swag queen:


To register an NGO no be a day's job o. Interested trustees should forward names and particulars.

You don't need to get involved in any such ventures now
Focus your energy on finding a job,a house of your own and taking care of your children
You will still pass through a period of healing for the loss of the marriage and perhaps a divorce,maybe even custody battle
Let the NGO be a long term plan after you have tidied these other more immediate things
My two cents

babyosisi:

You don't need to get involved in any such ventures now
Focus your energy on finding a job,a house of your own and taking care of your children
You will still pass through a period of healing for the loss of the marriage and perhaps a divorce,maybe even custody battle
Let the NGO be a long term plan after you have tidied these other more immediate things
My two cents

WORD!!!!!

All dos registration and stuff will require some cash too.. Which i dont tink u av enof to spare ryt nau...

Vure: Okay Okay I get it.
Thanks everyone.
*goes back into shell*

Pele o. Go into a shell if you need to, a shell is better than a marriage from hell.

The biggest joke on this thread is that some people now suddenly know how to spot 'abuse' and are calling you an abuser when there are zero signs whatsoever of you being an abuser. But even a high tech magnifying glass is not enough to help these same ones spot the warning signs of abuse in this guy even if it clearly says so in all the articles we have read about abuse even on this thread. No wonder it has been said that if you want to hide information from a black man, put it in a book!

At least it's clear to you now that they know fuckall about this topic so take solace in that and simply ignore them.

With that being said, you need to do things properly. There was an arrangement, spoken or unspoken that you would essentially be betrothed to this man in exchange for his money (which frankly speaking is despicable all around); now while there is no credible court of law that will uphold this type of useless agreement, as a person with a conscience you have to address that part carefully and responsibly.

I just watched a film' Temptation,Confession of a marriage counsellor'
This thread has made me so sensitive,so much that i knew from the start the guy was an abuser.

Op,thanks for this thread,and to every contributor in this thread.

Omo girl free me... Which one be ur own? Haba... She deserve it. Shuo. No b d same thing Vure wan do another guy so? Which kind rubbish talk u dey spew?

if una no like guy, no even think of collecting his 1kobo, no even accept to date am. It's selfishness in the part of most girls out there.


abeg no make me vex o because that girl nearly make me hate women, I mean all women. Fact!

I have said it before, i use it so that people can learn na which one b ur own?

U no wetin? Tell Vure make she dump d guy... Tell her make she follow another dude just like that. All this wey she dey yarn na story. She done get another dude wey she love. I pray make d guy no do anything stupid.

chidyhels: The moment 2sexy enta dis thread,i knew his ex must be used as a case study.
Ogbeni! Giive that babe na?
Chei! I neva see guy wey dey complain like this.

2s£xy:
Omo girl free me... Which one be ur own? Haba... She deserve it. Shuo. No b d same thing Vure wan do another guy so? Which kind rubbish talk u dey spew?

if una no like guy, no even think of collecting his 1kobo, no even accept to date am. It's selfishness in the part of most girls out there.


abeg no make me vex o because that girl nearly make me hate women, I mean all women. Fact!

I have said it before, i use it so that people can learn na which one b ur own?

U no wetin? Tell Vure make she dump d guy... Tell her make she follow another dude just like that. All this wey she dey yarn na story. She done get another dude wey she love. I pray make d guy no do anything stupid.

E se jare! Some women are just too gullible!

Nna, abeg make u leave vure with her wahala.

Na she know. I wonder why d guy should have even spent that much on her in the first place. He should have had some sort of experience (possibly heard people it happened to). Damn! Damn!

All this wey she dey yarn na story... Vure has another guy on stand by which she is admiring. It's often the same thing. They will wait for you to spend the last kobo before they leave. Why did they end it at 200level? Nonsense!

@Chydels, one thing u fail to realise is that I HATE it when a girl treat a guy as a fool. To think she almost painted the dude as an abuser just to get away with her selfish desires. A man that never had s.ex with her for 5 SOLID YEARS. Ah... E no good ooh. E no good at all.

What can you say about someone who could stay that long without se.x with her. Doesn't he deserve some pat on the his back. Wey b say some young blood go don scatter all the corners finish.

Vure, just get ur mom, extended family and set up a meeting, kneel down and beg him while u explain u can't marry him. They should all beg him ooh. That's d only way he might feel a little honoured. Do it sharply make the guy count him lose and move on. This will teach him a good lesson he wont forget to pass on to his male children or advice anyone.

Damn!

Nogen:

Nna mennnnn! After solid 5 years! Some girls shaaaa! This man has been sooooo financially abused, now they want to physically,morally, spiritually and psychologically abuse him! So unfair! I HATE ANY FORM OF ABUSE. I JUST CAN'T STAND IT! God dey shaa.

As much as it may be true she may be looking for an exit.. The guy may also be abuser (a small but a plausible scenario)

I still feel VURE should delay the wedding, grow up a little more, observe

No need for wedding delay because she has said she WONT marry him. So that one is out of the simple chemical equation.

She should get a meeting set up ASAP... Because this kind thing wey be say na only d dude spend all the required resources for a relationship, E DEY PAIN OOOOOOOO eh.

pickabeau1: As much as it may be true she may be looking for an exit.. The guy may also be abuser (a small but a plausible scenario)

I still feel VURE should delay the wedding, grow up a little more, observe

pickabeau1: As much as it may be true she may be looking for an exit.. The guy may also be[b] abuser[/b] (a small but a plausible scenario)

I still feel VURE should delay the wedding, grow up a little more, observe

That's theory abeg, reality is Vure wants out, PERIOD. Abuser/Abusive my foot

.

Thank you. God bless you.

I can say she is lying about not having anybody she is dating.

She just wanna have fun. Remember she said she is quite POPULAR and STUBBORN and RUN HER MOUTH?

She had better got ready for whatever the outcome may be. It could come out well or worse.

She still wanna hang out, party, visit friends, etc. Do quite a lot of trivial stuffs.

My own is: she should release the guy sharply so that a more deserving woman can come in. That's 5 years of wasted money,energy,blood, sweat down the drain.

A lesson for all guys. Money CANT buy love. STOP SPENDING!!!!

I can't spend a dime anymore when I am not sure a lady loves me. The least I could is spend with limit. A limit that if I review it will seem like peanut that I can give a beggar.

I doubt she would feel this way if she had spent a dime or half of what she got from this dude.

Nonsense!!!

Donxavier:

That's theory abeg, reality is Vure wants out, PERIOD. Abuser/Abusive my foot

I still want to give her some benefit of doubt considering she is young and may not appreciate what she has hence I say a small moratorium so she can see the world for really what it is

Yes.. Her temperament may not help matters

Lol..

Well, what can I say. I as guilty as you all say I am. You think I've not thought along this lines? You think Ive not berated myself for this? You think I dont feel like a gold digger? You think Im happy being in this situation?

Anyways, I was giving you reasons why I can't up and leave the relationship even if it is bound to be abusive and even if its not what I want...

Its all good tho.

And No! No one can blame my mum for this. The woman has tried her best to bring me up and shouldn't be blamed at all. Who would have thought that all benefactors get married to their beneficiaries?

About seeing someone else, who said I couldn't have seen someone else if I wanted to all this years? Na now? My virtue is all I consider mine y'kno.

Thanks everyone once again. It wasn't all that bad sharing my 'tale' here.
Now for real ayaf run back to my shell.

Sorry if I come off as being too ash on you.

I know it's a trap you found yourself. But at the end of the day, you have NOTHING lose but the dude does in ALL ramifications.

Like I said, set up a meeting, kneel down and beg him while you can't date him. Your mum should also join you in the meeting.

One thing is obvious, he loves you that's why he didn't s.ex you all this years.

It's a complex thing and not an easy one. Just do the needful.

Vure: Lol..

Well, what can I say. I as guilty as you all say I am. You think I've not thought along this lines? You think Ive not berated myself for this? You think I dont feel like a gold digger? You think Im happy being in this situation?

Anyways, I was giving you reasons why I can't up and leave the relationship even if it is bound to be abusive and even if its not what I want...

Its all good tho.

And No! No one can blame my mum for this. The woman has tried her best to bring me up and shouldn't be blamed at all. Who would have thought that all benefactors get married to their beneficiaries?

About seeing someone else, who said I couldn't have seen someone else if I wanted to all this years? Na now? My virtue is all I consider mine y'kno.

Thanks everyone once again. It wasn't all that bad sharing my 'tale' here.
Now for real ayaf run back to my shell.

So, the definition of love in 2sexy's dico is 'when a man does not slip with his girlfriend'.



Babes, i really dunno what to say but marrying that man is not a good option, not because of any tendencies of abuse (cos IMO, der is none) bt because u don't want to! Yes, he's spent sooooo much on you but last I checked, it's still nt reason enough to marry! Now, u're gonna have to deal with a lot of guilt but then, see it as a consequence of ur actiobs and live with it!

Vure: Lol..

Well, what can I say. I as guilty as you all say I am. You think I've not thought along this lines? You think Ive not berated myself for this? You think I dont feel like a gold digger? You think Im happy being in this situation?

Anyways, I was giving you reasons why I can't up and leave the relationship even if it is bound to be abusive and even if its not what I want...

Its all good tho.

And No! No one can blame my mum for this. The woman has tried her best to bring me up and shouldn't be blamed at all. Who would have thought that all benefactors get married to their beneficiaries?


About seeing someone else, who said I couldn't have seen someone else if I wanted to all this years? Na now? My virtue is all I consider mine y'kno.

Thanks everyone once again. It wasn't all that bad sharing my 'tale' here.
Now for real ayaf run back to my shell.

This is complicated.

First off though, don't expect the worst. Why would you think that relationship is on the path to being abusive? The man already got you a job and cared for you all these years....it's unlikely to turn abusive if he has already made you financially independent.

The real question is do you love the man? The man should be given the benefit of doubt, he should become an abuser first before we label him one. From all you have said about the man, there is no evidence of abuse. Your dilemma is that you have been locked into this situation early on and you feel you don't have the freedom to choose your own man on your own terms. That goes to the heart of the issue. That in itself doesn't mean the man will turn out to be an abuser or make the man an abuser.

I will close by saying the grass is not greener on the other side, cherish what you have

Vure: Lol..

Well, what can I say. I as guilty as you all say I am. You think I've not thought along this lines? You think Ive not berated myself for this? You think I dont feel like a gold digger? You think Im happy being in this situation?

Young lady, pls don't play on our intelligence. If u r in an abusive relationship & suddenly see the truth, my dear, u'll NEVER ever feel guilty or berated. First of all u'll feel like its your RIGHT to freedom (becos it actually is). Then u'll feel excited at the thought of a chance of escaping, the thought of starting afresh, the thought of a new found freedom, etc, etc. U become smarter & more alive cuz u've seen d truth & u KNOW u're right. But never guilt!

Vure:


Anyways, I was giving you reasons why I can't up and leave the relationship even if it is bound to be abusive and even if its not what I want

He is not abusive, its just not what you want. Clarify this to yourself before making any decision.

Vure:
And No! No one can blame my mum for this. The woman has tried her best to bring me up and shouldn't be blamed at all. Who would have thought that all benefactors get married to their beneficiaries?

I agree, nobody should blame your mom. Somehow, I feel u had this thing all figured out & Mommy might not even know about it.
Most magas don't really tell their families their true source of wealth.
The truth remains, you need to open up to her before making any final decision.

BTW, u hav a fighting spirit & I luv that about u. I thought u wouldn't be able to handle d heat in this place but you proved me wrong by coming back each time. U r like a younger sister here & nobody knows anybody, so I see no reason why I should lie to you or paint d scenario better than it actually is.

Do the right thing before its too late.

alutacontinua: So, the definition of love in 2sexy's dico is 'when a man does not slip with his girlfriend'.



Babes, i really dunno what to say but marrying that man is not a good option, not because of any tendencies of abuse (cos IMO, der is none) bt because u don't want to! Yes, he's spent sooooo much on you but last I checked, it's still nt reason enough to marry! Now, u're gonna have to deal with a lot of guilt but then, see it as a consequence of ur actiobs and live with it!

Why doesn't she want to?

Vure: Lol..

Well, what can I say. I as guilty as you all say I am. You think I've not thought along this lines? You think Ive not berated myself for this? You think I dont feel like a gold digger? You think Im happy being in this situation?

Anyways, I was giving you reasons why I can't up and leave the relationship even if it is bound to be abusive and even if its not what I want...

Its all good tho.

And No! No one can blame my mum for this. The woman has tried her best to bring me up and shouldn't be blamed at all. Who would have thought that all benefactors get married to their beneficiaries?

About seeing someone else, who said I couldn't have seen someone else if I wanted to all this years? Na now? My virtue is all I consider mine y'kno.

Thanks everyone once again. It wasn't all that bad sharing my 'tale' here.
Now for real ayaf run back to my shell.

Please don't let what people are saying here deceive you into making the biggest mistake of your life . . . .

YES you CAN leave the relationship . . . . . but only for the right reasons!

The truth remains that no agreement whatsoever was entered with the man in question . . . . (train me in school and I'll marry you)-ish. He came slyly to 'help' while all the while hoping to coerce you into being his wife . . . that's on him not you.

Now ask yourself these questions . . .

1. Do you really think he's the one you want to spend the rest of your life with?

2. Do you think you will live a happy and fulfilled life with him, even if you don't love him now?

3. Do you think marrying him will make you bitter and resentful for the rest of your life?

4. Do you think you might have stayed with him if he didn't pay your fees?

I believe the answers to these questions will guide you appropriately . . . . Please do no marry that man out of duty . . . don't!

The hell you'll put yourself through will be worse that whatever 'repercussions' you think you will face in the future.

Yes, you made the mistake by accepting an undefined financial assistance from a total stranger, but don't let that mistake lead you to an even greater one . . . If don't want to marry him, end it NOW and let him go find his own wife!

@vure, it's all good . Don't marry this guy if you don't love him enough, although sometimes something tell us we don't love someone, but when they are gone or we go through worst person, our eyes tend to open.

My small advise is, have an open mind, postpone the marriage to sort your self, if really you are satisfied with yourself you don't love him, let him know that and move forward. Call your family and people he respects to help you here.

As per your mom, no one is judging her but you said yourself they have np been calling you small wife in her presence, so clearly she knows what's up. I won't be surprised if she tells you to go ahead and marry this guy.

As per abuse, you never explain some situations for us, you alone know better to think he is gonna be abusive. I can't tag someone abusive merely by reading sh1tty book without knowing the situation on ground.

You are an adult, your choice. I wish you all the best. Keep your head up. If you wanna rock life before tying the knot, then do it.

If na me, God know sef say I go rock life wella. No story!

Donxavier:

Why doesn't she want to?

Well, i dunno but last I checked, u cannot co-erce someone into marriage. The truth temains anybody that is bent on keeping a 17yr old gal in a long-term relationship is taking a big risk! It cld be bliss forever but she cld wake up in 10yrs and decide she was childish at the moment she made the decision! Who wldn't agree with me that a 17yr old gal is a child, even the law does! If she doesn't want to marry that man, we can blame her all we want here but dt marriage s doomes ab initio. She wants to catch fun, hell, let her be! Not everybody wants to be married at 21, not to a 37 yr old man!


I'm nt in support of 'chop and clean mouth' but in this situation, the deed has been done and i don't think it can be undone by marrying this man! Don't put him thru more misery, leave him alone! Find a way to handle the situation but if u dn't want to marry him, DON'T!!!


I also think good samaritans shld do it willingly, nt with strings attached! All this 'i trained her thru school, so, she must marry me concept' is whacked, anywayz!!! If u cannot do something willingly and freely, then, DON'T!

@vure, I do really feel for you. But pls, if you know you don't really luv this guy, I will advice you leave him now before its too late. I just wonder how the guy will feel if you finally decide to break up with him. I wonder where you will want him to start from. Any ways, God will see you true.
Make your decision wisely.

jumzzy448: @vure, I do really feel for you. But pls, if you know you don't really luv this guy, I will advice you leave him now before its too late. I just wonder how the guy will feel if you finally decide to break up with him. I wonder where you will want him to start from. Any ways, God will see you true. But I want you to know that if you finally decide to leave him, this will hunt you for the rest of your life.
Make your decision wisely.

There's nothing hunting her forever there. She'll feel bad for a few day nd find peace with herself. The man also has some blames, abeg! Stop making him look lyk a saint! Any man that helps a teengaer shld nt expect marriage in return. SEX, maybe bt nt marriage...dt's too much to ask for a couple of thousands of naira!

jumzzy448: @vure, I do really feel for you. But pls, if you know you don't really luv this guy, I will advice you leave him now before its too late. I just wonder how the guy will feel if you finally decide to break up with him. I wonder where you will want him to start from. Any ways, God will see you true. But I want you to know that if you finally decide to leave him, this will hunt you for the rest of your life.
Make your decision wisely.

alutacontinua:

Well, i dunno but last I checked, u cannot co-erce someone into marriage. The truth temains anybody that is bent on keeping a 17yr old gal in a long-term relationship is taking a big risk! It cld be bliss forever but she cld wake up in 10yrs and decide she was childish at the moment she made the decision! Who wldn't agree with me that a 17yr old gal is a child, even the law does! If she doesn't want to marry that man, we can blame her all we want here but dt marriage s doomes ab initio. She wants to catch fun, hell, let her be! Not everybody wants to be married at 21, not to a 37 yr old man!


I'm nt in support of 'chop and clean mouth' but in this situation, the deed has been done and i don't think it can be undone by marrying this man! Don't put him thru more misery, leave him alone! Find a way to handle the situation but if u dn't want to marry him, DON'T!!!


I also think good samaritans shld do it willingly, nt with strings attached! All this 'i trained her thru school, so, she must marry me concept' is whacked, anywayz!!! If u cannot do something willingly and freely, then, DON'T!

I dont think anyone wants her to go into any marriage she doesn't want regardless of circumstances but this case is looking like the bolded. She may even leave the man and end up with the real Mr Abuser.
The grass is not greener on the other side
Anyhow sha, God dey

Donxavier:

I dont think anyone wants her to go into any marriage she doesn't want regardless of circumstances but this case is looking like the bolded. She may even leave the man and end up with the real Mr Abuser.
The grass is not greener on the other side
Anyhow sha, God dey

That's just a risk she has to take and that should be her decision . . . hers and hers alone!

She might not find someone better just as well as she might!

But need this . . . she really does!

Donxavier:

I dont think any wants her to go into any marriage she doesn't want regardless of circumstances but this case is looking like the bolded. She may even leave the man and end up with the real Mr Abuser.
The grass is not greener on the other side
Anyhow sha, God dey

Ain't no crime in a 21yr old catching fun with her lyf, well, unless she starts doing drugs or kills someone! She's nt going to be single again after she gets married, let her enjoy her 'singleness' till she's ready to let go of it! Nd no, i don't think i've seen where dey wrote dt it's pple who catch fun dt end up with abusers. Even a church sister can end up with an abuser, so, what are you on about

Ujujoan:

That's just a risk she has to take and that should be her decision . . . hers and hers alone!

She might not find someone better just as well as she might!

But need this . . . she really does!

GBAM!!!

alutacontinua:

There's nothing hunting her forever there. She'll feel bad for a few day nd find peace with herself. The man also has some blames, abeg! Stop making him look lyk a saint! Any man that helps a teengaer shld nt expect marriage in return. SEX, maybe bt nt marriage...dt's too much to ask for a couple of thousands of naira!

Post edited. Cos I don't want her to make the wrong decision out of pity.

alutacontinua:

Ain't no crime in a 21yr old catching fun with her lyf, well, unless she starts doing drugs or kills someone! She's nt going to be single again after she gets married, let her enjoy her 'singleness' till she's ready to let go of it! Nd no, i don't think i've seen where dey wrote dt it's pple who catch fun dt end up with abusers. Even a church sister can end up with an abuser, so, what are you on about

I am on about her leaving for genuine reasons. Don't quit a relationship just cos you want to sow wild oats, that don't make no sense to me

Ujujoan:

That's just a risk she has to take and that should be her decision . . . hers and hers alone!

She might not find someone better just as well as she might!

But need this . . . she really does!

But it's an unnecessary risk because of the underlying motivations. She doesn't appreciate what she has. Anyway people like that always learn the hard way. Goodluck with her sha in whatever she decides