I don't see my self spending time and resources on such. What you don't discover/uncover does not hurt, why should I purchase or invite heartbreak with my own resources if my suspicion is right and guilt if wrong? He is, or supposed to be mine so, any other person out there is in the 'secret' so why bother?

Also it may change his loyalty if he discovers that I've been spying on him (what's the point to remain faithful if already he is been accused of infidelity?).

Pray to God in your closet the Lord shows mercy to whom He will show mercy. How pure/sinless are the people you are/you are to confess to? You shouldn't have gone that far in the first place and since you did, you face the music. Your husband will become a better man if God wants him to and if not, you accept your fate his behaviours might be means of punishment for what you did.

On the other hand, your conscience might be the one flogging you because it is not certain that the charm was genuine or worked. You may just be seeing the true picture of your man. Always allow things take their natural course (a lesson for all).

I'm sure that she is now older after having kids so she is no longer 18. The deed had been done and I'm of the opinion that she should live by it, don't have more kids and keep her mouth shut.

1st she agreed with her parents to marry the man, then she agreed with her husband to have the kids by whichever method these she wouldn't have done and since she has, she should learn to live by them.

Quiting at this stage is dangerous, as the man will go to any length to save his face from shame and exposure (keeping the secrets) and her parents will not stand by her for their selfish reasons so all she can do now is play on and be alive.

I suggest you chart the parcels of land mentioned. Beware of Government Acquired Land! They may seem cheap but unsafe for purchase.

Whatever the reason, it is because they seek satisfaction wrong or not.

How do you see a man or woman seeking divorce for lack of se, xu, al satisfaction for example? Many would rather 'cheat'

What about having a bully for a spouce?

How about having a sterilepartner?

What happens in the case of boredom?, an endless list.

One should just pray for the grace to overcome such temptations.

Break up does not mean you can't be friends. You may, or may not attend if you wish. I don't think there is a big deal about it and attending the wedding will help you to face reality and move on.

Nobody seems to consider the fact that the man of God might even be the one asking her out.

It is also possible that the man of God is not happily married, since most bad girls end up wanting to marry a man of God for security reasons. They know that he is not likely to marry a second wife or seek divorce.

Another possibility is that they are both in love.

Poster: Answer the following Questions, they will help you make up your mind
1. Do we love each other?
2. Can we express our love publicly?
3. Can I stand the test of time or face the consequencies?
4. Can he stand by me when the relationship bumerangs?
5. Do I want to be in the background forever?
6. Would u prefer an affair with him to having a home of your own?

If your answers are more of NO than YES, then control your mind and head, avoid him for a while so you can think of something and someone else.
I wish you luck.

I am of a different opinion.

What if you never knew? Those who condemned her are not saints either. They are not even sure of tomorrow. Love is a strong feeling that is not easy to let go.

I think you should sit her down, tell her how much you love her and how much she hates you by such act. Let her know that the other man cannot marry her otherwise , he would have done so long before now. The man preferres to make her a secret lover while you are giving her your life on a platter of gold. If it were the man he couldn't have taken this kind of insult. Tell her all you can comparing yourself with the other man.

She would wake up and not be willing to throw away good love for uncertainty (that is if she is not destined to be doomed).

Be yourself, you don't have to be harsh with her or force her to drop all her contacts, you never can tell if she still communicates with him.

Remove fear or thoughts of her act with another man. Live your life but let her be.

She would either turn a new leaf or continue in her shameful act.

Make up your mind to leave her and move on if she continues but have good plans for the kids if any.

Forgive her and forget the issue totally (never make refrence ) if she turns a new leaf

Find out the things that attract her in a man and do them, you never can tell if you are the cause of their relationship or the strenght in which it grows.

If after this she is still in love with the man then she was never meant to be yours.

It is obvious that she is tired of being with you, so let her be.
Start a new life but let the 'new her' know your state. You may consider a single who has children (about two/three) so she has less need for kids but for a companion.
Take care of yourself medically, you are not impotent/sterile there is still hope since, the count is only low.
Adopt as a last resort with her consent, most African women do not want it.
Be sure to live your life.
GOOD LUCK.

You must have been 'hungry' for it to fall so easily. Anyway, there is no point crying over spilt milk.

I am of the opinion that you find a way of making her talk to you about it. Do not involve a third party (even her mother) for now that might even worsen the case or annoy her further. I feel she is the type that keeps the family dignity, that's why she has told no one about it. Plead for her forgiveness and make up with her and make it up to her. Good Luck.

I agree 100% with Fhemmy. The truth is bitter, but it is glaring that this is no marriage. Please she/we should not waste prayers. There are better things to pray about.

@ poster. Wake up, get out of this mess and move on with life. The whole issue is sounding like you are begging to remain his wife.

I do not intend to be harsh but this is my opinion.

You have waisted 7 useful years of your life, please don't waist your time further. I'll say that you do not have a relationship if your girl can hide you for that long. I wander if you will have to have a secret affair with her for ever. Good luck.

Inform your sister in a matured manner not as gossip. whatever comes out of it does not matter you would have at least satisfied your conscience.

It is your business, you ought to be loyal to your own blood sister not the husband who has stabbed her in the back.

It will help your sister know her stand in the marriage and plan for her future childless or not. It will even make her put more effort in her getting a child. You never can tell if the baby belongs to her husband, the lady out there might be taking advantage of her situation. The revelation will open up a lot to your sister's advantage, though it will be a hard pill to swallow. Get your facts right and save your sister a future heart failure.

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Your next of Kin should be your wife. She is to be contacted in the case of any emergency, that your 2year old son cannot stand in for. Your beneficiary of fund can also be your wife because she is to take care of you or son when the situation arise (ill health or death), your 2 year old son cannot also do that. Where you make your son the beneficiary of fund, your wife will still be the one to act as his trustee till he is of age and whereby, she is not allowed to do so what happens to your son's upbringing before he comes of age to lay claims? Be wise bro, your wife is the best of the options.

It is obvious that there is no trust in the relationship. There is no need to go ahead with the wedding, the marraige will not work out since from the beggining there is an issue to be clarified. I would rather wait till I get someone who will marry me for me even if the child is not his'.

I think we should be polite. Also, matters that have to do with religion are very sensitive. It is not compulsory to attend a church, if you are not in terms with the mode of service, tithe, offering or any other, leave for a placve where you have your faith in. It is a thing of the mind, conviction and belief. It is better to watch what one says about others. Remember that God is the only righteous judge. who are we to judge one another? Pay your tithe etc if you are convinced, leave it to God to decide who is entitled, or how to spend it. Read your bible very well and pray for divine understanding concerning its content, we shouldn't turn the word of God around to suit our feelings at the detriment of others.