jess2019:
My son will be 9 in October but his behaviour bothers me so much. He acts like a day dreamer. He has turned me into a shouting and miserable mum as I had to beat him after I've exhausted other punishment options. To make this short, I'm going to summarise his behaviour.

He still cannot get himself ready for school in the morning. Either he doesnt cream his body or forgets to comb his hair or doesnt brush his teeth. He forgets to brush his teeth almost everyday. This made me to make a list of step by step sticker. I sticked this on their bathroom mirror and on his bedroom wall. Yet I have to keep reminding him everyday. For example, last week on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday he forgot to brush his teeth and hair. I have to constantly be reminding him every morning. He is the only one that brushes teeth after getting ready. I trained them to brush teeth first before shower but he keeps forgetting.

I have to remind him to do his homework, and put it back in his school bag to return to school on Mondays. The book will still not make it to the school even after constant reminder. We've lost countless of lunch bags. One ended up on school roof. If you give him any form to submit back to his teacher. He will forget in his bag so I now give it to his sister to give to his teacher.

He removes his clothes, shoes, pants, belts etc and leave them on the floor, I bought two laundry baskets for him. One in his room, another in their bathroom, yet all his belongings end up on the floor that you can hardly find a space to put a foot. I dont expect him to be perfect but atleast to try so that his 70% clothes make it to the basket or shoes to their racks. He also has a book shelf and desk yet they also end up on the floor.

He plays so much that sometimes he leaves shops with items in his hands. So I have to always watch out for him. Living in a western country where black boys are stereotyped I fear for him. He can stare at the ceiling for hrs when getting ready for school or spend long time in the shower yet not using soap on his body. This usually makes us late unless I step in to help or keep shouting.

If you ask him to do any house chores, he will not do it instead waiting for us to forget so he can get away with it. When grounded not to watch TV, he will still do it once he knows am inside my room or busy with a baby.

Yesterday we revised all his lesson assignments (5 work books). I specifically asked him to put them in his lesson bag. I pointed at the bag. Now I drop him at the lesson only for him to say oh I think I came with old lesson books. I dont know how he ended up with old books in his bag. It could be he planned it as a way to avoid the lesson. If not I wonder how he will remember it himself as soon as I drop him and his sister as this is unlike him.

I've taken him to a doctor incase there is any diagnosis so I can give him all the help he needs but they said it's just his behaviour because according to the doctor he is smart academically. He is 18months ahead of his year level. So they ruled ADHD out.

I cannot even see anything wrong with the boy, which leaves me to questioning your own sanity. You are probably the one with the problem, not the child,and I will advise medical intervention.

For heaven's sake, a child of nine will definitely start developing delinquent behavior that gradually phases away with time, it's normal for children either in Europe or Nigeria. You haven't even started seeing the worst of it,when he enters his teenage years proper, maybe you will end up either committing suicide or killing him.

Just keep giving him proper parental guidance, no need for the whole hullabaloo. It would be worse if you run away from your parental duties and ship him off to Nigeria, where he will feel alone, unaccepted,and probably maltreated. He will end up hating you for the rest of his life. You shouldn't expect a saint, children will always exude recalcitrant behaviors at certain ages, it doesn't mean they are possessed or insane (he forgets to brush his teeth, doesn't bag his dirty clothes, bla bla bla...do you even know what it means to be a parent?, Wtf is the problem with his behavior?, How well were you behaved when you were that age?).

Anyway, I can't tell you how to raise your child. If you like, send him Mars, you will bear the consequences in the future,good or bad.

jess2019:


Although it's not allowed here but I've moved from smacking to beating now but no change in his behaviour. I fear this boy will put me into trouble one day or grow up to hate me. I'm thinking of sending him to naija for one school semester but hubby refused.

Madam i bet you send him to Nigeria for just one year. Put him in a boarding school and the next year take him back.

I suggest you should always call him one on one( to sit side by side like heart to heart discussion) to talk to him to correct some of his mistakes

I think its just a phase. Its a sign that he will be mighty intelligent in future. Just continue to guide and nurture him since the doctor has ruled out any psychological issues.

AntiWailer:
Leave him alone.


Some crazy stuffs comes with being brilliant and smart.

He will out grow them with time.

You have to keep correcting him in a balanced approach so he will not grow resistance against you.

Beating does not really help in some instances. At times when he is so sure you were going to flog him, call him and explain why he should do the right thing.

Most importantly, please pray for him.

...

olabrinks:
We’ve already done the engagement and our church blessing so I’m married. I’m already his wife and he is my husband. Thanks for your concerns.

ok. God bless your marriage.

EYAAAAA... NEARLY ALL MOTHERS CAN RELATE TO THIS.

THE TRUTH IS, CHILDREN EARN BY REPEATION. YOU JUST MAY HAVE TO DO THIS MANY YEARS LONG.

YOU KNOW WHAT?.... DOWNLOAD THE SHORT VIDEO CLIP, FOR HIS VIEWING

BE NEAT AND CLEAN frm jw.org (There are many more others videos kids will need)


SURE THAT CAN HELP HIM IF PROPERLY TUTORED

ABCthings:
I strongly disagree!
If he should be sent to Command school. His forgetfulness will evaporate like water.

do you have to flog a child to reset the brain ? your comment is so funny. I am anti flogging though

tomdon:


.wgat are you people saying sef?
At nine years of age I was bathing my two year old sister aside handling my own self. A three year old child shouldn't be behaving in such awful manner as described by the Op. Better take the boy for appropriate diagnosis

not every child is the same. although there are milestones for age bracket, but not every child will get there the same time.
cognitive development and talents are different

Base1line:
No single sense in this comment.
How many kiddies sent to Nigeria turned out to be doomed like you asserted ? Why not have the boy live with so you can show your child educating skills ?

[s][/s]

you are quite annoyed because I said he might be doomed if he was sent to Nigeria? well I maintain my stance . how many schools in Nigeria has trained special needs educators ? Nigerian teachers , except few flogs day light out of a child for every errors and traits they do not understand. when I said doom, I do not mean failure per se, but the child not having trained personnel handling him. the child is better off with his parents, much so because they can always reach out to an expert. I grew up in Nigeria, I'm not a failure , but a child with special needs rarely fly in Nigeria compare to their counterparts abroad where they have professionals to handle developmental delay. cheers. thanks for the criticism. I love it

You are indeed very correctno wonder every child with a special need end up doomed in Nigeria. Special need of not remembering to brush clean himself, take care of his homework O.

Nobody right pass you.

momokiddies:


you are quite annoyed because I said he might be doomed if he was sent to Nigeria? well I maintain my stance . how many schools in Nigeria has trained special needs educators ? Nigerian teachers , except few flogs day light out of a child for every errors and traits they do not understand. when I said doom, I do not mean failure per se, but the child not having trained personnel handling him. the child is better off with his parents, much so because they can always reach out to an expert. I grew up in Nigeria, I'm not a failure , but a child with special needs rarely fly in Nigeria compare to their counterparts abroad where they have professionals to handle developmental delay. cheers. thanks for the criticism. I love it

momokiddies:



do you have to flog a child to reset the brain ? your comment is so funny. I am anti flogging though

Did i mention flog? / his mates arw enough to sharpen his brain.

Read up on Dyspraxia. Not saying he has that but all that you have outlined seem to point at that. It is good that you are informed and just don't want to look the other way. It's just better to seek intervention early.

Hello Sweet Georgel! I only want to check up on you

GerogeI:
As a mother, get into your child's world and find out what is exciting him so much before you end up beating it out of him. It might be something worth developing. Your child has a vivid imagination, most kids do, but some have it better than others.

And no, Nigeria does not have best environment for kids. What you have here is excessive focus on discipline, and zero provision for special minds. Unless you mean the village setting where the child is free and will develop all cognition skills, but have poor knowledge.

You do sound like s control freak though, what do you mean brushing teeth every single day and putting clothes all in same basket, that's boring as hell. Where is the exciting exploration part.

Experiment with your child and find out what his interests are, and set up avenues to develop it. That will calm him down or even exhaust him before the day runs its cause.

From your write up, I guess you've got some sort of affiliation to Nigeria. Well, I'm still young and not a parent so it will be hard to really put myself in your shoes. But You must know that "Send him over, enroll him in a very nice boarding school and watch him get better" may not apply to everyone.
Btw, I strongly believe in 'village people' . Those guys really do exist and they ain't playing . They can mess up your whole life in just a fortnight.

Never give up and keep digging, researching and asking for help.
It always helps.
I wrote a book on my journey with my sone with ADHD so I can relate


https://www.amazon.com/author/fsho

EmpressT:
Hello Sweet Georgel! I only want to check up on you

Hello Empress of the Niger!
How are you doing.
Hope life is sweet and filling your pockets with olives, or cherries when olives are not in season?

I am doing great!
Life is good to me as always.

GerogeI:


Hello Empress of the Niger!
How are you doing.
Hope life is sweet and filling your pockets with olives, or cherries when olives are not in season?

EmpressT:
I am doing great!
Life is good to me as always.

I hope 2019 has been fruitfull too, as it is gathering it's loin cloth for the very last run. For me, I have learnt this year of amazing gift packages, that God keeps for us beside those jagged milestones that we all individually use to count the progress of our life journeys.

You know those jagged milestones, that form from our scars. It's really amazing there is always a gift tucked into each one, which we often ignore. God never leaves us bare without a prize for our races. Hope you get my drift.

Then, me prodding? Have you found your magic yet? That motherly Ache in your ❤️, has it gotten soothed yet?

I'm glad to hear you say so.
Well, by God's grace I will meet one soonest

GerogeI:


I hope 2019 has been fruitfull too, as it is gathering it's loin cloth for the very last run. For me, I have learnt this year of amazing gift packages, that God keeps for us beside those jagged milestones that we all individually use to count the progress of our life journeys.

You know those jagged milestones, that form from our scars. It's really amazing there is always a gift tucked into each one, which we often ignore. God never leaves us bare without a prize for our races. Hope you get my drift.

Then, me prodding? Have you found your magic yet? That motherly Ache in your ❤️, has it gotten soothed yet?

EmpressT:
I'm glad to hear you say so.
Well, by God's grace I will meet one soonest

Am very sure you will too!!!

Yes I believe so

GerogeI:

Am very sure you will too!!!

You probably won't see this, but you really are trying. When I was your son's age I had all the characteristics you listed here, while reading this I felt like you were describing me as a kid, it is just his temperaments and you MUST HELP HIM WITH BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE, AND PLEASE DO NOT SEND HIM TO BOARDING SCHOOLS. There is a book by 'Tim Lahaye' why you act the way you do' study it and identify the temperament of all your kids( his probably phlegmatic/?). The devil is attacking the child because he has great potentials. Please help him before it is too late so he doesn't become a unreliable, give up easily, lazy, unproductive adult, engage him in various activities(make sure he complete them it is very important) and listen to him, pray ALWAYS for him.AND MOST IMPORTANTRLY WATCH SO HE DOESN'T GET INTO THE HABIT OF MASTURBATE, THAT HABIT WILL DESTROY HIM.you are in a fight with unkown forces and the price is your sons life

jess2019:
My son will be 9 in October but his behaviour bothers me so much. He acts like a day dreamer. He has turned me into a shouting and miserable mum as I had to beat him after I've exhausted other punishment options. To make this short, I'm going to summarise his behaviour.

He still cannot get himself ready for school in the morning. Either he doesnt cream his body or forgets to comb his hair or doesnt brush his teeth. He forgets to brush his teeth almost everyday. This made me to make a list of step by step sticker. I sticked this on their bathroom mirror and on his bedroom wall. Yet I have to keep reminding him everyday. For example, last week on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday he forgot to brush his teeth and hair. I have to constantly be reminding him every morning. He is the only one that brushes teeth after getting ready. I trained them to brush teeth first before shower but he keeps forgetting.

I have to remind him to do his homework, and put it back in his school bag to return to school on Mondays. The book will still not make it to the school even after constant reminder. We've lost countless of lunch bags. One ended up on school roof. If you give him any form to submit back to his teacher. He will forget in his bag so I now give it to his sister to give to his teacher.

He removes his clothes, shoes, pants, belts etc and leave them on the floor, I bought two laundry baskets for him. One in his room, another in their bathroom, yet all his belongings end up on the floor that you can hardly find a space to put a foot. I dont expect him to be perfect but atleast to try so that his 70% clothes make it to the basket or shoes to their racks. He also has a book shelf and desk yet they also end up on the floor.

He plays so much that sometimes he leaves shops with items in his hands. So I have to always watch out for him. Living in a western country where black boys are stereotyped I fear for him. He can stare at the ceiling for hrs when getting ready for school or spend long time in the shower yet not using soap on his body. This usually makes us late unless I step in to help or keep shouting.

If you ask him to do any house chores, he will not do it instead waiting for us to forget so he can get away with it. When grounded not to watch TV, he will still do it once he knows am inside my room or busy with a baby.

Yesterday we revised all his lesson assignments (5 work books). I specifically asked him to put them in his lesson bag. I pointed at the bag. Now I drop him at the lesson only for him to say oh I think I came with old lesson books. I dont know how he ended up with old books in his bag. It could be he planned it as a way to avoid the lesson. If not I wonder how he will remember it himself as soon as I drop him and his sister as this is unlike him.

I've taken him to a doctor incase there is any diagnosis so I can give him all the help he needs but they said it's just his behaviour because according to the doctor he is smart academically. He is 18months ahead of his year level. So they ruled ADHD out.

You didn't disrespect her for cautioning her. It is simple as abc. Your mum loves her you guys right?

Then just tell her what you told us here, make her see it and let her know you're not happy about it and ask her if she'll be happy if you were the one in that little girls' position.

Tell her you want her to stop the hatred towards the girl and let her know it is her actions that's making you unhappy, not the fault of the girl turning her family against her.

Better still tell her a story of a different family but she wouldn't know you're talking about her and your family. Then after you see her reaction towards your story, tell her she's doing the same thing to the little girl.

That's all. Truth be told, if she doesn't change, she's a bad person and you'll have to do a lot of monitoring on the child & also alot of giving her positive talks & and a lot of making her laugh(jokes, movies, saying stories, taking her out with you everywhere, become her best friend, etc)

jess2019:
My son will be 9 in October but his behaviour bothers me so much. He acts like a day dreamer. He has turned me into a shouting and miserable mum as I had to beat him after I've exhausted other punishment options. To make this short, I'm going to summarise his behaviour.

He still cannot get himself ready for school in the morning. Either he doesnt cream his body or forgets to comb his hair or doesnt brush his teeth. He forgets to brush his teeth almost everyday. This made me to make a list of step by step sticker. I sticked this on their bathroom mirror and on his bedroom wall. Yet I have to keep reminding him everyday. For example, last week on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday he forgot to brush his teeth and hair. I have to constantly be reminding him every morning. He is the only one that brushes teeth after getting ready. I trained them to brush teeth first before shower but he keeps forgetting.

I have to remind him to do his homework, and put it back in his school bag to return to school on Mondays. The book will still not make it to the school even after constant reminder. We've lost countless of lunch bags. One ended up on school roof. If you give him any form to submit back to his teacher. He will forget in his bag so I now give it to his sister to give to his teacher.

He removes his clothes, shoes, pants, belts etc and leave them on the floor, I bought two laundry baskets for him. One in his room, another in their bathroom, yet all his belongings end up on the floor that you can hardly find a space to put a foot. I dont expect him to be perfect but atleast to try so that his 70% clothes make it to the basket or shoes to their racks. He also has a book shelf and desk yet they also end up on the floor.

He plays so much that sometimes he leaves shops with items in his hands. So I have to always watch out for him. Living in a western country where black boys are stereotyped I fear for him. He can stare at the ceiling for hrs when getting ready for school or spend long time in the shower yet not using soap on his body. This usually makes us late unless I step in to help or keep shouting.

If you ask him to do any house chores, he will not do it instead waiting for us to forget so he can get away with it. When grounded not to watch TV, he will still do it once he knows am inside my room or busy with a baby.

Yesterday we revised all his lesson assignments (5 work books). I specifically asked him to put them in his lesson bag. I pointed at the bag. Now I drop him at the lesson only for him to say oh I think I came with old lesson books. I dont know how he ended up with old books in his bag. It could be he planned it as a way to avoid the lesson. If not I wonder how he will remember it himself as soon as I drop him and his sister as this is unlike him.

I've taken him to a doctor incase there is any diagnosis so I can give him all the help he needs but they said it's just his behaviour because according to the doctor he is smart academically. He is 18months ahead of his year level. So they ruled ADHD out.

Someone named moon quoted you. https://www.nairaland.com/5367616/im-worried-sons-behaviour-he/12#88722996

He is very correct about the devil thing. The first time I read your post, I couldn't give a good answer and I was still ignorant of spiritual things of this extent.

I believe the lord loves & your kid and wants to help you and that's why you're getting this message now.
What he said is accurately correct, I'm talking from a spiritual perspective. Tighten your belt, know God and resist the devil. I just hate how devil does cunning things and oppress innocent families that ought to become great. I can't say more than this, you can also DM is you want tho.

jess2019:


Although it's not allowed here but I've moved from smacking to beating now but no change in his behaviour. I fear this boy will put me into trouble one day or grow up to hate me. I'm thinking of sending him to naija for one school semester but hubby refused.

I think you should try and persuade your hubby to send him to Nigeria, so that serious discipline can be instilled in him. The boy isn't going to change except you act fast.