Graduateacher:
Dear madam, don't listen, I repeat don't listen to people who laugh over his behavior or ask you to ignore it, check their homes, their boys are future thieves & Yahoo boys further more their kids lack home training. Many parent feel that they don't need to train their children(boys especially) but that they'll grow out of their problems. What if they don't grow out of it? if you can't do it, send your son to me, I'm a disciplinarian and like kids, I will be his guardian in Nigeria and he can attend a military boarding school here, your son will be transformed for good. God bless u

@ the bolden:
I have thought of this for my son but due to the state if corruption in Nigeria that has made a lot of infrastructure to go into dilapidation, i fear he may live under terrible environmental conditions and because i have lived in similar conditions (and was left with a scar psychologically) in an institution even before things became this bad, i vowed never to let any of my kids have a similar experience. Also, due to the state of tribalism in Nigeria, that is another challenge that may endanger him worse than the aforesaid environmental conditions.

DavidEsq:

Wow. We would talk more on this, ps

yup....

olabrinks:
If his behaviour continues wait until he gets a little older and please send him to Nigeria. My parents sent me to Nigeria for boarding school 11 years ago I was 12,13 ish, and it was the best decision they could’ve done for me, I’m so grateful for them. Now I’m married with a child on the way, and I’m doing well for myself. If they ignored me, God knows how my life would’ve turned out. Whilst there, I met so many other children like me , and they all changed for the better. If you have someone trustworthy that can train your child up in Nigeria, it is better please. In the western world there’s only so much you can do, before they start calling the police on you and social services. Please give it a thought if the situation doesn’t change over the years. Your son will come back to thank you, because training at this age of 9 is very very important. If you can’t control him now at this age, it might only get worse honestly.

how are you married when your post on Aug 14 said you will marry by November

It could be mild autism. Which accounts for his brilliance or a new spectrum.
Nonetheless please nurture him.
He will do just fine.

I have my mom more concerns. But a genius is a genius

jess2019:


Although it's not allowed here but I've moved from smacking to beating now but no change in his behaviour. I fear this boy will put me into trouble one day or grow up to hate me. I'm thinking of sending him to naija for one school semester but hubby refused.

people telling you to ignore him that he will change are giving you bad advice... At that age, you either make him do the right thing or you will lose him completely... I have worked in schools and I know what it takes to put such child in shape... You have to convince your husband to return that boy to Nigeria and put him in a reputable Catholic school... I tell you, rev. Sisters will surely do a good job on him

DavidEsq:

@ the bolden:
I have thought of this for my son but due to the state if corruption in Nigeria that has made a lot of infrastructure to go into dilapidation, i fear he may live under terrible environmental conditions and because i have lived in similar conditions (and was left with a scar psychologically) in an institution even before things became this bad, i vowed never to let any of my kids have a similar experience. Also, due to the state of tribalism in Nigeria, that is another challenge that may endanger him worse than the aforesaid environmental conditions.

go for catholic school then

This is so so of my 13 yrs old son.

DavidEsq:

@ the bolden:
I have thought of this for my son but due to the state if corruption in Nigeria that has made a lot of infrastructure to go into dilapidation, i fear he may live under terrible environmental conditions and because i have lived in similar conditions (and was left with a scar psychologically) in an institution even before things became this bad, i vowed never to let any of my kids have a similar experience. Also, due to the state of tribalism in Nigeria, that is another challenge that may endanger him worse than the aforesaid environmental conditions.

I understand your concern and fears brother but I think some of the military schools here are well maintained, if you don't mind I can research for the best among them for you. I'm also a product of Nigerian Navy Secondary school but it is the one in Lagos and has no facilities for boarding boys.

The other concern you raised is about tribalism, you will not find that in military schools, is it the teachers that will victimize kids due to tribe or students from middle/upper class? tribalism is deeper with lower class, unfortunately now Buhari is taking it to another level by his unjust appointments but the educated upper/middle class are not as tribalistic, please let's shield kids from all these adult politics



PS: Catholic schools are good too

jess2019:
My son will be 9 in October but his behaviour bothers me so much. He acts like a day dreamer. He has turned me into a shouting and miserable mum as I had to beat him after I've exhausted other punishment options. To make this short, I'm going to summarise his behaviour.

He still cannot get himself ready for school in the morning. Either he doesnt cream his body or forgets to comb his hair or doesnt brush his teeth. He forgets to brush his teeth almost everyday. This made me to make a list of step by step sticker. I sticked this on their bathroom mirror and on his bedroom wall. Yet I have to keep reminding him everyday. For example, last week on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday he forgot to brush his teeth and hair. I have to constantly be reminding him every morning. He is the only one that brushes teeth after getting ready. I trained them to brush teeth first before shower but he keeps forgetting.

I have to remind him to do his homework, and put it back in his school bag to return to school on Mondays. The book will still not make it to the school even after constant reminder. We've lost countless of lunch bags. One ended up on school roof. If you give him any form to submit back to his teacher. He will forget in his bag so I now give it to his sister to give to his teacher.

He removes his clothes, shoes, pants, belts etc and leave them on the floor, I bought two laundry baskets for him. One in his room, another in their bathroom, yet all his belongings end up on the floor that you can hardly find a space to put a foot. I dont expect him to be perfect but atleast to try so that his 70% clothes make it to the basket or shoes to their racks. He also has a book shelf and desk yet they also end up on the floor.

He plays so much that sometimes he leaves shops with items in his hands. So I have to always watch out for him. Living in a western country where black boys are stereotyped I fear for him. He can stare at the ceiling for hrs when getting ready for school or spend long time in the shower yet not using soap on his body. This usually makes us late unless I step in to help or keep shouting.

If you ask him to do any house chores, he will not do it instead waiting for us to forget so he can get away with it. When grounded not to watch TV, he will still do it once he knows am inside my room or busy with a baby.

Yesterday we revised all his lesson assignments (5 work books). I specifically asked him to put them in his lesson bag. I pointed at the bag. Now I drop him at the lesson only for him to say oh I think I came with old lesson books. I dont know how he ended up with old books in his bag. It could be he planned it as a way to avoid the lesson. If not I wonder how he will remember it himself as soon as I drop him and his sister as this is unlike him.

I've taken him to a doctor incase there is any diagnosis so I can give him all the help he needs but they said it's just his behaviour because according to the doctor he is smart academically. He is 18months ahead of his year level. So they ruled ADHD out.

Welcome to my world, only mine just turned 11 with little improvements. I'd say at about your son's he demonstrated about everything listed here. He even got a mention in his Head teacher's speech during the year valedictory service. The head teacher was saying what he'd about the year 6, and he said 'he'd miss picking E stuffs around the school and bet he'd still be finding his items in the next year'

I have researched, beaten, had him tested for adhd etc, but the result was even though he's on the low end with his dexterity it's not enough to label him with any condition. How was your son's birth? Cs, normal or complicated? Some of my research tilts towards my son's birth, i had prolonge labour (36hrs since water breaking) and he ended been born by forceps. There is research that believes babies born this way are a lil slow and behind. He out of the whole family wears glasses, suffers severe hayfever, failed earring test at birth etc and i believe the prolonged exposure at birth contributed to this. No one taught me to demand selective cs for my second.

Kids currently in Nigeria for the whole summer with grannies n aunties, I'm hoping a lil exposure will give them some back bone.

Good news is they'd improve and come into themselves, just a lil later than others. A lot of intelligent, innovators were like them, dreamers and gazers but i totally understand your concerns as a parent.

All you need is to make a deal with him. "Do this house chores and I will your present need"

GAZZUZZ:


let him skip school for 1year send him to learn a trade, he will become wise and appreciate normal life after that.

good advice

AntiWailer:
Leave him alone.


Some crazy stuffs comes with being brilliant and smart.

He will out grow them with time.

You have to keep correcting him in a balanced approach so he will not grow resistance against you.

Beating does not really help in some instances. At times when he is so sure you were going to flog him, call him and explain why he should do the right thing.

Most importantly, please pray for him.

This advice is legit. Madam I don't think anything is wrong with your boy. He just plays too much. If he had ADHD, he won't be smart and way 18 months ahead of his peers.

Just show him love. If you carry am come Naija, you don't finish the boy destiny. Naija people want port and you want carry am come Naija.

Think am o.

For memory problem, our swissgarde memory vite can help. Others will improve with age. I know of a cousin of mine who is so creative but spends so much time while eating.

Donald3d:

You partially described me when I was little .
Its sometimes common with smart kids .
We are very imaginative that we get lost in our own imagination and forget to do basic things sometimes, and oo we are very playful too.
But no one understands.
Please be patient with him.
As long as he is not dull.

I am married now, and much more organized and disciplined. But I chop beating no be small , let me tell you the truth, those beatings made me more stubborn, and I didnt care, I was just scared.I wanted to do things on my own terms, not anyones.
People like us(especially as kids) do things because we love them, not because we have to do them, so make him love those things, those chores, brushing his teeth, make it fun for him.

Just keep reminding him and correct him with love, he would adjust.
Put him in situations that would force him to be independent, it would help him adjust.

I was just going through my primary and junior secondary school results . The teachers remarks were hilarious

You see things like "Keep it up, Very very brilliant but too playful", "Very brilliant but sometimes forgetful", "Very brilliant but easily gets distracted"

Even my dad then, never stopped hounding me about how much I "lose focus and easily get carried away"

Focus on his strengths while you help him work on his weaknesses.Bond with him very well, and please NEVER EVER compare him with anyone, it makes it worse
jess2019
He would adjust with time

Sending him to Naija is like a suicide mission

This gives me hope as I have an 11 years old lad similar to the poster. His dad too is still kinda disorganised, he calls it organised Chaos but very emotionally stable, intelligent and focused (only in the things he's interested in) so I know where my son gets it from. I only wish the Dad could admit this humble beginnings, so I can relaxed small, rest assured son too will turn out okay.

The word focus, or the lack of it resonates in all of my son's subject and school reports, but he loves his sports and music, more so since they formed a band in school. My grouse is they attend private school here in the UK (our biggest household expense with a lot of cut backs in other areas) I tell my son 'if you're going to play football or music and not put maximum efforts into academics, lets kukuma withdraw you and send you to public school, we could put the fees into a mortgage and gift you that as an adult. Let your sister that wants to benefit from the academics carry on' In all, I must remember to just chill, knowing that he'd be okay. They've been in Nigeria for 8wks, that's 8 weeks of me not picking clothes off the floor, happy days!

tsmith:


This gives me hope as I have an 11 years old lad similar to the poster. His dad too is still kinda disorganised, he calls it organised Chaos but very emotionally stable, intelligent and focused (only in the things he's interested in) so I know where my son gets it from. I only wish the Dad could admit this humble beginnings, so I can relaxed small, rest assured son too will turn out okay.

The word focus, or the lack of it resonates in all of my son's subject and school reports, but he loves his sports and music, more so since they formed a band in school. My grouse is they attend private school here in the UK (our biggest household expense with a lot of cut backs in other areas) I tell my son 'if you're going to play football or music and not put maximum efforts into academics, lets kukuma withdraw you and send you to public school, we could put the fees into a mortgage and gift you that as an adult. Let your sister that wants to benefit from the academics carry on' In all, I must remember to just chill, knowing that he'd be okay. They've been in Nigeria for 8wks, that's 8 weeks of me not picking clothes off the floor, happy days!

that's 8 weeks of me not picking clothes off the floor, happy days!

Children are wonderful !!! .
Parents just need to handle and nuture them with love, "tough love", and wisdom.
All is well

jess2019:


He is very athletic and good in all sports. Plays basketball, soccer, swimming and athletic. He won two consecutive cross country and broke the state record in 300m race. High scorer in his basketball team; plays for two clubs.

I'm even thinking this behaviour
started since he became too active in so many sports. Thinking I should stop him �

Madam thats exactly what you experience when you have an EXTREMELY SMART AND INTELLIGENT CHILD. Know when to impose your opinions, know when to withdraw and when to talk to him to see reasons with you.

Above all ask God to help you cos a little mistake you ll lose him..

Mizwisdom:



Put him in a Nigerian boarding house, preferably missionary school, you won't regret it. I understand your concern for him please ignore the people who say you should ignore him they are the ones who raise nuisance here

I agree with you. My sister is currently sending her son down to me in Nigeria today to be moved to boarding school by next month to shape up her sences. It's a good idea.

djon78:


Sending him to naija may help. It happened to my aunt, my mums younger sister's son.
When my sister went to deliver in the US, the boys behavior was horrible. My sister told my aunt that if he doesn't send his son over to naija, that the boy will be lost. Then he was around 10years.

The parents agreed to that. He was brought back to do secondary school here. Our family put him in a very good boarding secondary in Enugu. Haha the boy was disciplined naija style. They used to call him Americana because of his accent in school. He did js1 to js 3. Then went back to US.
He is around 17 now, very well behaved.

why wont he behaved after going through all the horror that might have befall him.

no Electricity,mosquitoes bite,and uncle that will easily send slap if he misyarn Nija parent no dey chill at all.

@op dont send the kid to Nija yet,wait till 10 or 11 if the situations dosnt change,do the needful and send him here we will make him focus in just 2 years

mrsfavour:
I agree with you. My sister is currently sending her son down to me in Nigeria today to be moved to boarding school by next month to shape up her sences. It's a good idea.

very good.
if you leave your kids and let them get influenced with the western way,wll thats your fault because the society there is to prous and give room to all form of shiiiit.

imagine teaching kids about gay and lesbianism,instead of man and woman,they are teaching joseph and james instead of janet and joshua

You can take him to a child psychologist, for you to understand what exactly is going on in his head but I don't think he is abnormal or that you should be worried. But for clinical assurance, see a child Psychologist and a Pediatrician

He would outgrown it, my younger brother was worse, he hated brushing is teeth or doing his laundry. My mum was always worried but he turned out alright. Just take things easy dont flog all the time

AntiWailer:


Ruled out.

U no dey read ?

I saw your sentences on prayer and brilliance. Two misconceptions. Every bad behavior in children is down to this mythical "brilliance". Suddenly every child is Einstein in child form.

Ridiculous.

BTW, Did I quote him or you? You.

Graduateacher:




Your son is spoilt, send him to boarding house

Lol! I hear you.

No pressure
Your son is an indigo child

You must learn to treat every children differently, character differs.

Stop punishing him for when he forgets and start rewarding him for when he remembers.

.

Have you talked to a pediatric doctor, trained in juvenile psychiatric behavior for proper evaluation.
You softly claimed you are based in the US, I may doubt it, if you are, give him Dr Rubik Cube to challenge his mental alertness.
After thank me later

Fourwinds:
go for catholic school then

I'd rather stick a knife in my left eye. They teach u to hate God. Look at Madonna uni; didn't u hear them say that atheism is bae on twitter? Do u think that getting education is all in life? Heck no!

.

Graduateacher:



I understand your concern and fears brother but I think some of the military schools here are well maintained, if you don't mind I can research for the best among them for you. I'm also a product of Nigerian Navy Secondary school but it is the one in Lagos and has no facilities for boarding boys.

The other concern you raised is about tribalism, you will not find that in military schools, is it the teachers that will victimize kids due to tribe or students from middle/upper class? tribalism is deeper with lower class, unfortunately now Buhari is taking it to another level by his unjust appointments but the educated upper/middle class are not as tribalistic, please let's shield kids from all these adult politics



PS: Catholic schools are good too

Pls help me research them and school fees too

No problem

blackslayer:


I am confused. What does controlling him have to do with anything? Your write up sounds interesting on the surface but i am afraid all you have said is a beautiful nonsense! You make no sense mam and perhaps they shouldn't have sent you to Nigeria afterall!!