Issues In My Marriage - Family (9) - Nairaland
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| Re: Issues In My Marriage by Nobody: 6:32am On Apr 20, 2012 |
dayokanu: Excuse me sir, testosterone and estrogen are too different hormones so yes, I can fight in an empty room especially when the hormones kick in  . One of your jobs in life is to love and respect your wife and not treat her like trash in the presence of inlaws. Even my own mother will hear it the day she tries to disrespect my husband and she will not be allowed into my house until she has apologized to him fully. Infact sef, I will leave her for my father to take care of her, I trust him to do a better job in locking her up in one room  This man did not handle issues well, let me even say we women are petty, ehn is it not his job to set things right and talk some sense into our empty heads Dayo, look me in the eye and tell me you will disrespect your wife the same way this man did? |
| Re: Issues In My Marriage by dayokanu(m): 6:33am On Apr 20, 2012 |
9lifes: This is BS.MEN pls, if your rules cannot prevail and protect your house and wife, pls don't marry.Your wife is priority NO 1.No body comes to my house to do nonsense,not even my sweetest mother,god..children getting married everyday. Just pray you don't meet a quarrelsome wife, who thinks your mother is eating too much, taking too much meat, making noise on the phone, singing in the shower, making noise with her footsteps Actually some wifes pray the mother in law dies before they get married, The only thing I can tell them is I hope your daughter in law prays for your death before your son gets married too 1 Like |
| Re: Issues In My Marriage by Meristem: 6:35am On Apr 20, 2012 |
Even if its her territory, d more she is bellicose about possessing it d more ground she would lose. nobody likes a tigress of a wife or SIL |
| Re: Issues In My Marriage by dayokanu(m): 6:37am On Apr 20, 2012 |
jennykadry: I would never disrespect any self respecting wife of mine, But if you don't respect yourself, I wont hesitate to put you in your place(Which excludes physical beating) One sensitive area to me is no wife of mine should ever insult either directly or indirectly my mother Shikena. If this is adhered to, half the issue is solved. You can abuse me for 1yr e no dey pain me, I go just dey laff you. |
| Re: Issues In My Marriage by Nobody: 6:38am On Apr 20, 2012 |
Meristem: Even if its her territory, d more she is bellicose about possessing it d more ground she would lose. nobody likes a tigress of a wife or SIL I disagree with the tigress issue oooo or better still explain the tigress part well. I am a tigress outside my home and a loving dove inside my home and yes my tigress nature comes in handy at home sometimes. My husband till date tells my father that when it comes to "mouth" issues, he knows his wife can take care of herself very well without him being there but when it becomes physical that is when she remembers she has a husband she can speed dial. I was raised to be blunt and outspoken. So i do not waste my time speaking my mind and standing up to anybody even a man. The only time I know say power pass power was in my early years of marriage when I was still having anger issues, one day after an argument he had his back turned to me so I threw a pillow and was about to throw the bed side lamp when all of a sudden this tall guy pinned me to the bed and held me there for good 2 minutes, I could not even move any part of my body , my teeth and mouth sef could not move that day, when he knew I was not going to throw another thing, he just released my hand and walked away. Na that day I know say, my strength no reach man own and I had to apologize on my knees and stayed on my knees for good 15 minutes performing a well deserved BJ |
| Re: Issues In My Marriage by Nobody: 6:54am On Apr 20, 2012 |
dayokanu: Dayo you are to remain single, do you hear me . Nobody is insulting anybody's mother here, it's SIL's not knowing their place in their brother's house. This OP is nice ooo, me? they will all sleep outside that night. |
| Re: Issues In My Marriage by mangbede: 7:05am On Apr 20, 2012 |
jennykadry: ^^You are crazy. Infact devil punish you the next time you mention "apologise". jennykadry: ^^You are crazy. Infact devil punish you the next time you mention "apologise".[quote author=jennykadry]^^You are crazy. Infact devil punish you the next time you mention "apologise". A man physically hurt his wife who just put to bed recently and you are here telling her she wasn't diplomatic. Thunder blend your nyash like cray fish diaaaaa. EEDIOT oshi, ewu ocha, anu mpam. [/quoThis is the most irresponsible post i ever read....show som maturity pls... |
| Re: Issues In My Marriage by mangbede: 7:07am On Apr 20, 2012 |
jennykadry: ^^You are crazy. Infact devil punish you the next time you mention "apologise". |
| Re: Issues In My Marriage by Nobody: 7:09am On Apr 20, 2012 |
^^Goodness gracious not another imbechile on the loose. When will you all stop quoting my post of 15 years? abeg waka |
| Re: Issues In My Marriage by sweetcocoa(f): 7:32am On Apr 20, 2012 |
[b]Dayokanu,just what part of this story don't you get?you are just so eager to prove that the lady is the one at fault here when its staring you right in the face that the SIL is a mini witch,forget all these your long talk in defense of the witch. Bottom line is,she was very wrong to have disrespected the lady like that,even if they were at war before,nothing gives her the right to go straight to a pot of food the lady cooked without asking her first,to make it worse,the lady was standing right there when she stormed to the pot. Let me tell you something,till tomorrow in my father's house,it could pass for a law that no one goes to the pot without the permission of the person who cooked especially just immediately after cooking,its always"come and dish for me or can i take by myself or i'll go and take by myself o"sometimes with a harsh tone sef if she's delaying in going to dish the food,anyhow you want to ask,whether by yelling or talking normal,the truth is you must ask or let her know you are going to the pot before doing so. I don't think you get how disrespectful it is to just walk to the pot of food cooked by someone you hardly or don't talk to,dayo walai e dey pain,the day my younger sister tried it with me because she felt she was grown and can keep malice with me and then do anyhow,i slapped her,collected the food from her and asked her to go cook if she wanted to eat since she no longer has respect for her elders,she reported to my dad and he told her she was wrong, asked her to apologize and then me to apologize for the slap,that was the day my father stamped it as one of his many laws. The SIL was wayyyyyyy wrong,she belittled the lady to the core and the witch without a brain went to sleep on her bed,nna menh for what na?inshort her husband is a big s\t\u\p\i\d f00l i tell ya,this story dey vex me for reals. [/b] |
| Re: Issues In My Marriage by Nobody: 7:41am On Apr 20, 2012 |
@op this may sound trivial but it a warning to everyone out there. Did your husband at anything during courting told you about his family kitchen "ritual"? If the answer is yes and that it involves everyone dishing food themselves then I think you invited the trouble yourself for trying to stop the little girl. I believe in total disclosure during courting no matter how bad or petty you think the info are just let it out. SO that your partner will have a clearer picture of what he/she is getting into. For instance, while growing up we don't dish food neither do we ask anyone to dish us food. After cooking you only dish food for my parents and to the rest of the household you just tell them to go "attack" the pot. I remembered my sis friend spending the weekend with us and that decided to prepare dinner to her greatest suprised after cooking, she just left the kitchen to shower, before she was out of the bathroom we have dished our food ( me and my younger brother ) and she went "red" in the face immediately. In fact it was my sis that came to our rescue and explained stuffs to her. Since then whenever she is around she allows us dish for ourselves. Imagine if am to get married and my younger comes visiting, being that it is my house and their blood siblings, by default they would o after the food themselves. Though at this point I have to add that as one grows you are supposed to know that people are different and that at home you are allowed to do things in a certain way does not mean your brother's wife was brought up that way. to be cont.... |
| Re: Issues In My Marriage by Nobody: 7:50am On Apr 20, 2012 |
@ poster, One thing is very clear, ür relationship with your husband siblings has not been good. That's where the problem is. The truth is that when handling a conflict, which u obviously have no skill at doing, U don't attack a problem as it is. U must first resolve what led to that problem. If she were to be ür own sister, would u tell her to wait for u to give her food? secondly, was this the first time she has done so? if it was then u could have been a bit diplomatic. One thing people giving advice must understand is that what people say here is most times different from what happened, she didn't tell u how she corrected the sister in law neither did she explain how she discussed the issue with her hubby, there is a way I can say a word and it will mean a diFferent thing. As for the husband he took it too far when he abused his wife by beating or even shouting at her in front of his siblings. Whatever little respect they have will automatically be lost. the poster cannot absolve her self of all blames, let her say what is really wrong between she and the sister, there is no smoke without fire. and since she knows they are not in good terms, she should have consulted the hubby and they would both take a decision together on how to deal with the issue. But honestly if ür marriage breaks up because of this, then all I can say is that u were never really matured enough to get married. Marriage has never and will never come in black and white. But wait sef do men still beat their wives- I find it funny o... In this age and time, Just do what u can so ür marriage can go back to how it was before those sister inlaws of urs came. may God reward them as they have dealt with u. 1 Like |
| Re: Issues In My Marriage by JBL316: 7:51am On Apr 20, 2012 |
This is manipulation from the pit of hell! The sistas dont want u in the marriage and ur hubby is either naive or a victim. It is ur responsibility to protect urself and ur baby. Notify your parents who i xpect to discuss the issue with the in-laws. Note: U only hav 1 life to live, don't waste it. U deserve a better life and u can have it. Ur hubby is not acting rite. Be careful, be prayerful. |
| Re: Issues In My Marriage by 9lifes(m): 7:55am On Apr 20, 2012 |
jennykadry: If you can wait for another 20 yrs, then I am on my way. |
| Re: Issues In My Marriage by sweetcocoa(f): 7:56am On Apr 20, 2012 |
woodcook: @op this may sound trivial but it a warning to everyone out there.Please i beg to differ a long way from this your post. FYI,your parents house can never be likened to your married brother's house,jesus christ! There's something called common sense and courtesy,once one is married and living with his wife,the kitchen automatically becomes hers(the wife's) so you and your siblings should know that you don't behave the way you would in your mother's kitchen in another woman's own(kitchen)except you grew up without any manners at all,how can you even come up with that example,just how do the two scenarios match?for petes sakes what do parents teach their kids these day? |
| Re: Issues In My Marriage by vanitty: 7:57am On Apr 20, 2012 |
First thread in this nairaland that has made my blood boil. Na wa. I am convinced some people just talk abi type ni for shock reaction Anybody that disrepect your wife disrespect you so you better know that. Majority of the men talking here that you are at fault aare either not married or if married, did not marry for love, just simply tolerating their wife. You are definitely NOT at fault, infact even if you are at fault nko? so the man had to embarrass you like that in front of her. What a wuss of a man. Poster, please don't you dare apologise to anybody, this is a definite power struggle and that home is your territory. Bunch of shameless people. They don't even respect you at all, imagine calling my phone telling me I should allow their sister to act anyhow in their brother's house. Which house? Did u beg him to marry you or what? I really wish you well poster. It is going to be tough but please stand your ground. If you allow it now, you will allow it forever. As I previously said, husband is a wuss sorry, I know it is impolite to abuse someone's husband but there is no 'nicer' word. Read back to Pro1 I think advice, read davidylan advice, they are all men o and deduce what you can from it. Shameless sisters that refuse to stay in their husband house , now want to come dabaru your own. Anyway poster, pele it is well. I am on the train to work, so I am just typing my thoughts down, might be hard to follow. this thread pain me sha. |
| Re: Issues In My Marriage by Aboluwarin: 8:04am On Apr 20, 2012 |
debby999: Dear married women and men,pls I need your advice on this issue. I just had a baby boy and still on recovery, my sister inlaw came and Since then my peaceful home has turn to war zone. As am writting this I feel like runing away with my little boy.This lady has never talked to me since she came into the house.she is type that does my "brother's house I don't send anybody".Big war started the day I finished cooking and was about dishing food this lady went to pot and started taking her own. After she finished the eating, I called her and explain to her as I should to my younger ones, that it was not right for her to take the food I just finished cooking without letting me knw. Most times they will take all the meat in the food. The next day my husband called me that her siSter reported me to him. So I told him and he to said it was right. I didn't knw they have tabled the matter with their other sisters and all of them called me and saying I must allow their sis. To go the pot anything anytime she wants which I refused,she was just calling me names. I was suprised when she said my husband supported that the lady should be allowed. My husband came in I told him all that happened,he couldn't stand on his ground to defened his wife infront of his sisters. I felt unprotected. The last one that happened that made me write this was the day my husband brought up dat issue again,bcose he noticed his sister has not been eaten the food in the house. He said I have to treat his sisters with care and piortity and if I don't treat them dat way, bcose a always insist on the right thing, dat anything I see I should take.I told him since you cannot give me protection I have to let my parents knw about incase anything happens to me.called my parents to let them. My baby started crying I bathed him and gave him the baby so I can prepare his food. On bringing the food to feed him,my husband pushed me out, took the food frm me and gave his sister to feed him. Carried me up and threw me on the bed, my hand hit the wardrobe, I was carrying. I dressed up to get a recharge card to let my people knw, he carried me up again and threw me on thE bed. I have to sneaked out late at night when he was sleeping. I called them and I was scared to go back again, I remebered my baby I had to go back. When I got back he has gone out to look for me, I opend my room to sleep, I found his sisters sleeping on my bed, I left them and slept on the couch. I asked the little girl he said my husband told them to sleep there. Am no longer feel protected with him. Since he can humulaite his wife in the presence of his sisters. Waiting for advice. Sorry for the errors, typed it in hurry so I can attend to my baby. ThAnks all.you need patience and wisdom to build your home the bible says, a wise woman build her own house. Consider her as your sister, you must erase the negative thought you have against your inlaw, bring her close to yourself, push her to do many work including cooking. The first thing yuo must do now, call your sister inlaw, talk to her like your sister even apologise to her to bring her close, don't claims right, then you will see peace in your home. |
| Re: Issues In My Marriage by sweetcocoa(f): 8:10am On Apr 20, 2012 |
vanitty: First thread in this nairaland that has made my blood boil.Thank you o my sister,for reals this thread is annoying,imagine that part of the call sef,just how some people read the OP's post and still blame her beats me,what rubbish?kai this one too much and God knows i can't take such. |
| Re: Issues In My Marriage by JBL316: 8:10am On Apr 20, 2012 |
@kingsleyinfo. Husband people generally for this side of the world dey look wife as second class or like stranger wey con visit...make e do make e go. e don con chop our broda money...and stuff like tht. Husband people generally b vultures so the wife no need to do anything wrong before them go prey on am. This sista in question fit no reach the wife for any level, besides if the sistas get head dem for dey either their husband house or their papa house and that na the only 2 places wey woman suppose dey. Which one dem dey con they legislate for their broda house, tht place no be their constituency. Take it or leave it na woman get husband house. Na im make am, man suppose shine im eyes as per marrige mata. The man in question na mumu and e go suffer am. The sistas wey no gree marry dom con scatter im marrige e dey look dem. As for d wife here, i don talk am b4, na 1 life u get...u deserve to leave the good life...if u do mumu....those people fit kill u and ur pikin marry anoda wife give their mumu broda...na ur loss...na ur parents loss....pray and do the needful. 1 Like |
| Re: Issues In My Marriage by Decency75: 8:31am On Apr 20, 2012 |
please, please and please, listen carefully. marriage atimes is not a bed of roses, you really have to work it out to be. I am ashemed to read some of the advices here. All you need to do now is to be calm. In any marriage, one person will act to be stupid, if two of are all wise, then trouble will be breeding everyday. Ignore them and keep doing what is right for you to do, by the way your mum is suppose to be in your house now doing OMUGWO to help you with the cookings. I can feel your pains that afetr your cookings someone else will come and take it by herself without your permission. Note also that it is not the end of the world. learn how to sing praises under this condition, it might be so hard for you, but it works. Learn to do those things that your husband sisters cannot do foe him, select his dirty clothes for washing, make the beds even if you think that the sister will lay on it, "it is just for a while" it will not last. Sooner or later, he will be the one that will come and beg you. Just believe me. I wish you all the best. |
| Re: Issues In My Marriage by neyostica: 8:56am On Apr 20, 2012 |
sweetcocoa: Thank you o my sister,for reals this thread is annoying,imagine that part of the call sef,just how some people read the OP's post and still blame her beats me,what rubbish?kai this one too much and God knows i can't take such.U just dey yarn dust, tell us what u will do were you d op |
| Re: Issues In My Marriage by XtremeBase(f): 8:57am On Apr 20, 2012 |
jennykadry: ^^You are crazy. Infact devil punish you the next time you mention "apologise". @Jenny, i tire o! Imagine talk ''apologise'' |
| Re: Issues In My Marriage by emsquare(m): 9:22am On Apr 20, 2012 |
reinedamse: This is a True woman! Well said. |
| Re: Issues In My Marriage by johnbob: 9:24am On Apr 20, 2012 |
your man doesnt realized he is married making his sibling his priority. Allowing his Sister sleeping on your matrimonial bed..odds even ma mom cant sleep on ma bed talk less of ma sister. sorry you "lover" is not due for marriage and are you sure you did church wedding.. Best choice call your family to settle matter or you pull out sharperly make he marrry his Sister,Olossi. |
| Re: Issues In My Marriage by XtremeBase(f): 9:29am On Apr 20, 2012 |
davidylan: your husband is a bloody wimp. If i had a sister and she went and took food from my wife's pot without letting her know, she would have to find a hotel that night. Regardless of how you feel about your wife, She must ALWAYS come first before extended family. This. |
| Re: Issues In My Marriage by maclatunji: 9:40am On Apr 20, 2012 |
OP, the first point is this. This is Nigeria! OP, you cooked nice soup, your sister-in-law ran to eat the best part. No problem, next time cook toad soup. Let us see if she will have the liver to eat that. You need not have been confrontational with your SIL and your husband. Yes, the man is a fool for attacking you for any reason but you have to ask yourself: what do I want for the future: 1. Do you still want to be with your husband? 2. Or do you want to leave? 3. What are your reasons for staying or leaving? If you can ask and answer the questions sincerely, you will find this problem easier to handle. I know you are feeling bad at the moment but I think it would help your situation greatly if you stopped being confrontational. It does not mean you are weak or stupid, you are just being pragmatic! |
| Re: Issues In My Marriage by sweetcocoa(f): 9:43am On Apr 20, 2012 |
neyostica:Abeg fly,i don't have your time. |
| Re: Issues In My Marriage by emsquare(m): 9:53am On Apr 20, 2012 |
eyenCalabar: LOL! |
| Re: Issues In My Marriage by neyostica: 9:54am On Apr 20, 2012 |
sweetcocoa: Abeg fly,i don't have your time.Thats what i thot, internet warrior |
| Re: Issues In My Marriage by XtremeBase(f): 9:54am On Apr 20, 2012 |
obasijoy: @ op. I have been married before but now divorce with a son. I know no matter how good you are to your husband people and him, what will happen must happen, still that continue to be good because there is a great reward for it. MY ADVISE to you which I know it must quench that fire in house is simple, as for now your husband's mind is poisoned that you don't love any member of his family. Please just call your husband and his sister together *TOGETHER* tell them this please I don't like how devil wants to destroy this happy home because of food or something else. If food is the problem, chioma or whatever your sister inlaws name eat and honey depending on what you call your husband please we don't have to destroy our own home or generation pls we are all one. I am part of your family *you are now answering there name* I am chioma's elder sister if she wants to respect me let her do but if she doesn't want to respect me your wife and you are in support of it so be it. Please all I want in my home is peace. Honey I love you so much and also your family we are all one please. N/B: make sure you talk to them together. I promise you this must restore your joy and respect in your home more especially your hubby love for you. I believe the have sense. Please don't you ever revenge. IF REVENGE IS SWEET, WHY DOES IT LEAVE A BITTER TASTE. By josh! This is the best advice to me. OP, il advice you take to this advice, this advice would not add any problems to ur marriage unlike some i have seen here, it can only help mend it. |
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