Ezeebube2:

"Obata Ofuo" is mostly used for kleptomaniacs meaning; "O bata"(when he enters or if he comes in) "Ofuo"(something gets lost or disappears)

i no even know say na Ibo him speak sef. I think say na Calabar.

uncle Flowey i dey hail o,na u b chairman. U sef don kill me with laff.

Flow wia u dey jewe

"oga Haruna!! No be Flow thief am oh!!" I heard the voices of Man and Snoop.

"na who thief am?" Haruna thundered.

"na Brainbox!!" I was able to raise my bowing head to see Man, Snoop and Baba jay pointing at Brainbox.

Man hastily spoke Hausa to Haruna, and Haruna said; "God save you today, today nahim you for die", and he left.

I was saved by the Bell.

What followed after Haruna left was a straight punch from Flow to Brainbox.

"U want make i die? Why you point me say na me thief?" I thundered.

An upper-cut was next, "i don warn you about this thing plenty times" I yelled at the top of my voice.

I saw Tega sneaked out.

He replied me with a heavy punch that sent my head spinning like a Big wheel. As i was about replying him with a 50kg punch, Man held me.

"leave me make i show this boy pepper" I tasted blood in my mouth, it seemed i had lost a tooth or two.

"make una no dey fight, una be friends oh" Baba jay who held Brainbox said. I saw blood dripped out of Brainbox's mouth, and it reminded me of a Baggers slogan; "we are Baggers, our colour is Red, we are never satisfied until we see Blood".

I saw Blood, so i was satisfied.


Later in the evening.


I sat under the Mango tree looking at a hand Mirror to see how many teeth i had lost, it surprised me to see that no tooth was lost.


I sat alone for an hour or so, then i saw Bigie walked into the compound with two laptops.

"go blow am" The Bad part of my mind suggested.

"no go blow am oh, Bigie go beat you if una fight oh" The Good part of my mind warned.

"how this Fat fool go beat me" I told them both.

"him no fit beat you, so go give am blow make una fight" The Bad part said.

"you sure? What of if him sidon for my head with him big nyash?" I told the Bad part. At that moment, i saw the Bad part as the Good part, and vice versa.

I had watched in Sumo wrestling when one of the fighters mistakenly sat on the head of his opponent, and his opponent pop the clogs instanta. Since that day, i vowed never to fall to the ground when fighting with an Orobo, even if i stood on a ground tiled with Ogbono soup.

Orobo means someone that is Plus-size.

"go fight am jor! Abi you dey fear am?" The Bad part or rather the Good part said.

"how i go fear Bigie? I dey mad" I stood up with fury and raced towards him.

"Flow your money dey, dem no chop me" Bigie said as he saw me racing towards him. I could tell he was scared as he took several steps backward.

"i wan give you one laptop sef" He said.

"you say wetin?" I screeched like a Police Vehicle.

"i say i wan give you one laptop" He repeated.

"you mean am?" I needed to know.

"i mean am na, take" He offered me a Dell laptop.

"ehen! Na now you talk, you be correct man jor" I tapped him at the back.

"but next time, make you tell me when you wan take my wallet oh" I said nonesense. As if it was wise for him to tell me he wanted to take my wallet before taking it.

"where the wallet na?" I asked. "see am, but no money dey inside am oh" He offered.

Since he had given me a laptop worth 100k, i wouldn't mind recieving an empty wallet.

I collected the wallet and searched if my ATM card and ID cards were still there, of course they were.

"Bigie you be correct man" I left happily.

"Him no be correct man oh, him thief the laptop oh" I couldn't tell if it was the Good part or the Bad part of my mind that said that.

"how you take know?" I asked the voice.

"how him go go gamble, and him no go come back with money, na only laptop him come back with" The voice said.

"na true oh" I agreed.




I stayed tranquil on the bed the next morning, thinking of what to do to the stolen laptop, when i heard Tega and Opopo entered the room.

"Tega i wan sell one laptop oh" I announced.

"ehen! I dey find laptop to buy sef, them don thief my laptop, where the one wey you wan sell?" He said.

"see am here" I brought out the laptop.

He looked keenly at the laptop, smiled, and said, "Flow so na you thief my laptop? Why na?".

"you well so? I dey tell you say i wan sell laptop, you dey tell me say i thief your laptop" I replied.

"if headache dey catch you, go drink Paracetamol oh" I added. And the whole house laughed.

"i say this laptop na my own, them cut the window of Opopo motor com thief our two laptop wey we put inside" Tega said.


"when this thing happen?" I asked. "na yesterday afternoon" Opopo answered.

I remembered that Bigie had a device that could neatly cut the glass of a car, and that he had used it on Chief Livinus car in my presence.

That was when it dawned on me that Notorious BIG had done another Magic, or rather another Miracle.


"na Bigie thief una two laptop, na him give me this laptop oh" I found my lost voice.

nnenna ada: uncle Flowey i dey hail o,na u b chairman. U sef don kill me with laff.

me sef dey hail you nnenna ada. How you dey?


BTW where is "yoyo the first" my first wife. Who don see her?

Flow i dnt knw wetin to typ or hw to praise you, but i appreciate ur story , more grease to ur elbow.

lols. Dis Biggie na professional compared to Brainbox.. chai, Flowey, ur frds always put u in tyt corners, am hapi u scaled tru all doz ordeals o.

viewin dis topic...bla, bla, bla... And tex. @tex, u av a tracker on flowey, dats d fish i told u am smellin, sth is fishy.

I don follow sotay my Name don become flow..

opeano: lols. Dis Biggie na professional compared to Brainbox.. chai, Flowey, ur frds always put u in tyt corners, am hapi u scaled tru all doz ordeals o.

I don't think i would ever meet a pilferer as smart as Bigie. Ever!!

verry hilarioussssss!!!

Dat biggie self na xprt 4 stealing, bt flow kip da bomb

Imagine if biggi enter politics ... Maybe him go thief votes

Flow, Flow Flow I don laugh taya. Good part say dis...bad part wan say sometin else. which one you dey? e go go round for head. Also, ever heard the phrase: With friends like this, who needs enemies?

@ Opeano: Na coincidence. I no track for Flow. Flow no go slow. Tracker no go work am.LOL

Biggie will be kill one day so i tot.
STILL FOLLOWING.

tex.. I knw u av d tally to make flow update tonyt again, as its just abt afternoon @ur syd. Oya make d call. I want one more update b4 i set my eyes to dreamland.

opeano: tex.. I knw u av d tally to make flow update tonyt again, as its just abt afternoon @ur syd. Oya make d call. I want one more update b4 i set my eyes to dreamland.

sorry opeano, I had too many things to do today. Just getting back on. It is 7:00pm here and if Flow listened to me, which I doubt, he is in dream land. 1:00am for 9ja peeps. Still lovin' this thread Flow.

Hmmmmmm.......nd dis story is supse 2 end soon..........I go miss am dye

me too...

"Bigie I go call police for you oh, where the other laptop wey you thief? Since yesterday wey i don dey tell you make you bring the laptop" Opopo met us watching Tv in Bigie's room in the evening of the next day.

"but Bigie, shey dem swear for you, give Opopo him laptop na" Tupac told his friend Bigie.

"no be say i no wan give you, i no see the laptop, i don dey find am since yesterday" Bigie complained.

"so the laptop don fly go like bird abi?" Opopo queried.

"guy i wonder oh!" Brainbox said.

"no worry i go thief another laptop come give you" Bigie assured.

"them dey talk of the one wey you thief, you dey talk say you wan thief another one" Man took those words out of my mouth.

"no mind am, naso people wey dem dey call Bigie dey thief" Tupac said.

"naso people wey dem dey call Tupac dey f'.uck a'shawo" Bigie replied.

Woe betide me for me to interpret what "a'shawo" is. Check your dictionary.

Una no ask me why i never ask Bigie for my 4k and my Gold necklace wey him thief.

Well, i stole Opopo's laptop from Bigie.

And sold it to my course mate Nas, he had even given me part payment.

Flow why you thief the laptop na? You would ask.

Like the Pidgin adage goes; "cunny man die, cunny man bury am". He thought he was the only pilferer in the whole world, he never knew there is a pilfering side of every man. I had no choice but to bring out the pilfering side of me after i was inspired by Udeme.

"any of una enter this room com take laptop?" Bigie asked everyone.

"e don tay wey i enter una room, talk less of to thief laptop" Brainbox said.

"me too oh" said Man.

"Flow you nkor?" Bigie asked.

"na since last week i enter una room last" I stated.

"e don tay wey i enter una room, talkless of to thief laptop" was what Brainbox answered when Bigie asked if any of us saw the laptop. That was a Big fat lie.

He actually helped me steal the laptop from his "Colleague" Bigie. Since i knew the both of them were in the same line of business, i told Brainbox to help me steal the laptop, and that when it is being sold, he would recieve 30% share of the money.

How he managed to enter Bigie's room, and how he stole the laptop was none of my business, after all he was Mr Brainy.


"my Inlaw na Police Officer oh, i give you from now till tomorrow afternoon, if you no give me my laptop, i go report you to my Inlaw" Opopo threatened.

"how you take know say na your laptop i thief sef?" Bigie dared.

"i don tell you oh, if i finish with you, you go know say na me run this Owerri town" Opopo threatened and left.

"e no go better for person wey thief that laptop" Bigie cursed.

"e no go better for you too, onye oshi!!" I nearly said.

"the person na fool, the person na I'diot" He continued cursing.

"Fool" and "I'diot"!! One for the master, one for the boy. I was the master, Brainbox was the boy. The latter was milder for the master.

"na you be I'diot, na your Papa be Fool" I almost said.

If Bigie was that F'at, i could imagine how F'at his father would be. Maybe his father's nickname might be "Phatfarm" or "Fat Joe". Or so i tot.

"dey here dey curse person wey thief the laptop, no go find the laptop, if Opopo bring Police, na that time you go know" I said to Bigie, and he left angrily.





According to Man, we would be resuming Kponkponology the next day. I was happy that atleast i would be leaving home everyday, leaving my "trouble friends" behind. Not knowing that Kponkpon was a more bitter trouble friend.

No honor among thieves. Flow why u wan stop di thread?

Di man bi slippery O! Don go...u go come in...u go go out...break for neck na.

texanomaly: No honor among thieves. Flow why u wan stop di thread?

That was fast. Like someone earlier said, "e be like say you dey track me oh". U no even wait make i modify the update.

Anyway, go back and read.

flow1759:

That was fast. Like someone earlier said, "e be like say you dey track me oh". U no even wait make i modify the update.

Anyway, go back and read.

LOL Tex is everywhere...shine eye...LOL Still lovin' this story...I go miss

Nice one!

donigspain: Nice one!

Your guys that have already read the last update should pls go back and read. I made some corrections and i added few important lines.

If una like make una no go back go read.


STILL I FLOW.

Okay... I got my "fix" I go go sleep now. e bi 2:30am...goodnight...btw...I don go back...notice changes...hmmm...setting sometin up here...or so I tot

flow1759:

Meaning?

Flow I thought you are Igbo ?

Nigeria call my phone...wake me...sleep no call me again...How far?

@tex dis ur pidgin get as e dey sound oo.... Anyway u dey try.