kendrick9:
why would any sensible man make his wife next of kin,When he has sons/children?

And what makes it insensible to make a wife one's next of kin? That you don't trust your wife to do so doesn't mean others don't. It is all about upbringing, social conditioning and one's view of what a marriage is. If I may tell you, I find it senseless too to live with a wife I can't bequeath my life to. I would rather die unmarried than have a wife who isn't worthy of being my next of kin.

nedu2000:
If my wife makes life a living hell for me,I'll do d same thing
Mrs wifey look at. the mirror

If it is true that she made about 60%contribution to the cost of the house. Regardless it is her sweat and she deserves to enjoy it. You are very selfish and I don't like selfish people.


@op if you have proof that you made about 60% contribution to the cost of the house (like receipts of building materials etc). You are 50% lucky. Talk to him and if he refuses to change it. You can always go to court with your evidences.

He could have used his children rather he chose his brother.

I am still finding hard to understand how some people can be so selfish.

Selfish people deserve no empathy

Kindly check the date on these docs to ascertain if it was done b4 marrying you, then sit down and talk to him.

@OP


You have a questionable character.
Take it or leave it.


What will make a man not to use his wife as beneficiary.



Odikwa very risky Oooooo.

Most women can be very annoying, even if they have kids the man has his reasons best known to him,contributors may have listed his reasons on the thread. She claims to have contributed 60% Take a true life scenario that happened to me:

Scenario 1

ME: Police stopped me ooh, they wanna arrest me for no reason

GF/Wife: You too, what did u do, when u never sit@home and u sneak out, settle them.


Scenario 2

Me: Police stopped me ooh,they wanna arrest me for no reason.

Brother: How come?, Calm down,which area?you know its Xmas season. I am on my Way let me call my lawyer friend. They will know there laws in this country.

Its all who will be there for us in time of need

Hmm.
Shiite just got real.
I don't think I can share an account with my husband o.
Make everybody run him private account biko.
Of course borrowing is allowed.

tete7000:


And what makes it insensible to make a wife one's next of kin? That you don't trust your wife to do so doesn't mean others don't. It is all about upbringing, social conditioning and one's view of what a marriage is. If I may tell you, I find it senseless too to live with a wife I can't bequeath my life to. I would rather die unmarried than have a wife who isn't worthy of being my next of kin.

God forbid the man dies,then the woman later get married to another man? honestly i tink its a foolish idea especially if u hav kids

Dyt:


Pls post ur very own sensible one

*sighs*

Despite your contribution, something seems sinister. You both should talk It out.

BritneyStacy:
Don't know exactly what to call it; rude awakening or shocker of my life!! I stumbled on photocopies of my husband's pension's scheme form, Life Insurance form and will.

As I went through the forms, I saw that my I am not my husband's next of Kin or beneficiary!! His younger brother is!! It hurts to realise that for a house that Ђåvε̲ made more than 60percent contribution to, per adventure something happens tomorrow, I will be left at the mercy of my brother in laws!!!

I haven't confronted him yet because I don't know how to. But I intend starting a secret saving account for myself because as at now, he access to all my bank accounts. I have also decided to stop contributing a dime to the house because I don't Ђåvε̲ any stake in it!

Are my thoughts in order? Please I need suggestions...what do I do? Married men why on earth would your wife not be your next of kin?

Right now am still single, all my next of Kin details have either my brothers name or my mother. May be he used his brother as next of Kin before you married him.

woman, u r still yet to ans all d qustns asked. maybe u wud start getting beta rooms to solutns wen u ans d qustn. but in all,its well.

braine:


*sighs*

Heaves

Do you have a child? If yes, then that is very bad of your husband. From my interaction with men, most of them use their child/children as next of kin not their wife/wives.

Billyonaire:
If you have kids, then your first son should be made next-of-kin. If you have no kids, its natural for a man to make his brother the next of kin. But if you make contributions to the house, then certainly make a baby to solve these issues.

what happens to the vows of two shall be one? Why should the wife not be next of kin?

My dad is one in a million then, he made my mum next of kin despite having male and female children, his reasoning is that, when he dies, my mum should decide to do whatever she wants with what he has, leaving it with the children though good but doesn't want my mum to be at the mercy of anyone, not even his children. I think a man should protect his wife against all odds.

I really don't get some things here, how could a man delete his wife from all those? There is a problem really. Madam there are things you are not telling us.

nedu2000:
If my wife makes life a living hell for me,I'll do d same thing
Mrs wifey look at. the mirror

TheRainmaker1:
It never hurts to have a little money of your own somewhere. However, that shouldn't be simply because your husband hasn't listed you as his next-of-kin & beneficiary; after all, there's no guarantee that you'll outlive your husband.

It is possible that your husband chose his brother as next of kin, before he married you, and just hasn't deemed it necessary to review it since then (I use my younger brother as my next of kin and beneficiary for everything I do for now, because I'm not married).

This isn't something that should cause trouble, since it can easily be rectified if you talk about it.

If you already have kids, let him know that his kids should be the primary beneficiary of his investments and pension. However, if you don't have kids yet, he may not want you to be the beneficiary, as he may feel that should anything happen to him, you may marry someone else, and he has to look out for his family.

This is where the issue of love and trust come into play. I sense that you guys have trust issues, since you aren't his confidante. You need to take steps to address this, rather than running off to start saving money of your own, which may further deepen the distrust, if he finds out.

She contributed to the cost of the house. She wouldn't have done that if she did not trust him.

If she had built a house without her husband's knowledge you will crucify her but as a good woman she instead spent in on their matrimonial home. It is unfair to deny her her right.

Dyt:


Heaves

I tire for your matter ontop this Nairaland. Just go away jare.

Justfollowit:


If it is true that she made about 60%contribution to the cost of the house. Regardless it is her sweat and she deserves to enjoy it. You are very selfish and I don't like selfish people.


@op if you have proof that you made about 60% contribution to the cost of the house (like receipts of building materials etc). You are 50% lucky. Talk to him and if he refuses to change it. You can always go to court with your evidences.

He could have used his children rather he chose his brother.

I am still finding hard to understand how some people can be so selfish.

Selfish people deserve no empathy

I bet. U she's exaggerated the property she owns,as par usual.....'Cos her hubby uses his money to buy her a car in her name doesn't mean she contributed to that piece of property
I don't like. Selfish people either,besides its not as if he's going to his grave with all his money,he's gonna give it.out!! But not to his 'dear' wife

braine:


I tire for your matter ontop this Nairaland. Just go away jare.

Na wetin u wan tell the op be that?

You just said you contributed over 60%, might be true or maybe a way to get readers on your side. That's bytheway. Now the truth is, no man uses his wife as next of kin (especially if he wants to have his family going even after death), no doubt he can will some properties to her. From the questions which you're yet to reply to, I assume you don't have a child yet, then if that's the case don't expect to be his next of kin of highest beneficiary of his property. Naturally we trust our siblings more than anyone else except in cases when they have done things that killed that trust. So his brother is the best bet for a next of kin when he hasn't got a kid yet.

majekdom2:
how arr you sure she lived her life for her a man? How could she have contributed 60 percent and never checked on the document before now? That man must have worked hard to get those properties alone. There is a difference between a will and next of kin. She needs to get enlightened.

Ma guy dis is africa......ne b everybody read book abi na igbo man 4 village u wan go dey xplain will & nxt of kin to?......d woman simply nids help abeg.....long talk no dey cook rice

diresimdi:
If there are no kids, then the man is right. If anything happens to the man, the next option for the Nigerian woman is to remarry, remarrying with the man's property is unfair to the man's brothers. The soft way is for the man to give his wife some percentage in his will since kids are not there.

this is true. it will be unfair to remarry with the mans property esp if the man is the bread winner of his extended family. Pls just pray that God give you children. But if no children then the man should make out the will in such a way as to benefit both the wife and his extended family.

firstEVA:
what happens to the vows of two hall be one? Why should the wife not be next of kin?

My dad is one in a million then, he made my mum next of kin despite having male and female children, his reasoning is that, when he dies, my mum should decide to do whatever she wants with what he has, leaving it with the children though good but doesn't want my mum to be at the mercy of anyone, not even his children. I think a pan should protect his wife against all odds.

In the event of death, the first son naturally becomes head of the family, with the assistance of the mother. Although first son is heir to estate, the mom is the manager of resources and the finances. This is not hatred, but a man has to protect himself from food poisoning when a woman catches him cheating.

kendrick9:
God forbid the man dies,then the woman later get married to another man? honestly i tink its a foolish idea especially if u hav kids

What's up with your warped reasoning bro?

Who would you rather take care of the kids, the man's family or the woman who has always had equal responsibility to ensure the kids prosper?

Please change your selfish mindset abeg

BritneyStacy:
Don't know exactly what to call it; rude awakening or shocker of my life!! I stumbled on photocopies of my husband's pension's scheme form, Life Insurance form and will.

As I went through the forms, I saw that my I am not my husband's next of Kin or beneficiary!! His younger brother is!! It hurts to realise that for a house that Ђåvε̲ made more than 60percent contribution to, per adventure something happens tomorrow, I will be left at the mercy of my brother in laws!!!

I haven't confronted him yet because I don't know how to. But I intend starting a secret saving account for myself because as at now, he access to all my bank accounts. I have also decided to stop contributing a dime to the house because I don't Ђåvε̲ any stake in it!

Are my thoughts in order? Please I need suggestions...what do I do? Married men why on earth would your wife not be your next of kin?

There are some reasons why a st*upid husband would do so;
1. Lack of trust for his wife.
2. His greedy extended family controls him.
3. Culture of his people. E.g Abiriba men Will everything to their extended family.
4. His love for you (if he had any) has faded. People Will things to someone they like or love.

No matter his reason, you contributed to the house financially and deserve a refund as he removed you from the Will.

Before you do that, please consult your lawyer. If you have the same lawyer with him, consult a different one. And make sure you go meet him or her with scanned coppies of the Will. It's very important.

The lawyer will advise you on what to do.

Billyonaire:
In the event of death, the first son naturally becomes head of the family, with the assistance of the mother. Although first son is heir to estate, the mom is the manager of resources and the finances. This is not hatred, but a man has to protect himself from food poisoning when a woman catches him cheating.

oh cheating is a compulsory thing for the man?

nedu2000:
I bet. U she's exaggerated the property she owns,as par usual.....'Cos her hubby uses his money to buy her a car in her name doesn't mean she contributed to that piece of property
I don't like. Selfish people either,besides its not as if he's going to his grave with all his money,he's gonna give it.out!! But not to his 'dear' wife

Someone is trying to be philosophical.

He is not going to give it to his dear wife after her sacrifice. I pray you experience the same thing if you had partnered with someone with in good faith and confidence that the person would do right by you. Sorry, it is not a curse and this issue is not about husband and wife. It is about what is just and fair.

If you had carefully read my post you would have realised that I based my opinion on what she claimed to have contributed. However you automatically assumed because she is a woman.

This story reminds me of a book by James Hadley Chase. A man assured his life with his wife being the beneficiary. The lady found out and automatically wished him death. She went every length to kill him and finally did. Though the clause on the contract prevented her from getting the compensation. So after reading that I realized it not so good a decision to embark on such journey. Your spouse might have other plans. Remember some couples are bonded by selfish interest or mere circumstance not necessarily love.

Not thing wrong in your husband making his brother or even sister his next of kin... It could even be that what you are fussing about now pre-date the time you meet/married him.

Am my sister next of kin from the very time first she became aware, that there is some thing as such and she is mine too. But believe me, once I settle down my children will be my next of kin on any other business transaction I may be involve in... Infact every child will inherity whatever their name is assigned to as next of kin. As for my wife, she will definitly has her own name on 1 or 2 papers also.

If man should commot ile aiye unexpect, everyone know what is due to him or her that way......

However, my will may covered and given explicity details about any other assets not covered by this...

My dear op, even when in a good relationship with your hubby i think it shouldn't stop you from having your own savings.
But come to think of it...some men are so dumb when it comes to next of kin. Unless you guys doesn't have kids but if you do, what then stops him from using his own children as his next of kin. But men should know that whatever you kept for your wife is for your children cuz definitely a woman must care for her kids no matter how stupid and dumb she could be. So wise up our men and know that if your brother/sister is not well to do, all you kept in their care will neither get to your wife nor to your children. Be wise!!

kendrick9:
God forbid the man dies,then the woman later get married to another man? honestly i tink its a foolish idea especially if u hav kids

I am not a pessimist, I always maintain optimism. Thus far my optimism has attracted good things and good godly people I can trust into my life. Even if I die, I believe what will happen afterwards will remain good. My life - my past, my present and my future remain ever in God's hand. Marriage is created by God for two to become one and I see it ever like that. I can't be wiser than God!

NemzySeries:

Haba....is making babies by her power??.....derz notin natural for a man to make his broda nxt of kin or wateva,im abt 25 & ma dad's nxt of kin has always bin ma mum.....even d cars he bought 4 her were in her names & av seen orda men do dat witout fear or second thought so watz d biggie?

You cant put excessive wealth in the hands of a woman. That is suicide. If a man is not too rich, he can make his wife his next of kin. But the moment, you get to a certain level in life, you set up a trust to manage your estate. Your wife could own 10% to 20% stake in the companies and the companies will in turn acquire assets. But naturally, your sons are heirs to your empire and your first son is next of kin, NOT your wife.