Dear married women and men,pls I need your advice on this issue. I just had a baby boy and still on recovery, my sister inlaw came and Since then my peaceful home has turn to war zone. As am writting this I feel like runing away with my little boy.This lady has never talked to me since she came into the house.she is type that does my "brother's house I don't send anybody".Big war started the day I finished cooking and was about dishing food this lady went to pot and started taking her own. After she finished the eating, I called her and explain to her as I should to my younger ones, that it was not right for her to take the food I just finished cooking without letting me knw. Most times they will take all the meat in the food. The next day my husband called me that her siSter reported me to him. So I told him and he to said it was right. I didn't knw they have tabled the matter with their other sisters and all of them called me and saying I must allow their sis. To go the pot anything anytime she wants which I refused,she was just calling me names. I was suprised when she said my husband supported that the lady should be allowed. My husband came in I told him all that happened,he couldn't stand on his ground to defened his wife infront of his sisters. I felt unprotected. The last one that happened that made me write this was the day my husband brought up dat issue again,bcose he noticed his sister has not been eaten the food in the house. He said I have to treat his sisters with care and piortity and if I don't treat them dat way, bcose a always insist on the right thing, dat anything I see I should take.I told him since you cannot give me protection I have to let my parents knw about incase anything happens to me.called my parents to let them. My baby started crying I bathed him and gave him the baby so I can prepare his food. On bringing the food to feed him,my husband pushed me out, took the food frm me and gave his sister to feed him. Carried me up and threw me on the bed, my hand hit the wardrobe, I was carrying. I dressed up to get a recharge card to let my people knw, he carried me up again and threw me on thE bed. I have to sneaked out late at night when he was sleeping. I called them and I was scared to go back again, I remebered my baby I had to go back. When I got back he has gone out to look for me, I opend my room to sleep, I found his sisters sleeping on my bed, I left them and slept on the couch. I asked the little girl he said my husband told them to sleep there. Am no longer feel protected with him. Since he can humulaite his wife in the presence of his sisters. Waiting for advice. Sorry for the errors, typed it in hurry so I can attend to my baby. ThAnks all.

wooowww. am speechless. but am a woman dat looks out for my safety first.

if i were in ur shoes, heres wat i would do.

1. calm down n act along.

2. take dem unawares, and run away to where i will be very safe wt my baby.

3. they o, their brother, the marriage can bloody go to hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wat rubbish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


omg i fear for you, deariee!!! plzzzzzzz be safe for dat baby abeg. Haba!!!

What do you do for a living? when you spoke to your family what did they say?

Wonders shall never end....i wonder why i do not see all this nonsense?

Hmmmmm!!! in my own house, my own food, my own bed?? Above all my own BABY?...hmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!! wahala go dey sleep, iyanga and stupidity will wake the trouble up....

i don't have beef with the hubby oooo, but that sister will see wenh!!!!

Listen to me(I still need your answers to my questions) but sit your husband down and talk to him, order him to stop being silly else the next time he handles you the way he handled you the previous night, he will have to eat sand and garri to see his child again.

Don't you have sisters that can come to your house and throw those girls out? what is this? why are you acting so soft? they declared war on you the minute they decided to wanno take over your child. FIGHT BACK DAMMIT

This is why women need to be doing something that brings them income, I don't know what you do for a living but step up your game cos right now? it's You and God against the world

jennykadry: Listen to me(I still need your answers to my questions) but sit your husband down and talk to him, order him to stop being silly else the next time he handles you the way he handled you the previous night, he will have to eat sand and garri to see his child again.

Don't you have sisters that can come to your house and throw those girls out? what is this? why are you acting so soft? they declared war on you the minute they decided to wanno take over your child. FIGHT BACK DAMMIT

Jenny i tire oooooo.!!!!!!

@ jenny: An engineer, work as a network support engineer in one of telecoms company. My parents had travelled to villa for easter at the time if the incident.

ronkebp:

Jenny i tire oooooo.!!!!!!

All of them will not be in that house that night including hubby(God forbid it happens to me), they will see me display a new remix of crace in that house, sister in law will hear am cos when you wanno turn my child(no matter how little the child is) against me and wanno take over my role as a mother forcefully , you have crossed the line with me and that's it. Someone must leave that house on a stretcher going to the hospital

debby999: @ jenny: An engineer, work as a network support engineer in one of telecoms company. My parents had travelled to villa for easter at the time if the incident.

Ehnnnnnnnnnnnn, Engineer with her own money? and you are here talking? olorun ma je o

debby999: Dear married women and men,pls I need your advice on this issue. I just had a baby boy and still on recovery, my sister inlaw came and Since then my peaceful home has turn to war zone. As am writting this I feel like runing away with my little boy.This lady has never talked to me since she came into the house.she is type that does my "brother's house I don't send anybody".Big war started the day I finished cooking and was about dishing food this lady went to pot and started taking her own. After she finished the eating, I called her and explain to her as I should to my younger ones, that it was not right for her to take the food I just finished cooking without letting me knw. [/b]Most times they will take all the meat in the food. The next day my husband called me that her siSter reported me to him. So I told him and he to said it was right. I didn't knw they have tabled the matter with their other sisters and[b] all of them called me and saying I must allow their sis. To go the pot anything anytime she wants which I refused,she was just calling me names. I was suprised when she said my husband supported that the lady should be allowed. My husband came in I told him all that happened,he couldn't stand on his ground to defened his wife infront of his sisters. I felt unprotected. The last one that happened that made me write this was the day my husband brought up dat issue again,bcose he noticed his sister has not been eaten the food in the house. He said I have to treat his sisters with care and piortity and if I don't treat them dat way, bcose a always insist on the right thing, dat anything I see I should take.I told him since you cannot give me protection I have to let my parents knw about incase anything happens to me.called my parents to let them. My baby started crying I bathed him and gave him the baby so I can prepare his food. On bringing the food to feed him,my husband pushed me out, took the food frm me and gave his sister to feed him. Carried me up and threw me on the bed, my hand hit the wardrobe, I was carrying. I dressed up to get a recharge card to let my people knw, he carried me up again and threw me on thE bed. I have to sneaked out late at night when he was sleeping. I called them and I was scared to go back again, I remebered my baby I had to go back. When I got back he has gone out to look for me, I opend my room to sleep, I found his sisters sleeping on my bed, I left them and slept on the couch. I asked the little girl he said my husband told them to sleep there. Am no longer feel protected with him. Since he can humulaite his wife in the presence of his sisters. Waiting for advice. Sorry for the errors, typed it in hurry so I can attend to my baby. ThAnks all.

In my own opinion,u did not exercise enough patience and tolerance towards ur in-laws.ur hubby was trying to be diplomatic initially.it wasn't dat he couldn't protect u but he obviously didn't want to take sides initially but u weren't patient enough.
Two wrongs can never make a right.communication is the key.try to talk to him like a virtuous woman should.state reasons for Ur actions and let him state his.Let him understand some of the things you would not tolerate from guests(even if it they were ur own siblings).
Apologize and warn him seriously never to lay hands on u else you will get a divorce.this should put him in check next time he thinks of beating u.
Pele OP,it is well with ur marriage.

Don't apologize, you would only be feeding his ego if you do so. You have to deal with the domestic violence issue first before any reconciliation. Do not joke with domestic violence, he's started a pattern, better deal with it now. Make a lot of noise over it,do not keep quiet about it, he probably doesn't want people to speculate his wife is being abused, that's why there were no punches. . .yet. All the families must meet. After that, you can begin talks about apologizing and reconciliation.

Jenny lets even leave the hubby out of this matter because they will end up settling it with sex, moreso he is not wise enough to be able to balance the conflict... It is those sisters of his, infact (i dey shake my whole body. really my junior for that matter, as in the poster is older than them sef!!!!Anyways, they know they can try that with the poster and get away with it, some of these sister-in-laws' know how to pick their battles and whom to fight with.

Just be patient @OP.. That's why i always say age or educational status doesnt mean everyone should have a common sense.. No matter what kinda relationship you may have with anyone that doesnt warrant you go in their pot or take personal stuffs..

stillwater: Don't apologize, you would only be feeding his ego if you do so. You have to deal with the domestic violence issue first before any reconciliation. Do not joke with domestic violence, he's started a pattern, better deal with it now. Make a lot of noise over it,do not keep quiet about it, he probably doesn't want people to speculate his wife is being abused, that's why there were no punches. . .yet. All the families must meet. After that, you can begin talks about apologizing and reconciliation.

thank you stillwater!!! see me see trouble.

So sorry about what u re going through but can I say u this u didn't handle this with a lot of maturity before it got out of hand. Did u your sil as a competitor? There's no big deal about a pot of stew or no pot of stew if she was your sister what will you do?be more tolerant having it at the back of your mind that she will soon leave your home. For now its obvious that you are fighting a lone war, ur husband will still pitch tent with his sisters which to me is sad and if you can't beat them you join them. Try to be nicer and more tolerant. Its not everything she does you want to act on she's got support and you know how we women behave, they won't mind ruining your marriage. Apply wisdom and you will see what happens.
About ur husband, forgive him, but don't put yourself in the situation where he will hit you again. You've seen his ugly side protect urself against it. And why would you report the situation of things in your marriage to your parent? Please save them the headache and handle things maturely

^^^^^^ Feminine A, i agree with majority of what you have said. But the issue of allowing anybody to go into my pot of stew or soup is out of the question, personally i will not say anything if she did, but it is very disrespectful for someone to just work into my kitchen, open my pots and start to dish out food, and giving me attitude while doing it. Omo, even my sisters are properly trained to want to get permission from me, infact all they will say is "sister mi, come and dish out my food ooo, am hungry" and i will tell them "" go and take it yourself". it just shows respect, not for me alone but also for my husband.

I also think she should tell her people, her hubby and sisters need to understand that she has family too that can have her back in a situation like this.The hubby needs to be jolted back into reality.

feminine A: So sorry about what u re going through but can I say u this u didn't handle this with a lot of maturity before it got out of hand. Did u your sil as a competitor? There's no big deal about a pot of stew or no pot of stew if she was your sister what will you do?

I agree she was petty with the food thing.

About ur husband, forgive him, but don't put yourself in the situation where he will hit you again. You've seen his ugly side protect urself against it. And why would you report the situation of things in your marriage to your parent? Please save them the headache and handle things maturely

Don't agree. You don't keep quiet over domestic violence. Mindless arguments here and there, you can ignore, but not for domestic violence. You have to nip it in the bud and call on both families. Some sense need to be drilled into all parties involved, from the sisters to her husband to the woman.

^^Why wouldn't she even report to her family? if OGO had reported to her family from the beginning, maybe she will still be here by now. This man has started manhandling her and isn't protecting her from his sisters, who else should she turn to if not family. This is one is not just normal husband and wife quarel, this is serious. If her head had hit the wardrobe nko? a man wouldn't even let her feed her own baby? the best thing she did was tell her parents.our husbands are our pillars and rocks, we hold unto them daily for strength and protection lest we fall, if we cannot get that protection we deserve, then he has offended God and offended our parents, Because he promised to take care of us, be by our side and isn't doing any of what he promised, that does not make him a man , he is not a man of his word.

WOMEN NEED TO START SPEAKING UP WHENEVER THEY GET ABUSED COS THIS AFRICAN LINE OF "SORT YOUR ISSUES WITH YOUR HUSBAND AND NOT INFORM YOUR EXTENDED FAMILY" has taken the lives of so many women. SPEAK UP women, speak up.

@ poster, i really feel for u, what i wil tel u is dis, some men dont kno d purpose of marriage and importance of their wife, some are boi in dad's suit dat is why they stil go bak home to seek for advice frm their family ao to deal wt their wife. Mind u, u hav entered into it already, am sure all these were showing wen u were datin but infactuation wil never allow u to see it, hope others wil learn frm dis "notice ur man's dealings wt his families, if he is d type dat can not make decision by himsef n stand by it" such are not a gud product as hubby. Back to d main issue, as i said earlier, u hav entered into it and is not advisable to run away or divorce, there is stil solution to ur predicament, both of u need to attend marriage counselling, u might hav attended one b4 ur weddin but d one am takin abt is for those who hav bn in marriage for at least 2 yrs its all abt ao to handle conflict in marriage. 2 neva engage in xchange of blows wt a man, 3 sit him down n remind him of all his promises, 4 try to find out what d sisters want, their matter has an xpired date, try to play along, soon now or later they wil go to their own husband house and am sure they wil come bak praising u. 5 cos of ur child, never allow dis marriage collapse, single parent is not ideal, those who r into it are not finding it easy at all, 6. Mind d kind of advice u take here on dis forum, some r not there yet so its difficult to giv out what u dont hav, some r out of their own n they r lookin for people to join them in blackmailin men, if their is not good dat does not mean all men r not good, some thought we are in another continent due to too much of nollywood movie they are adicted to, remember dis is africa, Nija 4 real. Lastly take ur matter to God, He wil open ur husband eyes to see u as his helper / half. I was once like dat not until attended a seminar where all were spelled out and since then mine is workin perfectly n my wife is enjoyin every part of d marriage. Cheers.

@ poster, i really feel for u, what i wil tel u is dis, some men dont kno d purpose of marriage and importance of their wife, some are boi in dad's suit dat is why they stil go bak home to seek for advice frm their family ao to deal wt their wife. Mind u, u hav entered into it already, am sure all these were showing wen u were datin but infactuation wil never allow u to see it, hope others wil learn frm dis "notice ur man's dealings wt his families, if he is d type dat can not make decision by himsef n stand by it" such are not a gud product as hubby. Back to d main issue, as i said earlier, u hav entered into it and is not advisable to run away or divorce, there is stil solution to ur predicament, both of u need to attend marriage counselling, u might hav attended one b4 ur weddin but d one am takin abt is for those who hav bn in marriage for at least 2 yrs its all abt ao to handle conflict in marriage. 2 neva engage in xchange of blows wt a man, 3 sit him down n remind him of all his promises, 4 try to find out what d sisters want, their matter has an xpired date, try to play along, soon now or later they wil go to their own husband house and am sure they wil come bak praising u. 5 cos of ur child, never allow dis marriage collapse, single parent is not ideal, those who r into it are not finding it easy at all, 6. Mind d kind of advice u take here on dis forum, some r not there yet so its difficult to giv out what u dont hav, some r out of their own n they r lookin for people to join them in blackmailin men, if their is not good dat does not mean all men r not good, some thought we are in another continent due to too much of nollywood movie they are adicted to, remember dis is africa, Nija 4 real. Lastly take ur matter to God, He wil open ur husband eyes to see u as his helper / half. I was once like dat not until attended a seminar where all were spelled out and since then mine is workin perfectly n my wife is enjoyin every part of d marriage. Cheers.

@ronkebp:women are very cunny and if a pot of stew will make me quarrel with my sil I will let it go and be counting down to the day she will leave my house its better like that.
And about reporting to her family its a two way thing, now that her family is aware what really can they do? How will she feel if she's at the centre of a family meeting over a trivial issue such as a pot of stew?what happens after her family leaves?then she faces the music. Am against domestic violence don't get me wrong but I believe wisdom and maturity must be displayed in marriage. If she's got a big brother or sister she can report to them and they face him with wisdom rather than parents.

jennykadry:

You are an eediot. May me and my "cabals" continue to give you stoopid people night mares. Tell me now, who here has even mentioned divorce except you? who here has told the OP to leave her husband? you are a certified slowpoke f00l. Just because I told her not to apologise you have already concluded like those daft colleagues of yours that we want her to get a divorce. This is why you could not pass simple WAEC AND JAMB in Nigeria, because they ask a question and you answered something completely different from what was asked. Born f00l

I thought you were just a f00l but you have proved me wrong, you are worst than an imbec1le

Don't even mention my kids here if you don't want sickness to visit you and your smelly nyash in your bed tomorrow morning bast@rd

Shameless woman married to an azzhole. May both of you continue to live a frustrated and dumb life till thy kingdom come. ANu ofia. Devil fart on your empty brain. fcking ashew0 two kobo.

Let me go and drink my VitaMalt first. ODE

Hehehehehehehehehe
I got her exactly where i wanted her.see her raving and ranting like a mad woman.
Cabals What's she talking about? Unlike u dear,i don't spend my whole life on nairaland jumping from thread to thread and wasting away.i actually have a real life in the real world.so i may not know who or what ur cabals are all about.
U seriously need to relax so u don't develop HBP over pple u don't even know.
U remind me of someone about to be sacrificed to amadioha.
Ur children have a shameful mum i must confess

@feminie are u married? If my own sisters would cook and ask me to come and dish the food. I would explain someone dat wil almost push u down,struggling with u in ur own. All in the name of my brothers kitten. I bought everything dat kittchen. Do u that kittchen is a woman's department. My husband agreed with me only to turned back me when his sisters confronted him.

debby999: @feminie are u married? If my own sisters would cook and ask me to come and dish the food. I would explain someone dat wil almost push u down,struggling with u in ur own. All in the name of my brothers kitten. I bought everything dat kittchen. Do u that kittchen is a woman's department. My husband agreed with me only to turned back me when his sisters confronted him.

It's your house jare, don't mind anybody telling you to act like a prisoner in your own home.

jennykadry:

eeyaaaa, see who is talking. She has a real life yet she is spending time replying an uncouth mother. Curse be the day your mother conceived you without a condom, if only she gave the impotent f00l that fathered you a condom to wear, we wouldn't be in this situation. And then another gorilla had to take you in for a wife, unbeknownst to him you come from a cursed wasted family with generational curse hanging above everyone's head, oma se oooo, e go better. Sweetheart, the last time I checked my BP which was 20 minutes ago it was 126/84 and my pulse was 82, no signs of blood pressure or heart attack so chillax already, it ain't happening too. Agu nwanyi like me BP? you never sabi, common carry that cursed body fruitless body with no iota of fertility in it and go sh@g that castrated imbechile you have in the house as a husband. Oh yea, he is castrated, well try his mouth and make sure to remove his artificial dentures lest he bite you with them.

And nope you did not get me where you wanted me, I got you were I wanted you and you know where? you coming back from your "jobful" life to reply me, yea I wanted to know how important I am and thank you very much for sparing me 2 minutes of your time, 2 minutes you will never get back. That showed me you care about me ennough to log off and log back on just to say hello

I love you too

.Keep ranting.am i supposed to be angry/pissed off?

Anyway i'm glad u took my advice to check ur BP more often.i guess u agree with me that u may drop dead someday if u continue this way.
Love u more baby sorry madam

reinedamse:
.Keep ranting.am i supposed to be angry/pissed off?

Actually I am getting to you hence your replies. Sorry it must hurt so much you know, I know I have a way of stepping on people's toes, so pardon me if I have stepped on yours enough for you to keep coming back and quoting me

Carry ya smelly self comot hiaaaaa, ashi of the highest level

No 2 marriages are the same, what works for urs and mine might not work for the poster. You just said that your husband supports you against his sisters, if she had that support she won't have any issue to put on nairaland for us to discuss. Now she doesn't have the most important support she needs in her home how will she defend her self and her marriage? Kitchen is my most priced department but will I fight all my sil and my husband who is the reason am fighting for control over my kitchen over that and be leaving a life of misery?

She can fight them and still live a misery free life. It is her home, she lives there and God forbid that someone else would want to take over her kitchen. let me tell you that the bedroom and the kitchen are the two most important places to a woman in her husbands house. Those two places literally are the best ways to a man's heart, so no way will I advise her to give up her happiness and her joy to make someone happy, you talk about living in misery? how is that any different? leaving our husbands people to take over and keeping quiet about it for peace sakes meanwhile you are dying inside? how will she live happy? define happiness please?