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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Religion / Islam for Muslims / Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk (172235 Views)
Muslim Singles: Why Are You Not Married? / Advice To Muslim Singles / Muslim Singles Matching Service (MSMS) (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by tbaba1234: 6:03pm On Aug 22, 2013 |
Sissie: I'd probably withdraw. |
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by Wizeboy(m): 6:05pm On Aug 22, 2013 |
Sissie: It's not about priority oh, it's about how you take note of it in the other person oh. Religion is the priority, that we all can agree, level of religiousness is another thing LOL. Now I understand what you mean. Assuming you are to choose between the following 2 Muslim guys: The First guy is very religious, will always uplift your deed and can always help you in any religious matter BUT is not that handsome according to your standard; and The Second guy is just a Muslim, not really a practicing one, but everybody just know he is a Muslim (you understand the type of Muslim I am saying now) BUT he is handsome/cute according to your desire. Which one of the two guys will you go for? |
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by Sissie(f): 6:05pm On Aug 22, 2013 |
tbaba1234: We know all this, we are not talking about superficial expression. We are saying let's assume in an ideal muslimah, and she's not brainy will you go ahead. |
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by deols(f): 6:06pm On Aug 22, 2013 |
tbaba1234: But the behaviour part is one of the other things that could be considered. Going by your definition, we would say that Islam is a way of life and only the person who makes no mistake as they live day in day out fits your criteria. Which means they would be living like the prophet morning noon and night. With that , nothing else like those you listed above would be important. Your criterion becomes one. |
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by Sissie(f): 6:08pm On Aug 22, 2013 |
tbaba1234:Now you've answered the question, which brings to my next point. If that will probably make you withdraw, and we agree her deen is awesome, shouldn't you have checked that first? |
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by tbaba1234: 6:08pm On Aug 22, 2013 |
deols: Everyone makes mistakes, I am not talking of perfection. |
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by deols(f): 6:09pm On Aug 22, 2013 |
tbaba1234: Here lies the point. |
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by tbaba1234: 6:11pm On Aug 22, 2013 |
Sissie: No, hence the term 'probably'... I can manage to an extent but if it is really bad then id have to reconsider. I won't manage religion. |
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by deols(f): 6:17pm On Aug 22, 2013 |
Thank you Sissie for asking the questions. Sometimes it feels like some of us who talk with the whole of our mouth and especially wanting the good things are not the good enough Muslims. Fact is, we all want the same things. Now, let my goodu luking muscled man be an 'alfa' too. The super duper good looking, fun loving, sweet tajweed voiced, hard working, rich alfa. Yayy!!!! Ifallinlove ![]() ![]() |
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by Sissie(f): 6:18pm On Aug 22, 2013 |
tbaba1234:Exactly my point. I won't manage religion either, and even if it's a probably, there's still a probably. If I can turn someone down for probably lacking in that area, even when they are good Muslims, then it brings the question should it be the 1st thing you check, afterall we both agree it's what we won't manage. |
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by showietee: 6:19pm On Aug 22, 2013 |
Sissie: How important is looks when searching for a spouse. honest answer oh, tell us your own perspective.please don't turn it into preaching session!!!! Wanted to post a video on this but the bad server won't let me.... A person's beauty goes beyond the facial appearance... Inner beauty is the most important. Though we've been told by our dear prophet(s.a.w) to look at what the person looks like, but the look exceeds that. |
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by maclatunji: 6:19pm On Aug 22, 2013 |
Sissie: Let me explain better, for those who say religion is first, You let the person go and wish them well. |
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by Lalalaila(f): 6:19pm On Aug 22, 2013 |
deols: Sorry for the confusion, I did not express myself as well as i would have liked, trying to make too many points at once. Someone said earlier that most people pray five times etc so we all should tick the Muslim box....(not their exact words) my point is that there are many who do complete the basic requirements of the deen but only Allah knows how sincere they are and even within the Ummah people can be classed as Muslim, Mumin or Muhsin. So when looking for a spouse why look for the lowest level of faith? Look into their character, conduct and family to try to get a more comprehensive idea of how they practice in their faith. But at the same time One must ensure that their conduct and character can bear up against similar scrutiny. Don't set standards for others that you cannot stand up to! No, I meant the fiscal demands put upon potential spouses, Islam makes it simple, the meher should be something reasonable...be a monetary amount or a physical object but culture has eroded this principle, I don't know the Nigerian customs that tie into marriage but the cost of marrying in mine is almost prohibitive and is driving may of our indigenous brothers to marry outside (not that inter racial marriage is bad) Looking back into the sunnah has nothing to do with your prospective partner, I was just trying to urge all brothers and sisters who are contemplating marriage to learn about the fiqh of marriage, so that they will know what their rights, responsibilities and duties are according to the sunnah. We all think we know what marriage entails but when we look back into the sunnah the truth will blow your mind, and sadly many of us do not know what is required of us in our marital roles according to the sunnah. Akhlaq just means manners I can reccomend some great books as their is no way to cover it all in detail insha allah and i did not intend to offend anyone with my comments ![]() 1 Like |
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by Wizeboy(m): 6:21pm On Aug 22, 2013 |
deols: Thank you Sissie for asking the questions. Nice one! God will grant you and everyone of us our heart desire and wishes. |
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by tbaba1234: 6:22pm On Aug 22, 2013 |
We have to make compromises, that is why there is a priority list. |
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by deols(f): 6:24pm On Aug 22, 2013 |
Lala_laila: I thought so too. But you made it seem like it was something no one was already putting into consideration. I bet character is a no.1. And I have to agree again that no one knows who the mumin is. That is d reason gor my post about people whom everyone thinks is a Muslim from outside but cannot be related with by his family. Many of these people treat their wives like objects. So as for me, he could show up as being a knowledgeable Muslim. He could even be termed a sheikh or a philantropist. If he doesnt meet the other criteria, I wont be able to be his wife. Marriage is half of faith.I need to do that happily ![]() 1 Like |
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by tbaba1234: 6:25pm On Aug 22, 2013 |
Sissie: We all have a list of priorities, some more important than others. If a woman has the right Islam, then I can manage the brain If she has brains without islam, no way. |
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by tbaba1234: 6:31pm On Aug 22, 2013 |
deols: I don't seperate character from Islam, I want a character moulded by Islam. 1 Like |
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by deols(f): 6:40pm On Aug 22, 2013 |
Wizeboy: If our heart desires are bad n ko? May Allah grant us the best for this life and the hereafter. Amin. |
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by deols(f): 6:44pm On Aug 22, 2013 |
tbaba1234: But people dont have to be Muslims before having good characters and you cannot call someone who prays, fasts, does hajj and even participate in the jihad of fighting as not a Muslim because they lack some manners. I believe that put in the context of this discourse, character was meant to stand differently. If not, Islam would simply be defined as a way of life and anyone who lives the Islamic or prophetic life would be the only ones deemed to be called Muslims. |
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by showietee: 6:44pm On Aug 22, 2013 |
alot said... During working hour..... Hmmm..... Noted lot of em. |
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by Sissie(f): 6:46pm On Aug 22, 2013 |
Yes it's priority, but it's important to note my question isn't about priority. You meet a guy/girl you find yourself attracted to the person (beauty) You start talking and like the way the person thinks, or you think oh he's not too bad, not great but not a no no (brain), You got talking and find out more about his family and him (family). You observe how the person view the world and his personality, and you think great or not bad or its manageable (compatibility) And you think to your self this is nice, and you start looking at the person deeper, observing, look at their character, how they interact, ask him questions that has to do with Deen, and all that tbaba and lala-laila listed (religion) you are ok with it, great masha Allah, it's time to fix date. If your not ok with it you call it quit, and start looking for someone else. In this scenario, it doesn't mean religion isn't the most important, it's is the most important it's about how we look at it. 1 Like |
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by Lalalaila(f): 7:00pm On Aug 22, 2013 |
Sissie: Yes it's priority, but it's important to note my question isn't about priority. Very well said ![]() This said however, you can loose a lot of time this way too, everything else can be all great and might take some time to uncover and you get to the issue of deen and it all falls apart. a good way around this is to ask people who you trust and respect to recommend prospective suitors to you....This way you already have a reference so to speak and they know that your intentions are serious from the outset. |
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by Sissie(f): 7:04pm On Aug 22, 2013 |
In as much as we are concerned about the persons religion, you should be concerned for yours too. I.e as a woman, I like to think am smart, if I find his brain wanting its problem for me, what if he wants me to do something and I disobey him often because I think am smarter and my way is better, what if I don't find him attractive and find it hard to do my wifey duties, thereby commiting sins, just like the woman who asked for divorce from her husband because she was scared of commiting kufr, I too am scared of it. As a man it's easier to overlook so many things, if she gets fat, or loose herself, you can threaten her with marrying another wife, and you can even go ahead and do so, me I cant. I have to be submissive and I need to know he is someone I would submit to, the submitting becomes easier if I feel he's qualified to have. And of course he's religion extremely important, I don't want him bringing home money he made in riba ways. P.s I know men who started looking for second wives, because their wife couldn't keep them intellectually stimulated, and wasn't interested in things they liked. Even though their wife's were good/ok muslims. |
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by Sissie(f): 7:09pm On Aug 22, 2013 |
Lala_laila: True |
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by Lalalaila(f): 7:21pm On Aug 22, 2013 |
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by tbaba1234: 7:39pm On Aug 22, 2013 |
deols: Islam should impact behaviour too.. I am not talking about tagging a person non-muslim. The prophet said that he has come to perfect good manners (Ahmad and Al-Hakim) If as a muslim, you engage in haram business, I can not tag you a non muslim but I can have exceptions to it. The same applies to a muslim with a bad attitude. There is no way I can separate islam from manners because it is an expression of your islam. Ofcourse, no one is perfect. |
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by laykhorn(m): 7:56pm On Aug 22, 2013 |
Lala_laila: i know this is a little off topic but it covers it tooGBAM! Nice picture too. Absolutely complete dressing 1 Like |
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by tbaba1234: 8:02pm On Aug 22, 2013 |
Sissie: In as much as we are concerned about the persons religion, you should be concerned for yours too. I think a lot of adjustments/sacrifices have to be made by both in marriage. I can manage watching a silly show with my wife if that is what she enjoys, and if it gives us time to connect. And she would also think, I love the show too. I think, it is vital to have an amazing relationship with your wife, it would save your deen. I hope to take annual vacations with my wife to random places just to spice things up. It is hard work on both sides. And yes, sometimes I would think your idea is stupid but as much as possible, important decisions have to be made together. That said, I expect support if I go against what you think. |
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by Lalalaila(f): 8:18pm On Aug 22, 2013 |
Sissie: In as much as we are concerned about the persons religion, you should be concerned for yours too. very true. the issue about plural marriage is reaching epidemic proportions. Men see the fact that they can marry up to four times as an inalienable right when this is simply not true!! there are strict conditions attached to it and their consequences are very serious. It is very difficult for any man to fulfill the rights of one wife let alone more but they don't seem to consider this at all. this also links back to my earlier point about knowing the figh of marriage. Not many sisters know that they can stipulate in their marriage contract that their husband cannot marry another wife without her consent, or in fact say that such an action would invalidate their marriage. As for disobeying your husband the likelihood of this can be avoided by marrying a man who you respect and is your intellectual, cultural and social equal as was recommended by the prophet peace be upon him. |
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by Sissie(f): 8:20pm On Aug 22, 2013 |
tbaba1234: True, it's important to have an amazing relationship, hmm I always said that too, that I hope to take annual vacations, so we can have just "us time" too. I don't like the word hard work!!! LOL I remember once saying this to you, about not wanting it to sound like so much work LOL. Well many men don't know that they should make important decisions together with their wife. May Allah (SWT) make it easy for us. |
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by Sissie(f): 8:22pm On Aug 22, 2013 |
Lala_laila: So true. At bolded that is my point, reducing that likelihood is important, compromising has a limit. |
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