U want these sluts and divorcees to help u? U're better off seeking help from a corpse.. By the way, i'm sure d story is one sided Mrs Saint.

Analytical: It's like some people still don't get it. Here is a sister displaying such irritating attitude of "it's my brother's property, you might as well go to hell and I can do whatever I choose, afterall you are just a wife" and some expect the wife to just swallow it and be tolerant? It doesn't end there. I am almost 100% sure wife does all the dishes after they all must have eaten! Afterall, she is 'our wife', expected to worship her in-laws and take loads of rubbish in her own home. Which responsible husband beats his wife, right in front of his sisters? It's even annoying that he has a sister living under his roof that refuses to talk to his wife from the day she came.

We've seen such types countless times. That is why I don't blame the girls, but the spineless husband whose wife's dignity means nothing to him. To those saying what is the big deal, you have to realise this is the wife's territory. Aside from the bedroom, wives guard their kitchens (pots especially) jealously. To this particular husband, both actually mean nothing to him. That is why the sisters can be sleeping on her bed shortly after her sneaking out. To think these sisters will one day become wives too!

The husband refused to take charge of his home. From day one, you make your people know whoever 'touches' your wife touches the apple of your eyes! You don't give people the opportunity to disrespect her. The way they see you treat her will send a message to everyone to behave. It's not the wife that should do that. That is why I am angry with the husband. It's his duty to protect the wife before his sisters turned her to a garbage.

During the early years of my marriage when one of my younger ones was around and left plates for my wife to pack after eating, nobody told him to pack them when he saw me carrying my own plates to the kitchen. In fact, he rushed to collect the plates from me and came back to clear the remaining. And that was the last time it ever happened! Now, it wasn't my wife that did that so she didn't even come into the picture. But it sent the message down.

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Oh, the advice to the OP? I have none right now as I am still angry with the husband.

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@nikkygal, Amen.

Oh my! Analytical *sigh* U're the best.

neyostica:
Thats what i thot, internet warrior

Yeah like i give a feck,choke on your silly thoughts.

@ Poster

You are the cause of your problem. Don't mind all these girls' advice to you. Do this, do that, fight back etc. Yes, your sister-in-law was wrong by going to dish herself but the way you handled the matter was more wrong. You just want to walk pass your hubby to go and buy recharge card and he just carried you, threw you to bed (tell that to the birds).

I have a lot to educate you, but don't have enough strength to type. Your only solution is just to forget about your ego, go back to your husband, talk things over with him and win back your home. Bet me, if you lose that home, you may never get a better in your life again.

woodcook: @op this may sound trivial but it a warning to everyone out there.

Did your husband at anything during courting told you about his family kitchen "ritual"? If the answer is yes and that it involves everyone dishing food themselves then I think you invited the trouble yourself for trying to stop the little girl. I believe in total disclosure during courting no matter how bad or petty you think the info are just let it out. SO that your partner will have a clearer picture of what he/she is getting into. For instance, while growing up we don't dish food neither do we ask anyone to dish us food. After cooking you only dish food for my parents and to the rest of the household you just tell them to go "attack" the pot. I remembered my sis friend spending the weekend with us and that decided to prepare dinner to her greatest suprised after cooking, she just left the kitchen to shower, before she was out of the bathroom we have dished our food ( me and my younger brother ) and she went "red" in the face immediately. In fact it was my sis that came to our rescue and explained stuffs to her. Since then whenever she is around she allows us dish for ourselves. Imagine if am to get married and my younger comes visiting, being that it is my house and their blood siblings, by default they would o after the food themselves. Though at this point I have to add that as one grows you are supposed to know that people are different and that at home you are allowed to do things in a certain way does not mean your brother's wife was brought up that way.

to be cont....

First up, I'd like to say violence is wrong and the husband should not have laid hands on the OP.

I like woodcook's comment cos cultural reality matters. Most people here seem to come from backgrounds where the pot is sacred. It does not mean it follows in all Nigerian ethnic groups. A wise person will choose carefully when marrying and where you feel the culture clash will be too much, create with care and diplomacy, a system that will work for you. Belittling someone else's culture by holding onto the superiority of yours thereby claiming the other is inferior can work in your mind but the reality is much harder.

Scenario A: I've been to homes where the mother of the house does not cook for the entire week except Sundays. They buy food (soup/stews) from a cook. They make plain rice etc at home but mummy does not have to serve everyone. The father's food is dished separately and the children eat together from a communal plate. The scenario (sometimes minus the outside cook) is replicated accross the ethnic group. The mother may cook or allow some other family female to cook. This is more informal although some structure on when/what to cook exists. It's easier in this scenario for household members to take eg bread/buscuit/drinks to eat without asking. Here, women cannot use food as a bargaining chip on the rest of the household. The other issue is that there may be a bit more wastage as they don't have to wait religiously for mum to set out the food to be cooked or eaten. Their ways are not inferior just different.

Scenario B: I've also been to homes where only the mother (not the daughters/sisters etc) is allowed to cook. She is also the only one that can bring out the amounts of rice, bread, egg etc that should be cooked. She also is the only one that can serve the food. The family members also may be served individually and not together in one plate. In these homes, the women are powerful and can silently use food as a bargaining chip to put people in line. I was once in such a home where mumsy went on a short journey and was meant to be back to cook lunch. She got caught up, had no network to phone and give orders/permission on what the daughter should cook and got back by 6pm apologising profusely for keeping everyone hungry. But they had to wait for her. I could see bread, biscuits, drinks in the fridge but if the daughters are not touching who am I? There was less wastage in the house. Not inferior, just different.

There is a mix of such cultures with slight variations in our society and ignoring the differences can cause friction. In the past, families would not allow their daughters marry from other communities because they worried about culture clashes but as we become more open, we must consciously deal with the differences.

A husband/wife who grew up not seeing the pot as sacred and could eat whenever they wanted, who grew up eating from the same plate with his siblings and grew up reaching into the plate of his sibling to take meat without asking would appear uncouth to the husband/wife brought up differently. He/she on the other hand, may view the spouse as being stingy for not allowing access to food.

The one who grew up viewing the pot as sacred would view the communal living of the spouse as disrespectful of the sanctitity of the kitchen. She would see the wastage as horrifying especially since her upbring would involve being incharge of every cup of rice etc. I've seen where a spouse reached into the other half's plate to take a piece of food and it was viewed as being greedy rather than a loving gesture from the other half. Infact the spouse who's food was taken stopped eating and flung/pushed the plate away angrily saying the other half should eat the rest. The gesture was meant to be loving but misconstrued; communication breakdown due to cultural differences.

Personally, I feel since in our cultures women do most of the cooking, the wife's culture would come to dominate as it would be the natural order of things. A husband who grew up in a 'scenario A' setting and marries the opposite should know his home will not have the spontaneity of his parents home and a husband who grew up in a Scenario B home and marries the other should be ready for the seeming 'chaos' of his wife and adjust accordingly (the in-laws would have to step in line and adjust unless the wife is very accomodating).

sweetcocoa: Yeah like i give a feck,choke on your silly thoughts.

Freetoto, una no go kill person o
Mu che che mu che che

dayokanu:

Just pray you don't meet a quarrelsome wife, who thinks your mother is eating too much, taking too much meat, making noise on the phone, singing in the shower, making noise with her footsteps

Actually some wifes pray the mother in law dies before they get married, The only thing I can tell them is I hope your daughter in law prays for your death before your son gets married too

May be you should interview my Ex.When I deal with anyone,I make sure they know their boundaries..my house chai,quarrelsome woman,lord..for the life i suffer build...you go pack.

I love peace more than LOVE..I will never tolerate any woman (person) that will make my life hell,that was the only reason I broke up with my Ex.

Well I don't see marriage in the next 15 yrs,i only feel for my mom wey don dey worry me for marriage.

I get your point shall!

@op if i say i dont know how you feel then am lying , first of all do you love ur husband? if yes then is time to take wat is rightfully urs, pray first then my dear let me tell u nobody can go to the jungle and shake a lion or decide to use a snake as a belt, young women dont know dat wat u do as an umarried inlaw will definetly come back to u except u want to be perpetually single , why would a young girl dress and go to her brothers house to drag the house with the wife/ the bible said for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and cling to his wife and two shall become one, my lovely sister the lord is with you but next time dat untrained idiot enters ur kitchen, babe ignore her . shebi u get neighbours alert dem when u know dat people are flooding ur house then ask her to leave ur house if she wants trouble then give it to her, for ur hubby am so sorry dat he allowed his family into dis but if care is not taken he will be marrying his sister but pls dont u ever give in to household violence my dear anytime he tries shit abeg run ang go call omonile to beat the shit out of him but pls dont ever leave ur home for any inlaw and dont disrespect dem. May ur marriage be successful In Jesus Name Amen

jennykadry:

I disagree with the tigress issue oooo or better still explain the tigress part well. I am a tigress outside my home and a loving dove inside my home and yes my tigress nature comes in handy at home sometimes. My husband till date tells my father that when it comes to "mouth" issues, he knows his wife can take care of herself very well without him being there but when it becomes physical that is when she remembers she has a husband she can speed dial.

I was raised to be blunt and outspoken. So i do not waste my time speaking my mind and standing up to anybody even a man. The only time I know say power pass power was in my early years of marriage when I was still having anger issues, one day after an argument he had his back turned to me so I threw a pillow and was about to throw the bed side lamp when all of a sudden this tall guy pinned me to the bed and held me there for good 2 minutes, I could not even move any part of my body , my teeth and mouth sef could not move that day, when he knew I was not going to throw another thing, he just released my hand and walked away. Na that day I know say, my strength no reach man own and I had to apologize on my knees and stayed on my knees for good 15 minutes performing a well deserved BJ

I done change my mind,marry me too...lol.Your husband na lucky man,better wife hard to get.

I don't think most of you guys read the OP's post carefully and for reference purpose,I will highlight some sentences to give a vivid description of the whole scenario debby999: Dear married women and men,pls I need your advice on this issue. I just had a baby boy and still on recovery, my sister inlaw came and Since then my peaceful home has turn to war zone. As am writting this I feel like runing away with my little boy.This lady has never talked to me since she came into the house.she is type that does my "brother's house I don't send anybody"to show that the sister inlaw is the rude and insolent type[b].Big war started the day I finished cooking [/i]and was about dishing food[/b][i]op was about dishing the food o this lady went to pot and started taking her own. After she finished the eating, I called her and explain to her as I should to my younger ones, that it was not right for her to take the food I just finished cooking without letting me knw.the woman is no slave in her husband's house Most times they will take all the meat in the food that's rude. The next day my husband called me that her siSter reported me to him. So I told him and he to said it was right. I didn't knw they have tabled the matter with their other sisters and all of them called me and saying I must allow their sis. To go the pot anything anytime she wants which I refused,she was just calling me names. I was suprised when she said my husband supported that the lady should be allowed. My husband came in I told him all that happened,he couldn't stand on his ground to defened his wife infront of his sisters. I felt unprotected. The last one that happened that made me write this was the day my husband brought up dat issue again,bcose he noticed his sister has not been eaten the food in the house. He said I have to treat his sisters with care and piortity and if I don't treat them dat way, bcose a always insist on the right thing, dat anything I see I should take.I told him since you cannot give me protection I have to let my parents knw about incase anything happens to me.called my parents to let them. My baby started crying I bathed him and gave him the baby so I can prepare his food. On bringing the food to feed him,my husband pushed me outthat's very bad of the man. he took the food frm me and gave his sister to feed him. he carried me up and threme on the bed, my hand hit the wardrobe, I was carrying[/b].domestic violence! I dressed up to get a recharge card to let my people knw, he carried me up gain and threw me on thE bed. I have to sneaked out late at night when he was sleeping. I called them and I was scared to go back again, I remebered my baby I had to go back. When I got back he has gone out to look for me, I opend my room to sleep, I found his sisters sleeping on my bed, I left them and slept on the couch. I asked the little girl he said my husband told them to sleep there. Am no longer feel protected with him. Since he can humulaite his wife in the presence of his sisters. Waiting for advice. Sorry for the errors, typed it in hurry so I can attend to my baby. ThAnks all.

Well,All I can say is that you are now fully aware of the kind of family you're married into..and since your husband can't fight for you,you have to put up with their acts for now so peace can reign. In the mean time,go back home have a heart to heart discussion with your husband.If he gives you a listening ear ,tell him how insecure you feel in your own home . It is well.

my love marriage is a black market u get in without knowing what to get. divorce is not an option neither is separation.for the sake of your baby, go on your knees and commit your holy matrimony to God.pray!pray!pray!

LOL,

See women advising the OP to stand her ground and fight, her husband and In-laws combined.

No woman including INTERNET WARRIORS(CABALS),has ever tired such and win.

The worst thing, that will happen is that the WIFE will be sent parking, while the man gets another wife.

The normal thing the WIFE should do, is to inform her parents.

Any reasonable parent will tell their daughter to live that house until things cool down.

No parent wants to bury their married daughter.

OP

When you see happy couples enjoying their marriages do you think it just happened? No, each of them made sacrifices to get to where they are. The truth is that marriage is very interesting and can be real fun and fulfilling. But the truth is that you have to build it first to enjoy it. But I think you are not ready to make /build yours; you want a readymade marriage without sacrifices.

Hey, this is Naija, a married woman must make/see herself as a member of her in-law’s family to really fit in; you still see your in-laws as outsiders and it wldnt work. You can only reap what you sow; sow love, accommodation to your in-laws and you will reap same. YES, some of them may be difficult but time/patience takes care of a lot of thing. WHY insist in calling your parents into this issue? SO they can come and deal with your hus abi? NOW they are aware what good has it done? Will your hus now take permission from them to run his home. If your hus shld see this THREAD believe me, you are …. I guess you are happy to see ppl call your hus names. you still expect him to love you shey.

WHO is gonna be the loser in this whole issue and what is gonna be the state of your home after now? Believe me the loser will be you and it will come with a long time effect. Learn to accommodate and see your sis in-laws as your siblings. Good home/Marriage is about the best thing that in life; it’s the bases for almost every other good thing in life. Take time and build a good home.

Keep away from ppl wanting to rock your home, cos you alone will bear the consequences

I can not agree less with @Funseeka. My dear @op, all of us that are married have had one FRYING trial or another. Do NOT listen to those asking you to stand up & fight for your right. NO, you cant fight...its the Lord`s battle. Like Funseeka said, make his people your people because that is what it has become. And, really will you get offended if your blood sister took food from that pot? I do not subscribe to violence but listen to me...most of these faceless people fueling this fire by asking you to fight are just secondary school leavers who are still writing JAMB talkless of marriage. Be wise & START today to show your husband how respectful you can be to him & see your heaven open. God bless you.

[color=#006600][/color]jennykadry:

I disagree with the tigress issue oooo or better still explain the tigress part well. I am a tigress outside my home and a loving dove inside my home and yes my tigress nature comes in handy at home sometimes. My husband till date tells my father that when it comes to "mouth" issues, he knows his wife can take care of herself very well without him being there but when it becomes physical that is when she remembers she has a husband she can speed dial.

I was raised to be blunt and outspoken. So i do not waste my time speaking my mind and standing up to anybody even a man. The only time I know say power pass power was in my early years of marriage when I was still having anger issues, one day after an argument he had his back turned to me so I threw a pillow and was about to throw the bed side lamp when all of a sudden this tall guy pinned me to the bed and held me there for good 2 minutes, I could not even move any part of my body , my teeth and mouth sef could not move that day, when he knew I was not going to throw another thing, he just released my hand and walked away. Na that day I know say, my strength no reach man own and I had to apologize on my knees and stayed on my knees for good 15 minutes performing a well deserved BJ

U 2 much....e b like say na my side u from come.

Why are you people making this an issue of the girl(mini witch) taking food from the pot?that's not the issue here.

The thing is she has no regard whatsover for her brother's wife and the said husband cannot defend\protect his wife,why can't people just see a spade and call it a spade?odikwa egwu o.

@ fellywood most of the people here are graduates and married, i have three kids . my junior sister will never try that shit except i ask her to do so , if she tries it she is leaving my house dat day. is so unfortunate that we dont look at d truth face to face , if u have a daughter or sister will u allow strangers to come and molest her at home or will u allow ur wife's brother to enter ur room and take ur shaving powder and when u report to ur wife she starts taking sides with him. what u wont take dont give it to another though some women have their own attitude problem but some inlaws are case, there was a time my sister inlaw was doing almost d same thing to me she would tell my house girl what to cook when i ve already left instructions b4 going to work, i make d stew and thre different soups on wekeend but she will want to make her own soup and stew my dear i must confess it was eating me up and my husband kept saying maybe she dosent like d food i cooked but all of us has animal in us , my pastor kept telling me patience and pray untill d day d milk in d house finished and she decided to use my last baby's SMA gold for tea , dat day d beast side of human being came out of me , my dear my husband saw dat it was no longer me dat day dey saw dat i am someone elses daughter and someonelses sister inlaw, dat day i wont lie to u i was ready for the worst to happen becos i loved this people but they keep treating me like a stranger, i tried prayed but it got to decision time i told God if this is my husband let thier be peace but if not am taking walk at least to be alive for my kids. her own marriage is fresh she has to hold on but we should tell her to sit and do nothing all becos i want to be called an obedient wife sometimes u need to back up ur prayer with action.

i dont know why some fish brains cant make a decent comment without insulting people @ gaggi or wateva or poverty sticken name ,u son of a slut pls shut dat ur gutter mouth if u ve got nothing to say. respect peoples views without insulting dem

^^ No he said we are secondary school graduates just because we told her to start taking charge else they will bully her to death. Even at this age sef, I cannot imagine visiting my brother and acting like an eediot to his wife. That day he is throwing me out of that house even if I am spending the night. What nonsense.

sweetcocoa: Please i beg to differ a long way from this your post.

FYI,your parents house can never be likened to your married brother's house,jesus christ! There's something called common sense and courtesy,once one is married and living with his wife,the kitchen automatically becomes hers(the wife's) so you and your siblings should know that you don't behave the way you would in your mother's kitchen in another woman's own(kitchen)except you grew up without any manners at all,how can you even come up with that example,just how do the two scenarios match?for petes sakes what do parents teach their kids these day?

Well try to read between lines before u start throwing emotions around. I hope you saw the part where I said, as adult one is expected to understand that people come from different background and taking that what is obtainable in your household is also applicable to your brother's wife may not work. I really don't know if you are married already and how close you are with your siblings. Sis I have seen family very close ties, that it takes years for the family members to really understand where to draw the line more especially when they are still young and not married. In such situation good wives understands and handle such with maturity coz it is only time and they too would get to have their own homes.

Fellywood: I can not agree less with @Funseeka. My dear @op, all of us that are married have had one FRYING trial or another. Do NOT listen to those asking you to stand up & fight for your right. NO, you cant fight...its the Lord`s battle. Like Funseeka said, make his people your people because that is what it has become. And, really will you get offended if your blood sister took food from that pot? I do not subscribe to violence but listen to me...most of these faceless people fueling this fire by asking you to fight are just secondary school leavers who are still writing JAMB talkless of marriage. Be wise & START today to show your husband how respectful you can be to him & see your heaven open. God bless you.

Darling, you still dey talk about JAMB and school leavers? them still dey do JAMB for naija? you are so backward in your thinking faculty. Call me a mouth maker oo, tag me boastful ooo, that one consign you. I am a proud graduate who left the shores of that cursed Nigeria after high school, so STFU and stop acting like you are mentally panel beated and YES ALSO A PROUD WIFE AND MOTHER OF KIDS, the queen of my home, azuru'm nke me, agu nwanyi ka'm bu.

Infact no spoil my day ooo.

benvivi: i dont know why some fish brains cant make a decent comment without insulting people @ gaggi or wateva or poverty sticken name ,u son of a slut pls shut dat ur gutter mouth if u ve got nothing to say. respect peoples views without insulting dem

ROTFL

afam4eva:

My name is Afam and i endorse this message.
.

Thank you sir

@jenykadry, people who are intelligent help mend, NOT break homes And to think that I have had opportunities but refused to run away from my father land hmmm.

jennykadry:

Thank you sir

You're welcome.

jennykadry:

Darling, you still dey talk about JAMB and school leavers? them still dey do JAMB for naija? you are so backward in your thinking faculty. Call me a mouth maker oo, tag me boastful ooo, that one consign you. I am a proud graduate who left the shores of that cursed Nigeria after high school, so STFU and stop acting like you are mentally panel beated and YES ALSO A PROUD WIFE AND MOTHER OF KIDS, the queen of my home, azuru'm nke me, agu nwanyi ka'm bu.

Infact no spoil my day ooo.

Insults on @Fellywood was uncalled for, as she wasn't talking about anyone in particular, but making a general observation. I expect " A PROUD WIFE AND MOTHER OF KIDS" to act more reservedly. No offense meant though.

@woodcook i agree with u some how, when my brother got married then i was in my first year as a law student, i went to his house and i saw things were not in place in his house ,though he was out of d country then i sent him mail o boy u wont believe wat happened to me the wife lied about everytin d next day my mum called dat my brother said i should leave his house that i want to break his home that day was the last day i ever interfered in anytin dat has to do with any bodies marriage in my family i have 5 big brothers all married but u see their marital issues to ur tenth oh! isreal. some wives are bad my dear they will make mountain out of mole hill, either ur sister eats too much, watchs film, greets like dis, laughs like dat a whole lot of complaint all i know is dat a wise man put a balance in his home

ayde:

Insults on @Fellywood was uncalled for, as she wasn't talking about anyone in particular, but making a general observation. I expect " A PROUD WIFE AND MOTHER OF KIDS" to act more reservedly. No offense meant though.

Wow, were did this one originate from? oya crawl back into the hole before I forget that I got paid today . You expect? you must live your life on the internet to even expect anything from a fellow invisible internet user who doesn't give a shait about what people think. WOW YOU DO HAVE A LIFE ON THE INTERNET

You are so damn smart and I hope my sarcasm is not lost to you . NO offeinceeee oooooo don't blame, blame Mr Cork

jennykadry nnem i na agbakwa ka bomb na enye fa ha , ewo ogini bu ife nka aka mu di na enu

^^Nne, since abali I'buo, hormones'm no na ngbali elu .

nnem o mu tinyelu gi alomo bitters na ups ka iwe step o down o ya ka anyi ji achu oyi na nijja

Biko ti'nye're mia na EMS, ka'm jiri mechiri aru. Di'm a pugo, oga si na i'ke nwanyi'a adiro ya