^I like the humour in your No.2. So far, nobody has said anything beyond what one would normally expect. Probably except bhusayor talking about snoring which I am sure she can negotiate about if the man is good enough.

shrek4:

Almost a month.... We talked on BBM dis afternoon.. While I was tryna tell her communication is key, she felt I was complaining.. She can't do more than she is doing.. Weekend is d only period we can talk, she just doesn't want to talk jare... Me, I don let go oo...I will delete her off my BBM list in a week sha... She is suppose to meet me halfway, but she isn't ready to do that.. Perhaps she isn't ready for a relationship sef... Wish her luck... I moved on!

Its official; Am Single!

Thanks Deols!

hmmn! u'r welcome. Its good to know when to quit. It doesnt make her a bad person, u know. ANd I think u dont need to delete her off ur bbm list. I believe everything that happened is for the best.

bhusayor: I can not tolerate someone that snores ..

On a more serious note

abuse (physical or verbal)

Infidelity

no looking back....

how would u know he snores. u wld av to ask eh? sounds difficult

Salam everyone, I have some questions today which were triggered-off by things I have seen on TV and read in works of literature. There is the thing that a man and woman may be attracted to each other but can't seem to agree on anything- it is not like they are acting-out or faking the conflict, it just exists and people around them will be like "when are you guys going to be true to yourselves?" Now, the questions:

1. How/Why is this possible? If the attraction is mutual, why does conflict exist between the two?

2. Have you ever observed this in two people, what were your thoughts?

3. Do you think it is normal or it is rather a sign that there is something wrong with one or both of the two.

It is okay not to have all the answers but I would like other people's opinions, thank you.

There is a classic play that I think aptly describes the scenario I am talking about. Please read these excerpts from the commentary of Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing:

The conflict between Beatrice and Benedick is the central element of the play, although it is sometimes seen as a subplot, being humorous and lacking the villainous interference that adds suspense to the story of Hero and Claudio. The two scorners of love are unquestionably the brightest and most vital characters in the play, and their lively battle of wits engages much of our attention. It is introduced before Claudio and Hero even meet, and Claudio's feebly motivated love at first sight has none of its appeal. The comic trap that brings the former foes together holds our interest in the second half of the play; the tale of the foolish Claudio and his passively victimized lover seems most important as the stimulus for the growing trust between Beatrice and Benedick, who are much more fully developed characters.

The gulf that at first separates Beatrice and Benedick is not created by any outside interference; rather, the lovers themselves have established it. We are immediately aware that they love. each other, despite their protestations to the contrary: in 1.1 Beatrice cannot refrain from asking after Benedick's fate in battle, though she affects scorn in doing so, and Benedick thinks first of Beatrice as a model with which to compare Hero (unfavorably) when he mocks Claudio's intention to marry. Beatrice and Benedick have apparently quarrelled in the past; she speaks of 'our last conflict' (1.1.59) and implies an earlier unhappy romance in 2.1.261-264. He is overly sensitive to her criticism, declaring himself unable to abide her company in 2.1.257-258. These hints lead us to believe that both parties are trying to protect themselves against a repetition of their previous unhappiness.

Thus their relationship develops in a way that makes it stirringly real. When Don Pedro's plot makes them fall in love with each other, it seems entirely appropriate and their responses are convincing. Each, once convinced of the other's love, accepts affection and reciprocates it. Their reactions are both comical and humanly touching, as they half-heartedly attempt to disguise their new feelings with transparent complaints of toothache (3.2.20) and head cold (3.4.40). When their friends tease them, we feel a pleasurable sense of escape, seeing on stage, at a safe distance, a kind of foolishness to which we ourselves might be susceptible.

http://hudsonshakespeare.org/Shakespeare%20Library/Commentaries/comm_much_ado.htm

I am fascinated by this phenomenon at the moment.

mac, se i told u u operate on a different frequency? how many people do u think will be able to follow dis your post? and who even reads Shakespeare in naija save literature students. man mi, bone story.

i observed dat deols attracts males like bees and honey. is this psychic, like projecting your real life persona adequately into cyberspace, or is it dat the other ladies don,t show up, has she put a picture up somewhere? cos i know we men are very visual. peeps should relax and not take this thing too seriously. it,s hard enough managing relationships in real face to face contact.

mac, i think urself and deols have contrasting personalities; what u have in common is intelligence. i,m not insinuating anything o. contrasts just remind me of the divine union between the messenger of Allah(peace be upon him) who was naturally melancholy, and the choleric/sanguine red lady; Aisha(may Allah be pleased with her). ma salaam.

Whispering
Deols n Mac

snubish: mac, se i told u u operate on a different frequency? how many people do u think will be able to follow dis your post? and who even reads Shakespeare in naija save literature students. man mi, bone story.

I didnt read d story either. such stories bore the hell outta me

i observed dat deols attracts males like bees and honey. is this psychic, like projecting your real life persona adequately into cyberspace, or is it dat the other ladies don,t show up, has she put a picture up somewhere? cos i know we men are very visual. peeps should relax and not take this thing too seriously. it,s hard enough managing relationships in real face to face contact.

well, am just me but when peeps see me on the outside , they'r like seriously?

mac, i think urself and deols have contrasting personalities; what u have in common is intelligence. i,m not insinuating anything o. contrasts just remind me of the divine union between the messenger of Allah(peace be upon him) who was naturally melancholy, and the choleric/sanguine red lady; Aisha(may Allah be pleased with her). ma salaam.

dont even bring up any unfounded theory . Am not a kid and if I was attracted to anyone, I'd do it straight and serious. which kind contrasting persona are u talking about. pulease, dont lemme talk too much

Dyt: Whispering
Deols n Mac

stop it!

snubish: mac, se i told u u operate on a different frequency? how many people do u think will be able to follow dis your post? and who even reads Shakespeare in naija save literature students. man mi, bone story.

i observed dat deols attracts males like bees and honey. is this psychic, like projecting your real life persona adequately into cyberspace, or is it dat the other ladies don,t show up, has she put a picture up somewhere? cos i know we men are very visual. peeps should relax and not take this thing too seriously. it,s hard enough managing relationships in real face to face contact.

mac, i think urself and deols have contrasting personalities; what u have in common is intelligence. i,m not insinuating anything o. contrasts just remind me of the divine union between the messenger of Allah(peace be upon him) who was naturally melancholy, and the choleric/sanguine red lady; Aisha(may Allah be pleased with her). ma salaam.

Calm down dude, I know that my questions seem like a veiled reference to me and deols but they aren't. I was watching something on Youtube and the theme emanated from it, I have my opinions (although not totally formed) on the subject. I wanted to read what other people think about it. Hence, I posted here, my other alternative would have been to post it in the romance section and that is not a place that I feel I will get the best value from this topic. I have said it before: I will not post here just to please deols and I will not refrain from posting here not to offend deols (although there is no reason to be offended over this). The easy thing to do would have been not to post this to avoid the conclusion(s) you are drawing from it but that will be unfair to me, why should I inhibit my freedom of expression over what I don't see as a big deal? You guys don't know half of me so many of your conclusions may be wrong.

Now, people answer my questions, or is that too much to ask for?

wat was d question again?
summarize abeg, me no fit read dat thing

it seems i have miss alot. *reading through the thread from where he stop*

Dyt: wat was d question again?
summarize abeg, me no fit read dat thing

Two people (male/female) are always fighting, but everybody else says they are in love. Note, the fight is real, they are not pretending.

1. How/Why is this possible? If the attraction is mutual as people say, why does conflict exist between the two?

2. Have you ever observed this in two people, what were your thoughts?

3. Do you think it is normal or it is rather a sign that there is something wrong with one or both of them.

And no references to me or deols please, these are general questions over a trend that I have observed outside of my personal experiences.

*clear throat after reading the thread* Mac, don't bring your 'journalistic' features here, answer those questions yourself and we go follow you

@mac, kindly pardon my being presumptuous, no harm meant really.

to answer your question; i,ve not experienced dat kinda scenario before. looks more like a book/media kinda tin. but were it to happen in life, it may be like cos opposites attract(u,re fascinated wit what u don,t have or are not familiar with), then after the initial attraction, they start having these intense conflicts frequently cos they were opposites to start wit. from there, they can move ahead by resolving, or they just each go their way with mutual resentment.

@deols, u need to calm down, like seriously. u,re d bomb, but quit blowing ur top online. and i,m yet to meet a really intelligent woman that is beautiful, those gifts just don,t seem to go together but there are always exceptions.

snubish: @mac, kindly pardon my being presumptuous, no harm meant really.

to answer your question; i,ve not experienced dat kinda scenario before. looks more like a book/media kinda tin. but were it to happen in life, it may be like cos opposites attract(u,re fascinated wit what u don,t have or are not familiar with), then after the initial attraction, they start having these intense conflicts frequently cos they were opposites to start wit. from there, they can move ahead by resolving, or they just each go their way with mutual resentment.

@deols, u need to calm down, like seriously. u,re d bomb, but quit blowing ur top online. and i,m yet to meet a really intelligent woman that is beautiful, those gifts just don,t seem to go together but there are always exceptions.

@bolded, I am thinking. Hmmm... stunningly beautiful and incredibly brilliant is indeed very hard to come by.

Thank you for trying to answer my questions. I am beginning to think that such conflict arises as a result of either a clash of characters or a distortion of facts. For example, if you saw someone throwing a stone at your direction, for a few milliseconds, you would think they wanted to harm you but if that stone does not hit you and you turn round to see that it has hit a man who was about to stab you from the back, you would be eternally grateful, wouldn't you?

Now for those milliseconds, the facts were distorted. Hence, you would normally hate the person throwing the stone at you. However, by the time you realised what really happened, that perception of the person would change. I hope you get my analogy.

As for clash of characters, I am not sure I fully understand that, if a man and woman's different characters induce conflict between them, how can that contain love? I know it does for a few people, but I find it hard to understand or explain. Sorry my people for jumping into psychology, I just couldn't resist.

More opinions are welcome because I believe this spills into some marriages too. You see that they both acknowledge that they love each other but cannot find a way to live together without conflict and some end-up divorcing. I think this phenomenon is worth considering and understanding.

Ok Mac
Let me ansa on my past experiences
I only raise alarm if I am givin dat man attention and he doesn't luk my way, it burns me so much dat I turn everyth to fights, jst 4 him 2 listen 2 me.
Dunno d kind of conflicts u mean tho bt dats mine. And if d fights are constant, den I relax n likely take a walk

^OK, although that is not exactly what I mean but you have opened another window of discussion which is the fact that people can induce conflict with someone they are interested in just to get their attention. Do you guys think it is a good idea or worthwhile to do this? Personally, the most I can do is to tease and I would let the person know I am teasing them if I see that they are getting angry or offended.

Mine is nt 4 tease o
Infact I will so cry till he listens 2 me
Den afta few mins, I am lyk, baby, u angry?
And dats it

snubish: @mac, kindly pardon my being presumptuous, no harm meant really.

to answer your question; i,ve not experienced dat kinda scenario before. looks more like a book/media kinda tin. but were it to happen in life, it may be like cos opposites attract(u,re fascinated wit what u don,t have or are not familiar with), then after the initial attraction, they start having these intense conflicts frequently cos they were opposites to start wit. from there, they can move ahead by resolving, or they just each go their way with mutual resentment.

@deols, u need to calm down, like seriously. u,re d bomb, but quit blowing ur top online. and i,m yet to meet a really intelligent woman that is beautiful, those gifts just don,t seem to go together but there are always exceptions.

eh, dont get me started pls and why dont u stop being d shrink for a while?

your opinion of me doesnt count. you can start talking straight, I already know u sabi English.

Dyt: Ok Mac
Let me ansa on my past experiences
I only raise alarm if I am givin dat man attention and he doesn't luk my way, it burns me so much dat I turn everyth to fights, jst 4 him 2 listen 2 me.
Dunno d kind of conflicts u mean tho bt dats mine. And if d fights are constant, den I relax n likely take a walk

seriously? Think I wld die in silence instead.

@ topic being discussed, I just find it weird that u'd act bad towards someone u love. It doesnt fit my definition/imagination of what love entails.

^Allow me to say you still have fairy tale imaginations of what love is and what it entails. By the way, conflict in the context of the topic I have raised does not mean either or both parties seek to act badly to each other, it is just that for some reason they probably can't explain they don't get along. However, third parties observing them would say or think: "they are in love".

The Shakespeare story is the best I can come-up with at the moment, if I find another one, I will use it.

fairytale thoughts or not, my idea of love remains conflict free. I bet the people in question, wu'v bn attributn d conflict to mean love are people wu's thot process is influenced by the types of book u'r talkn about. that sounds more like a fairy tale. dont u thnk?

^Errrrr, no. Maybe we should ask other people. People, do you think that love is always smooth and leaves no room for conflict. In other words, when you love someone, there is no way you can be in conflict with them.

I expected a little deeper thought to what I said. I ddnt mean totally conflict free but free of it in the way u meant it.i.e, never getting along...I rest my case on this.

Smtyms it jst goes smoothly dat u feel everyth is goin gd and few tyms, it goes rili bad dat u neva wish 4 d moments.
Bt I remembered a guy I dated 4 a long tym I didn't jst c any fault in him, we neva kip grudges for 2hrs, it wz all so smooth bt I ended up bein fed up

Dyt: Smtyms it jst goes smoothly dat u feel everyth is goin gd and few tyms, it goes rili bad dat u neva wish 4 d moments.
Bt I remembered a guy I dated 4 a long tym I didn't jst c any fault in him, we neva kip grudges for 2hrs, it wz all so smooth bt I ended up bein fed up

LOL, the lack of a serious conflict actually became the conflict- that is just classic.

deols: I expected a little deeper thought to what I said. I ddnt mean totally conflict free but free of it in the way u meant it.i.e, never getting along...I rest my case on this.

Awwwww, forgive me for not reading your mind. I strongly believe you're capable of expressing yourself adequately hence I took you at your word.

In any case, you have made it clear severally that your mind is not to be read without the high risk of misunderstanding you. So, it is not my fault, I am only following your guidelines.

@dyt; good to hear a honest confession. but it,s not fair sha, why did u confuse the brother now. u know men think in a straight line like: if she really digs me - why is she getting mad at me all the time - i better give her some space. we would prefer a lady who fancies us to just approach us casually and initiate a conversation like for example "i,m just curious, who are you closer to? your mum or your dad? why? bla, bla, bla. most men would take a cue from there.
are u one of those ladies who think it,s boring when there,s no conflict? believe me conflicts are only interesting at the initial stages, when U start paying bills, feeding kids, and building a career, u would be praying for quiet time.

@deols; yes ma, will stop playing the shrink then #smiling mischievously

ma salaam.

May I know what has induced your mischievous smile?