Bro marriage isn't a child's play. I'm in your shoes. My eyes don see pass your own. Your wife will come back. Just let it slide. It's a war you can't win. At least your mother in-law will now know her boundary a little. Expect more. If I tell you my own story, you will kneel and thank God that yours isn't as bad as mine. Here I am, still surviving the storm. It's not been easy 11 years of marriage for me. Just be patient especially because of your children.

22rockbottom:
Good Evening,

I got married 11years ago, my mother in-law has always in the picture of everything in our home and has total control of my wife. My wife cannot object anything she says even when I, as her husband challenged it. 90% of the major issues we had as a couple were caused by my mother in-law. After 11years, I decided to confront her to stop controlling her daughter and stop interfering in our marriage and home. I confronted her and my wife left the house. Her reason for leaving the house is that I disrespected her family.

more details later

Dear OP, you have no choice but to call your wife and beg her don't take the red pillars approach beg her mom and start taking your wife out, buy gifts for her, start gusting her like you will do to your friends, give her good s*x, and take her on vacations. All these will make her too clingy that she won't want to live you or do anything that will hurt you, though no 1 is perfect.
The problem with most married men is that they see their wives as housewives. The attached image speaks volumes if a human being can make friends with a lion how much more are a man and his wife? The bottom line is your wife isn't confiding in you because you lack human management the common problems of we men

22rockbottom:
Good Evening,

I got married 11years ago, my mother in-law has always in the picture of everything in our home and has total control of my wife. My wife cannot object anything she says even when I, as her husband challenged it. 90% of the major issues we had as a couple were caused by my mother in-law. After 11years, I decided to confront her to stop controlling her daughter and stop interfering in our marriage and home. I confronted her and my wife left the house. Her reason for leaving the house is that I disrespected her family.

more details later

You have no blame at all for waiting this long

Now that you confronted your mother in law is the best time to do so

As for your wife, she packed out herself and not that you chased her out

Just relax, she is waiting for you to look for her

I think you should allow her stay with them untill she is fully ready to stop taking orders and control from her

Meanwhile just be watching them and their drama till it's time for family meeting

They are the one to call for family meeting, not you
The meeting will seat on top of your mother in law head

Be prepared to express yourself that day and voice out all you have without reservations

There in your presence your mother in law will be giving a stern warning and after that take your wife home

When you get home, change am for her and take charge of your home

MrBrownJay1:
you should have done that the FIRST time the mother interfered in your family matters...11yrs of letting her mother believe she was in charge, is way too long and now a waste of energy to try to correct it.

It's not as easy as you think. Seems you're not married. If you are, you will know the power of "3P's"
Prayer, patience and perseverance

You did the right thing, though this is something you should have done earlier in the marriage. No need to go look for her she will come back. She cannot marry her mum so she will be back. Ignore her for now and don't go looking for her.

frozen70:


You have no blame at all for waiting this long

Now that you confronted your mother in law is the best time to do so

As for your wife, sge packed out herself
Just relax, she is waiting for you to look for her

I think you should allow her stay with them untill she us fully ready to stop taking orders and control from her

Meanwhile just be watching them and their drama till it's time for family meeting

They are the one to call for family meeting, not you
The meeting will seat on top of your mother in law head

Be prepared to express yourself that day and voice out all you have without reservations

There in your presence your mother in law will be giving a stern warning and after thaf take your wife home

When you get home, change am for her and take charge of your home

I think he should just be patient and watch them. Just because of his children. He can't win the war. Except the wife decide to liberate herself which she won't.

What are some of the things you want to do and your wife says not so after consulting with the said mother inlaw? Cos we might Hera the full gist and then say haba! You sef reason am na.

CondenseMilk:


Does her Mom also control her when una wan do?

Make una dey ask sensible questions atimes not everything una go dey use to catch cruise kilode de gan!

Elewokun:


I think he should just be patient and watch them. Just because of his children. He can't win the war. Except the wife decide to liberate herself which she won't.

Well, he is a patient man and he is ready for them all this time

But he will win if he will pour out all the mother in law does that he doesn't like

If he miss it this time around, he has lost it all

I hope you were polite sha.


Anyways, leave her be. When she has overstayed her welcome there, those supportive words from them that what she did was right will begin to taste sour.

You are using ur mother inlaw to joke,hope she is a bornagain christian?hope you know how to pray very well?
The next thing they will say ur stubborn and put you inside bottle and controlling you like computer,you better take it up spiritually.
She will not leave you let me advice you.
You have to pray to break soultie between she and her daughter, is not easy for some women to let go of their children,follow her with wisdom or she will put you in a bottle.

superCleanworks:


You want to start mixing the cement after it has turned to a rock. good luck with that.

iHateFraudsters:
If my wife dares leave my house for 24hrs, then she'll stay out permanently.

Cos she'll have a hard time explaining the man she went to visit.

Gen. Idi- Amin Dada.

Bro, I know, nobody is perfect, no matter what happened between both of you, you have tired to take those nonsense from them for eleven GOOD years. Please always reach out to your children (I mean do check on your children alone). Please for the sake of your own good and future ahead of you don't beg them. (But if you spoke to her mother in a way you over stepped your boundaries, please apologies to her but let her know, she need to stop or she keep her daughter, I  repeat that again, you have passed the message already). And please pray God Almighty should restore your home back. PLEASE DON'T BEG HER for moving out of the house, because you will continue to beg her, for the rest of your life, for every little things.

God Almighty restore and bless your home.

22rockbottom:
Good Evening,

I got married 11years ago, my mother in-law has always in the picture of everything in our home and has total control of my wife. My wife cannot object anything she says even when I, as her husband challenged it. 90% of the major issues we had as a couple were caused by my mother in-law. After 11years, I decided to confront her to stop controlling her daughter and stop interfering in our marriage and home. I confronted her and my wife left the house. Her reason for leaving the house is that I disrespected her family.

more details later

Marry a second wife
If she misbehaves marry a third
Only poverty can limit a man

Do not fight the first wife of her family but marry a second wife regardless

Elewokun:
■ Bro marriage isn't a child's play. I'm in your shoes. My eyes don see pass your own. Your wife will come back. Just let it slide. It's a war you can't win. At least your mother in-law will now know her boundary a little. Expect more. If I tell you my own story, you will kneel and thank God that yours isn't as bad as mine. Here I am, still surviving the storm. It's not been easy 11 years of marriage for me. Just be patient especially because of your children.

Maybe you can help us understand OP's story. How do you live with your mother-in-law in the marriage for that long? Does she babysit the kids when you go out or what? Does she pay rent? Does she cook? I mean 11 years no be joke. What boundaries does she supposedly flaunt?

Let her be with her mother two cap can't be in a ship, by the time her mother start to complaints about what you take or overlooks she would return home begging

Elewokun:
■ It's not as easy as you think. Seems you're not married. If you are, you will know the power of "3P's"
Prayer, patience and perseverance

And have those 3 P's helped you in over 4015 days of living this same way?

Jayboi:
■ Whatever you do just make sure you don't overdo it. If Ur conscience is clear that with the way you confronted her mum, it's still within order and not outrightly rude then stand Ur ground. But if u don overvex and spoil things, beg her.
Just that whenever u don't like something, don't keep quiet.

That's the thing, ain't it! If his conscience is clear since he did not include details of what really happened.

Another half baked story of lies to gain support from his fellow badly behaved men.
Unless your wife is a mad woman, there is no way she would leave your house because you politely told your MIL to stop interfering in your family issues.
You said you 'confronted' her.
Why confront?
Is she your mate?
Will you be okay with your friend or a random person 'confronting' your own mother the way you confronted your wife's mom?

You probably used rude words and threw in a few insults for good measure because you felt she was overthrowing you as head of your house.

Nigerian men have a habit of assuming their wives families have far less importance than husband's own so they have a tendency to disregard their opinions and feelings and try to get rid of them completely after marriage.

Nasty creatures.

MrBrownJay1:
you should have done that the FIRST time the mother interfered in your family matters...11yrs of letting her mother believe she was in charge, is way too long and now a waste of energy to try to correct it.

I concur....the first time he noticed it,he should have 'cleared' her and stamped his authority as the man of the house!

Wawelexy:
You goofed up from the start, but never too late tho, allow her go, pretend to be nonchalant about her absence, fake a close relationship with a female friend or random girl, only send money for your child/children's upkeep, and make sure you look happy always...


Her brain will come back to reset and she will realise she's giving out her food to the dogs by herself.... Please don't cheat on her

You said it better

Op you have done the right thing. Don't regret your action. Marriage is between man and wife. Play this game to the end and take back your place in that marriage. If you begged her to come u sold yourself out . I talk out of experience. Today my marriage is like heaven on earth.

MrBrownJay1:
you should have done that the FIRST time the mother interfered in your family matters...11yrs of letting her mother believe she was in charge, is way too long and now a waste of energy to try to correct it.

I agreed that he should have done that and assert his authority from the start, but it is never too last to start.

Bros put your foot on the ground, and refuse to compromise, she will come back…..her eyes go soon clear say, husband no dey anywhere again.

You have no right to confront your mother inlaw , confront your wife instead ,...are you scared of her ,...tell your wife your mind ,..that disrespect what you did ,...

udemzyudex:


So he should continue tolerating it since it had turn to rock?

i have already said GOOD LUCK WITH THAT. or what else do you want me to say?

friendl:
You have no right to confront your mother inlaw , confront your wife instead ,...are you scared of her ,...tell your wife your mind ,..that disrespect what you did ,...

Thank you!

nawaooo some mother in law sef

thesicilian:

Maybe you shouldn't have waited for 11 years before challenging her. It's always best to set the proper foundation from the beginning, otherwise whatever happens you just have to find a way to tolerate it. As it stands now you either go and apologize to them or wait and see if your wife will come to her senses

No be only apologize. If her father's house is ok for her, let her remain there.

If u be my wife and u use ur leg comot by urself , u are on ur own oo

Bro, if in all honesty this is what happened and she is not the bread winner of the house, pls allow her be. You have given her a big shoulder pad for the past eleven years . If you ever want to correct this, now is the time to do that.allow her be, its a matter of time. She will come.to her senses and if she doesn't, stay strong and be prepared for the worst. Iam talking from similar experience.

Take care of you and never abandon your responsibility to your children if you have any.. NOTE: if you go cap in hand begging her to return, you will continue to be ridiculed in that home.

EKONGKING:
Men are a vulnerable species in the world .

If ur wife goes missing , u r the first suspect according to police . If ur wife goes to parents house after quarrel and does not come back . The blame will be upon you, either by neighbors or ur friend .

The popular opinion is .
You might have done some thing to her ,that why she left .

When your wife leave your house. Call the papa, the mama, her brothers and sisters. Tell them you don't want to see her again in your house if the night meet her outside your house.