You get to move faraway from home and be independent.

I wish. In some climate, they are drained emotionally, financially and physically. People expect too much from them and give them nothing in return.

DrAda:
Strange... Adas are the ones who give orders and others follow.

Assistant parent. It is well. People have advised you rightly. Take your stuff and run.

OFunke24:
I feel so tired of being a first daughter. It feels my life is full of running errands and doing things for everyone but myself. I feel like a servant. I don't know who I am or my what I want to do in life. Im at home all day doing nothing but serving others. I feel so sad and tired of it whenever I remember I will still have to do it all again tomorrow not knowing when this will all end.

I see my siblings moving forward in life and I only have a Highschool certificate. My father didnt train me in school and frustrated all my mother's attempts to further my education. Yet all my siblings were put in school. I don't even have the time or mental space to run a business.

I want to leave and be on my own. I want to be able to hear myself. I want to wake up in the morning not thinking of what others will eat or errands that need to be ran. I don't want to think of lunch or dinner or worry about anyone else but myself. I don't even want to hear my name because it is always followed by one request or the other.

This holiday season I kept on thinking about how much I didn't want any family or guests to come visit because it would only mean more work for me. I would be the one living in the kitchen running around like a maid. It makes me feel so ashamed and less than. When people at home remember my running around they then start with the praises "Oh what would we do without you?", "Our second mother." "So hard working, what a strong girl." I don't want any of those praises. They make me feel worse because I don't do any of this by choice. I don't care for compliments for something I have no option but to do. Would any of them still say good things about me if I decided I was tired of living like this, of being at their beck and call? I want to be left alone. Because of these feelings I don't have any desire to have children. The thought of living like this again taking care of children makes me sad and I feel tired at the thought. I feel drained physically, emotionally and mentally. Sometimes I wonder if this is how it feels for all children and if I am just not cut out for this.

you were done dirty by your family. i am sorry to say this. your siblngs owe you because your future was sacrificed for theirs.i say this because i have an aunt who went through the exact same thing and as a child i did not understand why my dad was carrying his 'lazy' sister. i am older now and i understand because of all her siblings, she is the only one who was not educated.

i cannot say what you should do because i am not in your shoes. but you are an adult now and you have to take control of your life.

As one first born daughter to another..I will tell you this for free.

IT WILL NEVER END! And sadly, it will not get better. I posted my ordeal in the family thread under "Ungrateful Siblings). The fact that you are beginning to realize this simply means that you are already burnout both mentally and physically. This however is also the Universe telling you to do something..You need to take action already!!!.

You see , the greatest resource is time and families know how to waste it for first born daughters. They will guilt trip you constantly for trying to do things differently or trying to better yourself, they'd rather use you as an unpaid caregiver and assistant mother.
Meanwhile your siblings are developing both social , mental and financial skills. In time, they'd begin to bring home their spouses ...that is when the real disrespect and snide remarks from both your parents ( same folks who didn't allow you to socialize or develop relevant social capabilities) and siblings begin to rear its head. They will wonder why you're not married and begin to carry your name from one church to another while also comparing you to the neighbors daughter who married a "young rich doctor". That's when everyone becomes a matchmaker for you😂.

When your parents die no one will care that you don't have a decent paying job .They will apportion the bulk of expenses to you as an "ADA". Mind you the major bulk of the family fortune/inheritance (if any) wouldn't even come to you at the demise of your parents.. It'll go to the male child 😂.

Learn from me and many others who have travelled this route. Invest in yourself. No one is coming to save you dear..You will have to take a decision regarding you OR ELSE you will remember this conversation years later when you become financially and socially inept, disgruntled and resentful wondering where your youth went. DON'T DO IT..

PUT Yourself First.

Wish you all the best❤️

Try to speak ur mind

If they won't adjust, run...

OFunke24:
I feel so tired of being a first daughter. It feels my life is full of running errands and doing things for everyone but myself. I feel like a servant. I don't know who I am or my what I want to do in life. Im at home all day doing nothing but serving others. I feel so sad and tired of it whenever I remember I will still have to do it all again tomorrow not knowing when this will all end.

I see my siblings moving forward in life and I only have a Highschool certificate. My father didnt train me in school and frustrated all my mother's attempts to further my education. Yet all my siblings were put in school. I don't even have the time or mental space to run a business.

I want to leave and be on my own. I want to be able to hear myself. I want to wake up in the morning not thinking of what others will eat or errands that need to be ran. I don't want to think of lunch or dinner or worry about anyone else but myself. I don't even want to hear my name because it is always followed by one request or the other.

This holiday season I kept on thinking about how much I didn't want any family or guests to come visit because it would only mean more work for me. I would be the one living in the kitchen running around like a maid. It makes me feel so ashamed and less than. When people at home remember my running around they then start with the praises "Oh what would we do without you?", "Our second mother." "So hard working, what a strong girl." I don't want any of those praises. They make me feel worse because I don't do any of this by choice. I don't care for compliments for something I have no option but to do. Would any of them still say good things about me if I decided I was tired of living like this, of being at their beck and call? I want to be left alone. Because of these feelings I don't have any desire to have children. The thought of living like this again taking care of children makes me sad and I feel tired at the thought. I feel drained physically, emotionally and mentally. Sometimes I wonder if this is how it feels for all children and if I am just not cut out for this.

Ah! It’s you that don’t know the authority you carry. Our first born gives us the juniors the errands to run and oversees us so why is your own different?

The problem here is not helping you to further your education.

If your parents are your real parents, sit them down and have a one on one/heart to heart discussion with them, about furthering your education.

It is well with you

I hope she is their biological daughter

So. U mean ur younger ones don't do anything if dey re around ... I don't believe this write up jare.....

Telltruth123:
I faced the same challenges being the first child and daughter at the same time followed by 4 boys and my mum would not allow them to work, I was the only person that use to do the house chores.
I would go to her shop before going to school in the morning to work and also return to shop in the evening to work.

My mum would be shouting on me that I will go out and get married, she does not want me to put her to shame. I see shege, if small water pure on the floor while fetching water she would beat me and lock me out till 12 midnight, sometimes she scattered my school bag and clothes on the street.

I thank God for my life, I am married now.

Your mum is a psycho.

Find a job....rent your own house even if nah one room....face your life

OFunke24:
I feel so tired of being a first daughter. It feels my life is full of running errands and doing things for everyone but myself. I feel like a servant. I don't know who I am or my what I want to do in life. Im at home all day doing nothing but serving others. I feel so sad and tired of it whenever I remember I will still have to do it all again tomorrow not knowing when this will all end.

I see my siblings moving forward in life and I only have a Highschool certificate. My father didnt train me in school and frustrated all my mother's attempts to further my education. Yet all my siblings were put in school. I don't even have the time or mental space to run a business.

I want to leave and be on my own. I want to be able to hear myself. I want to wake up in the morning not thinking of what others will eat or errands that need to be ran. I don't want to think of lunch or dinner or worry about anyone else but myself. I don't even want to hear my name because it is always followed by one request or the other.

This holiday season I kept on thinking about how much I didn't want any family or guests to come visit because it would only mean more work for me. I would be the one living in the kitchen running around like a maid. It makes me feel so ashamed and less than. When people at home remember my running around they then start with the praises "Oh what would we do without you?", "Our second mother." "So hard working, what a strong girl." I don't want any of those praises. They make me feel worse because I don't do any of this by choice. I don't care for compliments for something I have no option but to do. Would any of them still say good things about me if I decided I was tired of living like this, of being at their beck and call? I want to be left alone. Because of these feelings I don't have any desire to have children. The thought of living like this again taking care of children makes me sad and I feel tired at the thought. I feel drained physically, emotionally and mentally. Sometimes I wonder if this is how it feels for all children and if I am just not cut out for this.

In Nigerian settings, it's a normal thing. This happens always especially if your siblings are still little but as they grow older, you should be taking a rest from some errand duties and delegating them. It's not as if it will end anyway. The responsibilities like looking out for everyone and even sponsoring some stuff in situations where parents are incapable and have the means will still be there but the errand stuff should and in some instances even be eliminated totally.

That said, what doesn't seem to be normal is your dad not making any attempts to send you to school and trying to twart all your mum's effort. If you have the guts, that's what you should discuss with him and your mum. It doesn't seem right. That shouldn't be the case except if he is suspecting your mum about something that has to do with you. So try and discuss that with both of them to at least get some facts before taking your final decision.

First Advice: Move away from home and prosper ( I am talking from experience).

Second Advice: Try make money ( not easily but worth it) and go back to school or invest in yourself

Third Advice: You mustn't be a mother to your own siblings, or else you will achieve nothing.

I am the first daughter and I no dey pressure myself.

OFunke24:
■ This holiday season I kept on thinking about how much I didn't want any family or guests to come visit because it would only mean more work for me. I would be the one living in the kitchen running around like a maid. It makes me feel so ashamed and less than. When people at home remember my running around they then start with the praises "Oh what would we do without you?", "Our second mother." "So hard working, what a strong girl." I don't want any of those praises. They make me feel worse because I don't do any of this by choice. I don't care for compliments for something I have no option but to do. Would any of them still say good things about me if I decided I was tired of living like this, of being at their beck and call? I want to be left alone. Because of these feelings I don't have any desire to have children. The thought of living like this again taking care of children makes me sad and I feel tired at the thought. I feel drained physically, emotionally and mentally. Sometimes I wonder if this is how it feels for all children and if I am just not cut out for this.

The statement in bold is a dirty lie you tell yourself, and you need to get rid of it if you wish to free yourself from what you pretend somehow has to do with the fact that you were born first daughter. There are many first daughters out there who no carry all that nonsense wey you choose for head so, and they don't have the miserable stories you have there to tell. You need to decide what you want to do with your life.

First and foremost, stop deceiving yourself and start being honest about yourself and what you truly desire for your own life, and then go for it without guilt.

freeman67:
■ In Nigerian settings, it's a normal thing. This happens always especially if your siblings are still little but as they grow older, you should be taking a rest from some errand duties and delegating them. It's not as if it will end anyway. The responsibilities like looking out for everyone and even sponsoring some stuff in situations where parents are incapable and have the means will still be there but the errand stuff should and in some instances even be eliminated totally.
■ That said, what doesn't seem to be normal is your dad not making any attempts to send you to school and trying to twart all your mum's effort. If you have the guts, that's what you should discuss with him and your mum. It doesn't seem right. That shouldn't be the case except if he is suspecting your mum about something that has to do with you. So try and discuss that with both of them to at least get some facts before taking your final decision.

Stop lying to her! There is nothing normal about that born of a dysfunctional way of seeing things.

2. That too was created from a dysfunctional attempt by the mother to play wife to a toxic husband ignoring the potential damage that all could have on her children.

This is so abnormal! Na first born male or female, with grown up siblings dey enjoy pass nah🤷‍♂️. First borns dey Sabi command and sending errands.... Unless your younger siblings are still very young (below 5 years), you shouldn't be doing so much! Check and confirm that you are a legit child in that house fess.

OFunke24:
I feel so tired of being a first daughter. It feels my life is full of running errands and doing things for everyone but myself. I feel like a servant. I don't know who I am or my what I want to do in life. Im at home all day doing nothing but serving others. I feel so sad and tired of it whenever I remember I will still have to do it all again tomorrow not knowing when this will all end.

I see my siblings moving forward in life and I only have a Highschool certificate. My father didnt train me in school and frustrated all my mother's attempts to further my education. Yet all my siblings were put in school. I don't even have the time or mental space to run a business.

I want to leave and be on my own. I want to be able to hear myself. I want to wake up in the morning not thinking of what others will eat or errands that need to be ran. I don't want to think of lunch or dinner or worry about anyone else but myself. I don't even want to hear my name because it is always followed by one request or the other.

This holiday season I kept on thinking about how much I didn't want any family or guests to come visit because it would only mean more work for me. I would be the one living in the kitchen running around like a maid. It makes me feel so ashamed and less than. When people at home remember my running around they then start with the praises "Oh what would we do without you?", "Our second mother." "So hard working, what a strong girl." I don't want any of those praises. They make me feel worse because I don't do any of this by choice. I don't care for compliments for something I have no option but to do. Would any of them still say good things about me if I decided I was tired of living like this, of being at their beck and call? I want to be left alone. Because of these feelings I don't have any desire to have children. The thought of living like this again taking care of children makes me sad and I feel tired at the thought. I feel drained physically, emotionally and mentally. Sometimes I wonder if this is how it feels for all children and if I am just not cut out for this.

Can I marry you please,I want to marry and settle down.

If your father stopped your mother from assisting you to go to college, I believe he wouldn't stop her from helping you to start up a business. Your dad and mom should help you set up a business. If only you would start up something, going back to school will be easier.

A situation where your younger ones were sent to school, and you were not, is not right. Only you can break the chains!!!.

Kobojunkie:
The statement in bold is a dirty lie you tell yourself, and you need to get rid of it if you wish to free yourself from what you pretend somehow has to do with the fact that you were born first daughter. There are many first daughters out there who no carry all that nonsense wey you choose for head so, and they don't have the miserable stories you have there to tell. You need to decide what you want to do with your life.

First and foremost, stop deceiving yourself and start being honest about yourself and what you truly desire for your own life, and then go for it without guilt.

Your first paragraph is trash. You don't live with her or know how her situation really is so, why try to emotionally invalidate her?

LotaTee:
■ Your first paragraph is trash. You don't live with her or know how her situation really is so, why try to emotionally invalidate her?

There is no emotionally invalidation in any of what I stated. All of what she has been doing up until this moment has absolutely nothing to do with her being the first daughter but all a result of choices she made as an individual to carry the burden of others in her home. So why is letting her know she played an active role in getting herself to where she is today wrong?

There are so many other first daughters from toxic homes who made different choices for themselves and hence did not end up in the same trap as OP here. Shouldn't OP be made to realize this?

OFunke24:
I feel so tired of being a first daughter. It feels my life is full of running errands and doing things for everyone but myself. I feel like a servant. I don't know who I am or my what I want to do in life. Im at home all day doing nothing but serving others. I feel so sad and tired of it whenever I remember I will still have to do it all again tomorrow not knowing when this will all end.

I see my siblings moving forward in life and I only have a Highschool certificate. My father didnt train me in school and frustrated all my mother's attempts to further my education. Yet all my siblings were put in school. I don't even have the time or mental space to run a business.

I want to leave and be on my own. I want to be able to hear myself. I want to wake up in the morning not thinking of what others will eat or errands that need to be ran. I don't want to think of lunch or dinner or worry about anyone else but myself. I don't even want to hear my name because it is always followed by one request or the other.

This holiday season I kept on thinking about how much I didn't want any family or guests to come visit because it would only mean more work for me. I would be the one living in the kitchen running around like a maid. It makes me feel so ashamed and less than. When people at home remember my running around they then start with the praises "Oh what would we do without you?", "Our second mother." "So hard working, what a strong girl." I don't want any of those praises. They make me feel worse because I don't do any of this by choice. I don't care for compliments for something I have no option but to do. Would any of them still say good things about me if I decided I was tired of living like this, of being at their beck and call? I want to be left alone. Because of these feelings I don't have any desire to have children. The thought of living like this again taking care of children makes me sad and I feel tired at the thought. I feel drained physically, emotionally and mentally. Sometimes I wonder if this is how it feels for all children and if I am just not cut out for this.

How old are you?

You can move into my apartment
I go send u every details you need to know, including the address of my house

I feel you 💯 as a first born.

Well, I had to gather the courage to put this down, and I hope you see it.

Your effort will amount to nothing. All this good girl image you're trying to build, they won't appreciate it. They won't help you go back to school. You'll probably rot at home until it's time to marry, then they'll start pushing for you to go to school from your husband's house. You think they'll remember you for all this stress, but I'm telling you no one wants to feel indebted...they would all carry their chins on and move on with their lives as your time runs out. With no skill and no education, you'll struggle, and all they will say is that they are not the cause. They didn't contribute to ruining your life.

Consider my advice like someone from the future coming to see you now, view this time like the past whose actions will create a ripple effect in your future. Be strong and force your way to school. Don't let anyone draw you back. Do whatever it takes to make it. It's the same family that will be proud of you after.

They are holding you back now with full force, they don't care about you, but I tell you the bitter truth, all of them will hang back acting harmless, soft and innocent when they are done delaying your success in life.

Farmerforgoats:
I wish. In some climate, they are drained emotionally, financially and physically. People expect too much from them and give them nothing in return.

this is me, the burden is just too much... sometimes I just feel like running away, I was depressed but friends came Tru I hope this year Will be a better year..hmmm

You might not be their biological daughter, please find out

Kobojunkie:
There is no emotionally invalidation in any of what I stated. All of what she has been doing up until this moment has absolutely nothing to do with her being the first daughter but all a result of choices she made as an individual to carry the burden of others in her home. So why is letting her know she played an active role in getting herself to where she is today wrong?

There are so many other first daughters from toxic homes who made different choices for themselves and hence did not end up in the same trap as OP here. Shouldn't OP be made to realize this?

Are you African? Being first daughter means that from an early age, as soon as you can walk and talk, you start contributing to the household by running errands and doing chores. That in itself isn't a bad thing but it's quite common to see the male siblings treated preferentially(little to no errands/chores) and if they're older, double wahala. You know the whole respect your elder shit. So from an early age, getting punished for things your siblings don't even do can be damaging to the psyche. Then the child grows into a traumatized adult with self esteem issues and low confidence. Because the only love/attention she received growing up was directly proportional to how useful/helpful she was. And you tell this kind of person who obviously needs some form of psychotherapy that her current situation is a culmination of her choices. Yeah, she definitely chose to be born and to be treated like a slave. Even if you didn't have this kind of experience growing up, would it have killed you to be empathetic?

LotaTee:
■ Are you African?
■ Being first daughter means that from an early age, as soon as you can walk and talk, you start contributing to the household by running errands and doing chores. That in itself isn't a bad thing but it's quite common to see the male siblings treated preferentially(little to no errands/chores) and if they're older, double wahala. You know the whole respect your elder shit. So from an early age, getting punished for things your siblings don't even do can be damaging to the psyche.
■ Then the child grows into a traumatized adult with self esteem issues and low confidence. Because the only love/attention she received growing up was directly proportional to how useful/helpful she was.
■ And you tell this kind of person who obviously needs some form of psychotherapy that her current situation is a culmination of her choices. Yeah, she definitely chose to be born and to be treated like a slave. Even if you didn't have this kind of experience growing up, would it have killed you to be empathetic?

Of course!

2. That may be your particular brainwashing but that ain't, by any standard, the norm for all firstborn daughters in Nigeria. I know and have met some Nigerian-born firstborn daughters and none of the ones I have met have OP's particular issues. Most of the ones who carry sibling issues for head do so because it is something they have some sort of passion for.

3. All the more reason why OP needs to be made to realize that she had a hand in creating the problem and she alone can set herself free by making different choices.

4. You have never been to a psychotherapy session, have you? It isn't a place where you are shielded from the obvious.

Kobojunkie:
Of course!

2. That may be your particular brainwashing but that ain't, by any standard, the norm for all firstborn daughters in Nigeria. I know and have met some Nigerian-born firstborn daughters and none of the ones I have met have OP's particular issues. Most of the ones who carry sibling issues for head do so because it is something they have some sort of passion for.

3. All the more reason why OP needs to be made to realize that she had a hand in creating the problem and she alone can set herself free by making different choices.

4. You have never been to a psychotherapy session, have you? It isn't a place where you are shielded from the obvious.

People react differently to situations. Were they raised by OP's parents? Did they experience similar situations? She may have been physically abused as well. And if she was deprived of opportunities available to her siblings(tertiary education), who knows what other things went on?
What should she have done differently? Refuse to do chores and suffer the consequences perhaps? Run away from home and risk being the victim of a ritualist/organ trafficker? Please answer realistically.
Nope I haven't, but I know that any psychotherapist who blames me for my childhood trauma isn't worth their salt.

LotaTee:
■ People react differently to situations.
■ Were they raised by OP's parents? Did they experience similar situations? She may have been physically abused as well. And if she was deprived of opportunities available to her siblings(tertiary education), who knows what other things went on?
■ What should she have done differently? Refuse to do chores and suffer the consequences perhaps? Run away from home and risk being the victim of a ritualist/organ trafficker? Please answer realistically.
■ Nope I haven't, but I know that any psychotherapist who blames me for my childhood trauma isn't worth their salt.

1. You are right to use the word "react" there.

2. We are talking here of firstborn daughters who were all raised in different environments and under different circumstances, so let's not now pretend they never experienced any or at least some of what OP described.

3. OP says she is an adult. An adult can do so many things differently.

4. No one here is blaming her for the brainwashing she was raised with. However, all that does not remove from the fact that OP is an adult who ought to have taken back control over her life by now, if she hasn't already done that.

Sorry dear. This is very sad. I understand how you feel and I hope you get a Job that will make you independent and away from your home. Try staying positive and keep applying for jobs, God's willing the job go show.

DrAda:
Strange... Adas are the ones who give orders and others follow.

Strange