I thought you've mentioned that before

Ben20001:

I thought you've mentioned that before

I thought so too.
It seems fairly clear to me.

hurtin:


I'm trying to address that.
He wanted to leave me because  he thinks / thought he doesn't deserve me, because he broke one of our  marriage vows.
Not because he doesn't love me.

Oh ok I'm just thrown off because the typical thing men do is apologize and fight to stay not leave.

I need to know (preferably from a man) if you think he's likely to do it again.
He says he loves me and it was an accident. And That he'll never get that drunk again.
I need an unbiased view.
My heart says stay with him, But My head is confused.

for the fact that he opened up to u before u find out and is very sorry about it is an indication that he will NOT DO IT AGAIN. he will definitely take correction. pls dear give him a second chance as ur post shows that u really luv him. _{remember he is still ur husband}

Then it puts things in a whole different perspective. Before, you made it seem like he cheated on you and he wants to leave you as fast as possible!

@ Ben20001.

You seem to be the main guy replying on here.

I think I'm going to go with my heart, I'm sure my head will follow (given a bit more time   )

I'm going to continue as if nothing  has happened between us, and never mention it to him again - thats the only way to truly forgive & forget this.  And put my trust back into him again.

Maybe I'll put more effort into going out clubbing with him  

He's 36, you should let him know that he's too old be going to such clubs and definitely too old and not in the position to be hooking up with ladies. He is putting you at serious risk with the STDs he gets from those women.

you poor thing . . . you ended up with an idiot.
Leave him now, he doesnt respect you, doesnt love you and doesnt care.

.

Yes please do if you want to keep your marriage. go clubbing with your hubby. you don't even want strange female dancing with him do you?
follow your heart

Erm . . . I suggest banning him from going to clubs. Go to something more age appropriate like cocktail parties or lounge parties.

banning? then he's no longer the man of the house!

I can't ban him.
Two Reasons - 1) He's not a child. You don't have to go clubbing to cheat! And 2) It would show him I don't trust him.
I need to have trust in my marriage. It's been broken down, But with time it should be repaired.

Ben20001:

banning? then he's no longer the man of the house!

After giving her Chlamydia, he lost his man card.

hurtin:

I can't ban him.
Two Reasons - 1) He's not a child. You don't have to go clubbing to cheat! And 2) It would show him I don't trust him.
I need to have trust in my marriage. It's been broken down, But with time it should be repaired.

Sometimes you just need to show him that he's stepped out of line. You just can't let this pass and start going with him to clubs like nothing happened. That's stupidity not trust.

give him a second chance again and again and again. only then will u appreciate the fact that its better to live wit one who cheats and ask for forgiveness than one who does and boast about his ability to lay.

dominic tj:

give him a second chance again and again and again. only then will u appreciate the fact that its better to live wit one who cheats and ask for forgiveness than one who does and boast about his ability to lay.

Hum,
Not Sure If I could Stay with him if he did it a second time.

All of u givin her advice to leave her husband,do u want her to keep divorcin every man cos he cheats on her,or she should b changin husbands lik bra. Tell me,of all of u,who has not had similar experience before?because she said hers out in public,thats y all this negative advices. I even heard somebody sayin 'never marry nigerian man' imagine! So what are u doin on nairaland,i tot its for nigerians n friends of nigeria.So if u do not lik nigeria,u better stay off dis community.N back to d topic,@poster,give him another chance,thats what marriage is all about,n thats what love itself does

All of u givin her advice to leave her husband,do u want her to keep divorcin every man cos he cheats on her,or she should b changin husbands lik bra. Tell me,of all of u,who has not had similar experience before?because she said hers out in public,thats y all this negative advices. I even heard somebody sayin 'never marry nigerian man' imagine! So what are u doin on nairaland,i tot its for nigerians n friends of nigeria.So if u do not lik nigeria,u better stay off dis community.N back to d topic,@poster,give him another chance,thats what marriage is all about,n thats what love itself does

@ poster

just make sure that whenever you want to do that thing, make sure he uses UMBRELLA!

tiniyata:

All of u givin her advice to leave her husband,do u want her to keep divorcin every man cos he cheats on her,or she should b changin husbands lik bra. Tell me,of all of u,who has not had similar experience before?because she said hers out in public,thats y all this negative advices. I even heard somebody sayin 'never marry nigerian man' imagine! So what are u doin on nairaland,i tot its for nigerians n friends of nigeria.So if u do not lik nigeria,u better stay off dis community.N back to d topic,@poster,give him another chance,thats what marriage is all about,n thats what love itself does

Does your advice also apply to men? How many men would stay with thier woman if she brought an STD home? Should men also forgive thier wives if they cheat on them because the next wife might do the same?

You make it sound like some right that men have to cheat on thier wives by saying that she would be marrying over and over again if she did not forgive him cheating.

[center][size=26pt]BULLSHIT!!!!!!![/size][/center]

sistawoman:

Does your advice also apply to men? How many men would stay with thier woman if she brought an STD home? Should men also forgive thier wives if they cheat on them because the next wife might do the same?

You make it sound like some right that men have to cheat on thier wives by saying that she would be marrying over and over again if she did not forgive him cheating.

[center][size=26pt]BULLSHIT!!!!!!![/size][/center]

YES! YES!! YES!!! I hate the double standard.

Lmao looks like sistawoman is getting the hang of how things work in Naija.

when we use dto tell her, she would say we're "mean" in regards to what we say about the men. Now she's learning for herself

KarmaMod:

Lmao looks like sistawoman is getting the hang of how things work in Naija.

when we use dto tell her, she would say we're "mean" in regards to what we say about the men. Now she's learning for herself

DaPhoenix:

YES! YES!! YES!!! I hate the double standard.

I have spent all morning examining my marriage license. I used a magnifying glass, spy gear glasses, held it up to light, put in the dark to look for glow in the dark letters and no matter what I have done I still can’t find any clause on there that says he has the right to cheat on me.

So I thought ok this right they have to cheat must not be from man but from God and I spent the rest of the afternoon combing the bible even trying to read between the lines and I still cant find this ultimate right they have to step outside their marriage.

So if it is not from God and not from Man where the hell do they get the idea that it is just a man thing to cheat?

Men like him piss me off. Double standard for sure.

@sistawoman,where was it that i said that its only a man dat has the right to cheat on women,if u do not know how to read,or understand,then ask questions

tiniyata:

@sistawoman,where was it that i said that its only a man dat has the right to cheat on women,if u do not know how to read,or understand,then ask questions

Then answer my previous question:

sistawoman:

Does your advice also apply to men? How many men would stay with thier woman if she brought an STD home? Should men also forgive thier wives if they cheat on them because the next wife might do the same?

You make it sound like some right that men have to cheat on thier wives by saying that she would be marrying over and over again if she did not forgive him cheating.

[center][size=26pt]BULLSHIT!!!!!!![/size][/center]

hurtin link=topic=238772.msg3509639#msg=:


In late December he told me he wanted to leave me, as he had cheated on me & Didn't deserve me.
I know he loves me, as he's constantly saying things about me / to me.
I love him too, But I feel hurt.

He say's with another woman when he was drunk.
And We've had tests and both been treated for Clamydia.

I now get worried when he goes out, that he might get too drunk again.

hmmm.  U see why men will always call women STUPID Not only you give love a bad name but you also give girls a bad name

Can you vouch for him that if he was not mandated to tell all his sleeping partners that he had STD, he would have confessed to you?

Yes I know you have been asked before, but how confident are you he has never been drunk before and sleepwalked his way into this woman's bed before, hence his telling you he feels he should leave

From the little I know, if someone cheats, they will try pleading with your good nature to forgive them, not tell you they should leave I don't wanna put thoughts into your head, but you need to think these through thoroughly before you give him the second chance.

epi:

hmmm. U see why men will always call women STUPID Not only you give love a bad name but you also give girls a bad name

I don't think I've given love a bad name, nor am I stupid.

I'm tying to give Marriage a good name. By not falling (& Divorcing) at the first problem we have.

My feelings are that I'd rather give it a second try and if it happens again, at least I'd know that I'd given my best to my marriage.
After all isn't marriage something to work at, and not divorce at the slightest problem

Too many people divorce these days, and I'd rather not be one of them.
He seems to be genuinely sincere in his apology.
I've been with him for 6 years, never argued of fought before.
Perhaps I should allow him this one mishap

Isn't everyone entitled to one mistake ?

@sistawoman,whether he sends the woman out or not is entirely up to him.But if he comes to me for advice, i'll tell him not to.

If every woman thinks like u marriages would be saved from divorce.
Give him a second chance. And always take control of his strenght by beating down his thing, that way he wont have the strength to wine another woman outside. Talk to him about reducing his drinking habit center it on his health! that should help.

GOODLUCK!!!

@ poster,its obvious  u still luv dis guy, but tink of it dis way there are 2 tins luv & happiness,dont sacrifice 1 4 d other cos it jus wont work.if u luv him & u tink u r goin 2 b happy/or u can stil find happiness wit him den stay wit him despite all dat has happened afta all d devil u know is beta dan d angel u dont know,but if 1 of d 2 is missin den make him undastand how u feel,as 4 d cryin part, if i cry 4 u,even if i slept wit ur sis u would 4giv me in oda words ignore dat part ,guys can stage manage alot,ALL D BEST

Tom drunk but Tom's no fool.

My mom divorced 2ice (bad choices in men except my father) and her third marriage is looking shaky right now.  She doesn’t like divorce because it’s painful for all of us but at the same time she is not going to let anyone take advantage of her. . .especially if she can take care of herself.

The choice is yours?  However, with all the STDs going around, please be careful

Much love and best of luck

hurtin:

I don't think I've given love a bad name, nor am I stupid.

I'm tying to give Marriage a good name. By not falling (& Divorcing) at the first problem we have.

My feelings are that I'd rather give it a second try and if it happens again, at least I'd know that I'd given my best to my marriage.
After all isn't marriage something to work at, and not divorce at the slightest problem

Too many people divorce these days, and I'd rather not be one of them.
He seems to be genuinely sincere in his apology.
I've been with him for 6 years, never argued of fought before.
Perhaps I should allow him this one mishap

Isn't everyone entitled to one mistake ?