Defender of the brethren,

I know you are viewing this thread

Something needs to be done about the quality of men been churned out daily

It is well

bukatyne: Defender of the brethren,

I know you are viewing this thread

Something needs to be done about the quality of men been churned out daily

It is well

The same with the Character of the Ladies, who think they are too good for some men. It goes both ways.
You can't treat a guy as if he is stupid, and you will want his friends and brothers to treat the next female as if she is an Angel. Some people must pay for the sins commited by their kind, whether guys or ladies.
It's a Vicious Cycle. God for us all.

Honestly this guy is not all bad. He is just not ready for monogamy to blame him for the choice of the woman is wrong. He has not forced her to stay engaged to him though i know men with their sweet talks, plus emotional investment she has made and i feel for her but she is choosing to stay. She can take a break from the relationship and sort her feelings out,taking a break does not mean she has to go flirting around to prove a point she can just take a break and enjoy sanity, she does not even have to quit the relationship. During the break she may even meet a better man. Instead of blaming the man she can ask herself "what am i doing here? The man is taking care of himself, enjoying his life, he is priority in his own life and her own life. Since he is doing what he likes its wisdom for her to put herself as priority in her life and do what she enjoys as well. Complaining and blaming him is a waste of time. If she decides to marry him she should not expect him to cherish her feelings until further notice when and if he chooses to retire from the game.

Abali1:
The same with the Character of the Ladies, who think they are too good for some men. It goes both ways.
You can't treat a guy as if he is stupid, and you will want his friends and brothers to treat the next female as if she is an Angel. Some people must pay for the sins commited by their kind, whether guys or ladies.
It's a Vicious Cycle. God for us all.

If I treated a man poorly and his friends and brothers take it out on their girlfriends, that means they are not matured and ready for relationships/marriage

goodheart4God:

Please write let everybody learn from it jare. Most men can't stand that cheating stuff from the wife.

Well God has been my strength not to loose, I wake up every morning talking to myself that you are a queen and you can't allow any man control your happiness. We used to talk a lot about it and sometimes he would apologize and promised to deal with it. But for where, you know that "dealing with it'' is to become more discreet so that you wouldn't suspect. Goes back to the way it was. So later I just got tired of talking about it because he feels am unreasonable to complain, because to him nothing is going on with the girls. They are just friends so I should live with it. Some humans are just wicked.

Uju I bet you am fine and I do my checks, like I said he is smart I don't think he wants to die now. So he knows he should use protection.

Please sit back and enjoy the relationship if she is the one. Don't use the sins of Abraham to punish the Isaac's. If she hasn't given you the reason to doubt her trust. Let go of the past and be happy here again. I wish you all the best. Please do invite me to the wedding. I show love some partying.

Uju please ask him o, some people will always want to garnish wrong things.

Good to know you are taking good care of yourself, that's all that matters!

Abali1:
The same with the Character of the Ladies, who think they are too good for some men. It goes both ways.
You can't treat a guy as if he is stupid, and you will want his friends and brothers to treat the next female as if she is an Angel. Some people must pay for the sins commited by their kind, whether guys or ladies.
It's a Vicious Cycle. God for us all.

The vicious cycle is in your mind. At one point or the other many of us got hurt we simply picked up ourselves,learnt and hoped for better next time and it happened. Paying random women for the sins of an ex who is happily married is just you holding on to your past pain. Don't worry you will get over this phase.

Donxavier: Uju, Goodheart.

I can't speak for all men. I can only speak for myself. Growing up as a young kid, I was so shy and lonely and socially awkward. I couldn't get a date to save my life . It was that bad. All these went on from primary school to secondary. After secondary, I sat down one day and asked myself why am i like this? I was so afraid of girls, dating and all. Besides, I was curious too. I wanted to touch b.reasts and know how they felt and have sexx and romance. I made up my mind I was going to date as many ladies as I could handle . I entered Uni, and I went on dating spree different girls until i met my sweetheart. I didn't immediately stop the escapades, but it was gradually reducing and it was easier to hide since I have always been cris crossing naija and jand, and my type of gf she would most definitely had caught me if not for that cos she's the type that always likes to stay on top of things. A time came I decided it was enough, I guess it was maturity. I stopped it all and sticked to her. And I have not looked back ever since. Sometimes I smile and look back and just wonder what was going through my mind then in my teenage years..it's like football too there was a time when i was so crazy about Real madrid and all and right now i think back and I am like wtf were they giving me any money. Right now, my mentality about marriage is that if you are married, honor your vows. Stick with your wife and care about your woman. But it was a journey to get there and I didn't start out as a saint.
That's my own reasoning and that's why I said it's a phase. Especially if it's only these flirtatious tendencies that the man exhibits. That's why I said a heart to heart discussion may also solve this because technically they ain't married yet and if the lady speaks her heart out she would win.

Now to the million dollar question? Would I allow for the roles to be reversed? .....Honestly I don't know the answer to the question. cos my Mrs is a virtuous woman and that has been her life and mentality. I honestly don't know if I could tolerate such from her, even though I expect her to tolerate me(in an hypothetical case) if I cheated simply because I won't make it a habit or become a serial cheater or womaniser. But even for once, I don't know if I could tolerate my wife cheating.

I have definitely open pandora's box and have given the team feminists ammunition to attack me with .

I'm surprised you are comparing the actions of a teenager to those of a full grown man in his 30s

Let me tell you what happened to you, you grew up . . . you got matured and downloaded some sense into you. If at 30+ a man is still eager to sow wild oats then I'm afraid there's no hope for him. A f00l at 40 is a fool forever.

Being irresponsible is not something to be proud of, in contrary, it's something to be ashamed of. It's not some rite of passage into adulthood, it's an irresponsible lifestyle most people live as a result of immaturity . . . An adult who still wants to live like a teenager is abnormal . . .

And yes, I expected you to have different standards for your wife than you have for yourself. It's a man's world, we are used to it already!

andromida:
Honestly this guy is not all bad. He is just not ready for monogamy to blame him for the choice of the woman is wrong. He has not forced her to stay engaged to him though i know men with their sweet talks, plus emotional investment she has made and i feel for her but she is choosing to stay. She can take a break from the relationship and sort her feelings out,taking a break does not mean she has to go flirting around to prove a point she can just take a break and enjoy sanity, she does not even have to quit the relationship.
2)_[b]During the break she may even meet a better man[/b]. Instead of blaming the man she can ask herself "what am i doing here? The man is taking care of himself, enjoying his life, he is priority in his own life and her own life. Since he is doing what he likes its wisdom for her to put herself as priority in her life and do what she enjoys as well. Complaining and blaming him is a waste of time. If she decides to marry him she should not expect him to cherish her feelings until further notice when and if he chooses to retire from the game.

In one breath you advices she take a break from the relationship, but she doesn't need to quit. That means, she should string the man along, until she meets another man, 'better' than the present one.
You see what I find anoying. She should keep stringing the man, until someone better comes along. If she doesn't see anyone better than the present man..... she then goes ahead to marry him, and claim the 'long suffering' girlfriend cum wife.
If she finds someone better, she blames the man for 'cheating' on her and pushing her out into the 'loving' arms of her present prince charming.
#Brilliant.

Abali1:
The Bolded, is one of the reason that makes me behave as if I have changed.
When you are good to people (not just girls), the ride rough shod over you. But if you behave as if you are truely bad/evil you see people being careful and thinking things through before they offend you. Because they believe that you will not let the 'hurt' go unpunish and they will definitly lose your friendship.
Aunty CC, Change is constant. I try not to be too good or too bad.... At least I avoid both extremes. But I got to do what I got to do to protect heart from hurt.
I always have some ladies stand-by as friends incase my 'Angel' decides to chop winch over night.

You sound like a broken record . . . get over it already!

You are not the only one who has been hurt and betrayed repeatedly in the past, doesn't give you the right to treat people badly. It's not their fault you are a bad judge of character.

The least you can do is to be more careful . . . learn to study people and their traits before committing yourself.

Don't get yourself into a tricky situation out of your own naivety and then turn around to cry foul when things go wrong. It's a big bad world out there, you need to toughen up!

Ujujoan:

I'm surprised you are comparing the actions of a teenager to those of a full grown man in his 30s

Let me tell you what happened to you, you grew up . . . you got matured and downloaded some sense into you. If at 30+ a man is still eager to sow wild oats then I'm afraid there's no hope for him. A f00l at 40 is a fool forever.

Being irresponsible is not something to be proud of, in contrary, it's something to be ashamed of. It's not some rite of passage into adulthood, it's an irresponsible lifestyle most people live as a result of immaturity . . . An adult who still wants to live like a teenager is abnormal . . .

And yes, I expected you to have different standards for your wife than you have for yourself. It's a man's world, we are used to it already!

A classic example of a loving husband

Ujujoan:

I'm surprised you are comparing the actions of a teenager to those of a full grown man in his 30s

Let me tell you what happened to you, you grew up . . . you got matured and downloaded some sense into you. If at 30+ a man is still eager to sow wild oats then I'm afraid there's no hope for him. A f00l at 40 is a fool forever.

Being irresponsible is not something to be proud of, in contrary, it's something to be ashamed of. It's not some rite of passage into adulthood, it's an irresponsible lifestyle most people live as a result of immaturity . . . An adult who still wants to live like a teenager is abnormal . . .

And yes, I expected you to have different standards for your wife than you have for yourself. It's a man's world, we are used to it already!

well, what can I say

andromida: Honestly this guy is not all bad. He is just not ready for monogamy to blame him for the choice of the woman is wrong. He has not forced her to stay engaged to him though i know men with their sweet talks, plus emotional investment she has made and i feel for her but she is choosing to stay. She can take a break from the relationship and sort her feelings out,taking a break does not mean she has to go flirting around to prove a point she can just take a break and enjoy sanity, she does not even have to quit the relationship. During the break she may even meet a better man. Instead of blaming the man she can ask herself "what am i doing here? The man is taking care of himself, enjoying his life, he is priority in his own life and her own life. Since he is doing what he likes its wisdom for her to put herself as priority in her life and do what she enjoys as well. Complaining and blaming him is a waste of time. If she decides to marry him she should not expect him to cherish her feelings until further notice when and if he chooses to retire from the game.

I don't get you . . . so now it's the woman's fault for staying with him

Did he tell her clearly that he wanted an open relationship? If he chooses to live an irresponsible lifestyle, then it's only fair that he lay the complete cards on the table.

"I love you and I want to marry you and have kids with you . . . but I'm not ready to eat from one pot for the rest of my life . . ." simple!

Hiding the ladies' names and claiming they are 'just friends' is being disrespectful.

I don't work well with mixed signals and I'm assuming that the majority of women out there are like me.

If you want to date numerous women, tell me clearly so I'll be prepared. Don't lie and pretend like you are a saint, while expecting me to assume you are an unrepentant cheat!

Ujujoan:
It's a big bad world out there, you need to toughen up!

Beside the quoted part, I will say that you are sounding very angry. It may be a kind of Reverse Psychology, but work at your anger.
NB
I am not out to get back at the women folk. After all I have a lot of females as relations. But the truth is that it is a big bad world out there... And we all handle it differently.
You can decide to cry and blame everyone without taking precautionary measures. Or you could actually decide to protect yourself and do what has to be done.
Telling me to stick to one woman, who may take a walk any day she fancies it and leave me searching again is a NO-NO. I keep 'friends' on the side to move on as quick as possible when it happens. I have no Crystal glass to watch to know the events of the future.

Donxavier:



well, what can I say

Except of course you guys are living in delusion . . .

Women cheat as much as men now . . . they just hide it better!

You can't eat your cake and have it, it's the law of mother nature.

andromida:

Don't worry you will get over this phase.

On that day I take my Marital Vows, is the day I am getting over it. Cos, I will stick to my vows since I made it in the Presence of God and Man.

Ujujoan:

Except of course you guys are living in delusion . . .

Women cheat as much as men now . . . they just hide it better!

You can't eat your cake and have it, it's the law of mother nature.

Uju,
You are obviously angry at some thing else. Work on it.

Abali1:
Beside the quoted part, I will say that you are sounding very angry. It may be a kind of Reverse Psychology, but work at your anger.
NB
I am not out to get back at the women folk. After all I have a lot of females as relations. But the truth is that it is a big bad world out there... And we all handle it differently.
You can decide to cry and blame everyone without taking precautionary measures. Or you could actually decide to protect yourslef and do what has to be done.
Telling me to stick to one woman, who may take a walk any day she fancies it and leave me searching again is a NO-NO. I keep 'friends' on the side to move on as quick as possible when it happens. I have no Crystal glass to watch to know the events of the future.

Angry ke? Not a chance, just a little irritated!

So you keep a number of girlfriends, big deal? Live your life the way you want, nobody's holding you to any standards. Just don't blame it on your exes. It sounds rather lame!

Abali1:
Uju,
You are obviously angry at some thing else. Work on it.

Ok, I agree . . .

SMH!

bukatyne:

A classic example of a loving husband

Ujujoan:

Angry ke? Not a chance, just a little irritated!

So you keep a number of girlfriends, big deal? Live your life the way you want, nobody's holding you to any standards. Just don't blame it on your exes. It sounds rather lame!

Thank You. I never blamed my Exes... I only learnt from them.

Ujujoan:

Except of course you guys are living in delusion . . .

Women cheat as much as men now . . . they just hide it better!

You can't eat your cake and have it, it's the law of mother nature.

For where.....impossicant

Make heaven no fall down. She had better be invisible cos me sef i be master detector huh

To be serious though, most ladies aren't like that. even the wayward ones once they settled down they want to stick with their men only. Of Course there are always the outliers (the exception to every rule)

Abali1:
On that day I take my Marital Vows, is the day I am getting over it. Cos, I will stick to my vows since I made it in the Presence of God and Man.

And the vow contains a magical power?

I laugh in Spanish!

Don't worry, if she ok with you flirting before marriage, it will not such an issue afterwards.

Ujujoan:

You sound like a broken record . . . get over it already!

You are not the only one who has been hurt and betrayed repeatedly in the past, doesn't give you the right to treat people badly. It's not their fault you are a bad judge of character.

The least you can do is to be more careful . . . learn to study people and their traits before committing yourself.

Don't get yourself into a tricky situation out of your own naivety and then turn around to cry foul when things go wrong. It's a big bad world out there, you need to toughen up!

You have said it all. My point exactly, if you can't let go of the past hurts why start something new. That is my anger, you bring someone into your life, she sacrifices her love, her emotions, her feelings and her everything to you. Yet you treat her bad because some girl where she doesn't even know broke your heart. To me that is wickedness, I don't subscribe to that. Stay until you heal and you can start afresh. I must say it is tempting not to trust not to love again because of the past hurt. But we need to always let go most times and enjoy the future. I just wish someone like Abali will learn theses things in life.

bukatyne:

And the vow contains a magical power?

I laugh in Spanish!

Don't worry, if she ok with you flirting before marriage, it will not such an issue afterwards.

I was Faithful first, before I became (partially) Unfaithful. It is in my nature to be good and stick to my words, not to talk of a vow I take before God and Man.
You can laugh all you want, but I know myself.

Donxavier:

For where.....impossicant

Make heaven no fall down. She had better be invisible cos me sef i be master detector huh

To be serious though, most ladies aren't like that. even the wayward ones once they settled down they want to stick with their men only. Of Course there are always the outliers (the exception to every rule)

Metal ko metal ni . . . You never jam nah!

Anyways, it's not your portion IJN!

Just do unto others what you want them to do you . . . .

Icherishu:

You have said it all. My point exactly, if you can't let go of the past hurts why start something new. That is my anger, you bring someone into your life, she sacrifices her love, her emotions, her feelings and her everything to you. Yet you treat her bad because some girl where she doesn't even know broke your heart. To me that is wickedness, I don't subscribe to that. Stay until you heal and you can start afresh. I must say it is tempting not to trust not to love again because of the past hurt. But we need to always let go most times and enjoy the future. I just wish someone like Abali will learn theses things in life.

The next thing he'll say naw is you are working out your anger issues on him

Ujujoan:

The next thing he'll say naw is you are working out your anger issues on him

www.nairaland.com/1111612/how-much-reveal-partner
NB
Until marriage I am done being the Honest to God kind of guy in a relationship. Say what you like, I wear those shoes.

The cheats want to cheat but wants to marry good woman.

Abeg who are they cheating with? ...
The same women they think is a church homely girl.

Wayo man die wayo man bury am,.
I always say it, live a straight life, your yes should be your yes. If you start playing games, the other game player might read you well and her own game might be higher than yours.

I hate games o to be serious, if I'm in a relationship and I see you dancing around...your headache, I pack my things and leave.
There is no guaranty the other will be better but they will surely know your principle and then that's where you get your respect.

Chillisauce: The cheats want to cheat but wants to marry good woman.

Abeg who are they cheating with? ...
The same women they think is a church homely girl.

Wayo man die wayo man bury am,.
I always say it, live a straight life, your yes should be your yes. If you start playing games, the other game player might read you well and her own game might be higher than yours.

I hate games o to be serious, if I'm in a relationship and I see you dancing around...your headache, I pack my things and leave.
There is no guaranty the other will be better but they will surely know your principle and then that's where you get your respect.

And when the woman is done being good and decides to 'explore', Nigeria is now corrupt, our culture is lost and we are copying the west!

^ chilli

i respect you for standing by your principles

Unfortunately we will never know since you are already settled.. you are not in the shoes of the parties involved

Some have died waiting for Mr PERFECT

bukatyne:

And when the woman is done being good and decides to 'explore', Nigeria is now corrupt, our culture is lost and we are copying the west!

My dear, what can you do?
I try as much to do the right thing o, if copying the west will give me happiness, long life, beauty and prosperity. Whom am I to reject it.

Any woman wey wan die doing tradition, na dem Sabi.

Me, I most live my life to the fullness o. I don't wanna get high blood pressure.

Chillisauce:

My dear, what can you do?
I try as much to do the right thing o, if copying the west will give me happiness, long life, beauty and prosperity. Whom am I to reject it.

Any woman wey wan die doing tradition, na dem Sabi.

Me, I most live my life to the fullness o. I don't wanna get high blood pressure.

Lol!

I am only trying to parrot what these same men will say na

It is Nigerian culture for men to cheat;
It is American culture and feminism for women to follow suit