. The whole point is to make her feel that she is not the centre of his universe anymore and that she is expendable. The reason why most females here are saying he should talk to her is that they are all in on the game and they know the main way a woman can exercise control over a man is through bottom power. Come on poster, be a man and take charge. Let your father be proud of his son.

@Kulutempa thansk for the compliment, problem with our women is when they have a small degree they like to score cheap point (intimacy twice a month), can the average hausa lady who know she is the 4th or 5th wife tell her husband she is going through phases, and there homes are well and more managed, @poster your wife is trying to bend you under her control,say no to this and tell her she can use the door.

^^
u make sense guy. . .There is something my friend's dad used 2 say,If u give a woman chance,she'll be looking for chances

it's like most of the guys here think that marriage is a game. imagine advising the poster to so out and bed other girls just to show who has POWER?

@ Poster: remember "for better or worse"? i think this is just one of the worse situations and believe me, some families are facing worser problems than you. your wife definitely has something on her mind. try to get it out of her by talking deeper and there is bound to be a turnaround. i wish you success in your endeavor.
JUST DO NOT FOLLOW THE ADVISE OF THESE GUYS, MARRIAGE IS NOT ALL ABOUT SEX.

@Public please note most of the ladies on this thread are angry and insultive because they are trying excatly the same thing with their husband and it backfiring and they dont like our reply, my wife tried it with me 8 months ago and got tired (it worked for me), funny she never tried it before we got married as she knew i wont have dumped her ass back then, mind you i LOVE MY WIFE (get the point), but dont let them push you around.
 I bet your wife did not try this cheap stunt when you were dating, dont let her try it now,go out and grab a lady and look at this point below assuming you both break up.
1. Before she could get a new relationship (3 ladies are already carrying your baby,ask musician 2Face).
2. She has 3 children,even if she had none, finding a man for marriage by her is impossible in Nigeria.
3. Late Fela had more then 40 wives, no one ever told him she was in a phase (are you less of a MAN than Fela).
4. We Men are natural hunters, your wife forgot that,go out and hunt.

I can understand what you are going through,however,i will advise you to understand that there is more in marriage than sex, You have 3 kids already and spent 6yrs in Marriage and happily she gives it to you once in a month, Hey!!! wake up this is not a problem, With 3 kids,do you still want to have more Sit down with your wife and know her worries and concern.In as much as she is not cheating on you then you really have to understand her and see how you can help her out,there is so many things that can still keep you happy with your wife than sex, If you have your first degree why not go for your masters degree,trust me,you will also be tired just like her, after work you will have to study your books,so i wonder what time you will have for youeself and by then  you will come to appreciate the "ONCE IN A MONTH, SHOW HER MORE LOVE, THAT IS WHAT MARRIAGE IS ALL ABOUT.

seriously, Western Civilization has given these gals the right to do whatever they want huh?

maybe we all just resort back to our Zulu ways  

sometimes mr oga poster, women just are not in the mood, its usually a hormonal  thing , i dont expect guys to understand this , it might be she just does not feel good about herself , she might be

feeling less attractive and its not abt you , its probably just her hormones throwing her up and down, she might even have some kind of girlie issues going on in her body like an infection that she

cant talk to you abt hence her refusal to be intimate with u.

u guys need to talk desperately , let her know that u are there for her, her refusal might be the sign of other underlying issues, ur job is to find out what they are

KG_NAIRA:

Can someone help with how to post topics here?

go to the category of topic you want to post i.e romance (assuming you're on home page), you'd see other topics already created there. at the top of the page you'll see 'start new topic', click on it.
on the next page creat your topic by typing the heading/topic and body (can attach pix or creat poll if desired)

hope this helps.

Are u sure ur wife enjoys se.x? It could be a medical condition you know? In any case, I think ur wife needs a break. Give her one and with time u will know what the problem is. Besides, Nairaland is not the best place to get advice on issues like this. Some of the men here, telling you to go look else for satisfaction are even in a worst situation with their wives. At least in ur own case, you still get to shine the congo once in a month whereas some for the last one year, noting dey happen.
My brother be careful!

Dear Poster, I advice that u need not to discuss with ur wife on this issue again. What u do is to start surprising her with gifts, take her out 4 evening stroll, make her happy.

One 9t like this dont even tell her u need to do it, just communicate it 2 her thru romantic talks, romantic touch, romantic play etc. I bet u, things wouldn't be the same.

Dont be hard on ur wife, women need 24/7 petting. just handle her with care and 4get those posts that u should cheat on her

i think is about time u will start raping her so that she will know how serious and bad you felt about her behavior

that

Fellow NAIRALANDERS, how can I stop this constant response from my spouse.

Each time I am outside our home and I see all these sexy looks and appeals, I often console myself with the thought that someone is waiting for me at home, and that I will have all the fun am looking for as soon as I get home.
But on the contrary, it has become almost a regular response for me these days to hear my partner telling me; "I am tired", or "I am not feeling fine", or "I am not in the mood"

What is really wrong? How can I stop this PUNISHMENT?

Sincere advices are welcome. Pls keep all the YABIS.

@OP,
From your post you didn't directly state whether you are male or female.You used words like "spouse,partner,etc not wife/husband. That says a lot about the real root of your problem.

Lets look at it this way, a guy that has intimacy with the wife just once a month is sure to fall for the easiest of temptation with all those small desperate girls around, the wife should know that is one of the best way to keep her husband in check, this issue may be more spritual (most Yoruba women don tie their husband keep), hence she know you can do anything.
 Is your wife better off than you financially,i am also sure it could be that,hence she feel you not in her class, my brother wise up and be a MAN,marriage is suppose to be fun and has no restriction, your wife is creating restrictions.

zodig:

Dear Poster, I advice that u need not to discuss with your wife on this issue again. What u do is to start surprising her with gifts, take her out 4 evening stroll, make her happy.

One 9t like this dont even tell her u need to do it, just communicate it 2 her thru romantic talks, romantic touch, romantic play etc. I bet u, things wouldn't be the same.

Dont be hard on your wife, women need 24/7 petting. just handle her with care and 4get those posts that u should cheat on her

you be really love boy,clap for your self, dont you know we men have lots of issues,cash,kids,future plans,bills,family,work,business and lots more,what if we Men decide to bring our outside problem to the home, am sure there will be no mood or phase, hope you keep on petting your wife for ever and live her life for her,such a woman will never be satisfied, the hausa have 3,4 or 7 wifes,do they have time to pet all of them, if you pet them who will then pet the kids.

Akinolasam, there is one more thing you should realise.  Women of all ages like to test the men in their lives to see how far they can push them and how much they can get away with.    The more the man gives in the more the woman exercises more control and power over the relationship  and the less respect she has for the man.  Let me ask you this question:  would you prostrate to your wife in return for sex?   As to all those who say you should talk to her, just think about this:  If you have power and position like an army general, would you resign and give it up because someone 'talks' to you and asks you to resign?   Be wise my friend and don't become a doormat instead of a man.

Every problem should be brought before God for solution, this is marriage you are talking about and not relationship, my brother just go on your knees and talk to your maker to remake your marriage.

kulutempa:

Akinolasam, there is one more thing you should realise.  Women of all ages like to test the men in their lives to see how far they can push them and how much they can get away with.    The more the man gives in the more the woman exercises more control and power over the relationship  and the less respect she has for the man.  Let me ask you this question:  would you prostrate to your wife in return for sex?   As to all those who say you should talk to her, just think about this:  If you have power and position like an army general, would you resign and give it up because someone 'talks' to you and asks you to resign?   Be wise my friend and don't become a doormat instead of a man.

@Kulutempa i am Loving you more and more, i am glad Nigeria still have Men like you and together we shall make Nigeria great again in this our generation (I HAPPY I AM NOT ALONE).
 Nigeria women has so dragged this coutry back, they the reason Nigeria is corrupt and has economic issues, if the man spend his time petting you how will he make money to run the family and other issue.

Very funny when they are doing prostitution you see them selling themsleves and doing runs,day in day out.

Guy,
Maybe ur performance aint satisfactory,
Try mixture of Alombo & Stout, after d event, She'll looking 4ward 2 u everyday & everytime  
U nid to Jinga her well  

VALIDATOR:

@OP,
From your post you didn't directly state whether you are male or female.You used words like "spouse,partner,etc not wife/husband. That says a lot about the real root of your problem.

He told us already. the poster is a man. read some of the comments to see how "helpful" some NLcould be

very funny people.

The man is over-gauge and wants to OFF-LOAD.

@Poster . . . do no listen to any advice from the women or just take it with a pinch of salt. They do see the reason to be rational when it comes to one of their own and you can feel their selfish interest with their replies. Someone said women passes through phases but forget that prostitutes are also women and they do it through out the year. Some of us have learned the hard way so take the advice of the men before the women.

I guess men do not have issues or passes through phases, we do not have a stressful life and all we need to do is to satisfy our wives. That's why i always advice guys never marry a woman that is an introvert or its not open minded.

What is happening to you is quite common. it happens to all men that are faithfully glued to one woman. When a man has variety, he can never know when a woman is not in the mood!!!

I am now married for thirty years 2009.  Women love variety too!!

Be real and be a real man.  Your financial position may be the reason behind the repulse.  It is cheaper for you to be faithful. Buy something new in the house and you will see changes. Change your bath soap, change your perfume.  Change your boxers!!!

I wish you all the best

The guys preaching to the OP know the truth, they just want to appear decent to ladies.  And these ladies will come and start crying after the guys don chop clean mouth.

the poster say him don sit down and yarn with her one on one.  How woman wey call herself married go program b-anging once a month for guy wey done get 3-pikins with her.

Na so my babe been dey form for me, my own sef e dey reach two months, na so I change gear quick quick, now even if i dey on top another chick call me, i go just book appointment with the chick while the jiggy jiggy dey go on. if she no like make she tell me to stop.  in fact she dey beg now if i no feel like touching her. 

Eziwhuo:

I can understand what you are going through,however,i will advise you to understand that there is more in marriage than sex, You have 3 kids already and spent 6yrs in Marriage and happily she gives it to you once in a month, Hey!!! wake up this is not a problem, With 3 kids,do you still want to have more Sit down with your wife and know her worries and concern.In as much as she is not cheating on you then you really have to understand her and see how you can help her out,there is so many things that can still keep you happy with your wife than sex,[b] If you have your first degree why not go for your masters degree,trust me,you will also be tired just like her, after work you will have to study your books,[/b]so i wonder what time you will have for youeself and by then  you will come to appreciate the "ONCE IN A MONTH, SHOW HER MORE LOVE, THAT IS WHAT MARRIAGE IS ALL ABOUT.

So you only have intimacy within marraige to have kids?  slowpoke!

As for second bolded you really need your head examined .

@Poster you wife no dey try at all.  Take her out for a romatic dinner and see. If she is still playing hard to get Spike her drink with Spanish Fly