freecocoa:
It is widespread my darling, when you have men walking about with the mindset that, a woman has no excuse to refuse sex when they want, rape is what you get.

You people just say what you want sha.
Which men have u met that behave like this
If you don't like men pls stick to your women abeg
I have NEVER met any man with this sort of mentality you are peddling about here. AS if men are animals, it's disgusting.

freecocoa:
Duh! So Lagos is better than ph now, I hate lagos abeg,

Believe me Tim, it's not really about where one stays, it's more about the mindset with people, I have noticed among many men, the belief that, a woman should think of her hubby first before herself and when I ask,hope it's the same for the man? I get to be told that, "you are a woman, it can't be the same"

that's usually the case after he must have paid the bride price.

thorpido:
You can't really know about these people's sexual life like you think.Do you know that the women themselves are conditioned to accept it?Tell me how many women will tell their friends their husbands wanted to sleep with them and they refused and not be rebuked by the women?It doesn't mean the men have to beat them before sleeping with them,sometimes the woman just has to lie down and open her legs......it's still rape.

So now you are INSISTING that you know my own family members better than I do? I don't blame you, anything to make a point. This back and forth is unnecessary and unproductive. If you have been exposed to men that did such I wasn't. Stop peddling what you experienced as the norm because it isn't.

edwife:


Thank you for this phrase.That's why i laugh anytime i read about feminists here,not like i do not support a woman to be treated with regard and respect but it all end here.

Not long ago,a single top tv presenter was asked to walk out of a prestigious restaurant,an highbrow restaurant at that in the heart of Lagos,at first I was very angry but when i read their reason i was not surprised.

Very educated young women and some from privileged homes come around there to do runs,yea you heard me right and guess who complained to the manager?The MEN themselves.

We still far back....

My sister you are right to an extent, I know so because I take my own feminism beyond the internet and the response to it is very discouraging, most women can't be bothered and the ones that even give listening ears believe they can do nothing about the situation of things.

freecocoa:
It is widespread my darling, when you have men walking about with the mindset that, a woman has no excuse to refuse sex when they want, rape is what you get.

Does your boyfriend or husband have this mentality? Those of your sisters perhaps? Mother? Etc etc?
If no, then where are these men that rape the women they supposedly love at every given opportunity found na?

One guy out of a million does it and it's to paint an entire society of men as bad. Spiteful much?

5minsmadness:

You people just say what you want sha.
Which men have u met that behave like this
If you don't like men pls stick to your women abeg
I have NEVER met any man with this sort of mentality you are peddling about here. AS if men are animals, it's disgusting.

Ogbeni use ya head ya hear me so? So you don't know that being tired is reason enough not to have sex? A man who believes that's not an excuse is saying she shouldn't have an excuse and yea, there are men who reason that way.

Not everything should be spelt out for you at your age.

Btw, I like Tim, is he not a man?

coogar:


that's usually the case after he must have paid the bride price.

True, that's why that rubbish should be scrapped, starting from me.

Already told popsy.

freecocoa:
Ogbeni use ya head ya hear me so? So you don't know that being tired is reason enough not to have sex? A man who believes that's not an excuse is saying she shouldn't have an excuse and yea, there are men who reason that way.

Not everything should be spelt out for you at your age.

Btw, I like Tim, is he not a man?

NO madam, you use ya head. U sound educated so USE IT VERY WELL. How many man do you personally know that force themselves on thier wives when they say and insist that they are tired? How many I ask you? You made it sound like all men have no self control and are just looking for who to Bleep. "Widespread" my licketty black ass!

You will swear in Ogun shrine now that your boyfriend has never pleaded for sex from you and when u agreed you felt you were being raped!
Nonsensity!

5minsmadness:

Does your boyfriend or husband have this mentality? Those of your sisters perhaps? Mother? Etc etc?
If no, then where are these men that rape the women they supposedly love at every given opportunity found na?

One guy out of a million does it and it's to paint an entire society of men as bad. Spiteful much?

My boyfriend cannot have such mentality as I wouldn't continue dating someone who thinks that way, but believe it or not, I have seen such men with my two eyes, my dad has been called to judge cases bothering on the women refusing to have sex for one reason or the other.

I love to sit and talk with guys a lot, so I know what am saying.

5pages already. I can smell hypocrisy.

Even those that create threads on how women should be beaten and are on every thread to justify violence.

freecocoa:
My boyfriend cannot have such mentality as I wouldn't continue dating someone who thinks that way, but believe it or not, I have seen such men with my two eyes, my dad has been called to judge cases bothering on the women refusing to have sex for one reason or the other.

I love to sit and talk with guys a lot, so I know what am saying.

Of course you have never experienced it but you think all other married women experience it. Typical!


BTW if you are talking with guys that condone raping their wives then you are with the very wrong crowd and should consider changing your friends!

freecocoa:
Ogbeni use ya head ya hear me so? So you don't know that being tired is reason enough not to have sex? A man who believes that's not an excuse is saying she shouldn't have an excuse and yea, there are men who reason that way.

Not everything should be spelt out for you at your age.

Btw, I like Tim, is he not a man?

i can boldly say up to 80% of the nigerian married men must have been guilty of this. the problem is - many people think räpe has to be violent. clothes have to be torn, undies have to be ripped apart, etc but that's just a lame way of looking at it.

a man who refuses to eat his wifey's food is using emotional warfare to force her into sëx - that is rape. a man who refuses to give his wife money cos she refuses to have sex is also räpe if the wife later succumbs to his demand.

violence isn't the only tool necessary for räpe to take place. there are also
•threats
•coercion
•fear of duress or detention
•physchological oppression
•abuse of power

freecocoa:
True, that's why that rubbish should be scrapped, starting from me.
Already told popsy.

you mean i can walk into your house right now & whisk you away without paying a dime?

biko, gimme your address in PH before timbuktou beats me to it.

freecocoa:
You go first ask yourself, whether these women even believe it is normal for a woman to be president. It is something still considered taboo around here.

Forget the internet, Nigeria is still very backward on matters like this.

When I try to even talk to some women on women empowerment, the response I get is saddening "babe leave o, we are in Nigeria, unless you don't want to get married bla bla bla"

Sometimes I even think, the women themselves don't want a change, many Nigerian women are intellectually lazy, they fear responsibility like mad, they just want to manage to graduate, get married, have babies and enjoy their husband's money.

Applause!

Society allows it, domestic abuse in Nigeria is given barely any attention, it just isn't taken seriously enough

the alien looking kid just pop up

5minsmadness:

NO madam, you use ya head. U sound educated so USE IT VERY WELL. How many man do you personally know that force themselves on thier wives when they say and insist that they are tired? How many I ask you? You made it sound like all men have no self control and are just looking for who to Bleep. "Widespread" my licketty black ass!

You will swear in Ogun shrine now that your boyfriend has never pleaded for sex from you and when u agreed you felt you were being raped!
Nonsensity!

I don't like to engage you because you are always looking for whom to insult, don't start with me biko as I'm not in that mood.

Does rape only have to be when the woman was beaten and bruised? So you don't know that making her have sex against her will by insisting, is rape?

freecocoa:
I don't like to engage you because you are always looking for whom to insult, don't start with me biko as I'm not in that mood.

Does rape only have to be when the woman was beaten and bruised? So you don't know that making her have sex against her will by insisting, is rape?

Show me a single post where I have insulted anybody on this forum(apart from franchesca)!

My grievance with you and cougar is thinking that rape among the married is "widespread"! Wtf is that? But it's only the marriages you are involved in that are good? You just think all Nigerian men re barbaric illiterates?!? What nonsense! What abject generalization! What Immbroglio!

Majority of nigerian men are gentlemen and it is only the random few that will force themselves on thier wives and end up in the headlines to make sensational news for young folk like you to come up with sh1t like these!

5minsmadness:

Of course you have never experienced it but you think all other married women experience it. Typical!


BTW if you are talking with guys that condone raping their wives then you are with the very wrong crowd and should consider changing your friends!

I don't have to experience it to know, believe it or not, there are not many Nigerian women who reason and act like I do(not boasting)anyone who knows me will attest to that, I have been in a position where it would have been rape in the end, but it never got there because no one can guilt me into doing something I don't want to do, call it stubbornness or whatever, I'm just like that.

The point is that, these men don't see it as rape just like so many people, people think rape has to be violent but that's not usually the case.

I have great friends my dear(even if we don't share all the same ideologies) how many Nigerian women do you know that boldly tell whoever cares to listen she doesn't believe in God?

Sitting down to talk with people doesn't make them your friends, I just love to know what people think, so I seize any opportunity I get to engage them in conversations.

Coogar ride on! Educate your brothers before they disgrace us when they come to the West. That is why many Nigerian men are being thrown into jails here. You guys can go ahead and think emotional and verbal abuse is not on the same level as physical violence, but make sure you don't take the visa and come to the West.

This is the domestic violence chart. From this chart alone 99.9% of Nigerian males are guilty.

[img]http://www.cityofclarksville.com/modules/showimage.aspx?imageid=1606[/img]

Timbuktou:


Violence shouldn't be a weapon, but sadly it is very commonly used. I'm not an advocate for violence in any form, however, I'll take women seriously the day they give verbal violence the same attention they give physical violence. Like I said, unprovoked attacks are extremely rare.
I especially like your comment about no monopoly to violence: physical violence for verbal violence; seems fair. After all, all"s fair in love and war.

So, you'll slap or batter a randomn woman that abuse you in a public gathering or anywhere?

5minsmadness:

Show me a single post where I have insulted anybody on this forum(apart from franchesca)!

My grievance with you and cougar is thinking that rape among the married is "widespread"! Wtf is that? But it's only the marriages you are involved in that are good? You just think all Nigerian men re barbaric illiterates?!? What nonsense!

You were already making snide remarks, you can air your grievances without doing that.

I have never said only my relationship is good, I know how tough I have it most times because of my beliefs but I don't let all that deter me, it's not a must that you take what we write.

5minsmadness:

Show me a single post where I have insulted anybody on this forum(apart from franchesca)!

My grievance with you and cougar is thinking that rape among the married is "widespread"! Wtf is that? But it's only the marriages you are involved in that are good? You just think all Nigerian men re barbaric illiterates?!? What nonsense! What abject generalization! What Immbroglio!

Majority of nigerian men are gentlemen and it is only the random few that will force themselves on thier wives and end up in the headlines to make sensational news for young folk like you to come up with sh1t like these!

In as much as i agree that not all men rape their wives but to say majority? So who are the people who engage in jungle justice? Men who battered their kids and wives? Boko haram?

What they are saying is that marital rape is not recognise in Nigeria because most women and men do not even know what it is in the first place.

coogar:


i can boldly say up to 80% of the nigerian married men must have been guilty of this. the problem is - many people think räpe has to be violent. clothes have to be torn, undies have to be ripped apart, etc but that's just a lame way of looking at it.

a man who refuses to eat his wifey's food is using emotional warfare to force her into sëx - that is rape. a man who refuses to give his wife money cos she refuses to have sex is also räpe if the wife later succumbs to his demand.

violence isn't the only tool necessary for räpe to take place. there are also
•threats
•coercion
•fear of duress or detention
•physchological oppression
•abuse of power




you mean i can walk into your house right now & whisk you away without paying a dime?

biko, gimme your address in PH before timbuktou beats me to it.

Don't mind oga madness, well I don't really blame him because most people don't understand what rape is.

Lol, yes na, I will send you the address.

coogar:


i can boldly say up to 80% of the nigerian married men must have been guilty of this. the problem is - many people think räpe has to be violent. clothes have to be torn, undies have to be ripped apart, etc but that's just a lame way of looking at it.

a man who refuses to eat his wifey's food is using emotional warfare to force her into sëx - that is rape. a man who refuses to give his wife money cos she refuses to have sex is also räpe if the wife later succumbs to his demand.

violence isn't the only tool necessary for räpe to take place. there are also
•threats
•coercion
•fear of duress or detention
•physchological oppression
•abuse of power

BuLLSH1TTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Man's testosterone level and hence sexual drive is always going to be much higher than a woman 's (16times higher in fact!) and because of this the man is definitely going to be more prone to asking for sex more than the woman. If she refuses the first time the man will most likely plead if he is hard pressed and doesn't have a side chic outside to relieve his cravings. So anytime a woman is asked more than once into having sex and she finally agrees it has become coercion and rape? Rape of all things?!?

I get the emotional and financial blackmail u put up there but don't forget women use sex to get what they want too. They deny men sex as a form of punishment when the man refuses to meet thier request for maybe a new shoe or hat or something. They deny men sex when they want to read a good book or watch thier favourite TV movie. Sometimes they deny men sex just to watch the man squirm and beg so they can feel powerful! So the man denies them something in return. You think the men should just sit there defenceless and do NOTHING?!


What u stated above does happen but it's not widespread!

freecocoa:
You go first ask yourself, whether these women even believe it is normal for a woman to be president. It is something still considered taboo around here.

Forget the internet, Nigeria is still very backward on matters like this.

When I try to even talk to some women on women empowerment, the response I get is saddening "babe leave o, we are in Nigeria, unless you don't want to get married bla bla bla"

Sometimes I even think, the women themselves don't want a change, many Nigerian women are intellectually lazy, they fear responsibility like mad, they just want to manage to graduate, get married, have babies and enjoy their husband's money.

Absolutely correct!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Culturally , they are positioned to live on the magnanimity of men . The society pauperizes women because dependence on men glorifies men -prancing bags of ego. Independence perhaps detracts from the sex appeal furnished by dominion.
Across the cultures in Nigeria, women were almost in some ways were seen as sub-human. The female child was always considered inferior to the male child. Patriarchy meant that the cultures and traditions were merely the wishes of men. And societal leadership was the exclusive preserve of men. And the inferior women whose roles were to gather wood, cook and be married off to breed children had little real value. And a man who died without a male child -heir, lived a wasted life.

Damn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is a killer line. Wooshhh!
Independence in women is a pe.nis destroyer! The Nigerian male is attracted to the vulnerable, weak woman.

5minsmadness:


BuLLSH1TTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Man's testosterone level and hence sexual drive is always going to be much higher than a woman 's (16times higher in fact!) and because of this the man is definitely going to be more prone to asking for sex more than the woman. If she refuses the first time the man will most likely plead if he is hard pressed and doesn't have a side chic outside to relieve his cravings. So anytime a woman is asked more than once into having sex and she finally agrees it has become coercion and rape? Rape of all things?!?

if she doesn't consent naturally, it's rape. i get the bit that men have more sex drive than women but she must give consent before the man should proceed.

I get the emotional and financial blackmail u put up there bit don't forget women use sex to get what they want too. They deny men sex as a form of punishment when the man refuses to meet thier request for maybe a new shoe or hat or something. So the man denies them something in return. You think the men should just sit there defenceless and do NOTHING?!

of course, women use sex to punish men as well. it doesn't mean they are doing the right thing too. i do not think men should sit there defenceless, i am saying both parties should work out what makes them happy.

men almost always want sex - it's not always possible for women to catch up and i am saying in this case, the man should understand and wait till she's ready. he shouldn't withdraw her privileges just because she's not ready to have sex.

What u stated above does happen but it's not widespread!

in our nigeria?
the same nigeria where men see their significant other as their property? my £5 says it happens on a daily basis.

Stillfire:
Coogar ride on! Educate your brothers before they disgrace us when they come to the West. That is why many Nigerian men are being thrown into jails here. You guys can go ahead and think emotional and verbal abuse is not on the same level as physical violence, but make sure you don't take the visa and come to the West.
This is the domestic violence chart. From this chart alone 99.9% of Nigerian males are guilty.
[img]http://www.cityofclarksville.com/modules/showimage.aspx?imageid=1606[/img]

ewo!!!!!!!!!
it's not up to 99%
jeeeez - what do you take nigerian males for? a chunky percentage are even celibates - where are those in your stats. i would put it between 50-80%.

I find it very funny when people say they laugh at feminists who according to them ends here. You want equality and women to be treated well but you don't want to do anything about it. Yet you can sit down and laugh at those that are doing something. The internet is a powerful platform to reach people. Facebook would not be rich today if people did not recognise that you can reach a lot of people. At the time feminism was at its infancy in the west, there was no internet and even today the western feminists use Internet. Also how many feminists in nairaland do these people know outside nairaland for them to know that it ends here or do they want to tell us that they don't know any feminists in the real world?

freecocoa:
You go first ask yourself, whether these women even believe it is normal for a woman to be president. It is something still considered taboo around here.

Forget the internet, Nigeria is still very backward on matters like this.

When I try to even talk to some women on women empowerment, the response I get is saddening "babe leave o, we are in Nigeria, unless you don't want to get married bla bla bla"

Sometimes I even think, the women themselves don't want a change, many Nigerian women are intellectually lazy, they fear responsibility like mad, they just want to manage to graduate, get married, have babies and enjoy their husband's money.

Well said.