Her character is 80% or more of what I desire in a woman,we tend to have a whole lot in common and she says that I am what she has been praying for in a man.We have discussed virtually everything but I have ALWAYS reminded her that I am not so sure how it will end.

My problem is that she is not as attractive/beautiful as I have always imagined my wife to be and I have struggled to see her as though she is more beautiful than she truly is. I am more concerned about finding her attractive 6 months 6 years 15 years down the line; I am the type that will want to and have purposed to remain faithful to my wife but I do not want to struggle to find my wife attractive. We are less than three months into this but I am deeply emotionally involved with her though we have not seen ourselves physically; communication has been so far through the internet and phone.

I have put communication between us on hold for now; wanted to sort myself out first before I do her more emotional harm. She does not want to understand, she is very hurt by it but I think it is better for both of us.I feel as bad as she does but you can't be in a relationship to please the other person. I have told her directly and indirectly to control her feelings towards me but it is like just talking to the deaf.

Please how do you think I should manage this situation and not get anybody hurt; me inclusive.

Beauty is not everything. But when you truly luv someone, you love their whole being. From head to toes including their imperfections. In your case, you luv her but you are not attracted to her. Well end it right now mate cus you aren't doing her any favour by marrying her. None whatsoever.


Let her find someone who thinks she's fantastic in every shape and form which obviously isn't you. Trust me no matter how bad she looks to you, there are many guys
out there who will find her physically attractive. Although U have mentioned a few of her great qualities, in your eyes thats not enough to substain you. To spend your life with someone, their whole being should be appealing to you.


In answer to you question, I have no ideal how you're gonna handle this but read my advice above and think twice, infact wait, there will be many more great advices from nairalanders. But can a marriage last without attraction? The answer is a resounding NO! I guess it would be fair to say that you could get along well cus she has a lot you're looking for in a wife. But the main question is, will you stay with her if you find someone you're physical attracted to tommorrow?

Guy you can never have all you want in a single woman. Depending on your priorities. I have seen people who wouldnt mind living with the devil all in the name she is beautiful. While others place more priorities on the person`s person. Search your mind very well and you will know who you want for a wify.

Men dats bad. i get your point.
You did the right fin, its better you let go before she gets too emotionally involved.

@Poster,
Imagine diz; A beautiful wife and an unhappy home and a not so beautiful wif and a very happy home! To me it's always bin character. ^{buh dat one no min say she go worwor o}

Op you should know that beauty is skin deep,and like someone said you can't have it all.

rokiatu:

Beauty is not everything. But when you truly luv someone, you love their whole being. From head to toes including their imperfections. In your case, you luv her but you are not attracted to her. Well end it right now mate cus you aren't doing her any favour by marrying her. None whatsoever.


Let her find someone who thinks she's fantastic in every shape and form which obviously isn't you. Trust me no matter how bad she looks to you, there are many guys
out there who will find her physically attractive. Although U have mentioned a few of her great qualities, in your eyes thats not enough to substain you. To spend your life with someone, their whole being should be appealing to you.


In answer to you question, I have no ideal how you're gonna handle this but read my advice above and think twice, infact wait, there will be many more great advices from nairalanders. But can a marriage last without attraction? The answer is a resounding NO! I guess it would be fair to say that you could get along well cus she has a lot you're looking for in a wife. But the main question is, will you stay with her if you find someone you're physical attracted to tommorrow?

100%

searching for a life mate means you will have to compromise on somethings. Its better to have someone who will treat you like you should be treated than to be with someone who is nothing but a trophy to you. In the long run beauty fades and when it fades its permanent. When that happens what will you do then?

U are doing the right tin man just go ahead n complete d breakup. As rokiatu said u won't b doing her any favours if u marry her so say adios n hope for d best.

rokiatu:

Beauty is not everything. But when you truly luv someone, you love their whole being. From head to toes including their imperfections. In your case, you luv her but you are not attracted to her. Well end it right now mate cus you aren't doing her any favour by marrying her. None whatsoever.


Let her find someone who thinks she's fantastic in every shape and form which obviously isn't you. Trust me no matter how bad she looks to you, there are many guys
out there who will find her physically attractive. Although U have mentioned a few of her great qualities, in your eyes thats not enough to substain you. To spend your life with someone, their whole being should be appealing to you.


In answer to you question, I have no ideal how you're gonna handle this but read my advice above and think twice, infact wait, there will be many more great advices from nairalanders. But can a marriage last without attraction? The answer is a resounding NO! I guess it would be fair to say that you could get along well cus she has a lot you're looking for in a wife. But the main question is, will you stay with her if you find someone you're physical attracted to tommorrow?

I completely agree with Rokiatu

End it! She sounds like she could be a great friend - but the wife/husband connection needs more than emotional attraction/attachment

Never knew you people can be this civil in your responses, thanks alot for the advice.

"To spend your life with someone, their whole being should be appealing to you."

"But the main question is, will you stay with her if you find someone you're physical attracted to tomorrow?"

@Rokiatu ------ Thank you very much, you just summarized my fears in those two sentences.

@iice ------ It is more of her face than her body; I better say here that she is not an ugly person, she is a normal/plain looking lady.

I suggest you remain friends with her either way. maybe eventually, you may become more and more attracted to her. otherwise, you have found yourself a good friend at least.

Dont make hasty decisions.Marriage is for life so take your time to find a woman with the right combination of characteristics that you desire.It maybe hard but its not impossible.Just be positive and patient.

Perhaps she is compromising on you as well, maybe she doesn't fine you so easy to her eyes but she sees more in u behind that, i think u should do her a favor and just be friends, but also u could be missing out on a great person.

The truth is down the line, the beauty of all women fades.
That hottie at 24yrs will not be looking so hot when she is 65yrs with saggy bosoms, stretchmarks from child birth, possible weight gain etc.
After all the years together, character is what will stand the test of time.

But, if shes not really what you want in a wife, you did the right thing!
It is better than to marry her and when you are not content, you will eventually go out seeking what your wife lacks.

u are doing the rt thing do not manage anybody especially for marriage.someone said she would make a good friend i think you should keep it that way.

Do explain to her your reasons for pulling out that way she will get over the hurt.

Since u started with an emotional rship, forget that she will ever be a good friend. She is hurt and she wont want to be close to u as a friend.You have been wit some1 for 3mths during which u tried to see if u wuld see d beauty but u didnt eventually see it while she was looking as u as a lover and not a friend. U now think it will be easy to keep a platonic rship? nope
The person that said u shld be friends, she wuld not take it either.
My advise is if u r not attracted to her, u can let go finally. stop keeping in touch wit her. u can do ds by changing ur number cos she may try to be calling you.
But next time, u dnt waste time like that. u saw her pix early so u culd hv made ur decision long time ahead.
Let me also tell u dat ds lady may not look good in pix but whn u see face 2face, u mayb surprise. I saw a guy like dat who told me that he doesnt look nice in pic but whn i saw him, he was very sweet.
So the ball is in ur court

....