22rockbottom:
I was actually rude about the confrontation. I was angry and below is why I was angry.

Both my in-laws came to our house, though I knew they were coming but I wasn't cool with it because they were with us last year December/January this year then now. My wife knew I wasn't cool with it but she never cares. We were both sleeping on the same bed but weren't talking. We had an issue one night and she went to report me to her parents, but her parents never call me to ask for my side of the story. That made me more angry so I left the house in the middle of the night. Guess what, I was away for 2nights and both my wife and my in-laws were not bother. They didn't even call. That made me more furious. So I spoke to her rudely.

Note: My wife is a sweet soul without the influence of her mother.

So what do you intend to do now?

She was right to leave,you ignored the red flag even during relationship and your early marriage!!
Most times we don't want to lose our partner during relationship so we play cold and ignored some red flags.

Now you have disrespected her mother which something you have not done in 11yrs,what do you expect.

Time for you to.bring another woman, otherwise stay single and enjoyed your. Life.

ogbe88:
This lady is always on point.

Thanks for the compliments

MrBrownJay1:


in my world, its the power of the 3 Ms ...My house, My family, My rules... and mother in law is irrelevant to these rules!





IMHO it is too late... if wifey left the family home and sided with her mother, after letting this madness go for so long, then there is not much that can be done. you cant let someone run loose for so long and after 11 yrs (of being broken) try to change that person's ways. she is more comfortable (in that marriage) listening to her mother than listen to you, thus why she left. if after 11yrs together, your wife puts more value on what her MOTHER says than what you say, then you might as well move on! this woman obvioulsy has no respect for her man or what he says/stands for.

So in your opinion if something wrong or bad is or has happened for long , we therefore shouldn't try to change it cos it been happening for long. Bros no matter how long evil may abound it shouldn't remain .

Hmmm ... after 11 years of marriage. Bro..... didn't you see this coming while dating? ... how can you go ahead and marry ... and be waiting for 11 years hoping for a change? I guess you now realize you're wearing the wrong pants .... the mother is wearing the pants you're supposed to be wearing and you are wearing the ehmmm ..... wrong pants. Too late to claim it ... let the wife go...... don't ask for her to return ... don't try to communicate .... put up a strong face as if you're glad to get rid of the burden ... go out more than usual.... she will come begging back ... then you lay down the rules and kick her out the first time she breaks any one ... in short.... be a man.

22rockbottom:
Good Evening,

I got married 11years ago, my mother in-law has always in the picture of everything in our home and has total control of my wife. My wife cannot object anything she says even when I, as her husband challenged it. 90% of the major issues we had as a couple were caused by my mother in-law. After 11years, I decided to confront her to stop controlling her daughter and stop interfering in our marriage and home. I confronted her and my wife left the house. Her reason for leaving the house is that I disrespected her family.

more details later

When your wife finally come to the realization that she has her own life to live, she will go back to her own home.
Hopefully, by then it is not too late.

22rockbottom:
I was actually rude about the confrontation. I was angry and below is why I was angry.

Both my in-laws came to our house, though I knew they were coming but I wasn't cool with it because they were with us last year December/January this year then now. My wife knew I wasn't cool with it but she never cares. We were both sleeping on the same bed but weren't talking. We had an issue one night and she went to report me to her parents, but her parents never call me to ask for my side of the story. That made me more angry so I left the house in the middle of the night. Guess what, I was away for 2nights and both my wife and my in-laws were not bother. They didn't even call. That made me more furious. So I spoke to her rudely.

Note: My wife is a sweet soul without the influence of her mother.

Is your wife their only child or what? Even though, Na WA!
They've taken over your home.
Such a shame.

22rockbottom:
I was actually rude about the confrontation. I was angry and below is why I was angry.

Both my in-laws came to our house, though I knew they were coming but I wasn't cool with it because they were with us last year December/January this year then now. My wife knew I wasn't cool with it but she never cares. We were both sleeping on the same bed but weren't talking. We had an issue one night and she went to report me to her parents, but her parents never call me to ask for my side of the story. That made me more angry so I left the house in the middle of the night. Guess what, I was away for 2nights and both my wife and my in-laws were not bother. They didn't even call. That made me more furious. So I spoke to her rudely.

Note: My wife is a sweet soul without the influence of her mother.

I am confused. You said her mom interferes and in the cause of your issue, they chose not to interfere and you left home because of that and expected them to call you. You are contradicting yourself Oga.

GboyegaD:


I am confused. You said her mom interferes and in the cause of your issue, they chose not to interfere and you left home because of that and expected them to call you. You are contradicting yourself Oga.

The first thing a male needs to master before marriage is emotional mastery. Once a man defaults in it, he makes himself a nusiance in a relationship. A woman may misbehave occassionally, that's where the abundance of the emotional control a man has ought to shine.. In this case the woman is even the more mature party.


What a shame

22rockbottom:
Good Evening,

I got married 11years ago, my mother in-law has always in the picture of everything in our home and has total control of my wife. My wife cannot object anything she says even when I, as her husband challenged it. 90% of the major issues we had as a couple were caused by my mother in-law. After 11years, I decided to confront her to stop controlling her daughter and stop interfering in our marriage and home. I confronted her and my wife left the house. Her reason for leaving the house is that I disrespected her family.

more details later

After 11 years?

It's too late to be a man now

The mother in-law already believes she is in charge. I know she is earning well n even better than you n supportive with bills hence your tolerance but this is at the core of your manhood. You gave in for too long, so trying to change it now may result in the end. So decide what you want

22rockbottom:
Good Evening,

I got married 11years ago, my mother in-law has always in the picture of everything in our home and has total control of my wife. My wife cannot object anything she says even when I, as her husband challenged it. 90% of the major issues we had as a couple were caused by my mother in-law. After 11years, I decided to confront her to stop controlling her daughter and stop interfering in our marriage and home. I confronted her and my wife left the house. Her reason for leaving the house is that I disrespected her family.

more details later

It took me 15 years to chase mine away. Ever since, I live happily ever after. I thought I should have done this earlier. I will advise anyone not to entertain that bullshit from day one. It is your wife that owes you an apology.

Reference:
■ Well it cuts both ways. Will any woman like to marry the in-laws, the man's 'domineering' family as well.....

OP revealed on page 4 that it wasn't in fact that his in-laws were domineering. He acted irrationally. Notice how he didn't update his OP to include his update?

Karemarealty288:
■ She is enjoying it now, cos she is the only one amongst her four sisters still in her marriage.

Enjoying or enduring?

Real men don't waste time in correcting things like this. How could you allow her to manifest this evil for Eleven years.

Are you a SIMP?

22rockbottom:
Good Evening,

I got married 11years ago, my mother in-law has always in the picture of everything in our home and has total control of my wife. My wife cannot object anything she says even when I, as her husband challenged it. 90% of the major issues we had as a couple were caused by my mother in-law. After 11years, I decided to confront her to stop controlling her daughter and stop interfering in our marriage and home. I confronted her and my wife left the house. Her reason for leaving the house is that I disrespected her family.

more details later

Brother thank your God she has left, rebuild your life without her, you don't know what God has done for you.

drsibz66:
So in your opinion if something wrong or bad is or has happened for long , we therefore shouldn't try to change it cos it been happening for long. Bros no matter how long evil may abound it shouldn't remain .

bro, you gotta put everything in the balance... do you really want to spend the time/energy AFTER 11 WASTED YEARS, to try teach this old dog how to bark (while that same dog has been "miaowing" like a cat all these years)? because remember, you will have to 1st completely remove all the yeye virus nonsense (lack of respect, lack of husband/family value, lack of understanding, disregard for your authority etc etc) that has been inbedded in the dog's brain for 11 years and thereafter try to input into that dog's brain the right OS that will make you live a peaceful married/family life (but thats only if the virus hasnt damaged nor corrupted the DNA of that dog for good). then you have to find a good antivirus that will protect the newly formatted dog brain from the MIL's attack to try to corrupt the dog brain again....this will take years. do you have that much time to waste, trying to teach this adult person how to be a caring/respectful/understanding human being? AND/OR isnt it better to just get rid of that rabid dog (and its mother) for good, count your blessings and find a proper genuine dog with a virgin OS and simply input what you desire in that dog's brand new virgin brain?

GboyegaD:
■ I am confused. You said her mom interferes and in the cause of your issue, they chose not to interfere and you left home because of that and expected them to call you. You are contradicting yourself Oga.

You dey mind OP!

Notice how he didn't even see fit to update his OP with this confession of his. This is the pattern with a lot of these folks .

We all pray for long live and good health.

Kobojunkie:
Enjoying or enduring?

Face your life.........we are good down here....I can as well invite you to come down here to Edmonton and find out yourself.

Karemarealty288:
■ Face your life.........we are good down here.

WOW... Reality stings that bad!

She should go and ask her mother to be honest if she is still married and tell her how many times in-laws or family members have insulted her mother and if she left the marriage because of that? She is been naive.

MrBrownJay1:


bro, you gotta put everything in the balance... do you really want to spend the time/energy AFTER 11 WASTED YEARS, to try teach this old dog how to bark (while that same dog has been "miaowing" like a cat all these years)? because remember, you will have to 1st completely remove all the yeye virus nonsense (lack of respect, lack of husband/family value, lack of understanding, disregard for your authority etc etc) that has been inbedded in the dog's brain for 11 years and thereafter try to input into that dog's brain the right OS that will make you live a peaceful married/family life (but thats only if the virus hasnt damaged nor corrupted the DNA of that dog for good). then you have to find a good antivirus that will protect the newly formatted dog brain from the MIL's attack to try to corrupt the dog brain again....this will take years. do you have that much time to waste, trying to teach this adult person how to be a caring/respectful/understanding human being? AND/OR isnt it better to just get rid of that rabid dog (and its mother) for good, count your blessings and find a proper genuine dog with a virgin OS and simply input what you desire in that dog's brand new virgin brain?

Remember change is the only constant thing. It might be difficult but not seeking to change the status quo is the worse decision to make. Why... you might not get the desired results but at least there will be a reduction or some positive changes. If you continue to just let things be in the name of its too late things will only go worse.or remain the same.
Taking Nigeria as a case study, do we say since Nigeria is already bad and corruption there is no need or its too late to change the narrative ? NO.. we must continue to request for change and make our voices heard. You don't know its even the little protest Nd agitations here and there that has even kept this far. If the masses have just kept quite or nobody refused to say anything these positions by now would have had no control at all.

Back to this case at hand , the man's outburst will at least cause some changes even if its just one or two steps back by the inlaw. At least it will reduce

Divay22:

You think divorce is that easy abi
And what makes you so sure the other woman he would marry won't do more than this

Divorce is as easy as ABC.
Bia you ladies should learn how to advise your fellow ladies instead of mentioning guys online. God knows I wouldn’t tolerate such disrespect.

madridguy:
Bro leave story. There's nothing spiritual about someone liking her mother.

Nothing wrong with loving her mother.. But to simply leave her 11 years old marital territory because hubby confronted the mother for interfering is very questionable.

This questionable part is what I wish to discuss only with a matured objective mind.

That someone is your mother/father doesn't automatically makes all their decisions right.. They can make mistakes too and as well be corrected by others.

Only low budget gen zee children will see this scenario as cool move.

He has the sole right to man over his marital territory and not to be subjected to the control of another man let alone a woman.

I only blame him for not swinging to actions fons et origo. He only suffered needlessly all these years.

22rockbottom:
Good Evening,

I got married 11years ago, my mother in-law has always in the picture of everything in our home and has total control of my wife. My wife cannot object anything she says even when I, as her husband challenged it. 90% of the major issues we had as a couple were caused by my mother in-law. After 11years, I decided to confront her to stop controlling her daughter and stop interfering in our marriage and home. I confronted her and my wife left the house. Her reason for leaving the house is that I disrespected her family.

more details later

You didn't do this on time... I challenged my own MIL the first day she tried to take charge... She resorted to manipulation and I started preaching to my wife the gimmicks and she was seeing the traps clearly. I finally pushed her to defend her family against intruders like her MIL. She got the message perfectly did that, the mum saw that I have installed some sense in her daughter and came to attack me directly, I fired her back. So she is now using all available methods to try to control her daughter again... Am even suspecting jazz. I don't know what these MIL looks for in young home after living there own life to the full. They want to use there damaged brain to make a new home miserable. Now, she avoids me but pretends in public. I want to start monitoring her with spy cameras because I still give her the leverage to access my own any time she likes but the fear of unknown is keeping her at arms length. Anytime I travel, she will sneak in, but I will start monitoring her soon.

22rockbottom:
Good Evening,

I got married 11years ago, my mother in-law has always in the picture of everything in our home and has total control of my wife. My wife cannot object anything she says even when I, as her husband challenged it. 90% of the major issues we had as a couple were caused by my mother in-law. After 11years, I decided to confront her to stop controlling her daughter and stop interfering in our marriage and home. I confronted her and my wife left the house. Her reason for leaving the house is that I disrespected her family.

more details later

Marriage matters seldom get REQUIRED inputs from social media . But if you would feel satisfied with the diverse responses... I wish you well ..

That institution has a creator , the manual is somewhat available, but we often tend to shy away from it . The number of years you have been in it doesn't really matter ..

Ask God for directions in your home. Ensure you do your part diligently, standing your ground can be done in humility.... There is a standard thats required by the author of marriage..


All the best !

Bros we don't need to throw jab at each other for having different opinion over a mere issue. I will stand on my position, nothing spiritual about the whole stuff.

The OP mistake was not setting boundary in earlier days of their union. Is he just waking up after 11 years in their marriage?

Let me share a story with you.

There's this friend of a friend of mine, when they had their first born, his mother came to support the wife, after a while, the wife told the guy he should let her mother return back to her base that she can now take care of the baby alone. The husband talk to his mother and the mama left.
After a while the wife took in for their second child, the pregnancy was still in the earlier stage when the wife brought in her own mother. The wife mom stayed till she put to bed, after that the wife said the work load is too much for her mom then one of her sister joined again. To cut the long story short the wife later brought in all her three sisters.
The husband have to call her wife and let know he's not comfortable having her mom and her sisters around that they're suffocating him. The wife said nothing the husband can do after all they are not sleeping on his head.

The guy just rent a smaller apartment close to his work and stop going home. At first the wife in question said when he is tired he will return home. The guy didn't return home, only send money enough for his two kids and his wife.

After four months the wife started sending friends to beg her husband to return home. The guy stood on her ground that she must send away everyone before he will come back home. The wife was left with no other option than to send her mom and sisters back to her father house to rescue her marriage.

My point is that this guy act on time unlike the OP that waited for good eleven years to start acting as a man.

nosa2ekundayo:

Nothing wrong with loving her mother.. But to simply leave her 11 years old marital territory because hubby confronted the mother for interfering is very questionable.

This questionable part is what I wish to discuss only with a matured objective mind.

That someone is your mother/father doesn't automatically makes all their decisions right.. They can make mistakes too and as well be corrected by others.

Only low budget gen zee children will see this scenario as cool move.

He has the sole right to man over his marital territory and not to be subjected to the control of another man let alone a woman.

I only blame him for not swinging to actions fons et origo. He only suffered needlessly all these years.