Bro leave story. There's nothing spiritual about someone liking her mother.

nosa2ekundayo:


No one can really tell.but It can turn out to be spiritually orchestrated.. Grow up sir.

I don't rule anything out but this matter at hand has nothing to do with spiritual.

CaptainFM1:


Possibly. Don't rule anything out! But 11years is quite a long time. It's always good to set the tone as soon as possible. He waited too long to act.

EKONGKING:



OK, SIMP

Una no get culture abi? All these city marriages self

Kobojunkie:
The Kain women wey dey marry your kind, na wa!

She is enjoying it now, cos she is the only one amongst her four sisters still in her marriage.

That was a stupid statement...

taylor89:
marry the mom as second wife


Na why some guys dey like marry babe wey their parents don die

11yrs relationship and the mom is still acting like you guys are dating

diogo23:

Did you read before spitting this trash?

I didn't read. Read it aloud for me ode!!

You were too late 🤣😞🤣

Since you didn't ask her to leave the house, change your locks and patiently wait for her return.

Let her learn some lesson, by doing these:

1. Don't call her while she is away.
2. Allow her to stay with her mother until she is on her knees begging to return.
3. And when she decided to return, tell her to stay a month longer.

On you part:

You need to take the position as the head of your family and not your mother inlaw.

If your wife and your mother inlaw that are the ones paying your bills. You need to stop accepting her gift.

Bro, thank God that you are free now. She was you problem and not the mother. If she did not tell her mom everything, she will not intrude into things in your house

From now onward, have a plan so if she comes back, she either stick to the plan or she fvk off!

22rockbottom:
Good Evening,

I got married 11years ago, my mother in-law has always in the picture of everything in our home and has total control of my wife. My wife cannot object anything she says even when I, as her husband challenged it. 90% of the major issues we had as a couple were caused by my mother in-law. After 11years, I decided to confront her to stop controlling her daughter and stop interfering in our marriage and home. I confronted her and my wife left the house. Her reason for leaving the house is that I disrespected her family.

more details later

But your wife is right even though she's not correct, you've to apologize and find a way, a subtle means to cut off the moms conttrol over your household or endure ...all the best.

Nebes:
Such holds are first broken spiritually. Attempts at just physical correction is an exercise in futility.

I remember the beating I gave my inlaw in a dream as they were instigating quarrels in my home. The next day after the beating, they called their daughter for a meeting and advised her to go live in peace in her home. You could actually feel they were forced to call for that meeting.

Nigerians and spiritualism. i tire o

It all of these, what about the kids. Where are they? With you or with their mom...

Please, make una take care of the innocent kids. Na that one concern me pass...

U are highly ridicoulous. These are no lions as such but domesticated and tamed ones. Go into a forest and meet a lion and try to tame it! These ones were emasculated....

He should not go abegging the inlaws. There are boundaries to be set for such families...

GoodbutBadguy:
Dear OP, you have no choice but to call your wife and beg her don't take the red pillars approach beg her mom and start taking your wife out, buy gifts for her, gist her as you will do to your friends, give her good s*x, and take her on vacations. All these will make her too clingy that she won't want to live you or do anything that will hurt you, though no 1 is perfect.
The problem with most married men is that they see their wives as housewives. The attached image speaks volumes if a human being can make friends with a lion how much more are a man and his wife? The bottom line is your wife isn't confiding in you because you lack human management the common problem of we men

Kobojunkie:
And have those 3 P's helped you in over 4015 days of living this same way?

He is a peace keeper.. lol.

Best advice.

Wawelexy:
You goofed up from the start, but never too late tho, allow her go, pretend to be nonchalant about her absence, fake a close relationship with a female friend or random girl, only send money for your child/children's upkeep, and make sure you look happy always...


Her brain will come back to reset and she will realise she's giving out her food to the dogs by herself.... Please don't cheat on her

22rockbottom:
I was actually rude about the confrontation. I was angry and below is why I was angry.

Both my in-laws came to our house, though I knew they were coming but I wasn't cool with it because they were with us last year December/January this year then now. My wife knew I wasn't cool with it but she never cares. We were both sleeping on the same bed but weren't talking. We had an issue one night and she went to report me to her parents, but her parents never call me to ask for my side of the story. That made me more angry so I left the house in the middle of the night. Guess what, I was away for 2nights and both my wife and my in-laws were not bother. They didn't even call. That made me more furious. So I spoke to her rudely.

Note: My wife is a sweet soul without the influence of her mother.

You have no business scolding your inlaws, very disrespectful. It's your elderly family members that should talk to them if any issue and that should be a big issue.

If you dont like their influence, keep them at bay. Tell your wife you don't want family member visits. If she is such a sweet soul as you claim, she should not be so hard to manage.

thesicilian:

Maybe you shouldn't have waited for 11 years before challenging her. It's always best to set the proper foundation from the beginning, otherwise whatever happens you just have to find a way to tolerate it. As it stands now you either go and apologize to them or wait and see if your wife will come to her senses

i. It's easier said than done the nerve is here now God is your strength

Just find out where she is. If in her parents house, good. Just leave her there.

She will come back on her own and before you allow her back in the house, put your foot on the ground on the subject that the rubbish has to stop.

sorepco:
U are highly ridicoulous. These are no lions as such but domesticated and tamed ones. Go into a forest and meet a lion and try to tame it! These ones were emasculated....

He should not go abegging the inlaws. There are boundaries to be set for such families...

Easier said than done! No comment bcs You not married you can't correct wrong with wrong. His wife doesn't confide in him any dramatic move from him will make things worse, the best he could do is to win his woman's heart again. The wife herself will set boundaries bcs women hate anything that will harm their source of joy

You have been a chicken in the last 11years. Now you are a man.
If you like, go back as a chicken. To be a man is not a joke. You must be strong, firm and assertive.

Boss, there should have been rules set in place from the beginning. Before una marry sef. You dictate the roles anybody play in your home, when I say anybody I mean anybody outside you and your wife excluding the children. All family members, spiritual father/mother or friends falls under anybody. If you had set the rules, there would have been limit to which any of the anybody can put mouth in una matter. Mine is 6years and everybody respect boundaries. No unannounced visitor…earlier in our marriage, my siblings called me one evening around 7:00pm (two grown up men) they decided to pay US a surprise visit. Bros we are at the gate, which gate I replied, I opened the door and saw them, I went downstairs to meet them and I told them bro, you didn’t tell me you guys are coming around, surprise visit bah? I took them to Omotara around UI to lodge them, next day when they checked out, they came to the house. Note: they have a good rapport with my wife, infact I got to know one of them hinted her but my rules should not be broken by me. So you think her siblings will pay us an unexpected visit? No. You must have pretended to be cool with her mom in your life and now you are tired of that. She’s too attached to her and that’s a big problem. The useless woman nor get husband? Is she jobless? She should leave her daughter alone. Las las if her home break the same mother will use it to abuse her if they have a fight. Don’t allow people closer to the grave to make lifelong decisions for you even religious leaders. I hope you sort this out peacefully but be prepared for the worse too. I wish she could see that her mom is not in her future. If her grandma had scattered her moms home will she be in existence ? This is just pure nonsense decision made by your wife.

22rockbottom:
Good Evening,

I got married 11years ago, my mother in-law has always in the picture of everything in our home and has total control of my wife. My wife cannot object anything she says even when I, as her husband challenged it. 90% of the major issues we had as a couple were caused by my mother in-law. After 11years, I decided to confront her to stop controlling her daughter and stop interfering in our marriage and home. I confronted her and my wife left the house. Her reason for leaving the house is that I disrespected her family.

more details later

Kobojunkie:
Yet your action continues to speak otherwise.

If u decide to give me 100£ then I can seek for ur attention. So pls dont get it twisted.

superCleanworks:

i have already said GOOD LUCK WITH THAT. or what else do you want me to say?

Don't say it again

LEGALSER:


For 11 years you have been tolerating this? Divorce her and get another woman man.

You think divorce is that easy abi
And what makes you so sure the other woman he would marry won't do more than this

frozen70:


You have no blame at all for waiting this long

Now that you confronted your mother in law is the best time to do so

As for your wife, she packed out herself and not that you chased her out

Just relax, she is waiting for you to look for her

I think you should allow her stay with them untill she is fully ready to stop taking orders and control from her

Meanwhile just be watching them and their drama till it's time for family meeting

They are the one to call for family meeting, not you
The meeting will seat on top of your mother in law head

Be prepared to express yourself that day and voice out all you have without reservations

There in your presence your mother in law will be giving a stern warning and after that take your wife home

When you get home, change am for her and take charge of your home

This lady is always on point.

OP even said he is an introvert, meaning he has minimum people skills and tendency to be over sensitive and misinterpret people's actions.

If you like end your marriage because your wife stood by her mother after you insulted her, you think women outside are better abi? E go clear for your eyes.

Divay22:

You think divorce is that easy abi
And what makes you so sure the other woman he would marry won't do more than this

No mind am.
Gen zee girls wey their eyes dey red?
He don't know warris goin on

Advision:


You have no business scolding your inlaws, very disrespectful. It's your elderly family members that should talk to them if any issue and that should be a big issue.

If you dont like their influence, keep them at bay. Tell your wife you don't want family member visits. If she is such a sweet soul as you claim, she should not be so hard to manage.

This is actually very sensible advice, you should have talked your wife and told her to talk to her mom instead of letting your emotions take control and speaking rudely to an elderly person.
You seem to get along very well with your wife for saying she is a sweet soul, why didnt you communicate with her instead of keeping grudges all these years and then blowing up on her mom?

Here we go again.

The "what if the roles were reversed crew."

Whenever a man complains about something in relation to a woman their one-size-fits all solution is to switch the sexes round.

Very unimaginative creatures

Also, I laughed when I read the second paragraph.

So after just one warning the mother will release control over her daughter that she has been exerting for 30+ years?

The naive give the most foolish advice ever.

Because they are unable to grasp the psychology of human beings and just operate from a superficial perspective of life.

FYI, if the man persists in his attempts to regain control of his marriage he will lose it as MIL doesn't mind helping to crash it rather than lose her grip over her daughter.

The only way to avert this is if he defeats MIL spiritually.

sisisioge:
How did you confront your mil? Would you be fine if your wife used same style on your mother? She said you disrespected her family...there are a million and one ways to politely ask in laws not to meddle in your affairs without being offensive fa.

Anyways, on a brighter note, the message has been passed across and mama wont be meddling in the future even when you need her to meddle...if there is a future. All of una go dey alright.

Y wait 11 yrs U should've done dat a long time ago

MrBrownJay1:
you should have done that the FIRST time the mother interfered in your family matters...11yrs of letting her mother believe she was in charge, is way too long and now a waste of energy to try to correct it.

I see your point, while valid to some extent, I don't agree with it fully. It's never too late to confront her. It will be more challenging to change the current state but not impossible. Now that he has done it, maybe he can keep the momentum and the MiL will learn to keep away from his family biz.