@ martinosi,

so what's this denial syndrome?

i don't mind whichever hairstyle a young guy wears as long as he keeps it clean and it looks good on him. but like ebonyeyes, i prefer more conservative hairstyles on older guys. as for earrings, it depends on the guy; they look cool on some guys and horrible on others.

there's no perfect man or woman anywhere. even if there was a perfect man, his standards would be way too high for you or any other woman. that you keep finding imperfections in every guy who meets your basic standards might be a sign that you're not really ready to settle down.

i don't see what's wrong in black men going for white women if that's what they want. it's really not hurting anyone because there are still loads of black men who will not go for white women. and there are men of other races.

@ martinosi,

not every nigerian girl depends on guys for money. there are many girls who depend solely on their families until they start working, and afterwards fend for themselves. there are successful ladies out there who don't need financial support from men. besides, a girl who would fall for a guy because of 1500 naira (or a fast food meal) sounds cheap (for an average nigerian girl).

Obinoscopy:

Actually I don't like toasting any lady. I prefer impressing them instead of toasting them. Toasting is a condescending act and sometimes I don;t blame the ladies for insulting their toasters.

If I see a girl I like, I'll trail her to know where she is going to or where she is coming from then I'll look for a means where I and her can get close like joining her club or going to the gym or being in the same Choir group with. This way I can get close to her and show her my real colour, after that I can then propose to her. By then she'd have fallen flat for me!

i agree with you, that's the way to go about it.

Wrex:

men should love their wives and wives should obey their husbands,

they should love and obey and submit to one another.

Bisijohn:

Women find it difficult generally to submit because of pride. A woman that earns more than the husband will find hard to submit. Educational advantaged women also will not want to obey easily. Submission gives birth to Love. It comes before before Love. Every woman has this singular role to play-Submission, which makes the heart of the husband to be endeared to her. The advice to women generally is that they should exhibit total submission to their husband at all times and husbands as well should totally love their wives. For any marriage to work out, it must be 40-60 level of tolerance, if it is 50-50, it won't last.

submission does not give birth to love, it's the other way around. why on earth would a woman humble herself for a man she doesn't love? it's because of love that women can submit to a man. if its true that enlightened women can't submit to their husbands, then submission is a negative thing. but it's not true anyway, women don't submit because they are ignorant or have no choice, they do it out of love.

which one is total submission now? is it until the woman kneels down to greet the husband that you'll agree she is submissive

Justcash:

The Context in which I used ownership is different from just owning a piece of cloth. My Idea of ownership is that after marriage neither you nor your husband can have any kind of marital affairs outside yourselves and your Family. Your husband's marital love, responsibilty and care must be shown only to you and your children. in that case he has been taken. The same goes for you.
You own your man and your man own you. That is why it is considered unfaithfulness for him to fall in love with any other woman outside you.
It can be likened to constraining yourself to only him because you are his own and he is yours.
IT does not mean that your husband has bought you and kept you as a furniture. Nah! It means that you are no more available for other Men and he is no more available for other women.
I don't surpport gender inequality. I antagonise it feverently. But Culture and natural family responsibilities must not be overlooked.

okay, i see. actually this submission controversy is worsened by our culture. i agree that natural family responsibilities should not be overlooked. culture is dynamic, yet we're holding on to aspects of ancient culture that are at odds with modern life.

H2O2:

The inherent message that both husbands and wives shockingly miss is LOVE.

A man should love and cherish his wife like God loves the church, and the woman in honor of his love and the mercy of God should submit in deference to her husband.

EXACTLY!!!

H2O2:

if prayer didn't lead you to the right man then
then divorce sweetie! God does not compulse a woman to put up with a heartless animal.
i know it's easier said than done, but . . . . sometimes count your loses

not on my life, i can't even contemplate putting up with the heartless animal.

H2O2:

hey, is that good or bad because lol   i would have emailed you quicker than the speed of light

it meant 'playing hard-to-get'  

H2O2:

again, the man will not completely fold his arms and renounce househould tasks, he just wouldn't be under as much of an obligation to perform the soft-chore responsibilities.  if he's out there winning bread, what is she doing and where does her money go ?
women are dissatisfied with useless men and in relation men also refuse lazy women.  i understand the plight of men who shoulder the monetary responsibilities, and it's only fair for the woman to pamper the home.

a lot of this conversation borders on the kind of relationship one is in so i am going to desist from making absolute statements.

trust me, many men do that. btw, what exactly does a lazy woman look like? because some guys think a hardworking woman is one who wakes up as early as 4 or 5 and starts cleaning up. if a woman takes the responsibility of ensuring the house is always clean, she should be given freedom to do it as she wants. the man shouldnt be telling her when to do it or how. it should only be an issue if the house is not cleaned up at all.

like  you said it all boils down to love.

Justcash:

Dear GL, Check the real meaning of being submissive to your husband.
When you are submissive to your parents, it doesn't mean that you are a slave. You still get the same care, love and respect that is due for Children.
Women needs to be submissive to keep the relationship working. It is not only cultural, but natural.
Your husband will only feel the pinch of responsibility when he feels and know that he own you, and is responsible for your psychological and physiological wellbeing. He will find it difficult to fall into other women's trap when he is aware that no Woman can ever be as submissive as you are to him. It is a Wife's submission that makes a Man seem like his wife's fool in the face of his married friends who are fighting for sex supremacy with their wives.

i was actually agreeing with your post till i got to the bold part and felt like i'd just been hit in the face. NO man can own me, not the wealthiest, most loving, most handsome, godliest man. i'm NOT a piece of property, i don't want to own my husband so why would he want to own me. i'm a submissive and loving type but can't see myself as a man's property ever. it's a shame if a man can only feel responsible when he feels he owns me because i dont even plan on owning him and yet i choose to submit to him and love him. rather than feeling threatened i expect a man to feel honoured that i can walk away from him anytime but i won't. if that doesn't scream love, i wonder what does.

i agree that submission isn't equivalent to slavery. i see submission as me ALLOWING a man to take the lead and CHOOSING to follow. anything that takes the choice out of the equation reduces it to slavery. like someone said people are submissive at work, that's because you have to choice to resign anytime. if you don't have the option of resigning, then you are a slave. as for your comparison of wives and children, children are supposed to be incapable of making intelligent/right decisions and they require supervision. we can't be expected to remain children forever

Justcash:

You are Pathetic babe, very Pathetic. You better go and get married to a foriegn geek to avoid heartbreaks. Any Nigerian man that tells you that he's okay with your attitude does not LOVE you. He either loves your money, or is in the relationship for some lustful reasons. He will leave you as soon as he is well to do or satisfied, and look for a more submissive woman.
My advise, become a lesbian, or an independent spinster, or a constant divorcee.
Forget a happy and everlasting marriage.

u think it's pathetic that a woman doesn't want to be ordered about? what's wrong with a woman wanting to be respected? if you cannot love such a woman, there are men who can. a man who treats his wife as a glorified slave is pathetic.

btw, why do people say "be a lesbian" or something like that anytime a woman refuses to be walked over by men. i like to believe that some guys actually want women they can regard as equals. however, i'd rather be a happy spinster than a slave-wife.

bluespice:

the truth is, depending on which part of the world you find yourself,
an educated and successful black woman is sometimes an intimidating specter to men.
mainly because with the more degrees and achievements she's had in her life time and the age they come with,
there are fewer available (in terms of emotional availability, matching up to her high standards, etc) men for her.

exactly. and even if she decides to go below her standard and hook up with a less successful guy, the guy might be unable to handle her success and become resentful.

bluespice:

It doesnt begin to materialise when they marry, sh1t starts when they dating. If i'm dating you, you have absolutely no right to tell me to do your laundry (the fc-uk we got laundrettes for?) if you're sick or other wise indisposed, that's understandable lil things like this are examples; submission to many people (both men and women) is another word for glorified slavery. Glorified cos you get to live in the same house, sleep in the same bed, bear the same surname (the doods will rarely ever let her retain her maiden name for any reason), and have intimacy together.

any girl that would date such a guy, stick with him and go ahead to marry him deserves anything she gets.

chelseabmw:

politician=5million and above

Pastor= 1million and above

lecturers= 500k

civil servant=100k and above

bike men,drivers and etc= 100k below


thats the estimate above

@ topic,
i didn't know grooms bear the entire wedding cost. i thought it was shared by both families. i think what should determine how much you spend on the wedding is how much you actually have. if you only have 15 or 20 million why spend a whopping 10 million on one day? you have to cut your coat according to your size!

H2O2:

those are useless men. women should know better than to marry useless men.

sometimes they put on good disguises before marriage, so the woman has no inclination of how useless her husband is until after several years of marriage.

H2O2:

GL, I'm going to treat your wink as a yes. LOL

 


@ Sugabelly,

i agree that it's annoying that so many nigerian women freak out if they are single at 25. it's like we're being pressured to get married as soon as possible. it's not a do-or-die affair, better to be single than to get married to a guy you can't live with.

freecocoa:

Its said dat bald guys have the tendencies to be rich,your friend shouldn't worry cos he's got a problem not.

i've heard that too. bald guys should simply shave their heads more frequently.

@ topic,

not all nigerian girls are that materialistic. many girls don't expect expensive gifts from guys they date. there are guys who have money to pour on girls and want to do that, they are the ones who should go for the materialistic girls.

if you mean materialistic as in the girl wants a guy who is 'made' that's a different issue. though some girls take it too far, no girl wants to marry a pauper, maybe date but not marry. i doubt that a guy would want to marry a pauper either.

sugabelly:

And what gives the man the right to be the one to take the lead? Why can't the woman lead? Abeg. It is women that cause ALL their own problems by lying down and rolling over and allowing men to walk all over them.

I do not believe in submission. In any way, shape or form.

that's true. it's a problem when a man starts lording it over his wife. i'm naturally submissive and very likely to let others have their way, but i won't let a guy tell me what to do with my life (what to wear, where to go), or impose his will over me. i can't even be in a relationship with a guy who has to have his way all the time, or who doesn't value my contributions. maybe i'm naive but i expect couples to treat each other with love and respect always.

sugabelly:

If he doesn't like it he can sleep outside.

And if he sleeps with someone else, I'll bite his p enis off.

End of.

How dare he? What rubbish.

sugabelly:

Relationships are dog eat dog.  Men are like puppies. If you don't assert your dominance over them early on, they'll walk all over you. I don't know about you, but I am not ready to be Omega dog to some fool's Alpha. I'd rather be one of two in a double Alpha dog pack than roll over and play Beta just because he's a man.

i know, and i try to talk tough with them (that's about as tough as i can be). i can't cope with continuous strife, i would either get out of the relationship or keep giving in till i can't cope anymore. i've seen firsthand how devastating it can be to a woman to continuously give in to a man's whims and i just can't do that to myself. that's why i say i can only hope for a good guy, who isn't looking for a woman to control.

H2O2:

gl please marry me o

Psalm 19! psalms 51, 61, 91, 121. it's hard to say really cos i'm always coming across a new one i like.


i also like psalm 63:1:

oh God you are my God, earnestly I seek you
how I long for you in this dry and weary land

@ topic,

not all christians shy away from songs of solomon. my pastor did a series on it last year and it was nice. i didn't attend all the services but the ones i attended were really good, he related everything to relationships between man & God, and man & woman. i've never found it interesting enough to read past the first chapter, but i certainly don't think it's ungodly or unholy. i kinda see it as an ancient romance book, and i'm not a huge fan of historical romance. plus it's quite hard to read it in KJV, the Message bible makes it a little more interesting.

lastpage:


BTW: Men have women as bosses in the office and have no problem saying "Yes Maam" when she barks out an order
        Women too (mostly) have men as bosses and have no problem saying "Yes saah" when he orders them to do something

Why is it then in marriage, that SUBMISSION is a problem?
Okay, that "submission" is paid for, in the office!!  
Thus, we can safely conclude that SUBMISSION IS ABOUT MONEY AND REWARD  

See why a "[b]rich spouse" cant be submissive?[/b]

depends on what you mean by submission. if you mean the husband dishing out orders meant for a slave, then you're right. but if you mean respecting her husband and allowing him to take the lead, you're wrong. there are high-powered women who are submissive.

Spader9:

I know your not going to ask to go back to nigeria lol. . . I simply type AKATA and you magically appear. . .
Enough with the lies Nigerians! WE HATE OURESLVES. I CAN ADMIT IT! How many nigerians do you think live abroad? A LOT! The rest are too old, poor or ignorant to leave. . .

speak for yourself, i don't hate myself or nigerians or whatever it is you are insinuating. many of us don't get our self-worth or confidence from the situation of our country, it comes from inside us. i'm proud to be a nigerian because i am a nigerian, and i'll still be proud of MY identity regardless of the situation of the country. i'm at peace with my identity and just about every nigerian i know is also. if you aren't, it's a pity.

Spader9:

AMAKA you simply envy the women I cherish over my own mom. . .

i don't know what kind of family you have, and i can't judge you. still this is sad!

I think the bible also says husbands and wives should submit to one another. i guess why women find it hard to submit to their husbands is because husbands don't always love their wives the way God commanded them to: as Christ loves us. submission is difficult anyway, we all find it hard to submit to God who we know loves us unconditionally. we find it hard to submit to our parents who we know love us as much as humans can, so how much more a husband who might renege on his promise to love always?

i don't think a woman should obey her husband ALWAYS, and i voted that way. she should try to obey him always but if he wants her to do something she knows is wrong she shouldnt do it. a wife isn't a child or someone who is incapable of making decisions, so she should decide what's right and what's wrong. i actually have problems with people using the term 'obey' because it makes it look like the woman is inferior. i think men should feel honoured when their wives are submissive because these women are equal to them intellectually and otherwise. yet they choose to lower themselves to honour their husbands. that's not to say i'm against submission, i'm a VERY submissive person and can only pray that i wouldn't  get married to a bad man. i can't disrespect a man i call my husband, and i expect to be respected in return. i think where there's love submission and dominance wouldn't be an issue.

echo- bee:

trust yourself,then u can trust someone else.

elecktra:

try and work on your self-esteem you are prolly battling insecurity,maybe you think someone might just snatch her and that thought is

making you paranoid,work on that and your attitude,could be the problem **just a thought**

exactly!

happy birthday!  

i wish you lots of love and happiness

Princek12:

From the comments of some  girls  on this thread, all I can say is na waa. If a guy walks away when Naija girls say no, many, if not most, Naija girls will be single, because "No" means "Yes" for many Naija girls, and many guys have evolved to being persistent even when a Naija girl tells them "No," because in their minds, "No" means "Yes." And if the guy walks away immediately the girl says "No," it is these same girls who will accuse the guy of not being persistent and weak, and that he surrenders easily.  If the guy now tries not to give up easily and is being persistent, some of you girls will label him perverted and seize that opportunity to insult him. And mind you, some girls will rain insults on a guy in whom they are interested.

The problem now is that when Naija girls  play hard to get and say "No" to guys in whom they are interested, and these same girls say the same "No" to guys in whom they are not interested, how is the approaching guy supposed to know when he is being truly rebuffed when a girl tells him "No?" And why don't you just ignore a guy who pesters you rather than rain insult him when he toasts you? That seems like a civilized and mature way of responding to a toaster who is a pester.

The confusion continues.

i think girls really shouldn't say no to guys they are interested in because the guy might just take their word. some girls say something like "i need time" or "let's see how things go" when they are interested. but even if a girl tells you no, you can tell her mind from the excuse she gives. and if you really don't know and want to keep finding out, it might help if you stop asking her out. just hang around and try to get to know her, somewhere along the line you'd find out what she really wants. my experience is many guys (NOT ALL) don't want to take time to get to know the girl on a platonic level first, but sometimes that's what girls want because they don't want to commit to you till they really know you.

it's not easy to politely tell some guys no because they take your politeness as a sort of agreement. also, guys really need to know when toasting turns to pestering. however, i think it's immature to actually insult a guy, especially if you're playing hard-to-get and not just irritated at his pestering. i've only insulted a guy once, i was a teenager then and he always acted in public like we were dating, even acting jealous. i found it all very embarrassing and usually insulted him (defense mechanism, i guess), but i was never interested in him. i would never insult or be rude to a guy i'm remotely interested in though.

Kenny_G:

i know was only teasing

Kenny_G:

what u want to "top" THE MOTHER ? na wa ooo

of course NOT!!! i guess i should have said i won't mind a widower with children. at least the children would know i had nothing to do with ending their parents' marriage.

if the mother of the children is alive, it would be almost impossible for them to accept a new wife. and that would bring problems between husband and wife. i won't mind if the mother of the children is dead though.

House: season 6 episode 11

i don't know, i always wake up hungry anyway.

sofa-dj:

oh i wonder what d physiological explanation 4 ds is

it could be hypoglycemia; the heavy (carbohydrate-rich) meal triggers an excessive release of insulin which causes glucose levels to fall sharply, causing hunger.

when i was little i used to hear that big dinners stretch your stomach and the food gets digested during sleep. so you wake up to an empty, enlarged stomach. i can't say if it's true or if it was meant to discourage me from eating too much.