na wah o

This is a very serious issue!!! Fello Nairalanders, have you considered the fact that Naija might continue to be in this PHCN darkness for many years to come? Have at the back of your mind also that while you use less that N500 worth of power in a month, you will pay PHCN a minimum of N1500 for that month (whether u like it or not). And if you refuse to pay, they will bring ladder and cut you off.
That is where our solution comes in. We must take back what is ours, enough of cheating. If we will have no light, let us know we have no light and let and individual use that N1,500 to fuel his generator (where it lats no matter, you go know say u enjoy ur N1,500)
Here is my proposition: Whenever NEPA officials come to cut light off teh pole in ur street, once the official is on the pole and entangling the wire, someone far from that vicinity should target the leg of the man on the pole (that kin long range rifle wey den dey use for American film), shoot the man leg (NO KILL AM O).

Seriously, by the time two of such incidents are recorded in surulere, 2 in Agege, 1 in Ikorodu. it will send a clear signal to NEPA or PHCN, hold ur light let us hold our money.

Then, let all the Nigerian youth put their hands on the table, let us think of alternative power source that is cheap and affordable.

Test 1: If you did not use this exercise book then your primary school education is not correct and full proof:





Test 2: You must be able to recite/sing at least 10 of the under listed BY HEART:



Some have food but cannot eat, some can eat but have no food. We have food and we can eat. Glory be to thee o Lord. Amen.





The day is bright is bright and fair

oh happy day, the day of joy

The day is bright is bright and fair

oh happy day, the day of joy

mama jellof rice!





oh my home o my home

oh my home o my home

wen shall i see my home

wen shall i see my nativeland

i will never forget my home!





holiday is coming [2x]

no more warning bells

no more teachers cane.

goodbye teachers, goodbye scholars

I'm going 2

Enjoy my holiday [2x]



h-i-p- for d hip

p-o-p-o for d hipopo

and t-a-m-u-s for the hipopotamus1

hipoptamus!





parents listen to your children

we are the leaders of tomorrow

try and pay our school fees

and give us good education





I am a little sailor boy that comes from the sea

that comes from the sea to marry you

Oh will u marry marry marry

will you you marry me?





8 o'clock is d time 4 skul, dnt be l8t in d mornin.

8 o'clock is 4 boys and gals, come 2 skul in za mornin.





Morning has broken, like the 1st morning, blackbirds have spoken, like the 1st word

Praise for the singing. Praise for the morning, Praise for the evening, Fresh from the world.



Closing time in the afternoon:

Now the day is over, night is drawing nigh, shadows of the evening, still across the skies

Glory to the father, Glory to the son, And to thee blessed spirit, Whilst all ages run, Amen!





rain rain go away

come another noda day

Little children want to play





Tisha jowo, mo fe jegba temi

nami lowo, mashe nami nidi, tidimi babe,

mape baba mi wa, baba mi, a ba e ja.





all things bright and beautiful, all creature great and small

all things bright and wonderful,

the lord god made them all.

He gave us eyes to see them

And lips that we might tell

He gave us "something" colors

And made the mighty se E E E





Bojuboju o oh! Oloro m'bo! e para mo o oh!

Se kin se, Shee!! she she she she Shee!!

E pere Mi Heey! Eni toloro ba mu , a paaa je (A paa jee!!)







Jack and Jill went up to a hill,

To fetch a pail of water

jack fell down and broke his Leg,

And jill came tumnling after(wonder what they really went to do up that hill)





sanda lily sanda lily,

sanda lily sanda li,

if u know where to go,

you will no when to stop

2x





my mother, who sat and watched my infant head

when sleeping on my cradle bed, and tear affectionately shed,

My Mother

When pain and sickness makes me cry, you gaze upon my heavy eye

and pray to God that i shouldn’t die,

My Mother,





prayer is the key 2x

prayer is the master key

Jesus started with prayer

and ended with prayer

prayer is the master key, ACTION (then we start demonstrating without singing)





Row Row Row your Boat

Gently down the stream

Merrily merrily merrily merrily

Life is but a dream.







old Rodger is dead and gone to his grave, hmm!!, haa!!, gone to his grave

he planted an apple tree over his head, hmm!!, haa!!, over his head

the apple grew ripe and ready to drop, hmm!!, haa!!, ready to drop

there came an old woman to pick them all up, hmm!!, haa!!, pick them all up

old Rodger got up and gave a knock, hmm!!, haa!!, gave her a knock

cant remember the rest.



papa mama school no dey,

wetin happen?

our teacher dey smoke gari for school

which kind gari?

ijebu gary

, cele wata,

calabar groundnut

ondo suger





SOME RIVERS IN AFRICA ARE

SOME RIVERS IN AFRICA ARE

NILE, NIGER,

BENUE, CONGO

ORANGE, LIMPONPO

ZABENZI



Solomon grundy,

born on Monday

christening on Tuesday

married on Wednesday…



Nice Weekend.

November last year, I got a alert on my phone that my account has been credited with 12,750,000. I was surprised cause its an account I have not used for over 9 months with less than 1k in it. about 17mins later, the money was debited from the account. I know it was used for fraud by the account officer.

Im not saying it doesnt happen. there is this case of a guy who said his 75k was deducted via ATM without his knwing. the bank insisted he used teh atm but he vehemently denied causing mayhem in the bank hall. fortunately, the atm machine has a secret camera that snaps u once u withdraw. he was called into an office and asked if he has ever sent someone to use his card on his behald but he said no. the went to teh recorded dates the money was deducted and tallied it with the recorded snapshots teh atm took on those days and alas, it was teh man's younger brother. the guy recognised his brother and his was asked to bring him.

the guy went home and pretended all was fine, asked his brother to follw him to teh bank so he could get some money for him to buy some stuff. the thief brother not suspecting jack went along. they got to teh bank and alas, he was shown his picture when he was using his brother's card. that was how teh bubble busted.
Be careful with the court suit. the person u never knew has your password might be playing on you.

Why are they calling the guy a fraud? Is he not just trying to clear an important issue. besides, more than 70% of Nigerian youths are faced with this particular issue. If the guy is a fraud, i believe others will benefit from the reasonable posts others are posting.

@hafees

I wonder why most Nigerians term everything as scam. Someone on teh portal asked about teh free online UNITAR course and I gave the link, hafees here says Seun should delete the link and the Seun (whoever that is) actually went ahead to delete the link. Cant you first of all google it. Its is a free course being run by the United Nations Institue for Training and Research (UNITAR).
Hafees, the www is not just for you to share jokes and run people down. I know people that developed themselves with teh help of teh internet. Can you grow up.

I started with UAC on N5,000 without computer experience. left and joined a publishing firm for 15,000 (where i learnt my computer skills). Now I'm with KPMG on a N170,000 per month. the best is get the job, read-up free materials, do free cources online (UNITAR courses) and add them to your CV. Once you get a better job, do your masters and move up.

the same numbers has been calling a lawyer friend of mine since yesternight. Call him twice in my car this morning and can you imagine teh request? "Hello, please help me struck my mother-in-law with madness, she is responsible for my ill-luck."

I think its all a bid to make u call back the numbers. God protect us o.

Do not go to the toilet for the whole duration of your flight.

Do not carry any kind of container into the airport, or onto the plane.

Do not request for a window seat. Do not ask to sit in the aisle. Any request for specific seating may be indications of a premeditated plot.

If you are given food during the flight, ask the flight attendant not to give you cutlery. A Nigerian with sharp implements on a plane is asking to be arrested.

Do keep your hands in plain sight during the flight. Do not look too happy or too sad.

Do not be too polite to flight attendants.

Do not be aggressive or have aggressive thoughts toward flight attendants

Try not to have any form of carry on luggage. If you do, make sure it contains nothing suspicious or dangerous like pens, pencils, paper, or a calculator, as these are common bomb making materials.

Do not carry any electronic items that may be used to communicate with the Taliban ,or used for surveillance, like cell phones, iPods, walkmans, electric toothbrushes or cameras.

NEVER travel with your laptop computer,

Never travel if you have any kind of tribal marks. That includes the small marks you have managed to cover with facial hair.

Do not travel to the U.S if you are an engineer, if you have ever lived in London, or if your father is a banker.

Do not talk to other Nigerian on the same flight as you. It makes other people nervous.

Do not ask to be upgraded to first class or business class. Sitting too close to the front of the plane makes the pilot nervous.

Never admit to your fellow passengers that you are Nigerian. If asked, say you are from the Republic of Zamunda in East Africa.

When you are getting onto the plane, do not even glance at the cockpit.

Women, do not wear wigs, weaves or hair pieces. Any form of disguise is suspicious.

Take a cold shower before coming to the airport. Sweating and scratching yourself is a sign of nervousness. Why are you nervous?

Do not fart on the plane. Noxious smells might indicate you have bomb making chemicals hidden in your underpants.

Do not go home with the free magazines in the plane. Yes, it says “ free”, but that is just a test. Leave the plane with those magazines and you’ll be arrested.

Wear clean underwear and be ready for a full body/cavity search.

Do not carry any potentially dangerous or toxic substances onto the plane like toothpaste, cough mixture, bottled water, mouthwash, lipstick, chewing gum or baby formula. Make sure your baby’s diapers are empty.

Do not get angry with fellow passengers, for any reason, even if it’s their fault. You will still be arrested and sent to Guantanamo Bay.

Do not travel by air into, out of, or across the U.S if you are Muslim.

Muslim is defined as :

Any person with a suspicious name like Mohammed, Fatal, Fatima, Barrack or Ibrahim, or if your last name starts with El-, Al-, or Abdul-.All Nigerian Alhajis, Alhajas, Alfas and Imams are forbidden from entering U.S airspace

Anyone that has ever entered a mosque.

Anyone that knows what a mosque is.

Anyone that dresses in long flowing garments.

Anyone that has a beard.

NOTE: If you converted from Islam to Christianity, you are still classified as Muslim.

Always travel with some kind of proof that you are a Christian. Preferably always travel with your pastor.

Do not attract attention to yourself. Do not drive to the airport in your Mercedes or Honda like a typical Nigerian. Instead, drive an American car like Pontiac or Chevy. You may be mistaken for an American. Or Haitian.

Do not ask to drink soda, tea or coffee in the airport or on the plane. Always ask for alcohol to prove you are not a Muslim.

Do not travel by air in the U.S if you have ever had a parking ticket, extra-marital affair, stolen stationary from your office, or if you have ever exceeded the speed limit. This is a sign of severe subversive terrorist behavior.

Do not travel on or around Christmas day or on September 11th. Avoid travelling on or around Easter, Thanks Giving , Independence day or New year’s Day. Avoid traveling on Muslim holidays. Avoid air travel in the summer or winter. (NOTE: no specific reason, its just to piss you off)

YORUBA People, PLEASE!!! Do not prostrate to greet your elders at the airport. People may thing you are dodging bullets or protecting yourself from a bomb blast.

NEVER, EVER carry any kind of Nigerian food onto a US aircraft.

No, do not wear agbadas, head ties, wrappers, danshikis, etc to the airport. It is not recommended. They make you look very un-American, and therefore potentially dangerous.

Do not act like a typical Nigerian for the duration of the flight. This includes speaking any language other than “American English”. Speaking any “funny” language is to be avoided. If you have elderly parents that do not speak “American”, they should NOT speak for the duration of the flight. If spoken to, their response to anything should be “Yeah man”.

DO not talk to your fellow passengers. Statements like “hello” might be misconstrued to be “Hello, you are my next victim”. Statements like “ Hello, my name is Mohammed”, may be interpreted as “my name is Mohammed and I’m gonna blow up this goddam plane”.

Do not wear large afros that may conceal weapons or bombs.

Do not carry any kind of document , newspaper or book that contains any form of Arabic inscription or writing. You will be detained until a translator can be found.

Do not argue when you are told your luggage is over weight. Apologise profusely and pay double what they ask you for excess luggage.

Do not go to the toilet for the whole duration of your flight.

Do not carry any kind of container into the airport, or onto the plane.

Do not request for a window seat. Do not ask to sit in the aisle. Any request for specific seating may be indications of a premeditated plot.

If you are given food during the flight, ask the flight attendant not to give you cutlery. A Nigerian with sharp implements on a plane is asking to be arrested.

Do keep your hands in plain sight during the flight. Do not look too happy or too sad.

Do not be too polite to flight attendants.

Do not be aggressive or have aggressive thoughts toward flight attendants

Try not to have any form of carry on luggage. If you do, make sure it contains nothing suspicious or dangerous like pens, pencils, paper, or a calculator, as these are common bomb making materials.

Do not carry any electronic items that may be used to communicate with the Taliban ,or used for surveillance, like cell phones, iPods, walkmans, electric toothbrushes or cameras.

NEVER travel with your laptop computer,

Never travel if you have any kind of tribal marks. That includes the small marks you have managed to cover with facial hair.

Do not travel to the U.S if you are an engineer, if you have ever lived in London, or if your father is a banker.

Do not talk to other Nigerian on the same flight as you. It makes other people nervous.

Do not ask to be upgraded to first class or business class. Sitting too close to the front of the plane makes the pilot nervous.

Never admit to your fellow passengers that you are Nigerian. If asked, say you are from the Republic of Zamunda in East Africa.

When you are getting onto the plane, do not even glance at the cockpit.

Women, do not wear wigs, weaves or hair pieces. Any form of disguise is suspicious.

Take a cold shower before coming to the airport. Sweating and scratching yourself is a sign of nervousness. Why are you nervous?

Do not fart on the plane. Noxious smells might indicate you have bomb making chemicals hidden in your underpants.

Do not go home with the free magazines in the plane. Yes, it says “ free”, but that is just a test. Leave the plane with those magazines and you’ll be arrested.

Wear clean underwear and be ready for a full body/cavity search.

Do not carry any potentially dangerous or toxic substances onto the plane like toothpaste, cough mixture, bottled water, mouthwash, lipstick, chewing gum or baby formula. Make sure your baby’s diapers are empty.

Do not get angry with fellow passengers, for any reason, even if it’s their fault. You will still be arrested and sent to Guantanamo Bay.

Do not travel by air into, out of, or across the U.S if you are Muslim.

Muslim is defined as :

Any person with a suspicious name like Mohammed, Fatal, Fatima, Barrack or Ibrahim, or if your last name starts with El-, Al-, or Abdul-.All Nigerian Alhajis, Alhajas, Alfas and Imams are forbidden from entering U.S airspace

Anyone that has ever entered a mosque.

Anyone that knows what a mosque is.

Anyone that dresses in long flowing garments.

Anyone that has a beard.

NOTE: If you converted from Islam to Christianity, you are still classified as Muslim.

Always travel with some kind of proof that you are a Christian. Preferably always travel with your pastor.

Do not attract attention to yourself. Do not drive to the airport in your Mercedes or Honda like a typical Nigerian. Instead, drive an American car like Pontiac or Chevy. You may be mistaken for an American. Or Haitian.

Do not ask to drink soda, tea or coffee in the airport or on the plane. Always ask for alcohol to prove you are not a Muslim.

Do not travel by air in the U.S if you have ever had a parking ticket, extra-marital affair, stolen stationary from your office, or if you have ever exceeded the speed limit. This is a sign of severe subversive terrorist behavior.

Do not travel on or around Christmas day or on September 11th. Avoid travelling on or around Easter, Thanks Giving , Independence day or New year’s Day. Avoid traveling on Muslim holidays. Avoid air travel in the summer or winter. (NOTE: no specific reason, its just to piss you off)

YORUBA People, PLEASE!!! Do not prostrate to greet your elders at the airport. People may thing you are dodging bullets or protecting yourself from a bomb blast.

NEVER, EVER carry any kind of Nigerian food onto a US aircraft.

No, do not wear agbadas, head ties, wrappers, danshikis, etc to the airport. It is not recommended. They make you look very un-American, and therefore potentially dangerous.

Do not act like a typical Nigerian for the duration of the flight. This includes speaking any language other than “American English”. Speaking any “funny” language is to be avoided. If you have elderly parents that do not speak “American”, they should NOT speak for the duration of the flight. If spoken to, their response to anything should be “Yeah man”.

DO not talk to your fellow passengers. Statements like “hello” might be misconstrued to be “Hello, you are my next victim”. Statements like “ Hello, my name is Mohammed”, may be interpreted as “my name is Mohammed and I’m gonna blow up this goddam plane”.

Do not wear large afros that may conceal weapons or bombs.

Do not carry any kind of document , newspaper or book that contains any form of Arabic inscription or writing. You will be detained until a translator can be found.

Do not argue when you are told your luggage is over weight. Apologise profusely and pay double what they ask you for excess luggage.

New Rules of Air travel for Nigerians heading for the United  States

Do not go to the toilet for the  whole duration of your flight.

Do not carry any kind of  container into the airport, or onto the plane.

Do not request for a window seat.  Do not ask to sit in the aisle. Any request for specific seating may be  indications of a premeditated plot.

If you are given food during the  flight, ask the flight attendant not to give you cutlery.  A Nigerian  with sharp implements on a plane is asking to be arrested.

Do keep your hands in plain sight  during the flight. Do not look too happy or too sad.

Do not be too polite to flight  attendants.

Do not be aggressive or have  aggressive thoughts toward flight attendants

Try not to have any form of carry  on luggage. If you do, make sure it contains nothing suspicious or dangerous  like pens, pencils, paper, or a calculator, as these are common bomb making  materials.

Do not carry any electronic items  that may be used to communicate with the Taliban ,or used for surveillance, like  cell phones, iPods, walkmans, electric toothbrushes or cameras.

NEVER  travel with your laptop computer,

Never travel if you have any kind of tribal marks. That  includes the small marks you have managed to cover with facial hair.

Do not travel to the U.S if you are an engineer, if you have  ever lived in London, or if your father is a banker.

Do not talk to other Nigerian on the same flight as you. It  makes other people nervous.

Do not ask to be upgraded to first class or business class.  Sitting too close to the front of the plane makes the pilot nervous.

Never admit to your fellow passengers that you are Nigerian.  If asked, say you are from the Republic of Zamunda in East Africa.

When you are getting onto the plane, do not even glance at  the cockpit.

Women, do not wear wigs, weaves or hair pieces. Any form of  disguise is suspicious.

Take a cold shower before coming to the airport. Sweating  and scratching yourself is a sign of nervousness. Why are you nervous?

Do not fart on the plane. Noxious smells might indicate you  have bomb making chemicals hidden in your underpants.

Do not go home with the free magazines in the plane. Yes, it says  “ free”, but that is just a test. Leave the plane with those magazines and you’ll  be arrested.

Wear clean underwear and be ready for a full body/cavity  search.

Do not  carry any potentially dangerous or toxic substances onto the plane like  toothpaste, cough mixture, bottled water, mouthwash, lipstick, chewing  gum or baby formula.  Make sure  your baby’s diapers are empty.

Do not get angry with fellow passengers, for any reason,  even if it’s their fault. You will still be arrested and sent to Guantanamo  Bay.

Do not travel by air into, out of, or across the U.S if you  are Muslim.

Muslim is defined as  :

Any person with a suspicious name  like Mohammed, Fatal, Fatima, Barrack or Ibrahim, or if your last name starts  with El-, Al-, or Abdul-.All Nigerian  Alhajis, Alhajas, Alfas and Imams are forbidden from entering U.S  airspace

Anyone that has ever entered a  mosque.

Anyone that knows what a mosque  is.

Anyone that dresses in long  flowing garments.

Anyone that has a  beard.

NOTE: If you  converted from Islam to Christianity, you are still classified as  Muslim.

Always travel with some kind of  proof that you are a Christian. Preferably always travel with your pastor.

Do not attract attention to  yourself. Do not drive to the airport in your Mercedes or Honda like a typical  Nigerian. Instead, drive an American car like Pontiac or Chevy. You may be  mistaken for an American. Or Haitian.

Do not ask to drink soda, tea or  coffee in the airport or on the plane. Always ask for alcohol to prove you are  not a Muslim.

Do not travel by air in the U.S  if you have ever had a parking ticket, extra-marital affair, stolen stationary  from your office, or if you have ever exceeded the speed limit. This is a sign  of severe subversive terrorist behavior.

Do not travel on or  around Christmas day or on September 11th. Avoid travelling on  or around Easter, Thanks Giving , Independence day or New year’s Day. Avoid  traveling on Muslim holidays. Avoid air travel in the summer or winter. (NOTE:  no specific reason, its just to piss you off)

YORUBA People, PLEASE!!! Do not  prostrate to greet your elders at the airport. People may  thing you  are dodging bullets or protecting yourself from a bomb blast.

NEVER, EVER carry any kind of  Nigerian food onto a US aircraft.

No, do not wear agbadas, head ties,  wrappers, danshikis, etc to the airport. It is not recommended. They make you look  very un-American, and therefore potentially dangerous.

Do not act like a typical Nigerian for the duration of  the flight. This includes speaking any language other than “American  English”. Speaking any “funny”  language is to be avoided. If you have elderly parents that do not speak  “American”, they should NOT speak for  the duration of the flight. If spoken to, their response to anything should be  “Yeah man”.

DO not talk to your fellow passengers. Statements like  “hello” might be misconstrued to be   “Hello, you are my next victim”. Statements like “ Hello, my name is  Mohammed”, may be interpreted as “my name is Mohammed and I’m gonna blow up this  goddam  plane”.

Do not wear large  afros that may conceal weapons or bombs.

Do not carry any  kind of document , newspaper or book that contains any form of Arabic  inscription or writing. You will be detained until a translator can be  found.

Do not argue when  you are told your luggage is over weight. Apologise profusely and pay double  what they ask you for excess luggage.

 

And most importantly, only the following apparel must be worn to the airport,

walesbanks:

It wont affect so much. I was privililedged to meet and discuss with one of u.s immigration officer in newyork the following week it happened and he told me that the last year's applications will still go, but stringent measures would be applied to select winners. You already know its implications.
But he later concluded that the fate of Nigeria in the next coming visa lottery is yet to be decided. He further stressed two possibilities:
(1) The number of slots for nigeria might be reduced greatly.
(2) Nigeria might be suspended temporarily.

so, everything now is mere speculations, concrete decision is yet to be reached!

Please can you link me to any immigration officer that can help relocate to the US. I will pay anything.

Is that the response you are looking for.

OLEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I was 2 years, 7 months when I met my true love.

N10,000,000? Na Michael JACKSON U WAN WED?

Try starting ur own eatry bizness. Like making fried roaches in transparent nylon!!

N wah o. Very soon, Uganda and Zimbabwe, Benin Republic and Cotonou go follow suite.