@toyemz,

Well said. This is not a spur of the moment thing. From initial indications there might be deeper problems which we dont know about, or probably she doesnt know and he hasnt shared with her.

I have seen marriages restored just by simply talking things through, parties most times seem to mis-understand simply because they have not been listening to each other. I always say marriage no be Gra-gra, but things like this are not uncommon in very successful marriages

Like the first poster has said there is nothing that prayer cannot do so please try and pray hard and the Spirit within you will try and lead you right and remember pray for you husband, And talking of your accent that is no issue at who ever will favor you will not look at your accent at all or he/she might get attracted to you because of your accent getting job or no job does not depend on your accent just depends on favor there are a lot of people out there that have good accent but where are they today, they not even opportune to have this kind of opportunity that you have so please cheer up and make yourself glad, let the oil of God gladness burn within you and you will see the favor of the Lord. And remember today what I have told you and it will surely come to pass,
May they prosper those that love you,

Ecclesiastes,
A Member of the Christian Community.
the.Christian.community@groups.facebook.com
facebook.com/adebambo.tunde

There are 2 sides to a story.
Your hubby might think differently of you too

@OP

You are dumb!

This is one of the few occasions I would be rude in a non-Politics section.

Someone talks to you like that, treats you like that (making you extremely uncomfortable) and there are no kids involved, yet you are waiting around?

Mtscheeew!

Stay there, have kids and live like that forever.

Utter rubbish!

z.anthony:

Like the first poster has said there is nothing that prayer cannot do so please try and pray hard and the Spirit within you will try and lead you right and remember pray for you husband,  And talking of your accent that is no issue at who ever will favor you will not look at your accent at all or he/she might get attracted to you because of your accent getting job or no job does not depend on your accent just depends on favor there are a lot of people out there that have good accent but where are they today, they not even opportune to have this kind of opportunity that you have so please cheer up and make yourself glad, let the oil of God gladness burn within you and you will see the favor of the Lord. And remember today what I have told you and it will surely come to pass,
May they prosper those that love you,

Ecclesiastes,
A Member of the Christian Community.
the.Christian.community@groups.facebook.com
facebook.com/adebambo.tunde

Utter typical Nigerian ecclesiastical rubbish advice.

Prayer ko, player ni.

@Sagamite, calm down. you and I dont have a full information on what is going on, so advising her to leave is rather premature. Anyone who goes into a marriage thinking it is all cosy till death is not real.

Marriage has its ups and downs, even those we might sometimes admire their married life, have issue, they just dont share it with you and I.

People really do think that marriages are trouble free journeys, well probably that is for those who do not have a full grasp of the meaning

[color=#990000]Remember This:
You build your Home with Wisdom and Live in it with Understanding.
[/color]

Remember This:
You build your Home with Wisdom and Live in it with Understanding.

Write the above very bold and leave it on the table for him everyday!

monkeyleg:

@Sagamite, calm down. you and I dont have a full information on what is going on, so advising her to leave is rather premature. Anyone who goes into a marriage thinking it is all cosy till death is not real.

Marriage has its ups and downs, even those we might sometimes admire their married life, have issue, they just dont share it with you and I.

People really do think that marriages are trouble free journeys, well probably that is for those who do not have a full grasp of the meaning

Bruv, there are things that have no place in any marriage:

- Battering
- Bullying
- Public Humiliation

That is not up and downs. That is utter dysfunctionality and obviously affectionless, not to talk of loveless.

Op:
Someone wrote that its because he is footing the Bills in your house. One solution is to get a Job.

I know a couple where the lady experienced exactly the same thing in London. They've been together for about 5 years now and the guy acts far more differently, they even added to their household - a newborn baby girl.

I suggest: You get a job for now and contribute, then leave the rest to time

emmatok:

Women and their  WAHALA.

After pressuring your husband to bring you to UK, now you want to divorce him because he nags.

DON'T YOU KNOW HE NAGS BEFORE?

Immediately some people toes touch western land they start misbehaving.

Well you can divorce him, he will get himself another woman while you come back to 9ija .

FOOL

@Sagamite,

I accept that certain things are not acceptable in a marriage, but we can not conclude without all the facts. for instance we dont know if
1: Illness is involved
2: Threat to livelihood is invloved
3: Infidelity

These are all factors that could change the whole dynamics. we just dont know. I do conceed that there are terrible people out there, but we are not certain these are one of those cases were outright divorce is the answer. Dont forget that people react differently to situations, and we might find that this is just a financial thing.

I will encourage the couple to sit and talk. Seperation or divorce should be the last thing

monkeyleg:

@Sagamite,

I accept that certain things are not acceptable in a marriage, but we can not conclude without all the facts. for instance we dont know if
1: Illness is involved
2: Threat to livelihood is invloved
3: Infidelity

These are all factors that could change the whole dynamics. we just dont know. I do conceed that there are terrible people out there, but we are not certain these are one of those cases were outright divorce is the answer. Dont forget that people react differently to situations, and we might find that this is just a financial thing.

I will encourage the couple to sit and talk. Seperation or divorce should be the last thing

Bruv, this is a situation of input-output.

I responded to the input she gave by giving an output.

If there was any other significant factors to be considered, it is utterly her responsibility to highlight, otherwise she takes the output she is given.

What I gathered from her input was:

- He takes his frustrations out on her frequently (I can easily assume her "every day" is an exaggeration), and makes her feel uncomfortable in the house.

- He talks down to her and thinks he did her a favour to bring her abroad, he sounds like a lot of the insensitive and insecure loser-men we see in UK.

- He knew of her accent before he married her, so why attack her because of it? If it was such a problem, why marry her?

That is not a life. That is not a marriage.

The third one especially, I can't see any other factors (except his selfishness) being significant. He obviously did not love her. He only married her because he wanted a submissive wife, one that will ensure his ego is protected (most likely because he is a loser), so he went back home hoping to find someone that will worship him for bringing them abroad. Now he is trying to crush any shred of self-dignity she has to protect his insecurities.

Has anyone considered that she might be the one having unrealistic expectations about life in the UK?  Many "ïmported" ladies land here thinking London is paved with gold, and money is there just to be picked!!.  I guess it the unrealistic expectations of the lady that is contributing to the man's fustration.  The poor man is working his ass out to meet her expectations and it is still not enough!  My nephew that visited me recently ran up a bill of 400 pounds in one week phoning his friends at home!  I was livid with anger, but you needed to see his reaction!  To him it was not a big deal, because we are in London, and I am working!!  I think the problems are her unrealistic expectations of life in London.  The myth of 'life abroad' which probably is part of what made her love and marry him has now evaporated.  She says he nags but for what?  I don't believe it is the accent alone.  The earlier she comes down to the real world and realise that marriage is tough, and living in Britain is also tougher, cosidering you are unemployed, and unemployable,  the better for you.  The advice that you should breakup is not sound.  What make you think there are perfect men out there.  A man nags you and you want to kill him.  Suppose the next one physically abuses you, or cheats on you, does not support you financially?   Get real my dear!!!!

[center]KILL! KILL!! KILL!!! KILL!!!! KILL!!!!![/center]

talk to him about how you feel, he might be hiding something from you, if he doesn't change, talk to your parents about the situation, also talk to his parents, if he still doesn't change, i would advice you walk away, because by the time you have kids, how would you cope, you might end up with high blood pressure. thank God he has not started beating you, some men are selfish, also make a self appraisal and be sure you are not at fault in any way, try to improve your self academically or business wise, so that you can be independent in case you discover anything.one thing i know for sure is, your presence is making him uncomfortable, don't attack him over any suspicion, i just hope you were not forced to marry him.

mydreamz:

FOOL

FLAT NYANSH!!!!!!!

It's so amusing reading responses on NL whenever someone seeks advice on their personal affairs. People become so emotional; swear; use sarcasm; and attack each other even the original poster.
End of day, poster becomes confused much more than they were ab initio.
NL is no place to ask for advice on your marital life. Remember this is a global Market place with all sorts of persons and characters, the good bad and ugly. Some have far lower IQ than you or are less experienced in the subject matter. Some go around different threads posting when they should not just to add to their post counts. Some are mischievous and deliberately give the wrong counsel in other to make your life a misery or deny you of that which they lack but long to have.
If I were you poster I would avoid reading any of the comments here. You need to tackle your issues in the real world not cyber space; speak with real people, their faces which are identifiable.

alaper:

Has anyone considered that she might be the one having unrealistic expectations about life in the UK?  Many "ïmported" ladies land here thinking London is paved with gold, and money is there just to be picked!!.  I guess it the unrealistic expectations of the lady that is contributing to the man's fustration.  The poor man is working his backside out to meet her expectations and it is still not enough!  My nephew that visited me recently ran up a bill of 400 pounds in one week phoning his friends at home!  I was livid with anger, but you needed to see his reaction!  To him it was not a big deal, because we are in London, and I am working!!  I think the problems are her unrealistic expectations of life in London.  The myth of 'life abroad' which probably is part of what made her love and marry him has now evaporated.  She says he nags but for what?  I don't believe it is the accent alone.  The earlier she comes down to the real world and realise that marriage is tough, and living in Britain is also tougher, cosidering you are unemployed, and unemployable,  the better for you.  The advice that you should breakup is not sound.  What make you think there are perfect men out there.  A man nags you and you want to kill him.  Suppose the next one physically abuses you, or cheats on you, does not support you financially?   Get real my dear!!!!

My Brother,

Some peeps just come here to bash the man  without looking at the situation.

She is complaining about his nagging attitude as if she just meet him. But in marriage man/woman nags and complain when they not comfortable.

And instead of solving the situation, she is thinking of killing her husband   .

ONLY MANIAC WILL BE THINKING OF DOING SUCH THING.

It clearly shows thet she do not love that man, she only wants the luxury of living in LONDON.

You brought someone from your country and you want her accent to change miraculously as she steps into the country . The things we read on here. That man is very wicked, he is nit-picking on something you have no control over - your accent.

If your visa allows get a job, dude is very insecure, he knows with time you will be quite dependent and he is trying to scare you into a stepford wife.

Later the man will come back and narrate his own story about how he brought his wife from Nigeria and now she has a job has developed wings bla bla bla comfortably forgetting how he treated you when you needed him the most

vanitty:

You brought someone from your country and you want her accent to change miraculously as she steps into the country . The things we read on here. That man is very wicked, he is nit-picking on something you have no control over - your accent.

If your visa allows get a job, dude is very insecure, he knows with time you will be quite dependent and he is trying to scare you into a stepford wife.

Later the man will come back and narrate his own story about how he brought his wife from Nigeria and now she has a job has developed wings bla bla bla comfortably forgetting how he treated you when you needed him the most

I don't understand why they tend to usually be this way. When you bring your spouse from back home and you know she knows no soul in this country. usually the loneliness gets almost to the point of her almost losing her mind. A friend of mine told me how another friend of hers used to fake illness so that her husband would not go to work. At first I thought "oh grow up" but when you think of the fact that she has been in the house for 6 good months with 2 children and no outside communication whatsoever then you can understand why she would quite literaaly go mad. This can obviously add to the mans frustration obviously. I personally believe that when you bring a spouse from Nigeria it is your responsibility to help them assimilate. Push them to do for themselves but do not demean them or ignore their feelings of inadequacy. After all they were happy in Nigeria before they made the sacrifice to come join you overseas

I think he is having an affair and trying to find a way to get rid of you.

@ jennykadry this ur profile pixes is serious wats the guy doing in the bush,even his seriousness no help matter at all guess he is ur senior bros rotfl

emmatok:

FLAT NYANSH!!!!!!!

BETTER THAN ALL YOUR GIRLFRIENDS' NYANSH JOIN TOGETHER

lolz

@ OP

This is what you do - you get involved in YOUR VIDEO and stop standing on the sidelines listening to the storm of the crowd (him)

IMMEDIATELY focus on you - MENTALLY ban HIM (like NL does us) or you will be miserable and only mentally unban him when he is saying things that are positive and pleasant that work well for the 2 of you.  As soon as you focus on you and your relationship with God - everything will change.

Here is some  Personal Self Development that is Fun and Beneficial for you:
♦  Google English Audio Tapes for free that assist in proper pronunciations
♦  Increase your culinary skills - NL cooking section can help you - shove something in his big mouth when he starts complaining
♦  There are classes you can take online for free that teach all different subjects - http://www.openculture.com/freeonlinecourses
♦  Join the YMCA near you - (swimming, gymnastics, exercise, self-development classes) http://www.cityymca.org/
♦  Find an African Group of women similar that have been imported as well - pull your pastor to the side and ask him - if you don't attend church
push your mate to take you to church where you will meet others like you - push him to do this

Start dressing yourself in pretty colors, put on smell good (perfume) - stop answering him, stay quiet - let him wonder what is going on with you.  Especially stop talking to him when he constantly complains - give him silent treatment - he will figure it out and complain less when you start becoming unresponsive for fear that you will wander.

Keep focusing on you and your development - the more you focus on you the less you will have time to listen to  him and his complaints and he will see your transformation and want to be loving because he will want your attention.  Your self-development will also build your skills which will make you marketable in many areas of your life.

When you build you - it removes power from him to have the ability to crush you mentally.  You will also care less and less about how he feels about you when he goes on his negative rants and when he directs those caustic remarks your way.

Do you boo boo - DO YOU

mydreamz:

BETTER THAN ALL YOUR GIRLFRIENDS' NYANSH JOIN TOGETHER

NA!!! NO WAY NEAR.

YOU NEED TO BRING THAT NYANSH HERE FOR SOME SPANKING, THAT NYANSH WILL GROW BIGGER I ASSURE YOU.

i hope she dont end up killing him and claiming asylum, the only and easiest way for papers check this out one of my friend "ike" went to naija marry a young naija girl and brought to england and she end up getting pregnant for another young "british" guy(one of thoses one who wear their jeans on their bum and showing their underwear) the young boy didnt want the baby and she didnt have any papers either so she went back to "ike" and all she could say to him was" i am sorry" after he spent his hard earned early morning cleaning job money to bring her to england now! what should "ike" do?

oti-igba:

i hope she dont end up killing him and claiming asylum,  the only and easiest way for papers  check this out one of my friend "ike" went to naija marry a young naija girl and brought to england and she end up getting pregnant for another young "british" guy(one of thoses one who wear their jeans on their bum and showing their underwear) the young boy didnt want the baby and she didnt have any papers either so she went back to "ike" and all she could say to him was" i am sorry" after he spent his  hard earned early morning cleaning job money to bring her to england now! what should "ike" do?

Ike should Divorce her sharp sharp and get another woman she is not worth the stress.

The man is an a$$hole! Her getting a job or her turning water into wine will

not change that fact. He knew of her accent before he had her relocate.

Sounds like he just needed someone to dump his frustrations onto. He's too

weak to confront those who frustrate him on his job (probably a male boss) so he abuses his wife.

Pathetic! If you feel the marriage is salvagable, stay, speak with him about his

constant nagging and pray for the best.  If it were me I'd have one foot back in Nigeria

because I don't see him changing any time soon.