The thing with the temperaments is this: its not 90% full proof because life experiences constantly changes you and shapes you. In the end, what you thought you originally were drifts and becomes something else entirely...

I am a SanMel. Yes the odd personality type..What they actually call a "Mask" because it is believed that some side of you is "fake". But as much as I am a people person and as my friends call me 'a happy-go lucky individual", I am also OCD (Obsessive Compulsive. I am a neat freak and cleanliness freak and if you take out a book from my shelf, make sure you put it back the same way you met it or else its wahala...Each time I tell my friends I need to go clean my house they reply and say "your house is always clean".

I get very bored with routine so so easily which shows my sanguine personality but at the same time I love paying particular attention to detail. I am very meticulous. I open up and can talk about anything to anyone no matter who you are but only a few people know what truly goes on in my heart..Do you see the mix going on.

Also someone said a sanguine should never become an Accountant but guess what I am excelling in right now---Accounting. I have a diploma, bachelors and masters in accounting and working on my professional exam...Actually working with an accounting firm also. So nothing is really set in stone with regards the 4 basic temperaments.

Basically i think what shapes every individual is your life experiences, our faith and the environment we are raised

^^^ Texas probably

DEJAY1: Thanks soo much for ur contribution biofem,I really apprec8 it. First of all introduction;am a guy of 30yrs,I finishd ssce '98,nd been a dj since then.I've gotten no degree up 2date bt recently I met this person that I claim to be my brother is,who is actually not my blood bt we met @my workplace nd he liked me cos of wat I do i.e djing nd he promisedto help me securing a US visa.he was the one that chose the schl nd the course for me on the basis that he had already helpd sm1 secure US visa via this schl.the name of the schl is international christain instituite nd linguistics schl in houston.he was even the one that sent me the link to nairaland. Now some peeps here had advised a toefl nd I should find a univ nd a diff sponsor,nd find a course that relates with wat I do. Wat would u advise biofem?I seriously need ur genuine nd ur best advise.thanxs

Ok DEJAY you may hate me for what I am about to say because I am going to play a devil's advocate..I dont know you but from everything you have written, its just super clear you want to live Nigeria through any means possible. I dont even think you are interested in getting a degree at all. You probably just want to go there and keep on doing your DJ business because somewhere in your mind you think it will be more profitable promoting your business in America than Nigeria..And yeah you might probably come back to Nigeria but most likely you have no intentions of doing that...With that said, have you considered a visiting visa because I really doubt at this stage you will get a student visa except by some miracle the Consular officer overlooks all your red flags and decides to just grant you a visa...

To Support what Biofem2000 said,

For Efo-riro, just buy collard greens or spinach (fresh or frozen) from walmart with all the tomatoes, red pepper, habanero (atarodo) etc and blend. If you dont have a blender, you can get a cheap blender from walmart to be blending your peppers instead of buying tomato sauce from walmart. As for the assorted meat, you can get kidney, shaki, regular beef,oxtail and the likes from walmart, HEB etc. If you have an African store nearby, goat meat and the likes can be gotten from there.

Be careful with your palm oil usage as over time it can lead to a high cholesterol level. Use olive oil or canola oil and the taste still comes out the same if you are good at cooking.

As regards eating out, even if you have to do fast food, go for options with lower fat in them like chicken sandwiches without the bacon and cheese etc. And if you can order wheat buns instead of white bread, that helps. Subway is a better option for fast foods. If you must eat out, order the healthier options on the menu and watch your portions. Dont eat too heavy so you wont have pot belly from all the carbs..

One more important thing, EXERCISE..Join agym if you can aford it...for the ladies, join a Zumba fitness class or Yoga or something... run around the tracks in your school if your school has one and most schools have a well developed fitness center you can go to for free..Get your heart rate up so that you wont end up on a wheel chair being pushed around cause you are too fat.

biofem2000:
I agree with Imperiouxx. go for grants rather than name. If you`re rich however, go for the big name. But, If the name and grant will take you to the same destination? How about you keep the extra $40,000 in your pocket. Or...sponsor someone (oh la la la...). If you`re not super rich however, taking the grant will take away sleepless nights. You`ll not even think about money or lack of it because you`ve got some free money rolling in. Like my husband will say, if you`re really after the big name, go to Havard. You will be surprised how many people you will work with eventually whose roots are humble.
Oh well.....should I just say I went to the University of Ibadan? I have a colleague here who went to the University of Ilorin. The list goes on and on. Really, if God wants you in that high place, it really doesn`t matter where you`ve been. I go cheap. I aim high. I got my first job in the US with my B.S from UI. Who knows UI in the US? What`s the hype about the top 5, 10 or 20 schools? My employer doesn`t care about the top 10 or top 20 schools. I have colleagues who went to the top US schools. All they care about is your degree and what you can deliver. Note, what you can deliver. America is a leveller.
Dont get me wrong some care about top schools. But the question is who are they? How many are they? They can keep their job. Let us keep our focus. Its not so much about the name.

Good luck.

Yeah top 10 and all are "overrated" but the point is in those schools you get more opportunities for networking and placements while you are in college compared to other schools...Its just a given...am not saying you wont in other "no name" schools but with top schools it just makes it a bit easier in this failing economy... But with God nothing is impossible... I was still able to go places with my "no name" school...So it all depends

ehimare007:
I would also like to find out from the gurus in the oil and gas field,
I got 2 admissions,texas A n M-kingsville to study chemical and natural gas engineering and university of southern california to study petroleum engineering.
Now as an average texas total fees-21k wit som scholarship given to me
California is abou 65k ...
Which should I take,given a consideration to the future
Thanks guys

Kingsville on the other hand na inside village...very close to Corpus Christi which is very close to Mexico..and when I say village, its a small community with about 30,000 people max as its population..Here will be the advantages of going there...you will be fully focused on your studies with little to no distractions at all...I know this because I also went to school in a small city but with about 120,000 as the population..But once you graduate it might just be best to move to a bigger city for more job opportunities if you are unable to get any in Kingsville....Its also a cheaper school compared to USC which is super super expensive...so you just have to create a list with pros and cons and go from there...Pray about it too...Good luck

ehimare007:
I would also like to find out from the gurus in the oil and gas field,
I got 2 admissions,texas A n M-kingsville to study chemical and natural gas engineering and university of southern california to study petroleum engineering.
Now as an average texas total fees-21k wit som scholarship given to me
California is abou 65k ...
Which should I take,given a consideration to the future
Thanks guys

Hey Mister, the two schools you have been admitted to are good schools but USC (University of Southern California) is far more recognized. I would have told you to go with A&M if it was the one in college station but as far as top 10 petroleum engineering colleges, University of Southern California makes that list and its also located in Los Angeles where you get access to loads and loads things to do and opportunities to network with people after your studies if it works out for you so I say go with USC if you can. Still conduct further research though before making a decision and make sure you are not one that can easily get carried away with "fun activities"...Check out this link http://education-portal.com/articles/List_of_Top_Petroleum_Engineering_Schools_and_Colleges.html

Let me Guess..

You all just graduated High School or something right?? Because the conversation on this thread is what was discussed in high school...

Grow up and broaden your horizons kids....There is more to life that physical beauty...The world is seeing beyond that..

Beauty is relative and not subjected to the outside appearance alone...

bawizle:

lmao...aabeg make i whole my ass cos its not so large for me to laugh out. u wey de talk, u just go google go check 4 states come here de form geographer. lol. Just kidding.

Google Ke...I be certified Texan o...lol

dr_dolittle:

Na all of una be olodo! Giving a general overview of location is quite different from giving a specific description. Saying Osun is around Lagos is still acceptable as long as they are both South West states. Florida and Texas are both in the south and can in no way be compared with Texas and the Eastern part of the U.S.A.e.g Virginia. I was just giving a map location description and not specific travel distance descriptions..my fellow olodo housemates I agree with una sha but I wasnt too specific enough and that was where you all wanted to eat me up before my time. Haba! Ok I no vex!

Lol I just dey mess with your head. I couldnt help it. You try...I give you A2 abi na B2 dem dey call am now

dr_dolittle:

Do you see the bolded part? I laughed in Chinese when I read that part. Texas is down south o..beside Florida and Louisiana..

But the koko be say...u don get am!! Just try memorize it in case u wanna lecture your younger ones.

Congrats once more brov..You are now a ' yo! howdy?' dude!

Olodo lol... You sef dey make person laugh in Greek...Texas is no where near Florida. Louisiana yes but Florida heck No...Texas is surrounded by the following states: New Mexico, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Louisiana... No go dey fall person hand o lol

jp philips:


Another Nigerian movie, please we need to know more about your parents and how Nigerian they are, it will take 24 chief priests, 50 pastors and 52 oracles to convince me that 85% of Nigerian ladies that hardly ever come out of their pockets by default will automatically share responsibilities with their spouse without loyalty issues, rem i have witnessed such loyalty conflicts first hand, not anecdotes or movies.
koro-koro. are you not aware that a major tribe in Nigeria culturally refers to wives as "ORI-AKU" meaning, "meant to spend or squander". how can a wife with an "ORI-AKU" mentality be loyal when she is paying the bills with you? this group constitute almost 50% of the Nigerian populace, so who exactly are we referring to? the majority or the microscopic minority that were trained overseas?

your position on this issue totally eludes common sense.

Hey my duty is not to convince you or any other person for that matter but just because the Nigerian culture is a certain way does not mean that everyone chooses to think and adopt every Nigerian culture- good and bad. Some people have the common sense to adopt the good parts of the culture and weed out the parts that are not so good or healthy. Life experiences teaches some people to change the way they think. You cannot use one real life example to make a general conclusion about an entire populace. Maybe all the people you have seen unfortunately have that mentality but what I have seen are people who belong to the spectrum of individuals with a more refined mode of thinking. If a woman starts having issues with loyalty because she is fortunate to pay the bills around the house then a big SHAME on her. Its more of a personality issue than a cultural issue in my own personal opinion and yes society may have shaped her mode of thinking but if she is one with a broad horizon who is looking to change for the better then she will do well to change the way she thinks and work on her personality.

Shinatu:

@Ecalos,
I observed that you used the word 'help' to describe your husband washing of the plates in an earlier post,i.e 'he helpes me to.....' but did not use the same word when you mentioned the bills you pay, i.e 'I pay......', you did not say 'I help him pay......',is it that you beleive that house work is mainly your thing and if he does it he is helping you, but financial responsibility is both yours and his?


Why I ask is that, this is the general beleive in Nigeria, people are quick to let you know that if your husband does anything in the house, he is just helping you, you see working mothers with husbands with no
jobs looking for house helps/keeper to manage the home, because you are not expected to'turn your husband into a househelp because he does not have a job/money!'

Well until you mentioned the grammatical usage, that was never in my thoughts when I was typing that. Him washing the dishes and me paying some bills is both our responsibility. When I was growing up in Nigeria, both my brothers and I had to learn to cook and had to learn to do the dishes and cleaning up the house. We all learnt all we needed to learn. Not only did I learn to cook and wash dishes, I also learnt to change flat tires, check my engine oil, wash the car and do some random "handyman" chores around the house. The whole reasoning behind this was my parents kept saying "you will never know where you will find yourself in the future so its better to be as well rounded as you can". And truth be told I found myself in a foreign land living independently and having to do all this by myself so it all paid off in the end.

the koko of the dodo is a man should not try to buy respect through his role as the main contributor of financial resources in the household...he should earn respect not just from his wife but also from society by being a man of integrity spcially mentally spititually intellectually and in all other areas...that way people will see him and truly call him blessed

acidtalk:

Thanks a bunch for this.
Its obvious you don't reside oin Nigeria but I believe I and so many other people found this comment very useful.

Once again, thanks so much.

Nigeria or no Nigeria the same concept applies and thats the point I am trying to drive across...I lived in Nigeria for 24 years before moving to the States...My parents have been married for 28 years and what i just described to you is how my parents have been sharing their resources. They still live in Nigeria and still do the same.. There are times where my dad made more and he contributed more and times where my mum made so much more and contributed more than my dad did..At this present moment, my mum makes more than my dad and they still share resources equitably. They both shared in paying school fees and all that. That has and will never stop my mum from respecting my dad because he sure is a man of integrity who treats her right and never let his ego get the best of him..My dad still washes dishes, he still cooks for my mum and all that so Nigeria or no Nigeria, the same rule and concept applies

acidtalk:

Nice contribution and very enlightening comment I must confess.

Please, I am curious to know, Do you share responsibilities with your husband? And at what point did you both decide on who does what (financially) in the marriage? Was it prior to when you both got married, few weeks/months after, or when things became quite unnearable for the man?

I will really appreciate your response.
Thanks in advance.

We decided before we got married that responsibilities were going to be shared. We were both on the same page with our ideas on finances and that just worked out well for us. Neither of us had that mentality that he had to be the sole provider and i the sole house keeper.

First of all, we both make similar incomes but his is slightly higher than mine since he works overtime a lot and I dont. I prepared a financial schedule for us and on the spreadsheet, i listed our incomes and then broke down all the bills we will have to pay every month. Based on both our earnings, we shared how best we will allocate resources to those bills, how much goes into savings and investments, how much goes into entertainment (datenight, lunch dates etc) and so on. At the end of it all, what worked best for us is as follows:

I pay the internet bill, the netflix bill and my phone bill while he takes care of our rent, our electricity and gas, our auto insurance and some others. We save a certain percentage after paying all these bills and since the bills I take care of are not that many, the savings percentage comes from my check and goes into our joint account and the rest is shared as follows: we both put a certain percentage to our joint checking which takes care of gas, groceries and household items and the rest goes to both our personal checkings which we use for lunch outings with coworkers, manicures, clothing, surprise gifts and so on.

Around the house, I do most of the cooking and he helps me wash the dishes after I have prepared him a wonderful meal. I hate vacuuming but he loves doing that so he vacuums while I dust and arrange all furniture and I wash the bathroom since I love washing bathrooms.

I sense a lot of Ego wars going on amongst some men..

Let me break this down with my own opinion.

First and foremost, Money DOES NOT equal to respect. It never did and it never will. Material Wealth will never ever bring any one respect. It might bring an illusion of some flattery but that can never be described as respect. What is respect? It is a positive feeling of esteem and it could also mean to genuinely honor another and to treat the other the way you will love to be treated.

I think the kind of "respect" the poster is referring to is more of subordination and it seems like he is implying the man providing for his family will make his wife "fear" him the way we all feared our parents when we were kids because of what they could do to us if we messed up. That may be ok in parent-child relationship but the relationship between a man and a wife is totally different. Its supposed to be like the relationship between best friends where everyone recognizes their strength and try to fill in the gap where the other is weak.

My husband earned his respect from me way before we got married so if a man is just trying to start the process of gaining respect while he is already married, the in my opinion something is wrong somewhere.
With that said, here is what we do in our home. How did he earn his respect? He is a man of his word, he treats other people and not just me with dignity, he is humble, he is gentle and very forgiving. He does not insist on his own way and above all he seeks God first before making any decision no matter how trivial.

So at this point no matter how little or how great he makes monetarily, he has my respect as he continually shows himself as a man of integrity which for me will never ever be earned with money...

At first i used to be one that will say No to adoption just because of the way society saw it and also as a result of how one of my Aunt treated her adopted child but thank God I have grown and seen how a lot of people care for their adopted kids and will adopt as many without even thinking twice...

Adopting a kid and taking care of the kid like yours should be a part of everyday life. I think its a wonderful thing to do and be our brothers keeper....

YESSSSSSSSSSSSS my hubby and I will adopt in a heart beat..We plan on doing that already

Filani Thanks for the clarification. You are totally right I see your point... Yes she has a part in it to and she needs to check herself and see if she was being the best wife that she could be to her husband. So that theis does not repeat itself again if she does decide to let go of her current hubby

THats why Nigeria will keep remaining backwards...Some people suggesting they should have done it in the hospital...Who cirumcises women in this day and age....RUBBISH....Culture my A**

I wonder how many men would accept their wives and even try to "fight for their wives if the man was unable to get his wife pregnant and due to external pressures, the wife gets pregnant for another man.... How many men will try to win the wife back or still want to stay with her inspite of and just hope for the best and accept the child....

By the way my post was refering to Filani

So Filani is she supposed to be watching her every man's moveA man that wants to cheat will cheat no matter how much she guides the goal post or not...Every one gets tempted but the man was stupid enough to fall rather than stand strong and resist the devil...

The problem here is that stupid Nigerian culture that thinks that the woman has the power to produce a child of her own accord and power. Who gave any human the right to place such a high premium of having kids. Kids are a gift from God and its up to God to decide to either bless a couple with one or not and if he doesnt then find other thing to do with your life and not wrap you life around having children....

P.s my aunt has been married 25 years and no kids yet her relationship with her husband is one to be emulated...I have lived with them so i know what i am saying...they spend their time giving to the community rather than running helter skelter trying to help God give them a child...

Its funny how everyone is saying shoe Love, stay put, Forgive and forget blah blah bla...Out of every single one that has given their advice, how many of you have been put in this position the woman has been put in? I bet none of you so in essences, its easy to say love the girl and the baby and all that crap...Don't tell her to do what you will not do if faced with the same situation.

Poster, since this has happened to you, then I believe its a burden you can bear because God does not place on us burdens we cannot bear. Without a lot of necessary information, its hard to see where the problem lies but I am just going to go based on everything you have posted instead of trying to find where the fault lies.

You husband as betrayed your trust because I am sure when you guys got married, you made vows of faithfulness to each other and vows to stick with each other for better for worse and in sickness and health.. The "worse" came which was inability to bear children and rather than stick with you, he decided to "help God" by sleeping with your employee and she got pregnant...I still do not understand Nigerians and desperation for kids. Yes children make the house fun and all BUT they are gifts from God and its God's choice to either bless you with kids or not. I will blame it on the still high level of illiteracy of many Nigerians.

Trust once broken can NEVER be put back together. It will get healed but there will ALWAYS be a scar. Now the choice is yours. God's grace is sufficient for us and if He gives you the grace to deal with this maturely and love this man inspite of all the troubles you are going through then please by all means tap into that sufficient grace. If on the other hand, you know you will always hold this against your husband till death do you part and if you will harbor resentment in your heart and hatred then I really don't see anything wrong with you dissolving this marriage. He broke the vows and covenant and yes God HATES divorce but he gave us a condition under which we could divorce and that's ADULTERY which your husband has clearly committed. If your heart cannot bear this act of betrayal then I don't see the point trying to stay in an unhappy marriage for the rest of your life...Nigerians and their sometimes stupid cultures and ideals that make you suffer all in the name of impressing societal demands.

So my long story short, pray hard and ask god for wisdom to teach you the right thing to do. Dont be scared to do what he requires of you. In your case you still love your husband which is commendable and if you do decide to stay with him inspite of, under no condition must you ever hold this against him...you must totally forgive and forget and let it go and if you decide to live with him and accept the child and the new wife then you must follow up that decision by acting respectfully toward them and treating them like you would your own....

Poster,

First of all, that's why the bible says do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. You are now finding it difficult to handle the differences in religious beliefs between you and your husband. You are already married so this point does not apply anyways.

Secondly, You have no right whatsoever to try to condemn whatever your husband chooses to believe in. Just like he has no right to condemn whom you choose to worship. The problem we Christians have is we are so condemnatory of people who don't hold the same beliefs or interpretations of the bible as we do and honestly that's not what Christianity is about. Only God has the power to do the work of revealing himself to your husband if he chooses to do so but if not all you can do is keep being the submissive and respectful wife your bible teaches you to be and hope that your attitude will let him see that your relationship with God is making you a better person. Right now, there is no way he can see it since family members, pastors and what not dislike him...I mean why should we dislike an atheist because of what he/she believes in...I thought our relationship with God was supposed to teach us love and not hatred towards other people. Even Jesus related so well with other non-believers and he was more condeming of religious fanatics who felt they knew it all...I am not saying you should condone his stand but learn to live peaceably with him and stop trying to create a fire where there is none....

Your quiet and humble spirit stands a chance of drawing him closer to God than you being on his case and confronting him and shouting religion down his throat. As for your kids, please realize that no matter what you and your husband tell them, your kids will grow up to be their own people and make their own decisions depending on where life takes them.

So please guard your home and stop opening it up to external influences... Stop letting what other people say dictate your actions...You were living in peace before you started going to church and becoming a fanatic and now that you have involved all the pastors and congregational members, you are turning your home into a chaotic one. Yes I love the fact that you have a good relationship with God but please DO NOT ACT LIKE A PHARISEE....

Hey Poster, let me share something with you..Think about it deeply...

I jokingly asked my fiance if I could keep my maiden name when we get married and here was his reply:

"You can keep your maiden name as long as you allow me to not wear my wedding ring since I am not used to putting on rings"

Now for me, It is important to me that my future husband put on his wedding ring since its a sign of our commitment to each other. This does not mean that he wont go astray etc but the ring symbolizes the commitment we made to each other in the eyes of God and man.

For him, his future wife taking on his last name means a lot to him because it signifies unity in the eyes of God and man.

So here is my opinion on the issue, to take his last name or not solely depends on both of you. You both have every right to choose what works best for you. There is no law that says you have to take on your husband's name and just because its "tradition" does not mean tradition is right. Taking on your husband's name means different things to different people. So both of you need to sit down and discuss and reach a feasible compromise. Now if this means a lot to you such that you cant imagine taking on his name, then you might want to revisit the relationship and see if this is worth fighting for or not. It might seem a trivial issue but in all honesty thats how resentment and hatred breeds in later on. So both of you should sit down and thrash it out before walking down that aisle.

Thank you Lord that even though am Nigerian, am not married to one....May God deliver most Nigerians from their backward thinking mentality...Peace out....

^^^^Agiboma, the only reason why people are hammering on your case is because they know you are saying the truth. Nigerians are a prideful bunch for the most part and they do not like it when "foreigners" say anything negative about their country even though what the foreigner says may be 150% correct, Its an ego thing, We all know how messed up our country is and we only hope for a better Nigeria in the future. But there is really no need living in Denial.

To the poster, I will say You husband comes first even before your kids. Don't ever misplace that scale of preference, I understand how mothers love their kids to death but never should our kids come before our husbands (yeah some will say it depends on the kind of husband you have but whatever). Test the land first before uprooting those teenagers to a land they have never been to, If anything, I believe you and your husband can go live in Naija while your kids finish up their schooling in the UK. The character and morality of a child does not necessarily stem from the environment they get raised in. Responsibility begins at home so no matter how much you think raising them in naija will make them more "responsible", it will never happen if you do not raise your children the way you are supposed to -In the Lord.

^^^^Am American- Biracial (mum is white, dad is black)

NRI

I am not a Nigerian by any means but I have a lot of family members married to Nigerians even though we tried to prevent them from doing so (probably a wrong idea), The more I study about the vast cultural differences, the more I cringe inside, I am only interested in Nigerian things because of my family members married to them.

If stuff like this still exists then y'all need to check yourselves, Dont keep giving foreigners a bad image about your nation, I can understand if this was prevalent in the dark ages but if my generation (my age group) is still paying attention to suc archaic, animalistic traditions then I am really concerned, I dont need to know the details about the tradition but the little I see is enough to make me not wanna know nothing about it,

Our generation should be about change if we want to see a progress in the mentality of people, Let the change begin with you and I, Tradition does not equal word of God and the word of God surpasses any and every stone age tradition,

Ghali,

Geeze Lois,

Now I see why Nigeria is still a THIRD WORLD NATION and probably will always be,

sexyliano:

all man-loving-men in nigeria are christian because there religion support it. Ibo culture support it too. Nigeria has no muslim man-loving-men and insha Allah, we shall get rid of them someday by force or by deporting all of them back to accursed ibo land.

That is a rather ignorant and unintelligent statement to make. I am going to just give you the benefit of doubt and assume you were just being sarcastic,