@ dasparrow, pls chop knuckle. Na only u make so much sense for here.
I find it so hard to believe that someone who's so advanced in age would know so little about human nature. You should know how little human beings change when they are already adults. You 'agreed' to marry her just because she said she wud follow u to the Anglican church after marriage. Did u actually expect her to leave all she's ever known to follow u? Like seriously??
I don't get why its only women who should make all dese so called sacrifices.
Y did u even date her knowing denomination is such a big issue with u? Y ddnt u look for an Anglican girl. If you claim to be liberal, these things should be trivial to u, otherwise u don't know the meaning of liberal.
Please have a very long talk with ur wife, as two mature adults. Do not consider divorce an option if you both truly love and care for each other. There is. No guaranty the next girl you meet will be better even if she's an Anglican. You say she's a caring and loving wife. To me that should be the most important factor in your marriage. Spirituality is a deeply personal aspect of human life so I really don't know y u actually thought she wud follow you to ur church.

Shes a christian and I am also a christian that's what matters to me.

8ogoegbunam: I am not against any religion, most of the people I admire are not even christians nor anglicans.I fullfilled all the promises I made to her, why can't she keep the promise she made to me.

Threaten her that you will divorce her if she did not obey you as per demand for change of church, you can refuse take her food, not sleeping together, and then watch her reaction, if she will change or talk with you on conditions acceptable to both of you but do not take the matter too far, but if she refused to change, forgive her and keep your marriage alive but do not discuss much of movements to her. you will have to deal on the area of receiving midnight calls, i can't imagine me see my wife receiving calls at night from 9pm while i am at home,that phone will not see the next morning. whatever the caller wants should call you as the head of the family, calling your wife at odd hour is an insult to your very-self, As you make your bed, so you will lie on it, Build yourself on the area that i am the head of this family and that respect will be yours, that is my 1 cent advise

The LORD will help you carry her as your cross because there is no room for divorce in christian marriage. God says "I hate divorce" therefore keep praying that the sledge hammer of God will fall upon the hardness of her heart and humble her to submit to you as the head of the family. The LORD will answer your prayer in Jesus name.

8ogoegbunam: I believe I was manipulated into marriage . Everyone has basic beliefs in marriages. Am not apolegetic about mine.while I kept my promise to my wife to wed her in
Catholic church, she did not even wait for the euphoria of our wedding to end before showing her true colour.

You were not manipulated, you were caught bin a mugu.

So during the dating period, it never occured to u to invite over for service @ ur church?

How long did you guys date? Is she older than you? Cause I suspect she is hence her stubborness over this.

In anycase, try doing things the hard way but be delicate abt it. Talk to her abt it once more, tell her you'd really like her or u guiys to attend the same church togeda as a couple. Maybe u sud skip one or two of her dishes (dat is if she even cooks for u) and watch her reaction. Talk to her parents abt it if u guis are close.

This smells like one chance bro. U sudnt have rushed into marriage.

@OP

You need to Shine ya eyes here
Cos, there's no more trust in that marriage.
With that Rev father in the picture she will forever make your marriage hell.
Don't fall for her pranks.
Take your stand.

@ poster it appears u were conned into marriage. Na sharp babe.
She knw wetin she want.
The mistake u made is to marry her and think she would change her belief. Now that you've married her, don't bring the topic up again. You. Can't chage her only God can. Pele.

DUMP DAT BYTCH

tishat: @poster:you are just getting worked up For nothing! the bible says work out YOUR salvation with fear and trembling{not your spouse salvation}secondly you have no issue because she is a
Christain also or is God in Anglican and not in catholic?
Let's stop been religious but Christ-like!as for your children all they need is to know Christ and as they grow they will choose their path.
May God give you more wisdom.Amen

Pure Errant Nonsense Talk

This woman deceived him. It was a calculated deceit. The guy told her what he wanted because he had a certain picture in mind the kind of family he wants to build and this woman has ruined that for him. She does not have the right take away the kind of life he wants from him.

And I see u talking church talk. Let me tell you, go and ask elders in church, this thing that has happened is enough grounds for the church to nullify the marriage. I've seen such a thing happened before at MFM and none other than OLUKOYA himself was involved.

That aside, her act goes beyond the act itself. It shows she is among those breed of woman who do not give a hoot about her husband when it comes to making decisions. It what she will do she will do and the husband can go to blazes for she cares. She thinks since he has married her, he has entered her trap and cannot come out again.

I have an elder brother that married such a woman about almost three years. She was all sweet, kind and gentle. She did not even wait for marriage. Immediately after introduction, she became someone entirely different. It was as if an alien took over her body. They are both writing a ANAN (like ICAN) which is in Jos. Immediately after the introduction they took off to Jos. My brother, it was something else. She was talking anyhow and shouting and abusing him publicly, in front of other students.

He was thinking of not going through the wedding but I guess he didn't have the nerve. But today he wished he had. Like a wise guy said on this thread, she came with her own script and does not care whose ox is gored. Her mind is made up and trust me, such a woman is a stubborn woman always spuring for a fight. As time goes on, she will want to be controlling you by wanting her views or decisions on issues to be the one adhered to. Don't worry, as time goes on, you will still see all sorts of revelation. You ain't seen nothing yet. This is only the beginning.

Imagine she didn't even wait like ayear or two and then start going to Catholic church little by little. You promised somebody, you gave your word and immediately after the wedding you turn around and say "Old boy, nothing like that o; me I no dey follow you go any Anglican Church. Let me come and see the jupiter that will make me go"

Trust me; this is only the beginning. Have the marriage nullified and move on with your life. No one has the right to make another person miserable.

A word is enough for the wise. Experience is not always the best teacher. Learn from other people's experience.

steffans: watz d difference with anglican and catholic...i see dem as d same...

I thought they were pretty similar too myself

Tell us about it, she is 36 and you are? 35, 36, 40,45, 46

instead of you getting busy with your new wife enjoying first year of marriage, working and saving money for the children on the way you are here complaining about religion the bane of nigeria problem eh? you chop belleful tweety.

the sp.erm isn't as good after 35 just as the female egg after 35.
better get your act together and come back to reality.

the post/story is a fallacy/lie and the poster is a dumb ass trying to ignite the traditional exchange of words between christian denominations. shun his post. even if he is married then he is not mature. @poster say whatsoever u like, if u are in this purported condition,live with it cos a good christian does not divorce his wife on the baseless conditions you mentioned. my advice to you is to stop the foolish judgment on christian churches especially catholic for you are heaping red hot coals upon thy head.

i just hope some people would not yield to your devilish desire.

@ ORIGINAL POSTER

Firstly let me advice you strongly against divorcing your wife because she reneged on her initial decision to keep to your church, my reason: the author of the Christian faith around which the whole issue revolves does not support it so you won't be doing anyone a favour with a divorce on that ground. If you wish to divorce your wife, look for a concrete reason like marital unfaithfulness.

Secondly, its unfortunate that your wife is dishonest and the whole thing looks like a set up but that is marriage my guy, you had the opportunity to back out if you knew religion was so important to you but that is history. Believe me, your marriage from now on is whatever you make of your union, granted; you are living with a schemer so accept that, just be careful not to allow yourself to be schemed any further.

Finally, continue to work at it and press further, appeal to her, pray about it, make her see reason and I believe someday, maybe tomorrow, maybe next year she will see reason as she changes her mind. Let the decision come from her and don't be too forceful. In fact, make her realize that you respect her decision to do as she wishes but its just unacceptable to you as you wish she will change...don't let this issue rob you of your happiness. I wish you good luck.

shaybe baby: I think you need to sit down and think of the vows you took recently. Did you not promise to love each other through and thin? Your faith is but a small part of your marriage. Why are quibbling over who attends what denomination, is it not the same God you both serve? You need to both respect each other's faith and work on a compromise. Your marriage should be based on mutual respect, love and communication. Though I'm not very religious myself but I'm sure the answer to your dilemma lies in the scriptures. My husband doesn't believe in God, I do yet he is one of the most moral and decent persons I've ever met. Do i chuck him for his lack of belief when he is honest, kind and displays a lot of the traits the bible asks us to demonstrate? Don't get caught up in techinicalities. You married her for who she is not because of what church she might be attending. Don't lose sight of the good things in your marriage.

@shaybe baby; I want to thank you for these few words of admonition. Mr. Husband (The Poster), you have heard it all. You should decide whether to make or mar your young marriage.

8ogoegbunam: I got married early this year. My wife is a sweet lady,loving and caring lady.The only major problem we face in our young union is religoius issues. I was brought up in the anglican faith while she grew up a catholic. She promised me that she will attend attend the same church with me once we got married, her only condition is that I should wed her in the catholic church. Amidst great opposition from my parents who were against it initially on the basis of religion, I fullfilled my promise to her by holding our wedding in the catholic church.

After our wedding she bluntly refused to attend the anglican church. She even asked me to convert to catholic. Honestly, I am disappointed with her. We have quarreled over this issue several times. As a compromise, I told her to attend my church once a month; that she should continue attending her church. She bluntly refused ,her only condition for agreeing to my idea is that I should attend the catholic church with her sometimes.

I feel I have been conned into marriage.

She is 36 years , we are yet to have any children . Should I divorce her. I am worried about the faith of my future children.she hinted that our children whenever we have one most toe her own line in religious matters.

I stumbled upon a good evidence that one of her ex lovers is a reverend father. She is vey close to this priest who constantly bombard her with phone calls even at odd hours in the night.

I have no evidence that the affair is still on. Please I need sincere advice.

you are obviously in for trouble. Indeed its a conn marriage, catholic or not, does her scripture not tell her to be submissive to her husband. Decision makin is all urs, but make sure you pray about dis issue thoroughly. Am sorry for ur predicament. Its a pity

Danka7777:

Typical answer from a woman...one sided view. And you call this marriage? Husband and wife doing things separately? Let's get down to the basis: How do you define marriage? Union between a man and woman, right? What is a union? Coming together to become one, right? Then why are you advocating for separate activities?

Can you get it into your head that one of the reasons men get married is to have his wife follow him to functions and stand by his side, this includes to church. You want him to sit in the church all alone, while people know him to be married? This is one of the reasons I need a wife for aside from having a life partner and kids. If you are a woman, it would be hard for you to understand this. I know many men will align with me here

Oboy I'm trying to save ur marraige here...

If ur wife decides she wuld never attend d catholic church would that make u divorce her??

I'm speaking from a biblical point of view not from a sexist point of view..........

Wether I'm malÉ or female is not the issue.....

U can rant here for all u can,but don't u dare divorce that lady because she doesn't want to go with u to ur church to bow down to mary's image.....:-).

Like I said be a good husband or if u are one already continue to be a good husband so that in the long run ur virtues will drag her to ur church....

You are married,you are married.....its for better for worse.......!!!!!!!!

dasparrow: @Post

I am sick and tired of you confused married people and your never ending marital problems that you bring to we the public via cyberspace. You got married less than 9 months ago and already you are contemplating divorce? If truly you are a christian and follower of Christ Jesus, you should know that the bible only permits divorce on grounds of infidelity. If you divorce your wife on any other grounds and marry another woman, you will be living an adulterous life and adulterers as you should know will not inherit the kingdom of God. So, you will just be wasting your time going to church every sunday because you will have the sin of adultery hanging over your head like a dark cloud.

Moreover, why are you placing emphasis on her age? You were quick to mention her age but kept yours a secret. Why is that? You see why I mentioned in another post of mine that Nigeian women really do not benefit anything maritally marrying you Nigerian bred men? I mean, everything is a big deal with you people. It must be the Nigerian culture. You knew she was 36 years old yet you chose to marry her right? If you had a problem with her age, why did you proceed with the union? You knew you had your reservations about the catholic church yet you went right ahead and married a lady of the catholic faith. Does that make any sense? Did you even consult with God and wait to hear from Him before getting married to this lady?

All una sabi do for that Nigeria is put pressure on yourselves and others to get married because una wan chop free jollof rice and drink free mineral, beer and maltina. Then when many of you are in the marital relationship, you begin to discover that you don't know what marraige is really all about to begin with and you lack what it takes to succeed in the marraige institution. Things like: Patience, compromise, forgiveness, endurance, open communication etc.

Then you people will now come on nairaland reporting your unsuspecting spouses to complete strangers on the web and disturbing our peace on a beautiful sunny day. All I can tell you at this point is: do what you have to do. You are not a child. If your wife is 36, then you must be in your mid forties or older so go and figure out your marital problem or go for christain counseling in church. Good luck!

[i][/i]Wonderful comment, I completely agree

Kobojunkie:

I have a hard time believing this@Poster. You dated her for a period, right? If religion was so important to you, you would have more seriously ensured that she converted BEFORE the wedding. The problem with many cases where people try to use silly things like religion,weight, height,sexual-orientation etc as reason for divorce, is that many of them had time, and information enough to tackle those issues before making the vow to love that person, AS-IS, for life. If you believed she was in the "WRONG" religion, why did you bother allowing the wedding to take place in a catholic church?

----------
I personally do not get the attachment people have to churches given that Jesus was neither an Anglican, nor Catholic, nor pentecostal - not even Orthodox or Episcopalian. Jesus never set up a church when he was here. . . He never told any of his disciples to build for him a church. The command was to go into the world and preach the Gospel to all, healing the sick and those in need. I mean attending church is great but carrying church on your head is a whole 'nother thing that people don't realize is not called for.

@Kobojunkie
Your post and that of Shebibaby are very mature and nice. I don't see what the kind of church has got to do with worshipping and following God for christians except it is a church that one considers unhealthy for one's spiritual life. I myself I am Catholic as well as Pentecostal and if I happen to be around an Anglican church when they play me that their sweet organ/Piano and sing heaven-like song for me I will become an Anglican for that moment and enjoy sweet song, have my spirit lifted and communicate with God in the spirit. It's all about the Lord, Alleluiah! (Hey before I get excited up for God)------

All the same, our fore mothers have been submissive with religion and attend the one their husbands attend when they get married. I understand this attachment people have to their church and finding it difficult to change so poster you and your wife should reach a compromise. She should be the wife and be attending your church but if she still wants to fellowship in her church you can let her do so sometimes----from what you said you are ready to do that for her so she is the one being difficult. Get her to see that she is making you unhappy by not being considerate. She even promised to attend and got you to wed in her church and now she can't keep her promise, that is not fair on you. It isn't every Nigerian man that can do that for fear of being called a "woman wrapper" or something.

Your comment about her being 36 and you guys having no children yet shows that you are worried about that, both of you should work on that which I 'm sure you are doing. She can still have a handful of children as long as she is m*nstruating. Some women have had children at 38,39,40 depending on their body make-up.

Never knew some christians can not marry other christians,or are christians different from christians again?

8ogoegbunam: Religious belief is a major factor in marriage. If I had known that she will turn out this way, I would not have married her

is it safe to say you married her solely because of religion? Because she promised you she would switch? I think if she's perfect in all ramification, you should reevaluate things and see if your religion is enough to make you divorce, which I'm sure is a sin on its own. A compromise can be reached. Talk to her. You mentioned you got married this year, its too early to think along the lines of a divorce...and for that reason? Good luck

It seems OP knew the only way to get Nairalanders to support his lunacy is to include her age.

All some people saw was 36 and it is like he married a serial rap/ist/murderer who eats the little children she kidnaps and tortures. . .for breakfast, the way they are advising him to quickly dump her.

Apparently at 36 yrs old woman should be so lucky to have someone look at her, let alone marry her. This one finally gets a man magnanimous enough to marry her and she has the audacity to have a mind of her own?!!

Egads! What....who does she think she is? A 22yrs old ayounge??!

Eh. Yes. By the time a woman is 36, she will be quite lucky if she snags a good guy.

Your competition for men only increases with time...it isn't like a woman's desirability increases with age.

However, for a man, that is not necessarily the case.

It is tough, unfair, sexist, etc, but it is also reality.

It never seizes to amaze me, why adults will turn to children for advise. How can unmarried 16 to 28 year old kids be giving advise to these people based on what? The "stolen" sex they have with their boyfriends and girlfriends? Anyway on nairaland, lack of experience has never been a hindrance to expertise. Some of the replies on this thread are hilarious.

This is a very stupid question that you're asking! I don't believe that a normal human being can be asking this kind of stupid, useless. question. If you're an idiot go ahead and divorce her . Did you marry for your religion or was it because you love your wife? If you don't know what to contribute on this forum don't contribute again. stop posting nonsense here abeg.

Thanks for all your incisive contribution. I am 40 while my wife is 36 .I do not intend to do anthing contrary to the scripture,a marriage contracted with deciet can be nullified,though that will surely be my last option if all other avenues to resolve the issue fails.though I still love my wife(lust?) ,the idea of a spiritual divided home is not palatable.what will be the faith of our kids?she is not even cool with the idea to allow our future kids attend Anglican

8ogoegbunam: Thanks for all your incisive contribution. I am 40 while my wife is 36 .I do not intend to do anthing contrary to the scripture,[b]a marriage contracted with deciet can be nullified,[/b]though that will surely be my last option if all other avenues to resolve the issue fails.though I still love my wife(lust?) ,the idea of a spiritual divided home is not palatable.what will be the faith of our kids?she is not even cool with the idea to allow our future kids attend Anglican

Not according to the Bible though!

@ Op, u shld b careful of ur decision, mentioning her age and attachment 2 d priest doesn't prove anytn. Btw how how old r u? Wish u d best.

Sisi_Kill: It seems OP knew the only way to get Nairalanders to support his lunacy is to include her age.

[size=14pt]All some people saw was 36 and it is like he married a serial rap/ist/murderer who eats the little children she kidnaps and tortures. . .for breakfast, the way they are advising him to quickly dump her.

Apparently at 36, a woman should be so lucky to have someone look at her, let alone marry her. This one finally gets a man magnanimous enough to marry her and she has the audacity to have a mind of her own?!!
Egads! What....who does she think she is? A 22yrs old ayounge??! [/size]

Imagine that!

have gone through the write and my candid advice is to allow her to go.It will just be extra burden to you all your life.If she can mislead you on this ,what else will happen.Walk away now that there are no children to worry about.Wish you the best as you walk away and meet someone who will keep to your pre-agreement.

Kobojunkie:

what is down-low? Many a times people are well aware of the se_xual orientation of their partner BEFORE the marriage. That is what I meant.

Down low is when a supposed straight guy is also doing men without the wife knowing.

Dnt you think surprises in se-xual orientation is enough to get a divorce

Sisi_Kill: It seems OP knew the only way to get Nairalanders to support his lunacy is to include her age.

All some people saw was 36 and it is like he married a serial rap/ist/murderer who eats the little children she kidnaps and tortures. . .for breakfast, the way they are advising him to quickly dump her.

Apparently at 36, a woman should be so lucky to have someone look at her, let alone marry her. This one finally gets a man magnanimous enough to marry her and she has the audacity to have a mind of her own?!!

Egads! What....who does she think she is? A 22yrs old ayounge??!

From the guy's post, it is fairly clear why he included her age: to show that this a matured woman doing her act and not a silly girl throwing tantrums.

And it did help in people analaysing the situation, hence some already said a woman a her age is already set in her ways and will hardly change; that she came with a script which she is acting out and her mind is made up. Which is true.

So stop infering meaning of your own that isn't present.

And what the lady did is not "having a mind of her own", it is being a liar and deceitful on a major issue which the guy considered very important concerning the kind of family he had in mind. The lady in question told him YES, no problem, only. Do to do a 360 on him immediately after marriage.

Is that your definition of "having a mind of your own? He did not force him to marry him, did she? She should have declined and the guy will go ahead and find someone else.

LMAO@ the word downlow. Is that what you have been doing on sagamite, dayo? whilst at the same time prophesing your undying love for armyofone on this forum?