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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / My Sister Got Married Without My Knowledge -- Now They Need Me To Mediate (37242 Views)
My Son Is Getting Married Without My Approval. / Our Daughter Got Married Without Our knowledge / My Sister Got Pregnant At 21 And My Dad Is Not Taking It Lightly (2) (3) (4)
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Re: My Sister Got Married Without My Knowledge -- Now They Need Me To Mediate by Emitexdbaron: 7:06am On Apr 07, 2018 |
Again I say, forgive and forget. Jesus did not commit any crime, everywhere he went, he was doing good, yet they crusified him. Keep on doing for God will showly reward you. |
Re: My Sister Got Married Without My Knowledge -- Now They Need Me To Mediate by Tonymegabush1(m): 7:11am On Apr 07, 2018 |
@ op I think you are wrong if deep down inside u, u really felt that you and ur family has resolved una issues play ur elderly role cuz if u don't d issue will deteriorate not until then u might ave wished u did. They are ur family no harm in trying to make peace. |
Re: My Sister Got Married Without My Knowledge -- Now They Need Me To Mediate by DilyAtlantis: 7:12am On Apr 07, 2018 |
KOPT33: Young man, wake up. Is it not your family we are talking about here? Be a man enough and do the necessary. You keep mentioning you were not informed during marriage right? If that is the only reason why you won't help, then you are mistaken. Do you care in your own to actually know why you were not invited? The possible reasons. Now is an opportunity to reunite with your own blood and devil is using one stigma to stop you. No matter what happened, blood is thicker than water. The love should never be departed. If don't help your sister to keep her family strong right now, I bet you, you will regret it sooner than later. And you will realize the biggest mistake you have made. Sometimes, God use one thing to teach us a lesson - maybe God want to use it and reunite you and your family ones. I bet you this; when you reunite your sister's marriage, your mom and your sister will feel ashamed and call you for forgiveness. This is the beginning of love and happiness in your family. Money is not everything as you keep saying that you send them 50% of your money. You are a father to the family and not running away from it. Maybe they didn't value you then, but now, they will start to respect you and value you. Brother, pls, remember Christ died for our own sins, remember we all will die someday, remember this life is all vanity. If you truly understand life and nature, you will see no need of revenge. Show love to your family brother and you will have a strong family United with one love. Your decision now determines if family becomes strong or destroyed. Take time and think twice....... 2 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: My Sister Got Married Without My Knowledge -- Now They Need Me To Mediate by jaychubi: 7:15am On Apr 07, 2018 |
KOPT33: Blood is thicker than water U didn't make urself their first son, just forgive and forget like it never happened Start acting d father role without further delay by first summoning everyone to a meeting and reminding them how they wrong you where I expect them to apologize n u all moves on. U need ur immediate family in life bc life is a marathon not 100 meters dash 1 Like |
Re: My Sister Got Married Without My Knowledge -- Now They Need Me To Mediate by encryptjay(m): 7:17am On Apr 07, 2018 |
You were treated in a cruel manner, jeez! Boss, you are mature and have a forgiving spirit. There are people that would have abandoned their family but you are a responsible man, thumbs up. I don't think it's sensible to go talk to the husband of your sister yet. There are issues that needs to be trashed out and some of your family members like you Mum ain't ready to confront this issue. Also, try to establish something for them; I mean something like a business because you are spending more than 50 percent of your salary on them. What happens when you start your own family? Maybe you could tell your family members about your grievances and something can be worked out because evading it won't solve it because it's going to keep coming back. A family meeting is pertinent bro. |
Re: My Sister Got Married Without My Knowledge -- Now They Need Me To Mediate by Nobody: 7:20am On Apr 07, 2018 |
Acidosis: You said it all. Do this and they may think they can ride you whenever they wish. |
Re: My Sister Got Married Without My Knowledge -- Now They Need Me To Mediate by CORONATA(m): 7:22am On Apr 07, 2018 |
You are a good mediator. Good! Please, continue to be good! Don't let evil triumph over good. Else, the author of good will hold you responsible. |
Re: My Sister Got Married Without My Knowledge -- Now They Need Me To Mediate by jaychubi: 7:24am On Apr 07, 2018 |
KOPT33: Lol what makes u think there was no marriage, you are not her father? D elderest Uncle in d family is d right person to give marriage blessing not you better stay humble p |
Re: My Sister Got Married Without My Knowledge -- Now They Need Me To Mediate by jaychubi: 7:29am On Apr 07, 2018 |
KOPT33: This is a family matter and honestly if ur whole family unites against u, you will be pained most bc u will be an outcast, how will ur future wife n children be in dt situation? better mend fences with them for ur own good. Not even one relation/sibling or mother on ur side haba it's a red flag about ur person n makes u a bad person. Pride is needless here |
Re: My Sister Got Married Without My Knowledge -- Now They Need Me To Mediate by Orgyte: 7:33am On Apr 07, 2018 |
sorry to ask, Are you from Mbano |
Re: My Sister Got Married Without My Knowledge -- Now They Need Me To Mediate by Afec1000givers: 7:36am On Apr 07, 2018 |
when i read through your written pains... it was like you are talking about me and my family. uptill now i never called my young sis's husband. In my own case i blame my mum for not allowing me play the position as the first son. I can't advise u to mediate because i know what u are going thru right now. takia 1 Like |
Re: My Sister Got Married Without My Knowledge -- Now They Need Me To Mediate by aku626(m): 7:37am On Apr 07, 2018 |
KOPT33:Ego mtchew |
Re: My Sister Got Married Without My Knowledge -- Now They Need Me To Mediate by jaychubi: 7:37am On Apr 07, 2018 |
Acidosis: Bad advise for a family issue 2 Likes |
Re: My Sister Got Married Without My Knowledge -- Now They Need Me To Mediate by Orgyte: 7:38am On Apr 07, 2018 |
sorry to ask Are you from mbano |
Re: My Sister Got Married Without My Knowledge -- Now They Need Me To Mediate by richyfunky(m): 7:41am On Apr 07, 2018 |
KOPT33:You're a wise man and a true custodian of ur tradition. Keep it up |
Re: My Sister Got Married Without My Knowledge -- Now They Need Me To Mediate by Nobody: 7:49am On Apr 07, 2018 |
KOPT33: There was a marriage bro. There was a valid marriage!!! I don't know the tribe you hail from, but as the first son of the family, you're supposed to represent your late father in the traditional marriage rites okay . Now if the family can get someone that will be there instead of your to represent your father (in this case, a brother to your late father or an uncle to your late father), then the traditional marriage is valid. Now coming to the white marriage, your consent is not needed, the consent of the people needed are : the bride, the groom and the marriage sponsors. Once four of them are present in church, the officiating priest goes on with the wedding. I wrote this writeup to explain to you and any other proud person that might be reading this that the first son of a family has no significant role to play in marriage rites especially in igbo context. Now , what a good son will do is to wish her sister good in her marriage, though it will pain him that his dear sister got married in his absence, now that the marriage hit the rocks, he will do everything humanly possible to unite her sister back to her marriage knowing fully well that marriage is the happiness of every woman and also knowing fully well that if her sister is happy in her husband's house, then the first son has one less mouth to feed and take care of. What will an evil son do? Exactly what you're doing now! I pray my writeup meets you in good faith. Always be there for your siblings no matter what. Do have a lovely weekend. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: My Sister Got Married Without My Knowledge -- Now They Need Me To Mediate by dignitate: 7:52am On Apr 07, 2018 |
A case study of JESUS. He died despite little or no recognition given by those He came for! forgive your family totally and save them of more shame and disgrace. You went through all you went through in order to shine! And now that you shine, please let them shine too. (Let your sister shine in her marriage, go ahead and mediate) |
Re: My Sister Got Married Without My Knowledge -- Now They Need Me To Mediate by nisot23(f): 7:55am On Apr 07, 2018 |
If I were in your shoes, I would forgive, forget, mediate and move on. Life is too short to hold onto some petty traditions that will not take you anywhere. There's a problem and you can offer a solution, do it and allow peace reign. God will see your heart and surely reward you. |
Re: My Sister Got Married Without My Knowledge -- Now They Need Me To Mediate by MrMoney007: 8:01am On Apr 07, 2018 |
selfemployed:kids don't talk where elders are talking |
Re: My Sister Got Married Without My Knowledge -- Now They Need Me To Mediate by Nobody: 8:02am On Apr 07, 2018 |
Brother. I know you relish this opportunity. Come on. We're all humans. We relish an opportunity for vengeance. But calm down. Here is what you will do. You will mediate for love's sake. But before you do that. Tell your mom and sister and all your uncles that you are hurting and that they need to make amends with you first. I know you mended fences, but this your post shws that there is no gate I that fence. They have to congregate and heal your hurt before you can do anything. Also ask the husband if he knew of your existence. And what did he do about it all these years. Then you will know if you should just steer clear of all of them. You have to ask yourself why they suddenly remembered that they have a brother. And why has the husband insisted on only talking with you. 1 Like |
Re: My Sister Got Married Without My Knowledge -- Now They Need Me To Mediate by elektra(f): 8:02am On Apr 07, 2018 |
selfemployed: He absolutely has the right to turn down their request given the circumstances. He can oblige to their request out of the goodness of his heart, but he is not required to do so. As someone has mentioned, people can’t just be doing anyhow and not expect consequences, he was not party to the marriage and he will not be party to the reconciliation. 1 Like |
Re: My Sister Got Married Without My Knowledge -- Now They Need Me To Mediate by ceyrahtlk(f): 8:05am On Apr 07, 2018 |
KOPT33: OP, you should answer some questions first before making your final decision. What is your relationship between your sister, her husband and yourself? Has it been a cordial one? Does the husband even recognize you as part of the family? If yes, please go ahead and mediate. They might even come afterwards to do the rightful thing if the mediation goes well. If you are a 'stranger' then I see no difference it will make even if you try. Remember the husband will most likely listen to someone he knows and respects. Please make sure any decision you make isn't out of bitterness 1 Like |
Re: My Sister Got Married Without My Knowledge -- Now They Need Me To Mediate by Nobody: 8:13am On Apr 07, 2018 |
richyfunky: The dude is gradually destroying a family his late father labored to build and you're urging him to keep it up. Years back, when I was a kid, my dad told me that to make a good family, all members of the family must be in that family with one eye. Secondly, whatever consigns your sisters comes first. Maybe his own father didn't tell him that. But let us not help the dude destroy his family okay . He said that he was wayward before which necessitated the elders going on with the marriage initially without consulting him, now that he's coming around, help him to come around 360 degrees and not 180 degrees. Now that he's coming around, let him be there for everyone especially his sister, so that if things changes for him tomorrow, his sister will be there for him in return. The family is the smallest particle of our society, if his family is stable, my own will be stable and yours will equally be stable and the Nigerian society will be stable and all of us will be happy. I wish his sister strength in this trying times, with or without his support, she will come out victorious. |
Re: My Sister Got Married Without My Knowledge -- Now They Need Me To Mediate by Pdizzle(m): 8:15am On Apr 07, 2018 |
Coldfeets: There's nothing wrong with relishing that moment, he should take his time. Family should stick together, but they showed him he didn't matter because he had no money. Those people will forget him in minutes if he goes broke today and deny all he has done for them. Let him enjoy his revenge. |
Re: My Sister Got Married Without My Knowledge -- Now They Need Me To Mediate by okolet(m): 8:17am On Apr 07, 2018 |
OP know this today "if they can do such to u once, they will surely repeat sumtin else again in future. and anoda tin is how can you tell wen u mediate, it will finally rescue ur sis marriage? U will only get applaud n thombs up if tinx com out positive after ur involvment,so be wise bro.. |
Re: My Sister Got Married Without My Knowledge -- Now They Need Me To Mediate by Nobody: 8:19am On Apr 07, 2018 |
ochukwuma15: Marriage took place without his knowledge or consent, Not in his absence. Of course he has a significant role to play. He is the head of the house and has not given out his *daughter* in marriage. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: My Sister Got Married Without My Knowledge -- Now They Need Me To Mediate by selfemployed(m): 8:20am On Apr 07, 2018 |
MrMoney007: And who are the kids here and who are the elders. My friend, you're entitled to your opinion as much as others are entitled to theirs. |
Re: My Sister Got Married Without My Knowledge -- Now They Need Me To Mediate by Nobody: 8:23am On Apr 07, 2018 |
Open if your sister lives in Benin then I think I know you. Lol Small world 1 Like |
Re: My Sister Got Married Without My Knowledge -- Now They Need Me To Mediate by selfemployed(m): 8:23am On Apr 07, 2018 |
ochukwuma15: Great understanding you have. |
Re: My Sister Got Married Without My Knowledge -- Now They Need Me To Mediate by Charly68: 8:25am On Apr 07, 2018 |
Ask yourself what will your father say if he sees you watching your sibling going down and you refuse to help her out..? When God has raised you to prove others wrong why taking vengeance again..learn from a man called Joseph in the bible..he helped his brothers that sold him to slavery because he knew their action was divine though it looked bad but he wouldn't have gone to Egypt where God made him great had it mean his brothers didn't conspire against him..Besides your mother must have been the cause of the family problem & this is what your brother in-law have found out and so refused to talk with her...now step in the shoe of your Dad to put things in order. |
Re: My Sister Got Married Without My Knowledge -- Now They Need Me To Mediate by Brightgem(f): 8:27am On Apr 07, 2018 |
KOPT33:Yes. You have satisfied ur conscience, mending things with them in the first place was a big forgiving step. Sometimes we even find more family in those that are not blood. If the husband did not deal with those he already knows, is it you he will answer? Might probably disrespect you sef. Well do what u deem right. 1 Like |
Re: My Sister Got Married Without My Knowledge -- Now They Need Me To Mediate by cyrilamx(m): 8:29am On Apr 07, 2018 |
Thanks a lot. People don't know how it feels when u re sidelined by ur family because one is struggling financially. I understand this much. He should stare clear and let the elders who contracted his sister out go and mediate. NwanyiAwkaetiti: 2 Likes |
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