Caracta:

Maybe. Maybe not. I'm one broad subject. It could take you years

Sounds like a PhD subject to me.

@ Graham: Noted. You have highlighted the problem of moral relativity evdent in my comment. Let's try: A nice guy doesn't physically or emotionally abuse or use ladies for selfish reasons.

Danhumprey: True talk!!! But I wonder why some gals tend to be manipulative and would rather prefer a guy who would hurt them than one who would treat them for the weaker vessels the Holy book said they are. I'm just baffled. Why is it so?

Manipulative wasn't the word she needed, bro. A manipulative person is a fuccked-up human being badly in need of the Grace of God to fix them. There is no marriage that they will not damage.

She meant "coy". Women are naturally designed to always come up with little games to reassure herself of her husband's love and involvement with her. "Thy desire shall be to thy husband and he shall rule over thee". They need to know that they still hold his interest emotionally and intellectually, so they play games that draw the man's attention. There is nothing wrong with that. Ain't no female on God's earth ain't like that.

Don't get it twisted!

Uyi Iredia: @ Graham: Noted. You have highlighted the problem of moral relativity evdent in my comment. Let's try: A nice guy doesn't physically or emotionally abuse or use ladies for selfish reasons.

Perfect

Matthew briggs:

That's the word. Be real, because life is too short for pretense, be you a jerk, a nice guy, or a nice jerk have fun been yourself. The most important thing is better your self continuously pick and drop traits as you journey towards perfection. Never change because of a guy or gurl but for you.

GBAM!

Your packaging and marketing only says that you are not sure of who you are, you're looking for other things to compensate for what you think you lack, and you haven't found yourself as a man.

I just can't see how I'll be attracted to that.

Nice guy myths:

Nice guys are virgins: Not always.

Nice guys who are virgins fear $€x: Again not always, some flirt or even smoosh a lot.

Nice guys are mummy's boy: Dammit ! Even Shaka Zulu was a mummy's boy.

Nice guys don't beat girls: They usually don't but stress can change someone.

Add ya own.

Nice guys don't cheat: If buy cheat you mean deceptively have another affai whilst in one. You'll be amazed.

Ihedinobi:

My my! Girl, who said anything about "exactly like"? I only said "like". It's that simple. If we wanted people exactly like us, only identical twins would get married and maybe not even then.

Marriage is like intersecting circles. They form one unit because they essentially are of a kind, but they form a stronger, more effective unit because they also have different and complementary elements.

So what you want is someone enough like you to be able to work with in optimizing the possibilities in your differences.

Ok, lemme fix that. I do not want someone like me!

debosky:

Sounds like a PhD subject to me.

As a matter of fact, it is. Failure is not an option. No turning back. Ready?

debosky:

#ResearchProjectVersion2.0

Ihedinobi:

How do I know what a woman wants? I was born by one. A strong-ass woman too. God bless my Momma!

I made a thread to explain the differences among the various categories of men. It's still got a great deal of potential because there are things yet unsaid there. But quiye a bit has been already.

There is no such thing as a Nice Jerk.

Love is not manipulative.

Being nice does not translate to being a pushover.

Now, my turn. How would you know what a woman wants?

Lets see...
I am a woman, and have spent my whole life as one.
I have female friends who talk about what they want, things they sometimes won't tell their man.
That makes me a better judge of what women want, not you.
You only get to observe and speculate. I live it.

Like I said, different strokes for different people.


Satisfied?

Graham123: Being too nice to the point of being silly is the perfect recipe for disaster in any relationship. However, love itself can be silly a times.

After reading that story, bro, I know that I dedicated this thread to the right people.

If we were going to take this systematically, I would ask you what you consider as being too nice. Is it possible to be too nice, really? What is nice enough? Love is silly sometimes, yes. That's when the love-games are rolled out. The games are always: "how much do I mean to you?" The answer always involves something a bit silly.

I'm so sorry about your relationship. You had a tough one. She should have stayed.

Thank God you already are an extrovert. I think this is where being extroverted has the advantage.

y-fo:


If a guy is nice by default and hates confrontation/being assertive (especially when it comes to the female folks)...should he just remain so and not have any tweak in his persona just for the sake of being real to his true nature?

I guess the main question here is, would you see this as 'packaging' or 'bettering himself'?


*long time no argument, how've you been

I hate confrontation(IRL) and I do not fit into your category of nice people.

Any man that has a problem with being assertive, either doesn't believe in what he stands for or has deeper issues. (Prolly battling self esteem issues, scared that he'll loose his partner or is socially awkward.)

I think the question he needs to ask himself is, why is he tweaking his so-called nature?? Does it fit the picture of the man he wants to be??
Better yourself for yourself and it will remain permanent??

I'm not talking about inspiration or encouragement but letting people be the reason for your change is letting them have a defining power over you. Men need to stop finding their identity in the eyes of some bimbo or society.

Matthew briggs:

That's the word. Be real, because life is too short for pretense, be you a jerk, a nice guy, or a nice jerk have fun been yourself. The most important thing is better your self continously pick and drop traits as you journey towards perfection. Never change becuause of a guy or gurl but for you.

@ihediobie I believe be you a jerk, a nice guy or a half blood prince (nice jerk). There is a woman out there that will like you for you. My decision to be a nice jerk is for my own sanity, it is now who I am no matter the type of argument or point raise can never change my stance.

I love control, I love romance, I love taking charge.
It's my blessing and my curse.

#Team Nice Guy with an attitude.

No one is born a jerk or a nice guy, bro

Wu Zetian:

GBAM!

Your packaging and marketing only says that you are not sure of who you are, you're looking for other things to compensate for what you think you lack, and you haven't found yourself as a man.

I just can't see how I'll be attracted to that.

Only if packaging was always this discernible - no one would ever be deceived! But we all know that isn't the reality.

Don't knock packaging - in a busy world, we all need something to catch our attention. The key is going beyond that packaging to see what lies beneath. If you like it then fine, if not, be more circumspect the next time you come across such packaging.

Uyi Iredia: A nice guy is someone who treats ladies with respect within the confines of his conscience.

BAM!

Who wanted to know what a nice guy is again? There it is.

Caracta:

As a matter of fact, it is. Failure is not an option. No turning back. Ready?

#TeamBornReady

Graham123:
I totally disagree with this. Some guys abuse ladies and it takes no beating on their conscience. In addition, respect is a relative and subjective term, some guys/ ladies definition of it is sickening.

Bro, there is nothing, absolutely nothing relative or subjective about term "respect". If you respect someone, anyone at all, you defer to them. You do not ride roughshod over them. Simple.

We're not so confused as that, surely!

Ihedinobi:

BAM!

Who wanted to know what a nice guy is again? There it is.

Too many relativity traps in that one. 'Nice-guy' who grew up seeing playful 'slaps' administered at home and considers his dad a nice guy could regard those as nice-guy traits no? They wouldn't be against his conscience would they?

Perception/background is key here.

debosky:

#TeamBornReady

That's the spirit. Blood they say, is thicker than water/beer We don't give up easily! We are born ready!

Ihedinobi:

Bro, there is nothing, absolutely nothing relative or subjective about term "respect". If you respect someone, anyone at all, you defer to them. You do not ride roughshod over them. Simple.

We're not so confused as that, surely!

Respect is an 'principle' - how it is expressed is definitely relative from culture to culture (and maybe even on an individual level). To some 'respect' means refusing to use the left hand to give something over, to others that is a meaningless gesture and would not be interpreted as respect.

What I consider as a respectful action (e.g. wanting to be the 'man' by e.g. insisting on carrying the bags) may be interpreted by another as being sexist and an unnecessary show of masculinity.

debosky:

Why? Am I not a qualified researcher?



Unfortunately this is a very complex subject that you can't conveniently 'classify' into nice guy, so and so guy, etc. However, because many guys (and girls) do struggle to succeed in relationships, folk are forever inventing 'categories' and 'descriptions' to help guys 'figure out' how to approach/be successful in relationships.

C'mon, bro. There are jerks, there are nice guys and there are wimps. I didn't need to write about them for them to exist. All I have done is used words to paint a picture of reality. I could care less whether anyone agrees with me: just look around and see if there are really such people or not.

debosky:

Too many relativity traps in that one. 'Nice-guy' who grew up seeing playful 'slaps' administered at home and considers his dad a nice guy could regard those as nice-guy traits no? They wouldn't be against his conscience would they?

Perception/background is key here.

God bless you. A nice guy to you might be a weak guy to me. Definition differs. The guy i consider a typically bad guy might be a nice guy to a girl out there. It depends on what we believe in. Very personal.

debosky:

Why? Am I not a qualified researcher?



Unfortunately this is a very complex subject that you can't conveniently 'classify' into nice guy, so and so guy, etc. However, because many guys (and girls) do struggle to succeed in relationships, folk are forever inventing 'categories' and 'descriptions' to help guys 'figure out' how to approach/be successful in relationships.

C'mon, bro. There are jerks, there are nice guys and there are wimps. I didn't need to write about them for them to exist. All I have done is use words to paint a picture of reality. I could care less whether anyone agrees with me: just look around and see if there are really such people or not.

Caracta:

For you maybe. I won't disagree with you over your views. As for me, i don't want someone exactly like me. Nah...nah...nah...it won't work. We would fight everyday and probably break some bones.

That's why compartible partners have to be different,so that the can complement each other. Two partners with the same character are gonna be boring and would bore the life outta each others.

Ihedinobi:

C'mon, bro. There are jerks, there are nice guys and there are wimps. I didn't need to write about them for them to exist. All I have done is use words to paint a picture of reality. I could care less whether anyone agrees with me: just look around and see if there are really such people or not.

To varying extents there are - unfortunately we can get so lost in these definitions that some begin to think they can fit people into these boxes. All I'm saying is there's lots of grey out there - multiple colours even - and personal taste matters a lot in how actions are perceived.

debosky:

Too many relativity traps in that one. 'Nice-guy' who grew up seeing playful 'slaps' administered at home and considers his dad a nice guy could regard those as nice-guy traits no? They wouldn't be against his conscience would they?

Perception/background is key here.

God damn the devil!!!! One day we are going to be arguing whether a man is a man or really a woman or maybe he's a flower. Seriously, what the hell?

Nice is an English word with a definite meaning so is guy. The dude that calls a dad who slaps his mom around "nice" needs to have his English scholarship or his head checked!

God damn the fawking devil!!!! What The Hell?!!!!

Caracta:

That's the spirit. Blood they say, is thicker than water/beer We don't give up easily! We are born ready!

RAH!!!

Need to discuss how to begin this study though.

Ihedinobi:

How do I know what a woman wants? I was born by one. A strong-ass woman too. God bless my Momma!

I made a thread to explain the differences among the various categories of men. It's still got a great deal of potential because there are things yet unsaid there. But quiye a bit has been already.

There is no such thing as a Nice Jerk.

Love is not manipulative.

Being nice does not translate to being a pushover.

Now, my turn. How would you know what a woman wants?

@bolded
- it's like saying there is nothing like the colour gray
- Love is not maniputalitive at the same time not been silly to the point of been manipulated
- Been nice does not translate to been a push over but may at the same mean listening to her needs putting them above your's in most cases. Which is wrong.

Errmhh.... Most women don't know what they really want, only very few do, in most cases It's up to the guy to convince them he's the real deal which happens to be something jerks are good at. (My personal observation).

Ihedinobi:

Manipulative wasn't the word she needed, bro. A manipulative person is a fuccked-up human being badly in need of the Grace of God to fix them. There is no marriage that they will not damage.

She meant "coy". Women are naturally designed to always come up with little games to reassure herself of her husband's love and involvement with her. "Thy desire shall be to thy husband and he shall rule over thee". They need to know that they still hold his interest emotionally and intellectually, so they play games that draw the man's attention. There is nothing wrong with that. Ain't no female on God's earth ain't like that.

Don't get it twisted!

Interesting. I'm learning alot. You must be an expert. Tell me more.

Danhumprey: That's why compartible partners have to be different,so that the can complement each other. Two partners with the same character are gonna be boring and would bore the life outta each others.

So why is ihedinobi against "opposites attract"? More like two Phlegmatics getting married.

To Ihedinobi, Sanguines attract Sanguines. Wonderful!

debosky:

Respect is an 'principle' - how it is expressed is definitely relative from culture to culture (and maybe even on an individual level). To some 'respect' means refusing to use the left hand to give something over, to others that is a meaningless gesture and would not be interpreted as respect.

What I consider as a respectful action (e.g. wanting to be the 'man' by e.g. insisting on carrying the bags) may be interpreted by another as being sexist and an unnecessary show of masculinity.

Holy Lord in Heaven! Expressions of respect are not he same as respect itself. In your Yoruba land, I have to prostrate to greet elderly people. In my Igbo land, I offer two hands for a handshake with a slightly bowed head. They are both expressions of respect. But they mean the same freaking thing: respect to the older ones.

In no culture and under no proper human circumstance can respect be deemed to be infliction of malicious harm on the person you respect.

Good Lord!!!!!!!

Ihedinobi:

God damn the devil!!!! One day we are going to be arguing whether a man is a man or really a woman or maybe he's a flower. Seriously, what the hell?

Nice is an English word with a definite meaning so is guy. The dude that calls a dad who slaps his mom around "nice" needs to have his English scholarship or his head checked!

God damn the fawking devil!!!! What The Hell?!!!!

Just remember how the word Gay has changed in meaning - you are 100% right.

You said 'nice' within his conscience was a good definition no?

I've just shown one possible flaw in that definition that's all. Besides, I did say playful slaps didn't I? I know some people (male and female) can slap each other playfully, while others don't consider any form of slapping playful.

If you make it a matter of an individual's conscience, then that conscience may be shaped differently from yours due to life experiences - just thought it was worth pointing that out.

Of course, in general people from the same culture will view niceness from a similar perspective, but not all do. With today's diverse, interspersed world with people often relating with others with a completely different background/upbringing/philosophy, more care must be taken when defining things such as 'nice'.

debosky:

Only if packaging was always this discernible - no one would ever be deceived! But we all know that isn't the reality.

Don't knock packaging - in a busy world, we all need something to catch our attention. The key is going beyond that packaging to see what lies beneath. If you like it then fine, if not, be more circumspect the next time you come across such packaging.

Can't be deceived because I can't be attracted to a man that thinks he needs packaging. I am too observant and sensitive, I hardly miss tiny details.

When I was 16, my then best friend/now ex taught me something. You know(well, you might not know but I'll assume anyway) how girls feel a need to act a certain way when they notice guys staring at them??
We were at the store, on our way back from church and guys were 'noticing' me. When he noticed by change in character, he said, "they were attracted to you when you were just you, why do you think you have to change anything about yourself?". And it stuck, now my legs don't wobble when guys are staring at me

Packaging is for high school kids, it makes me question what you're hiding as a man.