If he was beaten it would have been beta,
But Pummeled

Ladies lets hear the awnser from you "the horses mouth, "

It's not prayer folks,
Its thanks giving,
You are olny thanking God for the meal so it has to be short,

If u are thinking of praying and casting out demons from the food before eating.
Well, u can also pray and cast out demons from the air before taking a breath.

Your question is like asking WAEC or BSc. Which one is better?
A+ is vendor neutral and is a foundation course just like WAEC,
MCSE,  The name "Microsoft Certified Systems Engineering" alone speaks for its self just line BSc.

Remember A+ is not specific, ie it touches a little bit of networking, database, programming, etc.

Yo mama is so ugly that when she was born the doctor slapped her parents,

There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money,
and was a real "miser" when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me.
I want to  take my money to the afterlife with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died,
she would put  all of the money into the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black,
and her friend was sitting next to her.  When they finished the ceremony,
and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, 

"Wait just a moment!"

She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box  and put  it in the casket.
Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away. So her friend said,

"Girl, I know you were not fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."

The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian; I cannot go back on my word.
I promised him that I was going to put that money into the casket with him." 

You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket   with him!?!?!?"

"I sure did,"said the wife.
"I got it all together, put it into my account, and wrote him a check, If he can cash it, then he can spend it."

A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident and confidential?
Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there is also my son, that's confidential!",

What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress,

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant.

At least he had alot of replys (threads),

He met her on a party. She was so outstanding, many guys chasing after her, while he so normal, nobody paid attention to him.
At the end of the party, he invited her to have coffee with him, she was surprised, but due to being polite, she promised. They sat in a nice coffee
Shop, he was too nervous to say anything, she felt uncomfortable, she thought, please; let me go home, suddenly he asked the waiter.
"Would you please give me some salt? I'd like to put it in my coffee."
Everybody stared at him, so strange! His face turned red, but still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it.

She asked him curiously; why you have this hobby? He replied: "when I was a little boy, I was living near the sea, I like playing in the sea, and I could
Feel the taste of the sea, just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I always think of my childhood, think of my
Hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who are still living there". While saying that tears filled his eyes. She was deeply touched.

That's his true feeling, from the bottom of his heart. A man who can tell out his homesickness, he must be a man who loves home, cares about home, has
Responsibility of home.
Then she also started to speak, spoke about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family. That was a really nice talk, also a beautiful
beginning of their story.

They continued to date. She found that actually he was a man who meets all her demands; he had tolerance, was kind hearted, warm, careful. He was such
A good person but she almost missed him! Thanks to his salty coffee!
Then the story was just like every beautiful love story, the princess married to the prince, and then they were living the happy life, And, every
Time she made coffee for him; she put some salt in the coffee, as she knew that's the way he liked it.

After 40 years, he passed away, left her a letter which said: "My dearest, please forgive me, forgive my whole life lie. This was the only lie I said
To you---the salty coffee.
Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time, actually I wanted some sugar, but I said salt. It was hard for me to change
So I just went ahead.I never thought that could be the start of our communication! I tried to tell you the truth many times in my life, but I
Was too afraid to do that, as I have promised not to lie to you for anything,
Now I'm dying, I afraid of nothing so I tell you the truth: I don't like the salty coffee, what a strange bad taste, But I have had the salty
Coffee for my whole life!

Since I knew you, I never feel sorry for anything I do for you.
Having you with me is my biggest happiness for my whole life. If I can live for the second time, still want to know you and have you for my
Whole life, even though I have to drink the salty coffee again".
Her tears made the letter totally wet.Someday, someone asked her: what's the taste of salty coffee?
It's sweet. She replied.

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.

He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned ! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your
wife. Yes, I know him." The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric
chair."

1. Every problem you have is spiritual.
2. In every romance movie, someone must die.
3. It is possible to hit a person without actually touching them!
4. Anyone who gets hit by a car dies immediately.
5. Poisoned food always tastes better.
6. The best way to make money is by visiting a 'Babalawo' / joining a cult / sleeping with rich men.
7. One of a pair of twins (identical or not) is born evil.
8. There is never an end to your suffering, except death!
9. With a pastor , all things are possible.
10. A movie can be titled anything, such as:
*The boy is mine,
* Face me, I face you
*Two rats,
*Spanner,
*Calculator,
*Igala,
*Ijele,
*Igodo,
*Igudu
*Shigidi
11. A movie has not been made if at least one actor/actress has not- 'shelled', twisted his/her lips to speak wrong phonetics'.
12. You are in love, you want to take your girl out, the best place you take her to is,
*Mr. Biggs/Tantalizers: where you'll most probably see an ex while feeding each other.
*The beach: where it is imperative that you ride a donkey and carry her playfully.
*Or the best: take her to buy some new ugly clothes.
13. An Igbo movie has been made if ,
* You visit a 'Babalawo'
* A fleet of cars is shown off at regular intervals for a total of half of the movie time.
* Kanayo 'O' Kanayo is in the movie. Pete Udochie is also there too!
* To get rich it is mandatory you join a cult
14. Gun shots and knock-outs sound the same!
15. Sometimes the title has absolutely nothing to do with the movie and other times, once you read the title and see the poster you know it all!!! (Also the soundtrack gives you a headache because it just narrates the whole story repeatedly - so much for suspense and intrigue!)
16. A love story has not been produced if it does not have one or two of the following actresses-
* Stella Damascus
* Stephanie Okereke
* Genevieve Nnaji
* Omotola Jalade
* Rita Dominic
17. The police are extremely 'efficient' unlike their counterparts in real life.
18. An actress can wear the same hairdo for more than a year and even in longer flashbacks.
19. It is permissible to wear very dark shades at night!
20. When you are shot in the chest, it really doesn't matter; your head will be bandaged! Same for your legs!
21. When advertising a movie, you really should shout because, people are deaf?
22. When you are extremely poor, you will still be able to afford- very good furniture, T.V., but you won't be able to send your kids to school.
23. Most especially in Yoruba movies, your gateman must be inefficient and comical. He MUST dress like a freak, be rude to all your visitors and never mind his business.
24. My personal favourite- the bad guy always dies or gets caught by none other than the police- LOL!!!!!

I say it again and again, Nigerians are smart. I posted this in G forum full of white folks and they were giving me the life history of mosquitos (No offence).

A bomb is about to explode in a room and you are in that room. Now only 1 liter of water must be placed on the meter of the bomb in other to defuse it. You are given a 5 liters gallon and a 3 liters gallon. There is a tank of water nereby, how would you get exactly 1 liter of water to defuse this bomb

Do you mind xplaining the joke

Sometimes u think u've seen it all, until,

I knew a lady that was so stupid that, * she called me to get my phone number. * she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate." * she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind. *she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order. *she sent me a fax with a stamp on it. *she tried to drown a fish. *she thought a quarterback was a refund. *she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death. *she tripped over a cordless phone. *she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. *she studied for a blood test. *when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved. *when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home

Corporate Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is
finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs
downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next
door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says,
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel,"
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her
towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and
leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and
goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
"Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything
about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story: If you share critical
information pertaining to credit and risk with your
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to
prevent avoidable exposure.


Corporate Lesson 2:

A priest offered a lift to a Nun.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to
reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling
the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears,
he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm
129?"
The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is
weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to
look up Psalm 129.
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will
find glory."

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in
your job, you might miss a great opportunity.


Corporate Lesson 3:


A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the
manager are walking to lunch when they find an
antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one
wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin. clerk.
"I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat,
without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to
be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal
masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the
love of my life." Poof! He's gone.


"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the
office after lunch."

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the
first say.


Corporate Lesson 4:

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do
nothing all day long?"
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and
rested.
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing,
you must be sitting very high up.




Corporate Lesson 5:

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

"I would love to be able to Get to the top of that
tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the
energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?"
replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that
it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest
branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he
reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly
perched at the top of the tree.
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey
out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the
top, but it won't keep you there.