brownie10:


My relationship with him was very OK up till today. We pray together most times. He is caring. He opens doors sometimes, he pulls out chairs sometimes. He sometimes even cooks when Im at work for us, because though he is better paid, he has wayyyy more time than i do. Just last evening, he came to pick me after work and we went for a date.

Even now, he has gone out to get some things for the house. He was on my neck that we should go together but I just asked him to go ahead while I cook. He could sense something was amiss as he turned and asked me if something was wrong just after he stepped out of the door. He wears his wedding band proudly.

focus7:
I know how painful it is but please don't tell your mum yet, it will be resolved. If you don't mind I have sent a mail request to you, we can discuss if you reply me.

brownie10:


I honestly do not know him to be promiscuous! Yes, he's not perfect.. Yes he has his faults. But promiscuity is one fault I did not find in him.

I guess I just wasnt smart enough. I should have known.

In fact, it was one thing I should have questioned. I should have dug deep. Carried out my investigation on this particular incidence.

freecocoa:
No need to get defensive, if they are silly insinuations, why are you getting angry about it? Not that I give a hoot anyways but the back and forth between you two is distracting, plus it can be seen that you always initiate it.

Act like a mature adult and ask him out, instead of the childish banter, a guy calls you all those names and yet you won't leave him be.

brownie10:


Please can you view my email name? I just opened it today but because I was so upset, I cant remember anymore. Im trying to login but Its telling me wrong username/password. Im pretty sure about the password but its like I cant recall the email.

I cant seem to find the email on my profile

5minsmadness:

iykedare:


These ladies don't seem to get tired fighting over coogar. Coogar,please marry all these babes na.

As an African man,you are entitled to more than 12 wives.

firstEVA:
Every marriage has its surprise package, this is yours, sorry.

brownie10:


Yes! I am an old member!!
Do I open this shameful thread with my true moniker!!

When I saw the recycle bin, it looked like pics. It was when I clicked i saw it was a video.
The first one is 27 minutes long!!

I didnt see this before marriage. I saw the first one where he was nakkid alone about a week ago!!!

freecocoa:
Oga please, stop sounding like you weren't responsible for your actions, team up with you, like wtf? You messed up and your wife is supposed to help you clean and cover it up, just so she doesn't lose you, what a load of bull.

Why didn't you think about losing her and restrain yourself from doing something that can mar your marriage, ofcourse you are doing her a favor by marrying her na, hence your sounding like she's won a price.

OP, your husband is to take FULL responsibility for his actions, never lose your self respect because you want to hold on to a cheat. Your hubby might be a good man but he messed up and should know that.

skentelelady:

Why do I have feeling you are the op's husband
Ur posts are full of guilts

classicB:
Like my roommate will say. "I will just have like two kids with him and focus on them and my carrier, the early you realise these men are cheats the better"
Not all women can live with a cheating spouse, if you can't, u can just walk away.

Setaje:
Am just so scared of getting married God. What is this. My heart can't take all this o. God

Roseey0:

My own phobia is worse. Am yet to fix a date since feb when he proposed. I rather die single dan spend a min pretending to be married.

Jamean:
Another sad tale

This marriage shii is becoming more real than ever. OMG

alberto2k:

Chai! Sorry sister we feel your pain. . .

But the basic truth ladies needs to know is; Men are Polygamous in nature

classicB:
Like my roommate will say. "I will just have like two kids with him and focus on them and my carrier, the early you realise these men are cheats the better"
Not all women can live with a cheating spouse, if you can't, u can just walk away.

Onegai:
[b]Hmm. Honestly, trying to fix a cheating husband is not your job. Men constantly preach that "it shouldn't be your husband's job to make you happy or make him dependent on making you happy" so why is it your job to fix his mistakes, when is his personal responsibility going to come into play? If he feels no responsibility towards what he did and you rush about trying to fix things continually (like most women), he'll probably do it again. So, here's what to do: think short-term.

Delay for a few days. You need to calm down. Whether or not you decide to leave, calm down at first for now so you can make logical decisions. If you leave, you want to exit in a dignified manner. If you stay, you want a plan and he has to work very hard.

Lock the kitchen door (you want to keep all weapons away,as in your madness and righteous anger, you could easily get physical. Because if I were you, I wouldn't realise a knife was in my hand until it's late. I'm being realistic). Get a HDMI cable or tell him you want to show him something, sit beside him and play the videos. Say nothing, let it play and walk out and lock yourself in another room that night to sleep in. That night is not the night to be arguing or hearing pleas or anything.

The next day, listen to him and what he has to say for himself.

Remember, he has jeopardised your marriage, it is up to him to fix it. It's up to you to let the process happen. It is not your place to be rescuing him, because I have 5 brothers and yep I'm married and I'm super-smart and independent, yet none of those men in my life appreciate me overdoing it and trying to rescue them or tell them what to do or make excuses for them. Infact, the more you overdo it and make excuses for his bad behaviour, the more the man goes from guilt to anger to blaming you (he is human so he is trying to make himself feel better and one of those ways will be "it was your fault, you didn't pleasure me the way I like, I have needs you don't meet, blah blah". Sure, you may end up together, but you will constantly have it at the back of your mind that you're not good enough for him and that is a lie. And your marriage will never be fulfilling and you will always regret it. And he will know you do.

I will recommend not trying to fix your marriage by getting pregnant or letting him do so or urge you to do so (some people feel once children come, the wife will "settle" down and the marriage improves. This is not true, it will only become like 90% of Naija marriages, where the only thing keeping them together is their children and what-will-people-say.).

If he wants to be the man and head of the house, the CEO of his family, he needs to fix this. If you fix this, then you're in charge, which is not always a bad thing but then again that depends on what you had in mind for how your marriage will look like.

Don't tell your mum, not yet. You and I both know what she will advise you to do[/b]

brownie10:


My dear, its not about getting scared. You cant be scared the way I was before marrying. I was soooo scared and look at where it got me.
What you have to do is. You need to be logical. Calculative. These men are not loyal at all.

Im learning fast is why I have those two videos in my possession. If it was before I would have confronted him immediately, giving him the opportunity to delete those videos.

With what I have, If I decide otherwise, I have all that I need to pull free from him.

Afterall, I have satisfied society. I have gotten married.

If I am pregnant, I could as well immigrate migrate to Australia which is easy to migrate to and start a new life with my baby and my vibra.tor.

Nobody will say I wasnt married.


No need to divorce, just drift apart and live a good life free from drama.

brownie10:

I have to know what do do before he comes near me for se.x (i hope I dont gouge out his eyes when he does, so help me God)

focus7:
hmmmn, while I agree with you that I am suppose to take responsibility for my action, let us bear in mind how Jesus handled such case. He said he that has no sin should cast the first stone. If we all are left to bear responsibility for our faults many of us are not definitely qualify to be living. In spite of the wrongs we do most of the time we pretends so not to be discover, when we are found we don't want to be outcasted or castigated, we still wants to be accepted, we wants to be understood, we wants to be loved. Many will not do the wrongs they do if they can help it, many need help to be free from things like this. Do you want me to tell you about me sister, though this is not about me, I truly struggled to break free from immoral life, most often I wept and cried to God, and because that woman did not give up on a useless me I eventually received grace and overcame. But the you know the hero here as I have ever seen it? It is my wife. Many homes would not have be broken if only a little forgiveness have been given, if only a little tolerance has applied if only patient has been introduced. Moreover, marriage like life is not all about what you can get or take from it, it is more of what can give to it to make a better place, this is where value lies.

Setaje:
Am just so scared of getting married God. What is this. My heart can't take all this o. God

bonjovi12:
What we fear, we attract.This is because you focus on the things you fear.The things you don't want .What you focus on expands.You think about it and most don't know that you create your world by your thoughts.
When u dread and fear a thing so much,you internalise that fear and subconsciously it takes root.It controls you.Sooner or later it would become your reality.
I'm sure OP must have had serious fears about marriage,sex etc...
I don't want to assume that I know you but your reaction to this unfortunate event shows the deep seated emotional hangups you have.

I don't know how much of a saint your hubby pretended to be,you guys were not having sex during ur courtship . Most men who have fiances that are virgins would usually find some girl outside to satisfy their sexual apetite.They love their woman and value her chastity.
This is the real world dear.Maybe you were sheltered.The lady doesn't mean anything to him.It was just sex.like you eat to satisfy your hunger needs.almost all men can separate emotions from sex.

I'm not trying to justify his actions.Im just trying to help you put it in the proper perspective.My opinion would be different if this was after the wedding.Think of it as his last wild fling before he tied the knot.

I know you are hurt and disillusioned.This is a good thing as you now know that you married a man...men are flawed.Did you expect perfection?

My advice to you would be for you to calm yourself down.A happy and fulfilling marriage is not one without its fair share of bad experiences.it is one that built on those experiences and became stronger.If you guys get past this you will find that your marriage would be stronger and satisfying.And please take some time to pray for wisdom.

Roseey0:

My own phobia is worse. Am yet to fix a date since feb when he proposed. I rather die single dan spend a min pretending to be married.

jaybee3:


What ever happened to those successful marriages, why wouldn't you use that as your measuring stick?