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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / What Does The Future Hold?....should The Wedding Be Cancelled? (8302 Views)
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Re: What Does The Future Hold?....should The Wedding Be Cancelled? by Nobody: 2:53pm On Nov 11, 2013 |
goodheart4God: Like aunty CC said we are wired to be jealous. And if you love someone , you should care that someone else is coming to your territory. I don't know anyone that will wake up and accept someone cheating on him/her when he/she isn't cheating. Even if the person is cheating he/she wouldn't accept being cheated on. Please don't neglect regular STD test . . let him also go for them. Health is wealth . . It's well! |
Re: What Does The Future Hold?....should The Wedding Be Cancelled? by baralatie(m): 3:24pm On Nov 11, 2013 |
goodheart4God: Like aunty CC said we are wired to be jealous. And if you love someone , you should care that someone else is coming to your territory. I don't know anyone that will wake up and accept someone cheating on him/her when he/she isn't cheating. Even if the person is cheating he/she wouldn't accept being cheated on. i understand what u going through!dont mind ppl like 'abali & co'. Pls calm down! Be rest assure ur soln is on the way! |
Re: What Does The Future Hold?....should The Wedding Be Cancelled? by Nobody: 3:36pm On Nov 11, 2013 |
goodheart4God: Like aunty CC said we are wired to be jealous. And if you love someone , you should care that someone else is coming to your territory. I don't know anyone that will wake up and accept someone cheating on him/her when he/she isn't cheating. Even if the person is cheating he/she wouldn't accept being cheated on. It is well. I only wonder if everybody walks out of a relationship at the slightest hints of flirtation, how many people would be married today? With respect to the OP case, I feel the dude didn't go thru the phase of chasing girls and having fun before eventually settling down. He didn't 'rock life well'. His own is just probably starting and it will all pass in due course. 2 Likes |
Re: What Does The Future Hold?....should The Wedding Be Cancelled? by Nobody: 4:26pm On Nov 11, 2013 |
Donxavier: You call deleting call logs, openly dating other women, hiding the fact that he is engaged from other women, receiving calls from other women who think they have a chance, changing their names on his phone "slightest hints of flirtation"? He should flirt on his own time tell the girls he meets that he is not interested in anything serious he is just having fun. Many ladies will still date him but at least they know wassup but he is lying to himself he is not ready to marry. All i know is it feels awful to be with a man who wants to date other women unless the woman in question has her own agenda for marrying such a man, maybe desperation, he has money, thinks she can't do better, poor self image,doesn't really care,thinks she can handle it among other issues but if she ever believes she can have a better man who is totally into her she will ex that man immediately. Who likes suffering? 3 Likes |
Re: What Does The Future Hold?....should The Wedding Be Cancelled? by bukatyne(f): 4:29pm On Nov 11, 2013 |
andromida: My dear, Welcome to Naija! |
Re: What Does The Future Hold?....should The Wedding Be Cancelled? by Abali1(m): 5:20pm On Nov 11, 2013 |
Donxavier:Abeg helep me 'axe' them ohh. |
Re: What Does The Future Hold?....should The Wedding Be Cancelled? by baralatie(m): 5:22pm On Nov 11, 2013 |
andromida:i give u a big hi_five! Gbosa! |
Re: What Does The Future Hold?....should The Wedding Be Cancelled? by Abali1(m): 5:29pm On Nov 11, 2013 |
, |
Re: What Does The Future Hold?....should The Wedding Be Cancelled? by Nobody: 5:35pm On Nov 11, 2013 |
andromida: Sis, He's going through a phase and it will pass in due course. I still believe a heart to heart discussion will resolve this matter. Exing him immediately shouldn't be the first course of action. 1 Like |
Re: What Does The Future Hold?....should The Wedding Be Cancelled? by soulglo: 6:24pm On Nov 11, 2013 |
Abali1: Honestly this is nonsense. No woman can change any man that does not want to change. Any man waiting for the woman that will change his is not a man. Any woman that is hoping to change a man is a fool. 2 Likes |
Re: What Does The Future Hold?....should The Wedding Be Cancelled? by Nobody: 7:07pm On Nov 11, 2013 |
Donxavier: I agree with you that he may be going through a phase. He wants flings all good. The thing is he is not honest with himself that he still wants to party. He is not ready to be with one woman and when he is ready if she is still single and wants him back well......in the meantime she should go for her own happiness and in the process she may find a ready man but I know this will not happen most likely even her mother will advise patience as the course of action. As someone rightly said, fear of the unknown will keep her there. 1 Like |
Re: What Does The Future Hold?....should The Wedding Be Cancelled? by baralatie(m): 11:18pm On Nov 11, 2013 |
Donxavier: the problem i av with these 'phase theory' is will the woman also be allow to go on exactly this type of "phase sabatical" 2 Likes |
Re: What Does The Future Hold?....should The Wedding Be Cancelled? by goodheart4God: 7:54am On Nov 12, 2013 |
Ujujoan: Uju I believe he is a smart man who wouldn't want to expose his life STD so I guess he would be using protection. |
Re: What Does The Future Hold?....should The Wedding Be Cancelled? by EfemenaXY: 7:56am On Nov 12, 2013 |
goodheart4God: Na wa o! It's painful reading that! How do you cope? Does he not care how you feel at all? 1 Like |
Re: What Does The Future Hold?....should The Wedding Be Cancelled? by goodheart4God: 8:00am On Nov 12, 2013 |
baralatie: I believe one day he will get tired of all these. Abali is just suffering from heartache because of what girls have done to him in the past. He feels by living that kind of life he is protecting his heart from being broken again. I must tell him that he is just disturbing himself because if he doesn't let go of the past hurt and treat his new relationship the way it is. He will keep on having women cheating on him because of his lifestyle. It isn't every woman that knows how to wind, some simply ignore and starts cheating. I can bet my life that women are the smartest cheat ever. Men don't just know that. |
Re: What Does The Future Hold?....should The Wedding Be Cancelled? by goodheart4God: 8:12am On Nov 12, 2013 |
Donxavier: Donxavier, you wouldn't understand because you may not have been there before. What is the used in life when you have one life to live and you are not happy you are living. Some people can't just stand the heartache so they leave. Human should be treated with dignity. If the OP sister's fiance feels he still has life to enjoy, he shouldn't have asked for commitment. My grouse is that you are not ready to forsake all others and cleave to her yet you carry your two left leg and go to the woman's village and introduce yourself that you want to marry their daughter. People should be emotionally ready before committing other people to your lifestyle. Donxavier: Sometimes you can't have a heart to heart discussion with some one with a mindset. If a man has a mindset that what he is doing is right. What kind of heart to heart discussion will solve the mentality? Well like you say it is a phase, I hope women are allowed to have that kind of phase. Abali1: My only prayer for you that whatsoever you wished your girlfriends or wife-to-be to accept, may God give her the same heart to start doing what you are doing and give you the love with full portion to accept them. Amen. Before you swear for me just say Amen. I am just giggling as am typing this. 1 Like |
Re: What Does The Future Hold?....should The Wedding Be Cancelled? by baralatie(m): 8:56am On Nov 12, 2013 |
goodheart4God:i cant write the numerous acct i av seen;my co-worker,my friends,y much older ppl that are close to me.if i should tel what my eye saw?aaah!the pain al parties went thro? Som of tie wives decided to give theiv own dose-the result were a disaster.1 husband died of heartatack,my co worker nearly lost his for two weeks(thank God he&his wife are now reunited)i can stil others. I pray that God wil give u peace of mind in ur relationship |
Re: What Does The Future Hold?....should The Wedding Be Cancelled? by Nobody: 9:16am On Nov 12, 2013 |
goodheart4God: If he was so smart he won't be creeping around now would he Protection could fail you know . . . Just do the tests to be on the safe side, what do you have to lose Don't be one of the statistics . . . |
Re: What Does The Future Hold?....should The Wedding Be Cancelled? by Nobody: 9:24am On Nov 12, 2013 |
Donxavier: Seriously, did you just say that I wonder what we'll say to women who got married as virgins . . . is it also cool for them to 'rock life well' while married |
Re: What Does The Future Hold?....should The Wedding Be Cancelled? by Abali1(m): 9:26am On Nov 12, 2013 |
goodheart4God:Why will I swear for you? I have come to accept that it's a dog eat dog 'relationship' world. I have been there, believe me. I have been good and was hurt. I tried being bad, and couldn't. I went back to be good and was hurt severly again, and again and again. Do you know that at each end of a relationship journey, I will call the lady on phone and pray for her to find the peace and happiness that she seeks. Early this year, I actually invited the last one and ask her to kneel while we pray. Cos I know that relationship journey is not always easy. The funny thing is that all, even the married Ex, wants to keep being friends. I may sound like a bad boy, but.......... NB I think I have found the one, but I am afraid to believe and trust again. |
Re: What Does The Future Hold?....should The Wedding Be Cancelled? by Abali1(m): 9:28am On Nov 12, 2013 |
Ujujoan:Some are virgins only in a unbroken hymen. A virgin who indulges in all sorts, is no longer a virgin. |
Re: What Does The Future Hold?....should The Wedding Be Cancelled? by baralatie(m): 9:33am On Nov 12, 2013 |
Abali1:do not carry the wrng behaviour! |
Re: What Does The Future Hold?....should The Wedding Be Cancelled? by Nobody: 10:07am On Nov 12, 2013 |
1 Like |
Re: What Does The Future Hold?....should The Wedding Be Cancelled? by goodheart4God: 10:20am On Nov 12, 2013 |
baralatie: Please write let everybody learn from it jare. Most men can't stand that cheating stuff from the wife. Efemena_xy: Well God has been my strength not to loose, I wake up every morning talking to myself that you are a queen and you can't allow any man control your happiness. We used to talk a lot about it and sometimes he would apologize and promised to deal with it. But for where, you know that "dealing with it'' is to become more discreet so that you wouldn't suspect. Goes back to the way it was. So later I just got tired of talking about it because he feels am unreasonable to complain, because to him nothing is going on with the girls. They are just friends so I should live with it. Some humans are just wicked. Ujujoan: Uju I bet you am fine and I do my checks, like I said he is smart I don't think he wants to die now. So he knows he should use protection. Abali1: Please sit back and enjoy the relationship if she is the one. Don't use the sins of Abraham to punish the Isaac's. If she hasn't given you the reason to doubt her trust. Let go of the past and be happy here again. I wish you all the best. Please do invite me to the wedding. I show love some partying. Ujujoan: Uju please ask him o, some people will always want to garnish wrong things. 1 Like |
Re: What Does The Future Hold?....should The Wedding Be Cancelled? by debosky(m): 10:26am On Nov 12, 2013 |
There she saw he has been philandering with so many girls and the brutal part the girls doesn't know he's engaged. She told him and they fought over it, one of his sis intervened and they settled. The guy said it was nothing serious just fun. Not sure what philandering means in this context - is it sexual chatting or more than that? To be honest, it's not unusual for a guy to be nervous about what being monogamous entails, and some express this by 'testing' their ability to still attract other women - it's still wrong though. That said, each problem has to be approached on its merits not on previous experience (even while learning from them) - if this is simply a case of chatting, she needs to have a heart to heart talk with the man and set out her cards - stop or this marriage cannot proceed. If the sister who helped previously needs to be brought in then so be it. Trust is a big issue here and needs to be resolved quickly before the marriage. I know it may simply be his 'one last time' phase before he cuts them all off, but it may also be much more. My suggestion would be, if possible postpone the wedding by a few months to rebuild this trust. The truth is no one is 100% good or 100% bad, but the 'badness' should be 'reasonable' and be what you can withstand before embarking on marriage. If this type of behaviour is not something she can tolerate, then pull out now before it's too late. 1 Like |
Re: What Does The Future Hold?....should The Wedding Be Cancelled? by buklan4realyah(f): 10:32am On Nov 12, 2013 |
goodheart4God: hmm! dis statement gave me tears.. seriously, aw r u coppn with him... hush! |
Re: What Does The Future Hold?....should The Wedding Be Cancelled? by Nobody: 11:06am On Nov 12, 2013 |
Uju, Goodheart. I can't speak for all men. I can only speak for myself. Growing up as a young kid, I was so shy and lonely and socially awkward. I couldn't get a date to save my life . It was that bad. All these went on from primary school to secondary. After secondary, I sat down one day and asked myself why am i like this? I was so afraid of girls, dating and all. Besides, I was curious too. I wanted to touch b.reasts and know how they felt and have sexx and romance. I made up my mind I was going to date as many ladies as I could handle . I entered Uni, and I went on dating spree different girls until i met my sweetheart. I didn't immediately stop the escapades, but it was gradually reducing and it was easier to hide since I have always been cris crossing naija and jand, and my type of gf she would most definitely had caught me if not for that cos she's the type that always likes to stay on top of things. A time came I decided it was enough, I guess it was maturity. I stopped it all and sticked to her. And I have not looked back ever since. Sometimes I smile and look back and just wonder what was going through my mind then in my teenage years..it's like football too there was a time when i was so crazy about Real madrid and all and right now i think back and I am like wtf were they giving me any money. Right now, my mentality about marriage is that if you are married, honor your vows. Stick with your wife and care about your woman. But it was a journey to get there and I didn't start out as a saint. That's my own reasoning and that's why I said it's a phase. Especially if it's only these flirtatious tendencies that the man exhibits. That's why I said a heart to heart discussion may also solve this because technically they ain't married yet and if the lady speaks her heart out she would win. Now to the million dollar question? Would I allow for the roles to be reversed? .....Honestly I don't know the answer to the question. cos my Mrs is a virtuous woman and that has been her life and mentality. I honestly don't know if I could tolerate such from her, even though I expect her to tolerate me(in an hypothetical case) if I cheated simply because I won't make it a habit or become a serial cheater or womaniser. But even for once, I don't know if I could tolerate my wife cheating. I have definitely open pandora's box and have given the team feminists ammunition to attack me with . |
Re: What Does The Future Hold?....should The Wedding Be Cancelled? by EfemenaXY: 11:09am On Nov 12, 2013 |
baralatie: I think you need to explain the bolded bit more. What happened? |
Re: What Does The Future Hold?....should The Wedding Be Cancelled? by Nobody: 11:11am On Nov 12, 2013 |
Ujujoan: But they are not married yet . Anyway i get your point. Honestly, the dude needs to be talked too by someone he respects and listens too. He is efing up |
Re: What Does The Future Hold?....should The Wedding Be Cancelled? by Nobody: 11:14am On Nov 12, 2013 |
chaircover: Agreed |
Re: What Does The Future Hold?....should The Wedding Be Cancelled? by Abali1(m): 11:28am On Nov 12, 2013 |
Donxavier:Good point. |
Re: What Does The Future Hold?....should The Wedding Be Cancelled? by Abali1(m): 11:36am On Nov 12, 2013 |
chaircover: Bro Abali, dont give up and dont change. You just haven't found the right one yetThe Bolded, is one of the reason that makes me behave as if I have changed. When you are good to people (not just girls), the ride rough shod over you. But if you behave as if you are truely bad/evil you see people being careful and thinking things through before they offend you. Because they believe that you will not let the 'hurt' go unpunish and they will definitly lose your friendship. Aunty CC, Change is constant. I try not to be too good or too bad.... At least I avoid both extremes. But I got to do what I got to do to protect heart from hurt. I always have some ladies stand-by as friends incase my 'Angel' decides to chop winch over night. 1 Like |
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