debosky:

RAH!!!

Need to discuss how to begin this study though.

That's not a problem. We can start from the palace

Wu Zetian:

Can't be deceived because I can't be attracted to a man that thinks he needs packaging. I am too observant and sensitive, I hardly miss tiny details.

When I was 16, my then best friend/now ex taught me something. You know(well, you might not know but I'll assume anyway) how girls feel a need to act a certain way when they notice guys staring at them??
We were at the store, on our way back from church and guys were 'noticing' me. When he noticed by change in character, he said, "they were attracted to you when you were just you, why do you think you have to change anything about yourself?". And it stuck, now my legs don't wobble when guys are staring at me

Packaging is for high school kids, it makes me question what you're hiding as a man.

I'll take you more seriously on packaging if you marry a beggar.

Caracta:

Ok, lemme fix that. I do not want someone like me!

Exactly!

Fact is: if you wanna date/marry(most especially marriage) someone,let that person be the complete opposite of you. Though in some case,the person may not be perfectly the opposite of you,but let he/she be different from you,so you both can complement each other.

Caracta:

So why is ihedinobi against "opposites attract"? More like two Phlegmatics getting married.

To Ihedinobi, Sanguines attract Sanguines. Wonderful!

If I didn't already know that your initial conviction derived from Tim Lahaye's book, I would have been completely thrown just now.

Didn't Tim explain that we are not single temperaments. We are mixtures. A MelPhleg, for instance, would be typically attracted to a MelSan. Why? There're qualities in the San that the Phleg will find novel and vice versa. But only the Mel makes it possible for both to see these qualities in the first place because the Mel automatically pulls them toward each other.

Ihedinobi: Holy Lord in Heaven! Expressions of respect are not he same as respect itself. In your Yoruba land, I have to prostrate to greet elderly people. In my Igbo land, I offer two hands for a handshake with a slightly bowed head. They are both expressions of respect. But they mean the same freaking thing: respect to the older ones.

In no culture and under no proper human circumstance can respect be deemed to be infliction of malicious harm on the person you respect.

Good Lord!!!!!!!

You don come again.

Do you consider it malicious to offer your wife as 'company' to a visitor as is done in the Arctic? They think it's respectful, but you don't I guess?

The interpretation is in the eyes of the person receiving the 'act' of respect. It is not solely in the meaning intended by the person carrying it out. If you prostrate for an Igbo man who is unaware of Yoruba culture, will he regard the act as respectful?

My message is simple - my idea of respect and how it is shown must match my partner's. There is no universal standard when it comes to that.

Wu Zetian:

Can't be deceived because I can't be attracted to a man that thinks he needs packaging. I am too observant and sensitive, I hardly miss tiny details.

Packaging is for high school kids, it makes me question what you're hiding as a man.

Hehehe. . . .some packaging looks so good, you won't even think of it as packaging.

Maybe we're getting hung up on the word though - the fact is that you can present yourself in a way that highlights your good parts and reduces emphasis on the not so good. It's not a bad thing and definitely helps in wading through the numerous potential mates out there.

You people talk too much. We have this same topic discussed in 3 different threads

When i'm less busy, i'll feel more inclined to argue. Till then.....

Uyi Iredia:

I'll take you more seriously on packaging if you marry a beggar.

So a beggar that packages himself as a millionaire is better than a beggar that doesn't??

Have you considered thinking through your thoughts before posting them??

Caracta:

That's not a problem. We can start from the palace

#Let'sGoThere

PS - what/where is the palace?

Graham123: To each his/her own. If any lady wants the bad then may God help her. But from Ihedinobi's point of view, why do ladies exhaust their life and expend all the good things they have to offer to the bad guys only to want to settle down with nice guys for marriage. No man wants a used lady, especially not the nice ones who have stood by an exemplary principle all their lives.

Preach it, brotha!

debosky:

You don come again.

Do you consider it malicious to offer your wife as 'company' to a visitor as is done in the Arctic? They think it's respectful, but you don't I guess?

The interpretation is in the eyes of the person receiving the 'act' of respect. It is not solely in the meaning intended by the person carrying it out. If you prostrate for an Igbo man who is unaware of Yoruba culture, will he regard the act as respectful?

My message is simple - my idea of respect and how it is shown must match my partner's. There is no universal standard when it comes to that.

There is! Or else there is no possibility of or point in person-to-person or people-group-to-people-group relationship.

debosky:

#Let'sGoThere

PS - what/where is the palace?

I'm tired of arguing biko.

The palace? You don't know? Chei!

Be a nice guy, but never bend over too much for another human being, always remember that the only useful thing you can do with a doormat is wipe your feet on it- Don't be a DOORMAT.

Signed
General Shepherd

Matthew briggs:

@bolded
- it's like saying there is nothing like the colour gray
- Love is not maniputalitive at the same time not been silly to the point of been manipulated
- Been nice does not translate to been a push over but may at the same listening to her needs putting them above your's in most cases. Which is wrong.

Errmhh.... Most women don't know what they really want, only very few do, in most cases It's up to the guy to convince them he's the real deal which happens to be something jerks are good at. (My personal observation).

You're not entirely wrong about that. Most women don't know what they really want.

Caracta:

Why must you read my mind all the time? I tire for you o

babe,u still at work? I'm heading that way.

y-fo:


If a guy is nice by default and hates confrontation/being assertive (especially when it comes to the female folks)...should he just remain so and not have any tweak in his persona just for the sake of being real to his true nature?

I guess the main question here is, would you see this as 'packaging' or 'bettering himself'?



*long time no argument, how've you been

Is nice = non-confrontational/non-assertive? In which dictionary? Puhleeeeeeeease!

...

Caracta:

God bless you. A nice guy to you might be a weak guy to me. Definition differs. The guy i consider a typically bad guy might be a nice guy to a girl out there. It depends on what we believe in. Very personal.

True not everything is in black and white. Taste differs and perception is subjective.

Ihedinobi:

There is! Or else there is no possibility of or point in person-to-person or people-group-to-people-group relationship.

The concept of respect is universal, but it is the acts (which aren't universal) that demonstrate respect not so?

This is why both parties must understand what respect means to each other in order to have a relationship. Maybe that wasn't clear in my previous post. If, for example, I consider respect to be kneeling down to serve me food while my partner considers it humiliating, we have a problem.

debosky:

I'm no expert believe me, but I have learned a few things on my journey. . . .things that I am often too lazy to even practice sometimes.

You just proved a point that I didn't want to bother making. Anybody would get lazy to maintain a facade. Who you really are is what cements any damn relationship!

Caracta:

I'm tired of arguing biko.

The palace? You don't know? Chei!

Hmm. . .I don't want to miss road oh, since everything is relative.

That's one thing I learned from relationships - always ask for confirmation. Assume nothing, not even when talking to your own townswoman.

Ihedinobi:

You just proved a point that I didn't want to bother making. Anybody would get lazy to maintain a facade. Who you really are is what cements any damn relationship!

Gospel truth bro!

debosky:

The concept of respect is universal, but it is the acts (which aren't universal) that demonstrate respect not so?

This is why both parties must understand what respect means to each other in order to have a relationship. Maybe that wasn't clear in my previous post. If, for example, I consider respect to be kneeling down to serve me food while my partner considers it humiliating, we have a problem.

And how do you truly resolve the problem without appealing to an impartial, all-embracing standard?

Ihedinobi:

Is nice = non-confrontational/non-assertive? In which dictionary? Puhleeeeeeeease!

literally) A male person who has a pleasant, friendly manner.


idiomatic, euphemism) An inoffensive adult male who desires romantic companionship but who is too bland and uninspiring to be attractive.



That's a dictionary definition of a nice guy.

But since we've made it our business as humans to use words out of their original meaning, i'll say the definition of a 'nice guy' is subject to different individuals.

You can't define it, cause who A views as a nice guy could be a Jerk to B.

uj_sizzle:
You people talk too much. We have this same topic discussed in 3 different threads

When i'm less busy, i'll feel more inclined to argue. Till then.....

Till then, can we go sail that ship you promised? My head is wobbly with so much unnecessary arguments on here

Ihedinobi:

You just proved a point that I didn't want to bother making. Anybody would get lazy to maintain a facade. Who you really are is what cements any damn relationship!

Yes, but that still doesn't negate the (limited) usefulness of the facade - as I said, it's purpose is to catch the attention of the other party. Once that is achieved, one hopes the 'substance' behind the facade is sufficient to keep the other party interested.

Danhumprey: You're not entirely wrong about that. Most women don't know what they really want.

Good thing you see my point

princesa:
Till then, can we go sail that ship you promised? My head is wobbly with so much unnecessary arguments on here

lol ofcoz darling, we can sail the ship. Beautiful weather and just the right amount of wind
Come with your swim suit, we're gonna dive

Ihedinobi:

And how do you truly resolve the problem without appealing to an impartial, all-embracing standard?

You can't always resolve it - for some the cultural expressions of respect cannot be separated from the concept of respect. For others their practices are so deeply ingrained that they refuse to countenance something different. As always, if we don't agree (or at least compromise), we can't enter into/maintain a relationship.

I've never denied the universal concept exists though - only that it's expression is the ultimate test. If we don't match on that level, there is a problem which may or may not be resolvable.

debosky:

And how many people are at the stage that they're ready for God-standard Love? Taking the idealistic path again I see? I'm talking about what holds/applies, you seem to be more on the what [i]should [/i]apply route.



I didn't define the game to be honest, it means different things to different people. As far as I'm concerned, it's the end goal and motive that are key. People will get there via different routes - some will use mind control for a while and later discard it, others will bypass it entirely.

It all depends on the maturity/emotional development of the individuals involved, and the levels they feel they must go to 'secure' the one they want.

Oh ok. I'm about the destination and you're about the journey?

Fine, but if I'm on the line that runs from Lagos to Kano, I'm not likely to ever get to Umuahia unless I change lines or get to Kano and head back toward Umuahia, no?

uj_sizzle:
babe,u still at work? I'm heading that way.

Yes. But not for long. 12noon. Remember?

Matthew briggs:

True not everything is in black and white. Taste differs and perception is subjective.

Isn't that what we've been trying to preach to them?

Don't I loove my dictionary

Proverb
Nice Guys Finish Last

People who are decent, friendly, and agreeable tend to be unsuccessful because they are outmaneuvered or overwhelmed by others who are not so decent, friendly, or agreeable.