Sweetlemon:


The summary of my sermon is this; whether you be Holy Mary, whether you be Mother Theresa, whether you be Kate Middleton, whether you be Patience Jonathan, whether you be Marilyn Monroe, the man that will love you will love you. The man that wants to marry you will marry you regardless.

I quite agree with u but good character will get u better n more suitors than bad character.(My observation though)

Well said. The article is on point.

.

Lenzz:

I mean at her rate, 5yrs from now assuming we get married like I intend to, there's a good chance one of us will be asleep while we're (eventually) having the 'almighty' sex. What's more? There's a good chance it will be in missionary position!

(

Being a virgin is not that u want to get d best of all men or is it abt copying Mother Theresa, it's a matter of principle and choice. That she's a virgin doesn't mean she will be boring in bed when u guys marry! Dat she's boring now while u guys are trying to make out is because she doesn't want u guys to go too far in d act. Marry her first and u will see the tigress in her. She will be so willing to learn and please.

They are all messing with my head. The relationship talks, the articles, the books, the advices, all of it! Messing with my head!

I don't know who to follow anymore. What do these men really want? This is the phase where I say, I give up.

I've read so many articles claiming men love sex so much and it's bugging me, the truth is if men are more secure than women,then they feel as to 'misbehave'. having in mind that those who will challenge them are men like them(men hate to be controlled), not even a woman whom they ignore. Ok why are there rebels, 'cause they disagrees with the other men (in authority). this is a fact, every woman will act like a man if they were born male!

Sweetlemon: We hear them all the time. These are things our big sisters, aunts, and mothers drum into our heads while growing up. Now all grown up, spiritual mentors keep warning us about them in our fellowships, church/mosque services, etc. But all my almost 30 years on earth has shown me a lot of realities.

Disclaimer: This article is in no way whatsoever against waiting till marriage for sex. It only separates fantasy from facts. If you want to remain a virgin till marriage please do. If you want to stop having sex till marriage, please do.

1. A Man Will Love You More After Marriage/ A Man Will Marry You Only If He Loves You:

Ha! Mbanu! A man (even women) doesn't love his wife more after marriage. Why? Marriage is an eye opener, it is after marriage that you know EXACTLY who you have married. If it turns out you married the right person for you, then the loves grows, but if it turns out to be one chance, OYO l' wa.
Do not marry a man that doesn't love you. This is because the bitter truth is that Many men do not marry for love. Many marry because they need a helper. Because their parents are on their necks, for traditional titles/more respect in the society, even for business purposes. So don't get all mushy and swept off your feet just yet just because one guy just proposed to you.
Always remember this, getting married is a destination. Keeping your marriage is a whole new never ending journey. Do not confuse the two of them.

2. A Man Will Respect/Love You More When You Make Him Chase You Longer:

This one is a very popular myth my mum was always singing into our ears *rolls eyse*. I have this cousin who had this toaster that was on her case for about five years, we were all "aww", "eh ya this guy really means it" etc. But immediately they had sex, his behavior towards her changed. I have heard of relationships that started with sex on the first date that led to marriage.
See, my sisters, a man that will love you will love you. When a man really enjoys having sex/making out with you, you are already half way there. You just need to work on other areas such as his likes, interests, etc. I'm not saying you should open leg like remote-controlled TV o. Just be yourself and allow your intuition and body chemistry guide and guard you. Don't set any time, let things flow naturally. What will be must be.
Chikena!

3. A Man Will Marry You If You Refuse Sex Till Marriage:

Like seriously! Na only you waka come? Na only you get toto? Puleeeze! A man doesn't marry just because he wants sex! He can get sex anywhere. You hear me so? Anywhere! It doesn't have to be from you! Let's even look at it this way, fine you hold out till marriage, after finally getting it after marriage what next? Is it your toto that will sustain the marriage? You must be a learner! I know some unhappily married women who married as virgins. I know some bad girls who married men most virgins dream of.
Like I said earlier, A man that wants to marry you will marry you.

4. If A Man Loves You He Won't Want To Have Sex Till Marriage:

Ha! You obviously do not know jack about men! See, as a general rule, men love sex. In fact, when a man hits on you, he wants sex as part of whatever package he wants from you. Whether na one night stand, side dish, contract, or marriage. If he doesn't, chances are that something is seriously wrong with him. Babe shine your eyes, if your intending husband has never had an erection while both of you are alone. Ha!
Even if you do not want to have sex with him until marriage, make sure that chemistry is there. Make sure you see a sign of hot and steamy nights to come after marriage. Thank me later.
Sex is not love, but love has a lot to do with sex. You can have sex with someone without loving that person, but you cannot love someone without wanting to have sex. The difference is that while sex is demanding, love is patient. A man that loves you will wait till the right moment to do it and will still love and respect you afterwards, a man that loves you will make love to you, he will make it as good as possible for you. But a man in lust will want it now...........and he will chase you until he gets it and when he gets it, pele o!

5. Men Only Like Good Girls/Good Girls Get The Best Men/Good Girls Marry First:

This one doesn't need long talk, all my mature single sisters in church can testify to this. See, men like good girls that have fire underneath them. So if you are a good boring girl whose life revolves around church-fellowship-work-home. Ah! My sister, even the brothers-in-the lord these days will call you a total bore!
I'm not saying you should start clubbing o. Mba o! Just saying you should spice up your social life a lil bit more. Go out and meet more people, don't be afraid of looking and feeling sexy. You definitely can be sexy without being trashy.

Like I always keep saying, a man that will love you will love you. The man that has made up his mind to marry you will marry you, even if his mother threatens to commit suicide. Trust me, a man that is emotionally, mentally, and financially ready for marriage does not have to date you for up to a month before he knows that he's going to put a ring on it. Men, I mean men are very practical and they know what they want. Adam knew Eve was from his ribs the very second he set eyes on her. It's great to have a good character, you will definitely get more responsible suitors with your inner beauty. But a man that will love that biitch will love her regardless. See, marriage is all about fate, when your own time is right, it will happen. Marriage is about finding that person who wants to spend the rest of his life with you just the way you are. So don't feel like life is unfair when Pamela, the same girl you've been preaching to marries before you. Every one of us has different time tables in life. And always remember, It's not about when you marry but how well you marry.

Cheers!

Make sense.

why are bad things now considered as good and good for bad? I mean having sex before marriage . where is it written in the Bible. it rather goes with a heavy punishment, ie not inheriting God's kingdom. so beware

banega: Very educating piece Op, buh what in God's earth is toto ? ah think that word is inappropriate,. If you ask mee• • •

You must love that word otherwise you won't single it out of the myriads of phrases in her write up.

Op, well done but I still support waiting till marriage jare

The grace of God has more to do about sex.so just ask for his grace.

Sweetlemon: We hear them all the time. These are things our big sisters, aunts, and mothers drum into our heads while growing up. Now all grown up, spiritual mentors keep warning us about them in our fellowships, church/mosque services, etc. But all my almost 30 years on earth has shown me a lot of realities.

Disclaimer: This article is in no way whatsoever against waiting till marriage for sex. It only separates fantasy from facts. If you want to remain a virgin till marriage please do. If you want to stop having sex till marriage, please do.

1. A Man Will Love You More After Marriage/ A Man Will Marry You Only If He Loves You:

Ha! Mbanu! A man (even women) doesn't love his wife more after marriage. Why? Marriage is an eye opener, it is after marriage that you know EXACTLY who you have married. If it turns out you married the right person for you, then the loves grows, but if it turns out to be one chance, OYO l' wa.
Do not marry a man that doesn't love you. This is because the bitter truth is that Many men do not marry for love. Many marry because they need a helper. Because their parents are on their necks, for traditional titles/more respect in the society, even for business purposes. So don't get all mushy and swept off your feet just yet just because one guy just proposed to you.
Always remember this, getting married is a destination. Keeping your marriage is a whole new never ending journey. Do not confuse the two of them.

2. A Man Will Respect/Love You More When You Make Him Chase You Longer:

This one is a very popular myth my mum was always singing into our ears *rolls eyse*. I have this cousin who had this toaster that was on her case for about five years, we were all "aww", "eh ya this guy really means it" etc. But immediately they had sex, his behavior towards her changed. I have heard of relationships that started with sex on the first date that led to marriage.
See, my sisters, a man that will love you will love you. When a man really enjoys having sex/making out with you, you are already half way there. You just need to work on other areas such as his likes, interests, etc. I'm not saying you should open leg like remote-controlled TV o. Just be yourself and allow your intuition and body chemistry guide and guard you. Don't set any time, let things flow naturally. What will be must be.
Chikena!

3. A Man Will Marry You If You Refuse Sex Till Marriage:

Like seriously! Na only you waka come? Na only you get toto? Puleeeze! A man doesn't marry just because he wants sex! He can get sex anywhere. You hear me so? Anywhere! It doesn't have to be from you! Let's even look at it this way, fine you hold out till marriage, after finally getting it after marriage what next? Is it your toto that will sustain the marriage? You must be a learner! I know some unhappily married women who married as virgins. I know some bad girls who married men most virgins dream of.
Like I said earlier, A man that wants to marry you will marry you.

4. If A Man Loves You He Won't Want To Have Sex Till Marriage:

Ha! You obviously do not know jack about men! See, as a general rule, men love sex. In fact, when a man hits on you, he wants sex as part of whatever package he wants from you. Whether na one night stand, side dish, contract, or marriage. If he doesn't, chances are that something is seriously wrong with him. Babe shine your eyes, if your intending husband has never had an erection while both of you are alone. Ha!
Even if you do not want to have sex with him until marriage, make sure that chemistry is there. Make sure you see a sign of hot and steamy nights to come after marriage. Thank me later.
Sex is not love, but love has a lot to do with sex. You can have sex with someone without loving that person, but you cannot love someone without wanting to have sex. The difference is that while sex is demanding, love is patient. A man that loves you will wait till the right moment to do it and will still love and respect you afterwards, a man that loves you will make love to you, he will make it as good as possible for you. But a man in lust will want it now...........and he will chase you until he gets it and when he gets it, pele o!

5. Men Only Like Good Girls/Good Girls Get The Best Men/Good Girls Marry First:

This one doesn't need long talk, all my mature single sisters in church can testify to this. See, men like good girls that have fire underneath them. So if you are a good boring girl whose life revolves around church-fellowship-work-home. Ah! My sister, even the brothers-in-the lord these days will call you a total bore!
I'm not saying you should start clubbing o. Mba o! Just saying you should spice up your social life a lil bit more. Go out and meet more people, don't be afraid of looking and feeling sexy. You definitely can be sexy without being trashy.

Like I always keep saying, a man that will love you will love you. The man that has made up his mind to marry you will marry you, even if his mother threatens to commit suicide. Trust me, a man that is emotionally, mentally, and financially ready for marriage does not have to date you for up to a month before he knows that he's going to put a ring on it. Men, I mean men are very practical and they know what they want. Adam knew Eve was from his ribs the very second he set eyes on her. It's great to have a good character, you will definitely get more responsible suitors with your inner beauty. But a man that will love that biitch will love her regardless. See, marriage is all about fate, when your own time is right, it will happen. Marriage is about finding that person who wants to spend the rest of his life with you just the way you are. So don't feel like life is unfair when Pamela, the same girl you've been preaching to marries before you. Every one of us has different time tables in life. And always remember, It's not about when you marry but how well you marry.

Cheers!

will you marry me?

i swear if i had u write a book and its make a bestseller pls continue this advocacy campaign

Marriage is a mystery, you cant understand it all.

But you should regard it more as:

'a personal decision to live and remain by somebody you think you love, admire, respect and would co-operate with to raise a family, enjoy intimacy and partner to create an impact or a new unit for posterity' (my definition).

This let you see it as a life venture, with its up and down, good and bad trends, but you end up with a joy that you have sustained something in life - married till end. Nobody had ever regretted keeping his or her marriage till the end, its always a big testimonies. they will tell you it has some tough times, disappointments along the way, discouraging situations..... but they scale through with love, perseverance, God's help and a belief in what the marriage stood for - partnership, procreation and posterity (these include Children or whatever).

More importantly pray for your marriage and ask for strength to continue till the end. because no marriage is perfect but you can make your an example of a Good marriage ..... and that's your responsibility.

marriaige is give and take, play your own part and do everything to keep your marriage (minus any evil). You will love what you get.

one of the few best threads I have come across on NL this year.

nice one sweetmelon!

Lol!

So this made front page? 344 likes?

Thanks to those who understand and appreciate my post.

To those of you who didn't, I don't know how to simplify this post any further than this to make you guys finally understand my point.

Wow!
Is this post still trending? Anyway, let me still reiterate my stand below:

IrishKez: Like seriously the Op captured the interest of most men here in her write up but most of the claims are subjective.
There are no basis to categorically rule out the fact that some men,
1)Are only married to those whom they have passionate love to. Not all men are married to any lady cos of family or societal pressures. Again for those who married not necessarily for love there are chances that they'll come to love their wives(each other) after marriage(sometimes this is generally dependent on the character of the woman and man). This is possible cos marriage brings you both more closer and you come to share so many intimacy(this with the exclusion of sex includes knowing the secret person of the heart, and being endeared by these as they come to the fore)

2)I know that our generation mostly have a uniform way of thinking and responding to issues like this and as such might easily give up or dislike a hard to get lady. But the good news is that there are some crop of men out there that appreciates a lady and even love them the more after they had gone out of their way to get them. For them it's an aphrodisiac of a sort while to others it is a sign of good parenting(it is debatable though). Yes some guys like that exist!

3) The rule in two above generally applies to the third submission by the Op

4) This is usually seen among devout Christians and real gentlemen or I'd rather say men with an unbending policy. They may be in love with a certain sister/lady but out of respect for God/for the lady to whom they're in love with and or for their humble self have refused to lay down with them until their wedding night. It's not because our society have turned good to look like evil and vice versa that will make one make such submission without giving recurs to the good guys out there.

5) Need I say more on this. There are different characters of men Op. I might agree that they may be in the lesser number but they prefer good low key girls to the perceived wild or outgoing ones. Its a different stoke for different peeps.


Interesting read I must admit though.

good gals marry bad boys, bad girls marry good girls blah blahblah....

peopl kiss on first date and marry, some wait for 6 six months and dont end up marryng....blahhhh

lots of bllaaaaaahs everywhere.

its really not about marriage but having a good home. anybody can get married anytime but how many really have successful homes.

the last time i checked 99% of ladies out there follow your theory(its not a new thing you know)
its hasnt made the soceity any better. rather we keep rearing men that think through their d.i.c.k. The ones that lack self control. That even life its all about intimacy.
the number of divorcees increase by the day. lots of unhappy couples. those men you live all your life to please even to the extent of calling ya mum a liar even the ones hailing your thread still cheat on you when you marry them.

what people dont understand though is that the decision to remain a virgin or go celibate has nothing to do with pleasing your husband. its really about pleasing God, its a convenant between the person(guy or gal) and God. having a good home is something the couples would have to work on.

bisi16: What shall it profit a woman to hold d toto for years and loose d man when he finally hits it. Moral of d lesson, man wey go stay go stay... Shikena!

So she should keep giving until the man comes! Nawa o.
Hope you will marry a lady that has given 30 men up untill she met you.

Dynamo1: Nice write up, should come in handy for the singles. Let love flow naturally, do not coerce it like most females do. Ensure he loves you as much as you do. Threaten to leave him and see if he would come on his knees begging. Pay attention to little details that matter and not just the effizy. Don't only love his money, status and paparazzi, love his ordinary personality more. Don't marry for spiritual reasons only, be quite selfish and go for what your physical body wants as well.
Well, May the Almighty guide us all.

May the Almighty guide us How about you don't bring in the almighty into this. deciding to even start testing is already against his wish.

phew09: good gals marry bad boys, bad girls marry good girls blah blahblah....

peopl kiss on first date and marry, some wait for 6 six months and dont end up marryng....blahhhh

lots of bllaaaaaahs everywhere.

its really not about marriage but having a good home. anybody can get married anytime but how many really have successful homes.

the last time i checked 99% of ladies out there follow your theory(its not a new thing you know)
its hasnt made the soceity any better. rather we keep rearing men that think through their d.i.c.k. The ones that lack self control. That even life its all about intimacy.
the number of divorcees increase by the day. lots of unhappy couples. those men you live all your life to please even to the extent of calling ya mum a liar even the ones hailing your thread still cheat on you when you marry them.

what people dont understand though is that the decision to remain a virgin or go celibate has nothing to do with pleasing your husband. its really about pleasing God, its a convenant between the person(guy or gal) and God. having a good home is something the couples would have to work on.

It's sha not my fault that you lack comprehension skills.

My mum married as a virgin and I couldn't wish my dad on my worstest enemy!

Like you were somehow able to grab from my write-up, it's not about when you marry but how well you marry. It's not about how many people you slept with but about the kind of person you eventually end up with.

Disclaimer: This article is in no way whatsoever against waiting till marriage for sex. It only separates fantasy from facts. If you want to remain a virgin till marriage please do. If you want to stop having sex till marriage, please do.

Even after I wrote this disclaimer in bold, some quarter-baked, hypersensitive people are still concluding that I am against no sex before marriage O ga o!

Did you guys also see where I wrote this?

"Even if you do not want to have sex with him until marriage, make sure that chemistry is there. Make sure you see a sign of hot and steamy nights to come after marriage. Thank me later."

It beats me as to how someone will conclude that I said men don't like good girls. Please what does this sentence mean to the average adult? "See, men like good girls that have fire underneath them"

smh

princesa: They are all messing with my head. The relationship talks, the articles, the books, the advices, all of it! Messing with my head!

I don't know who to follow anymore. What do these men really want? This is the phase where I say, I give up.

if u ask me i think i'll advice you keep an open heart and learn from her because i fink as times are changing so also are men what eva she's said her i bet is tested on the alter of experience if you doubt it i give it to you as an assignment.. No disrespect intented please

princesa: They are all messing with my head. The relationship talks, the articles, the books, the advices, all of it! Messing with my head!

I don't know who to follow anymore. What do these men really want? This is the phase where I say, I give up.

if u ask me i think i'll advice you keep an open mind and learn from her because i fink as times are changing so also are men what eva she's said her i bet is tested on the alter of experience if you doubt it i give it to you as an assignment.. No disrespect intented please

Sweetmelon, when i was thinking of how to respond to this your horribly ungodly post, i saw this from a thread on NL May God forgive you for calling evil good and good evil. Looks like all you and your fellow admirers like is how to trivialize sex. The most important sex organ is the brain. Read what you wrote on the first page to your daughter when she's 18. I stand with the person I quoted below

onyaigo: Anyway...for me sha oooo....it happened when I was a teen,i took in immediately i got disvirgined.....it wasn't funny then....going to school,,,the stigma,,the gossip,,,,breaking my family's heart,,,emotional,,,psychological,,,mental trauma(na die)....thank God I never did an abortion(i for done die of heart attack)....today am a better,,stronger,,prettier,,,classier lady......its been from one blessing to another since then(i can't fit shout).........I have learnt that love ain't sex,,relationship is for the matured in mind,,parents know your kids in and out,make them your best friend.....my advice is,,,no Sex before marriage(u r entitled to ur opinion so don't give me dat look)..,,love is not a feeling but a choice u make,,,,if it is easy getting the right partner we all would have been married by now so chill and be the best you can be(your own dey road)......brb.

salt1: OP, when i was thinking of how to respond to this your horribly ungodly post, i saw this from a thread on NL May God forgive you for calling evil good and good evil. Looks like all you and your fellow admirers like is how to trivialize sex. The most important sex organ is the brain. Read this to your daughter when she's 18

don't worry my dear..let me not look for you when I get to heaven biko...

onyaigo: don't worry my dear..let me not look for you when I get to heaven biko...

I hope you didn't misunderstand me. It is Sweetmelon who is the OP that I was addressing, not you.
Your post is diametrically opposed to hers actually buttressing my position on no sex before marriage.

So sorry if you thought I was addressing you. I was inviting the op to read your experience and your advice that sex should be avoided till marriage.
Thanks for wishing me heaven, tho... I am aspiring to go there

salt1:

I hope you didn't misunderstand me. It is Sweetmelon who is the OP that I was addressing, not you.
Your post is diametrically opposed to hers actually buttressing my position on no sex before marriage.

So sorry if you thought I was addressing you. I was inviting the op to read your experience and your advice that sex should be avoided till marriage.
Thanks for wishing me heaven, tho... I am aspiring to go there

ok....sorry too. you are a good man.....

Mr Salt1 you need a full collection of Macmillan primary school reader (book1-6)ASAP.

Where in my post did I ever mention teenagers can have sex? You mean even I after my last post to explain myself you block head still do not understand my point? You need deliverance! Btw how old are you?

[quote author=Sweetlemon]

the same super story. madam comprehension. stop consoling your self with those words.

soonest:
Being a virgin is not that u want to get d best of all men or is it abt copying Mother Theresa, it's a matter of principle and choice. That she's a virgin doesn't mean she will be boring in bed when u guys marry! Dat she's boring now while u guys are trying to make out is because she doesn't want u guys to go too far in d act. Marry her first and u will see the tigress in her. She will be so willing to learn and please.

Hello ma'am. I was about to have a go at you but thought better. You sound pretty confident with ur submissions. I think it has a personal undertone nd I must say I find it quite remarkable. Hopefully with some measure of patience, support nd accomodation, my own tigress will emerge as did you . Thanks for dropping by miss