Donxavier:

I am on about her leaving for genuine reasons. Don't quit a relationships just cos you want to sow wild oats that don't make no sense to me

Inasmuch as it makes sense to her, dt's d most important tin! Trust me, it takes a lot to decide to be with a man >10yrs older than u at the tender age of 21. No law in d universe says she won't meet a 25 yr old who wld be better than this man in terms of evrytin! If she's willing to be with this man and close her eyes to every oda man forever, then, SO BE IT! But if not, i repeat, LET HER BE! She can make her decisions!

alutacontinua:

There's nothing hunting her forever there. She'll feel bad for a few day nd find peace with herself. The man also has some blames, abeg! Stop making him look lyk a saint! Any man that helps a teengaer shld nt expect marriage in return. SEX, maybe bt nt marriage...dt's too much to ask for a couple of thousands of naira!

Aluta, something could hunt her forever. I don't know what is it but pls let's be realistic.

Even if the guy doesn't harm her, God is watching! This is bad! Absolutely bad! She suddenly realise the guy is not good enough after the guy trained her through the university and all he gets is a flimsy excuse. And someone even advised her to pay him cash, how insensitive can one be?
This girl is no kid for chrissake! A 17yrss old knowns when a man is interested in her, if she didn't want truely she could have done something about it!

Well, that ship has already sailed, but pls be realistic with her. There could be consequences and she should brace up herself for them. But if there is none, all good for her.

This is the kind of girls that give women bad names. She has just created issues for the next girl the guy will meet. While the guilty ones go free, the innocent ones clean up their mess.

babyosisi:

You don't need to get involved in any such ventures now
Focus your energy on finding a job,a house of your own and taking care of your children
You will still pass through a period of healing for the loss of the marriage and perhaps a divorce,maybe even custody battle
Let the NGO be a long term plan after you have tidied these other more immediate things
My two cents

temi4fash:

WORD!!!!!

All dos registration and stuff will require some cash too.. Which i dont tink u av enof to spare ryt nau...

I agree. was just messing around.

vivianc:

Aluta, something could hunt her forever. I don't know what is it but pls let's be realistic.

Even if the guy doesn't harm her, God is watching! This is bad! Absolutely bad! She suddenly realise the guy is not good enough after the guy trained her through the university and all he gets is a flimsy excuse. And someone even advised her to pay him cash, how insensitive can one be?
This girl is no kid for chrissake! A 17yrss old knowns when a man is interested in her, if she didn't want throughly she could have done something about it!

Well, that ship has already sailed, but pls be realistic with her. There could be consequences and she should brace up herself for them. But if there is none, all good for now.

This is the kind of girls that give women a bad name. She has just created issues for the next girl the guy will meet. While the guilty ones go free, the innocent ones clean up their mess.

Did she use the guy Abso-freaking-lutely YES!

Should she marry him because of dt Abso-freaking-lutely NO!

Trust me, she'll forgive herself after a while and move the hell on! It'll be worse if she marries the guy! I can almost foresee a potential cheater here, is dt what we all want She starting to sample younger guys 10yrs down the line

Seriously, what she did is not fair and i must be sincere, i cannot advice her on a solution but one thing I know is that marrying the guy is not a solution, it's just compounding problems!

alutacontinua:

Inasmuch as it makes sense to her, dt's d most important tin! Trust me, it takes a lot to decide to be with a man >10yrs older than u at the tender age of 21. No law in d universe says she won't meet a 25 yr old who wld be better than this man in terms of evrytin! If she's willing to be with this man and close her eyes to every oda man forever, then, SO BE IT! But if not, i repeat, LET HER BE! She can make her decisions!

That's why many people get into trouble and have great regrets.

Donxavier:

That's why many people get into trouble and have great regrets.

This is one situation where u cannot say marrying the guy is not equal to great regrets, anywayz! Do u know what it mins looking at ur husband every bleesed day nd feeling lyk u cld av done better Dt, to me, is great regrets!

Even if she can't do better, let her see for herself! Sometimes, u nid to allow pple make their mistakes, dt way, pple understand life better!

Donxavier:

But it's an unnecessary risk because of the underlying motivations. She doesn't appreciate what she has. Anyway people like that always learn the hard way. Goodluck with her sha in whatever she decides

Trust me, the risk is veery worth it . . .

I took the same risk and I'm better for it today (although the guy didn't pay my fees sha)

My own case was even complicated because I agreed to marry him. What did I know, I was a teenager for Christs sake. We dated all through my University but I felt I was too young to get married. I wanted to travel, see the world, sow my wild oats. . . . and yes, I met someone else.

Someone who later left me for someone else . . .

But today, I'm married to my soul mate and I won't have it any other way. I don't regret not marrying the guy, not even for one day . . . .

Would I have had a better life financially probably (guy was loaded to the teeth + Oyinnbo green card) . . . would I have regretted marrying him at that age . . hell YES!

vivianc:

Aluta, something could hunt her forever. I don't know what is it but pls let's be realistic.

Even if the guy doesn't harm her, God is watching! This is bad! Absolutely bad! She suddenly realise the guy is not good enough after the guy trained her through the university and all he gets is a flimsy excuse. And someone even advised her to pay him cash, how insensitive can one be?
This girl is no kid for chrissake! A 17yrss old knowns when a man is interested in her, if she didn't want truely she could have done something about it!

Well, that ship has already sailed, but pls be realistic with her. There could be consequences and she should brace up herself for them. But if there is none, all good for her.

This is the kind of girls that give women bad names. She has just created issues for the next girl the guy will meet. While the guilty ones go free, the innocent ones clean up their mess.

I have just one question for you . . . .

Did the guy agree to train her in exchange for her hand in marriage

He duped the young woman into becoming indebted to him and that is strictly on him biko . . . .

Ujujoan:

I have just one question for you . . . .

Did the guy agree to train her in exchange for her hand in marriage

He duped the young woman into becoming indebted to him and that is strictly on him biko . . . .

I still believe they knew it might lead to marriage, hence the title " my small wife"

And vure answers the name in presence of both her mum and guy.

Chillisauce:

I still believe they knew it might lead to marriage, hence the title " my small wife"

And vure answers the name in presence of both her mum and guy.

She said it herself that the marriage thing only started recently. And even if they signed an agreement, is she not allowed to change her mind

You guys talk like she made up some plan to 'chop' the guys money and eventually bail . . . . I don't believe that is the case here. If it were, she won't be so conflicted.

She was young for Christ's sake and believed she could live that way . . . now she's older and more matured. She can now make her own decisions. If she's not comfortable with going ahead with the agreement, she should not be forced to!

That is what happens when you work with children . . . . they grow up!

alutacontinua:

Did she use the guy Abso-freaking-lutely YES!

Should she marry him because of dt Abso-freaking-lutely NO!

Trust me, she'll forgive herself after a while and move the hell on! It'll be worse if she marries the guy! I can almost foresee a potential cheater here, is dt what we all want She starting to sample younger guys 10yrs down the line

Seriously, what she did is not fair and i must be sincere, i cannot advice her on a solution but one thing I know is that marrying the guy is not a solution, it's just compounding problems!

How did you see the "potential cheat?" Anyway, I don't wanna debate on that. What I want to let her know is there are consequences, huge ones! God is not asleep! You can't use your fellow human like this and go free.

As a growing child, my mum sounded these warnings into my ears:
1. " Do not insult any guy that comes for you, no matter how small or little you thing he is."

2. "If you don't like a man, pls don't like his gifts."

I grew up with these warnings. I could have found myself in her shoes at 17 too but i didn't want to be indebted to any man. I knew what I wanted and I wasn't gonna allow indebtedness to make the choice for me. If I wanted that, I know where I would have been, but no regrets. I'm taking it slow and with serene peace of mind.
No man can say "oh, after all I have done for you!" Nah, no man can take that glory. It all belongs to God, and sometimes I lend my family some.

Pls to every teen reading this thread, if a man is not good enough for you, his gifts shouldn't be!

Ujujoan:

She said it herself that the marriage thing only started recently. And even if they signed an agreement, is she not allowed to change her mind

You guys talk like she made up some plan to 'chop' the guys money and eventually bail . . . . I don't believe that is the case here. If it were, she won't be so conflicted.

She was young for Christ's sake and believed she could live that way . . . now she's older and more matured. She can now make her own decisions. If she's not comfortable with going ahead with the agreement, she should not be forced to!

That is what happens when you work with children . . . . they grow up!

My dear, we girls are girls o, you mean at 17yrs, someone pays all my bills and call me small wife I don't know what that mean?

When I was even about age 7, some one in school was calling me 'my wife' I cried and cried and told my teacher and parents. They told me he was joking or so, I didn't wanna hear that. He stopped eventually.

She admitted she erred, now moving forward,make she begin fast and pray for a successful runaway!

Ujujoan:

She said it herself that the marriage thing only started recently. And even if they signed an agreement, is she not allowed to change her mind

You guys talk like she made up some plan to 'chop' the guys money and eventually bail . . . . I don't believe that is the case here. If it were, she won't be so conflicted.

She was young for Christ's sake and believed she could live that way . . . now she's older and more matured. She can now make her own decisions. If she's not comfortable with going ahead with the agreement, she should not be forced to!

That is what happens when you work with children . . . . they grow up!

But that it worked for you doesn't mean it would work for someone else. Besides you don't have to make mistakes to get it right, you can get it right the first time. Bottomline, she should follow her heart.

But i agree with you this is what happens when you work with children....the man isn't entirely blameless and we affirm her right to exercise her free will in this matter. But the grass may not be greener other side and she should be ready for the consequences of her actions whatever they maybe.

^ ^ ^ very great advice u av up der and i totally agree! As i said earlier on, i'm nt in support of chop nd clean mouth, if dis was a situation abt to happen, i'll definitely be against it but unfortunately, it has happened and der's notin anybody can do abt dt!

Abt d consequence part, read the first line of ur siggy again. Ain't notin gonna happen to her, she's gonna get over the guilt, she cannot feel guilty forever!

The man also did nt try, you have money enuf to spend ona teenager DO IT FOR GOD!



This was supposed to be after vivian's post!

vivianc:

How did you see the "potential cheat?" Anyway, I don't wanna debate on that. What I want to let her know is there are consequences, huge ones! God is not asleep! You can't use your fellow human like this and go free.

As a growing child, my mum sounded these warnings into my ears:
1. " Do not insult any guy that comes for you, no matter how small or little you thing he is."

2. "If you don't like a man, pls don't like his gifts."

I grew up with these warnings. I could have found myself in her shoes at 17 too but i didn't want to be indebted to any man. I knew what I wanted and I wasn't gonna allow indebtedness to make the choice for me. If I wanted that, I know where I would have been, but no regrets. I'm taking it slow and with serene peace of mind.
No man can say "oh, after all I have done for you!" Nah, no man can take that glory. It all belongs to God, and sometimes I lend my family some.

Pls to every teen reading this thread, if a man is not good enough for you, his gifts shouldn't be!

Agree with you completely

Ujujoan:

I have just one question for you . . . .

Did the guy agree to train her in exchange for her hand in marriage

He duped the young woman into becoming indebted to him and that is strictly on him biko . . . .

Yes, she knew! She was young but not daft! I was once 17 too. Who is she kidding? Ok, the seeing through uni apart, what about the romantic gestures? Or is the man her elder brother? Abi na nwanne ndi owerri?
ok, let's assume she didn't understand it at 17, what about at 18? 19? I'm sure the guy visited her in school? What did she tell her friends and roommates? "oh, that's my elder bros, he is so generous and romantic"? Huh?
pls, don't make this girl daft, its an insult to her!

But I don't get you at all, so it is now right for her to use the guy? Uju Uju, the Nairaland gold digger. You try well well, you hear.

vivianc:

Yes, she knew! She was young but not daft! I was once 17 too. Who is she kidding? Ok, the seeing through uni apart, what about the romantic gestures? Or is the man her elder brother? Abi na nwanne ndi owerri?
ok, let's assume she didn't understand it at 17, what about at 18? 19? I'm sure the guy visited her in school? What did she tell her friends and roommates? "oh, that's my elder bros, he is so generous and romantic"? Huh?
pls, don't make this girl daft, its an insult to her!

But I don't get you at all, so it is now right for her to use the guy? Uju Uju, the Nairaland gold digger. You try well well, you hear.

This got me cracking

Donxavier:

But that it worked for you doesn't mean it would work for someone else. Besides you don't have to make mistakes to get it right, you can get it right the first time. Bottomline, she should follow her heart.

But i agree with you this is what happens when you work with children....the man isn't entirely blameless and we affirm her right to exercise her free will in this matter. But the grass may not be greener other side and she should be ready for the consequences of her actions whatever they maybe.

Why you think she'll be making a mistake if she left? The truth remains that it is a risk, and to me, it's worth taking. Infact, staying will be the mistake . . . .

Marriage is not a joke . . . if she enters it with this mindset, she'll live an unhappy life.

She's just 21 . . . too young to be stuck with that feeling for the rest of her life.

vivianc:

Yes, she knew! She was young but not daft! I was once 17 too. Who is she kidding? Ok, the seeing through uni apart, what about the romantic gestures? Or is the man her elder brother? Abi na nwanne ndi owerri?
ok, let's assume she didn't understand it at 17, what about at 18? 19? I'm sure the guy visited her in school? What did she tell her friends and roommates? "oh, that's my elder bros, he is so generous and romantic"? Huh?
pls, don't make this girl daft, its an insult to her!

But I don't get you at all, so it is now right for her to use the guy? Uju Uju, the Nairaland gold digger. You try well well, you hear.

Lol . . . .

@ 17 you have a one track mind . . . I was 17 too nah . . . she was probably enjoying the attention and thought life was all rosy . . . Now she's wiser and has seen that life is not always black and white!

If she was 22 or even 21 when it all started, I won't blame her. But at 17, we make choices we would never have made if we were older . . . .

Yes, she made a choice then, but she made a wrong choice out of immaturity . . . . I can't beleive you guys are forcing her to stick with it!

As 'gold-digging' as I am, I walked away from sooooooo much money. Money is not everything my dear, ones happiness should come first.

Ujujoan:

Why you think she'll be making a mistake if she left? The truth remains that it is a risk, and to me, it's worth taking. Infact, staying will be the mistake . . . .

Marriage is not a joke . . . if she enters it with this mindset, she'll live an unhappy life.

She's just 21 . . . too young to be stuck with that feeling for the rest of her life.

Cos the guy is already fulfilling the hubby role well , no reason to sack him without any solid reason. Going wild isn't a good reason in my own books.
Marriage isn't a joke i agree, she can postpone the wedding for now and sort out her emotions.

Chillisauce:

My dear, we girls are girls o, you mean at 17yrs, someone pays all my bills and call me small wife I don't know what that mean?

When I was even about age 7, some one in school was calling me 'my wife' I cried and cried and told my teacher and parents. They told me he was joking or so, I didn't wanna hear that. He stopped eventually.

She admitted she erred, now moving forward,make she begin fast and pray for a successful runaway!

Don't mind Uju, she just paints 17yrs as morons! At 17yrs 3 guys were on my neck. 1 wanted to marry me and I agreed cos I wanted to end the hardship we were into then. Babe, that guy was 18yrs older o . 3 months into the relationship I caught him doing something I know is dangerous; gambling. I rushed him and told my mum, told her I can't marry the guy. Thank God he didn't spend much as I was doing my sale girl's job too. But the handset gift he bought for me I returned.

I met the remaining 2 when I left home. One had already bought a predegree form for me at IMSU, a bed space and all, he was warning up to pay the school fee when I asked him why he was doing all those? I told him plain that if these are in exchange for me, that he should count me out. He started withdrawing from me until he was completely gone.

The other guy was around for years, we kept in touch but was miles apart. He really loved me but I didn't give him that chance to fly in and help the damsel in distress. I was already in my 400L when friends talked me into giving him a chance. I did! He engaged me this January, shortly after then I started seeing things I couldn't cope with and I called off the engagement.

I felt guilty cos I broke his heart, I was never indebted to him, not even for a dime.

17yrs old are not morons, pls.......

vivianc:

How did you see the "potential cheat?" Anyway, I don't wanna debate on that. What I want to let her know is there are consequences, huge ones! God is not asleep! You can't use your fellow human like this and go free.

As a growing child, my mum sounded these warnings into my ears:
1. " Do not insult any guy that comes for you, no matter how small or little you thing he is."

2. "If you don't like a man, pls don't like his gifts."

I grew up with these warnings. I could have found myself in her shoes at 17 too but i didn't want to be indebted to any man. I knew what I wanted and I wasn't gonna allow indebtedness to make the choice for me. If I wanted that, I know where I would have been, but no regrets. I'm taking it slow and with serene peace of mind.
No man can say "oh, after all I have done for you!" Nah, no man can take that glory. It all belongs to God, and sometimes I lend my family some.

Pls to every teen reading this thread, if a man is not good enough for you, his gifts shouldn't be!

1000 likes .

Donxavier:

Cos the guy is already fulfilling the hubby role well , no reason to sack him without any solid reason. Going wild isn't a good reason in my own books.
Marriage isn't a joke i agree, she can postpone the wedding for now and sort out her emotions.

And what happens if she still wants to leave after 'sorting out her emotions'

Of does she not have that option at all

vivianc:

Don't mind Uju, she just paints 17yrs as morons! At 17yrs 3 guys were on my neck. 1 wanted to marry me and I agreed cos I wanted to end the hardship we were into then. Babe, that guy was 18yrs older o . 3 months into the relationship I caught him doing something I know is dangerous; gambling. I rushed him and told my mum, told her I can't marry the guy. Thank God he didn't spend much as I was doing my sale girl's job too. But the handset gift he bought for me I returned.

I met the remaining 2 when I left home. One had already bought a predegree form for me at IMSU, a bed space and all, he was warning up to pay the school fee when I asked him why he was doing all those? I told him plain that if these are in exchange for me, that he should count me out. He started withdrawing from me until he was completely gone.

The other guy was around for years, we kept in touch but was miles apart. He really loved me but I didn't give him that chance to fly in and help the damsel in distress. I was already in my 400L when friends talked me into giving him a chance. I did! He engaged me this January, shortly after then I started seeing things I couldn't cope with and I called off the engagement.

I felt guilty cos I broke his heart, I was never indebted to him, not even for a dime.

17yrs old are not morons, pls.......

Let me get you right here . . . .

She MUST marry the guy because she took his money

In your case you walked away when you saw something wrong and that makes it right because you didn't take his money . . .

In her own case, she took his money so she has no right to leave . . . . even is she catches him doing something wrong

Ujujoan:

Let me get you right here . . . .

She MUST marry the guy because she took his money

In your case you walked away when you saw something wrong and that makes it right because you didn't take his money . . .

In her own case, she took his money so she has no right to leave . . . . even is she catches him doing something wrong

Let her catch him first.

Brilliant!

vivianc:

Don't mind Uju, she just paints 17yrs as morons! At 17yrs 3 guys were on my neck. 1 wanted to marry me and I agreed cos I wanted to end the hardship we were into then. Babe, that guy was 18yrs older o . 3 months into the relationship I caught him doing something I know is dangerous; gambling. I rushed him and told my mum, told her I can't marry the guy. Thank God he didn't spend much as I was doing my sale girl's job too. But the handset gift he bought for me I returned.

I met the remaining 2 when I left home. One had already bought a predegree form for me at IMSU, a bed space and all, he was warning up to pay the school fee when I asked him why he was doing all those? I told him plain that if these are in exchange for me, that he should count me out. He started withdrawing from me until he was completely gone.

The other guy was around for years, we kept in touch but was miles apart. He really loved me but I didn't give him that chance to fly in and help the damsel in distress. I was already in my 400L when friends talked me into giving him a chance. I did! He engaged me this January, shortly after then I started seeing things I couldn't cope with and I called off the engagement.

I felt guilty cos I broke his heart, I was never indebted to him, not even for a dime.

17yrs old are not morons, pls.......

vivianc:

How did you see the "potential cheat?" Anyway, I don't wanna debate on that. What I want to let her know is there are consequences, huge ones! God is not asleep! You can't use your fellow human like this and go free.

As a growing child, my mum sounded these warnings into my ears:
1. " Do not insult any guy that comes for you, no matter how small or little you thing he is."

2. "If you don't like a man, pls don't like his gifts."

I grew up with these warnings. I could have found myself in her shoes at 17 too but i didn't want to be indebted to any man. I knew what I wanted and I wasn't gonna allow indebtedness to make the choice for me. If I wanted that, I know where I would have been, but no regrets. I'm taking it slow and with serene peace of mind.
No man can say "oh, after all I have done for you!" Nah, no man can take that glory. It all belongs to God, and sometimes I lend my family some.

Pls to every teen reading this thread, if a man is not good enough for you, his gifts shouldn't be!

Standing ovation Vivian!

vivianc:

How did you see the "potential cheat?" Anyway, I don't wanna debate on that. What I want to let her know is there are consequences, huge ones! God is not asleep! You can't use your fellow human like this and go free.

As a growing child, my mum sounded these warnings into my ears:
1. " Do not insult any guy that comes for you, no matter how small or little you thing he is."

2. "If you don't like a man, pls don't like his gifts."

I grew up with these warnings. I could have found myself in her shoes at 17 too but i didn't want to be indebted to any man. I knew what I wanted and I wasn't gonna allow indebtedness to make the choice for me. If I wanted that, I know where I would have been, but no regrets. I'm taking it slow and with serene peace of mind.
No man can say "oh, after all I have done for you!" Nah, no man can take that glory. It all belongs to God, and sometimes I lend my family some.

Pls to every teen reading this thread, if a man is not good enough for you, his gifts shouldn't be!

Standing ovation Vivian!

judii: 1000 likes . I was almost in the same situation as Vure but I was too smart 4 the man and I was about the same age with her too The promised 2 get me into any university of my choice but my parents insisted they would like 2 finish training me first before handing me over 2 any man. The man tried using my head self by giving me a huge sum of money which I collected thinking it was just a gift until I told my mum about it and she instructed me 2 return every single dime I took from him as keeping the money according 2 her, meant consent. I called him immediately and asked 4his account number 2 return the money but he refused and that was the last I heard from the guy. He told one of my uncles who knew him that, I was too intelligent and smart 4 my age .

Sadly, if u hadn't told your mom, u'll be in the same situation as Vure.
I still feel that Vure's case is EXACTLY like the scene you just played above but in her own case, she felt she could get away with it. She knew what she was in for from the start & now she's trapped.
I don't believe her mom (or family) is aware that she went this far.
@Vure, pls tell your people to help you beg the man. Yes, you don't have to marry him, but you can't just leave like that or else he'll come after you.
You need to do it carefully, & pls do it fast. No more pretending. You've caused enough harm already

Ujujoan:

Let me get you right here . . . .

She MUST marry the guy because she took his money

In your case you walked away when you saw something wrong and that makes it right because you didn't take his money . . .

In her own case, she took his money so she has no right to leave . . . . even is she catches him doing something wrong

First of all, i'm not saying she must marry the guy. All i'm saying is she is an articulated gold digger, thank God her own guy hasn't done anything wrong. Whatever she is feeling now, she felt years ago but she was well articulated. She kept quiet in her first year, second year............until she got a job. Look up for the definition of a gold digger, this is it, period! So stop making excuses for her.

Well, if she is cold hearted enough to deceive a guy into seeing her through school, she can also be cold hearted enough to deal with the consequences of her actions.

That's my take!

Oburu m bu this guy, aga m aku ya ibi, ma obu ukwu aba druxxxxxx, i swear!

theLORDreigns: I don't believe her mom (or family) is aware that she went this far.

wrong... You have not seen anything because financially less-than-average parents could do anything evily.

I am VERY sure the mother has been aware.

2s£xy:


wrong... You have not seen anything because financially less-than-average parents could do anything evily.

I am VERY sure the mother has been aware.

If her mother was aware, it means she spearheaded d operation & should be the one fidgety now & not the daughter.

If her mom was aware, why is Vure afraid?

That kind ting, she for just push am go her mama side, say make im go hear from her mama first, abi? Dis one wey she con put am for head. *yimu*