tbaba1234:

When i say pre marital affairs, i mean boyfriend-girlfriend affair.. You are either married or you are not. In Surah maidah, Allah says (rough translation):

Today all good things have been made lawful for you. The food of the People of the Book is lawful for you as your food is lawful for them. So are chaste, believing, women as well as chaste women of the people who were given the Scripture before you, as long as you have given them their bride-gifts and married them, not taking them as lovers or secret mistresses. The deeds of anyone who rejects faith will come to nothing, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers. (Surah 5:5)

Also in Surah Nisa

If any of you does not have the means to marry a believing free woman, then marry a believing slave– God knows best [the depth of] your faith: you are [all] part of the same family – so marry them with their people’s consent and their proper bride-gifts. [Make them] married women, not adulteresses or lovers..... (Surah 4:25)

A relationship outside the confines of marriage is essentially haram. If you meet someone and there is a mutual attraction. You do it the right way. He informs your family. You do not get too cozy by exchanging text messages and calls. You do it the right way. If he is serious, he 'd contact your guardian.

Before making a decision to marry this person, you guys can have conversations in the presence of your mahram (guardian), not locked up in a room. The guardian doesn't have to sit on the same table with you; basically your conversation has to be in an open area. This is a very important point and you should take advantage by finding out as much as you can about your potential spouse. Ask the tough questions and see how you both get along in conversations. Is he comfortable with your aspirations? What does he look for in a wife?

You can meet multiple times if needed but all in the presence of a guardian ; After this, you make a decision whether you want him as a husband, he also decides whether he wants you as a wife. When there is an agreement, you start making plans for marriage

"Do not prevent them from marrying their husbands when they agree between themselves in a lawful manner." [Noble Quran 2:232]

The Prophet said, "Whenever a man is alone with a woman the Devil makes a third."

Hadith - Sahih Bukhari, Book 25, Number 5403, Narrated Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-'As

Marriage is difficult, there is no guarantee it will work; but if you have two people that believe in and love Allah.. Then no matter what happens you know that the rights of the other will not be violated

i agree wv evrthn posted. No bf-gf relationships? Fine.am not arguing that.

But u said somfn about them avn conversations before deciding to stay together. Do u av a term for that period? Wat do u call d time btw d man seeing her, trying to talk her into accepting him and the period of marriage?

Does she get to have feelings for him at this time or are u saying havn such feeling is haram?

maclatunji:

I am afraid I have you in a tight corner. We Muslims are to love our brothers and sisters and that should be enough for us/you. So how can you say you don't love your Muslim brother at all? You need to check that even if I understand what you are trying to say.

if u dont want to understand love in d context that I mean it, so be it. Am trying to av a conversation here and not win an arguement. Am sure u understand that the conversation doesnt av to be wv u.

maclatunji:

By the way, if your question is based on a real person, I suggest you let that person be at least until you have a change of mindset on the issue.

u'r asking if it is based on a real person? I dont think it has to be before ur advice might be worthwhile.maybe I shld put it better and ask what you would do if you were in that situation? And I ddnt mention a mindset or did I

olawalebabs:
What i meant by that post is that after committing everything to Allah and you have put in your best, yet she is not looking at your side, just let it go. you dont win always

I agree wv u 100per cent. No one likes stalkers. And everyone has their honor to keep

deols:

if u dont want to understand love in d context that I mean it, so be it. Am trying to av a conversation here and not win an arguement. Am sure u understand that the conversation doesnt av to be wv u.

Fair enough, I am only pointing out my observations based on our conversation. Whatever your definition of love is, it does not change my point. I am answering you based on your comments. You described a good man (at least on the surface ) in your introduction of the topic and I expect that as a Muslim you would appreciate such qualities be you male or female. The lack of romantic love as you seek to present it can be overlooked in my humble opinion if the person has good intentions.

I am not seeking to win anything here, I am just vigorously presenting my opinions. I expect you to do the same and see no reason for you to take offence at my opinions. You don't have to agree with me and that is just fine. #Ayayayi #aweebitexasperated.

chei, cool down nah mallam, wetin yoruba girls do you sef? anyway, best wishes.

@ Muhammad Saheed,
chei, cool down nah mallam, wetin yoruba girls do you sef? anyway, best wishes.

muhammadsaheed: I need a muslim lady, young (23-25yrs), elegant, light in complexion, averagely built and prefarable from d north. Must have education or be in school. Please email muhammad_saheed@yahoo.com. I am ready for a serious relationship. I am in my late 20s, working and earning well, alhamdulillah.

this post is soo funny that's how most of my people see marriage, I mean they are ready to marry you the 1 rst day they set their eyes on you, no courting... single muslim ladies answer him lol

deols: wat d'u guys think of going into marriage without L.O.V.E

imagine a situation where
he is from a good home(most importnt Reason u'r considern it)

cute, and I mean it . Some other girls are after hm but u just arent too bothered about that

has a good career wv a future that appears bright

crazy about you and makes u aware of that

Muslim.doesnt do bad bad thns(or so u thnk) and prays five a day, fasts ramadan, etc

but u just arent feeling that way.

If u'r male, just change d he to she and d his to her nd tell me if u'd go for d relationship.

my answer will be yes I will married such man and I did. My husband and I were childhood neighbors, we were friend very close ones and everyone around us use to tease us. while growing up I never thought he had those kind of feelings toward me cause i just loved him like a sis loves a brother. when he told me the first time on his 18 th birthday I stopped talking to him, I was furious with him that he would be so selfish to destroy the friendship we had for some 'silly' love. I cut him off i blocked his email from my contacts and refused to answer his calls. But my mother being a wise woman made me see that What I was looking for had been answered longtime ago. Any way to cut the story short a year later I accepted his offer and I must tell you there has not been a day I wondered if I made the right decision. But then even as a young girl i always thought love was overrated just my 2 cents

^^ thanks sis. Dats exactly d kind of perspective I want on ds. In most cases, ds happens wv people uv known at some point in life. And for so many reasons, u thnk they wld at least be good to u.

In dat situation, u start thnkn, is Love really a prerequisite to the happy ever after?

deols:

i agree wv evrthn posted. No bf-gf relationships? Fine.am not arguing that.

But u said somfn about them avn conversations before deciding to stay together. Do u av a term for that period? Wat do u call d time btw d man seeing her, trying to talk her into accepting him and the period of marriage?

Does she get to have feelings for him at this time or are u saying havn such feeling is haram?

There is no term for that. Not more than a few months.

We are humans and have emotions so you might develop feelings for each other, perfectly natural. That is not haram. Getting into a premarital relationship is...

deols: ^^ thanks sis. Dats exactly d kind of perspective I want on ds. In most cases, ds happens wv people uv known at some point in life. And for so many reasons, u thnk they wld at least be good to u.

In dat situation, u start thnkn, is Love really a prerequisite to the happy ever after?

you welcome sis. you know I really don't think love is a prerequisite to the happy ever after. I have noticed that arranged marriages tend to last longer than those based on love in the beggining only. I think in AR marriages research is done by both parties before an agreement is made while in LM the parties involve are blinded with their feelings just for them to discover that what they thougth to be enough is not anymore. I personally don't believe that a person can love another without living with that person for sometimes. like they say love may be blind but it's not stupid unless it is lol

^Nice insights BahPulo, your husband did the right thing and it paid off. I would have said more but I had better not.

BahPulo:


my answer will be yes I will married such man and I did. My husband and I were childhood neighbors, we were friend very close ones and everyone around us use to tease us. while growing up I never thought he had those kind of feelings toward me cause i just loved him like a sis loves a brother. when he told me the first time on his 18 th birthday I stopped talking to him, I was furious with him that he would be so selfish to destroy the friendship we had for some 'silly' love. I cut him off i blocked his email from my contacts and refused to answer his calls. But my mother being a wise woman made me see that What I was looking for had been answered longtime ago. Any way to cut the story short a year later I accepted his offer and I must tell you there has not been a day I wondered if I made the right decision. But then even as a young girl i always thought love was overrated just my 2 cents

jazakAllahu khair, always nice to hear happy marital stories. I'm sure there's a lot to learn from your experiences. but you really scared the man. he must have been like "now I have to go and look for one stranger to marry, since I can't marry my friend".

BahPulo:

you welcome sis. you know I really don't think love is a prerequisite to the happy ever after. I have noticed that arranged marriages tend to last longer than those based on love in the beggining only. I think in AR marriages research is done by both parties before an agreement is made while in LM the parties involve are blinded with their feelings just for them to discover that what they thougth to be enough is not anymore. I personally don't believe that a person can love another without living with that person for sometimes. like they say love may be blind but it's not stupid unless it is lol

I agree with you ma, totally. but you see the kind of movies we are bombarded with; the titanic and co, all moulding our minds into confusion. pls what is AR and LM?

^Arranged Marriage and Love Marriage (Marriage based on "classic ' romantic love ). Methinks.

snubish:

jazakAllahu khair, always nice to hear happy marital stories. I'm sure there's a lot to learn from your experiences. but you really scared the man. he must have been like "now I have to go and look for one stranger to marry, since I can't marry my friend".

lol thanks but on a serious note I was really crossed i always thought he would come to me to help him find a wife and I did try by hooking him up with most of my cousins but he always declined. I never thought he was eyeing me that way it made me feel st**pid I did not realise I guess I was venting my lack of attention on him. also he has a high score in my mom books and you know what they say that's always a plus.

Yeah Macl is right AR= arranged marriages while LV= love, romance.... based marriages(especially in the begining). I'm not saying love is not important in a union but it is not a prerequisite for a successful marriage and sometimes the lack of it in the begining can even help the union survive longer cause those involve will investigate each other well before an agreement is made

maclatunji: ^Nice insights BahPulo, your husband did the right thing and it paid off. I would have said more but I had better not.

thanks

BahPulo: Yeah Macl is right AR= arranged marriages while LV= love, romance.... based marriages(especially in the begining). I'm not saying love is not important in a union but it is not a prerequisite for a successful marriage and sometimes the lack of it in the begining can even help the union survive longer cause those involve will investigate each other well before an agreement is made

My sister, this is what I have been saying on the subject. There are very few cases of "classic romantic " love based marriages that stand the test of time. Does this mean other people are doomed to unhappy marriages? No, but you have to be pragmatic and get happiness from wherever it comes and not necessarily from where you want it to come from.

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looking for a simple, understanding girl.
Chikena..

justaqad: looking for a simple, understanding girl.
Chikena..

You will not believe how complex that can be, although I pray that Allah makes it easy for everyone to find an appropriate spouse that they will be happy with.

Hmmm... very interesting thread, I read almost all the pages, though I am new in this section, it is the RAMADAN IFTAR that attracted me to this ISLAM Section of Nairaland (even though I have been on Nairaland for the past 2 years, with a different username, as I just register this one recently) but to be candid I have been missing a lot , within a little time spent here, I have learned a lot, thanks to everybody that as been upholding this section from Maclatunji, deol, mukina2, Bahpulo, snubish among among others. Almighty Allah will continue to bless you all!!!

brb to list the qualities of a woman I can marry... Insha Allahu

ASALAM ALAYKUM WARAMOTU LAHI WABARAKATUL my fellow Brothers and Sisters in Islam

^^^ Hope you will keep your latest username and be more frequent here.

olawalebabs: ^^^ Hope you will keep your latest username and be more frequent here.

Insha Allah, now that I have discovered this wonderful section, I will surely be spending most of my time here now... Its very educative here

Wa Alaykum Salam Wizeboy. Thank you for the kind words.

Salam, can a married person post a comment here?

chakula: Salam, can a married person post a comment here?

Absolutely, a few have already.

@ wizeboy, welcome to the Islam section, and to this long-living thread. there have been several persons making the thread tick really, u can see posts from zayhal the experienced one, amir ul nairaland: tbaba, ibrosauks who was sincere, self effacing, and ran away in a haste, and the efficient supermod; the big mac, to see wot i mean.

Ramadan kareem to everyone in advance. will mos def peep this thread after Ramadan. signing out!

snubish: @ wizeboy, welcome to the Islam section, and to this long-living thread. there have been several persons making the thread tick really, u can see posts from zayhal the experienced one, amir ul nairaland: tbaba, ibrosauks who was sincere, self effacing, and ran away in a haste, and the efficient supermod; the big mac, to see wot i mean.

Ramadan kareem to everyone in advance. will mos def peep this thread after Ramadan. signing out!

In short everybody on this Section has been doing great, I just mention a few I have read their comment as at that time. May Almighty Allah continue to showers His blessings and favour on everybody in this wonderful section.
Thanks.