Acidosis:


My point is pretty clear and simple. A woman who is currently in her husband's house should never be caught advising single women against getting married.
How can someone be agreeing that marriage does not make sense any longer yet they won't leave their marriages?

As regards the divorce thing, I have absolutely nothing against leaving a toxic spouse. However, people should learn to make the right choices and stop disturbing the atmosphere with experiences from failed marriages.

We need to stop blaming "marriage" and allow people take responsibilities for their wrong choices.

Her husband's house? It's not their house but his? What is she? A guest?

Mindfulness:


Her husband's house? It's not their house but his? What is she? A guest?

"husband's house" (ile oko) is a common phrase in the Yoruba tradition. I don't know how you see it but it clearly indicates something deeper than how frustrated feminists view it.

Acidosis:


"husband's house" (ile oko) is a common phrase in the Yoruba tradition. I don't know how you see it but it clearly indicate something deeper than how feminists view it.

It is a common phrase that reflects the very culture that is unfair to women. Now instead of jumping from thread to thread exposing your primitive mentality, go and find a woman who is willing to be a servant-guest in her husband's house.

Mindfulness:


It is a common phrase that reflects the very culture that is unfair to women. Now instead of jumping from thread to thread exposing your primitive mentality, go and find a woman who is willing to be a servant-guest in her husband's house.

Shut the fck up! I use the phrase "my father's house" all the time and it doesn't make me a slave, servant or guest to my father. You can change yours to "my mother's house".

I'm done replying you and your likes.

Acidosis:


Shut the fck up! I use the phrase "my father's house" all the time and it doesn't make me a slave, servant or guest to my father.

I'm done replying you and your likes.

It's not your mother's house too? I refer to my parental home as my parents' house. See the difference? It's YUGE.

I'm 100% sure you didn't leave your parent's house to your husband's house. You guys probably built an apartment while courting.


Yeye people.

A thinking adult sees a home built on the sweat of the husband and wife and proceeds to call it the man’s house thereby totally disregarding the contributions of the woman to the home. Yet this is Someone who claims not to see how marriage isn’t equally fair to women as it is to men.

YUGE congnitive dissonance there

Mindfulness:


It's not your mother's house too? I refer to my parental home as my parents' house. See the difference? It's YUGE.

Acidosis:


I'm 100% sure you didn't leave your parent's house to your husband's house. You guys probably built an apartment while courting.


Yeye people.

Answer the damn question instead of jumping to conclusions. Is it your father's house or also your mother's house or is she homeless?

Seahawk:
A thinking adult sees a home built on the sweat of the husband and wife and proceeds to call it the man’s house thereby totally disregarding the contributions of the woman to the home. Yet this is Someone who claims not to see how marriage isn’t equally fair to women as it is to men.

YUGE congnitive dissonance there

Someone can be in a good marriage and still recognize and discuss the inequalities prevalent in many marriages. Even good marriages have inequalities that sometimes the partners don’t recognize right away unless they are very intuitive. Some of it being the way most of us were raised in these inequalities and we don’t mind them as much until we actually start to think about it.

those inequalities usually aren’t a problem as long as they can recognize it, discuss it and work on it to make things fair for everyone involved in that particular union.

It doesn’t have to be either or. And It doesn’t always mean it’s personal experience.

Acidosis:



I hope CHoccolaTE and her "co-sisters" can learn a thing from this. After wasting so many years dating and courting useless playboys, they retire online to tell us why we should boycott marriage. Aunty CHoccolaTE, your bad and bitter experience is not enough to conceptualize marriage, okay? Learn from your experience and move on.

@CHoccolaTE,
Aunty, have you ever heard the quote "family is everything"? What's the foundation of family? baby mama or hoe-ism?

Go and ponder on the above question and come back with a sensible response.

Mindfulness:


Answer the damn question instead of jumping to conclusions. Is it your father's house or also your mother's house or is she homeless?

My father's house belongs to everyone, mom and children inclusive.

Father's house is a symbol of authority, and it shows the home has a head. See, where I come from, men are accorded the HEAD status, and we do not give room for frustrated and controlling bitter women to play ping-pong with their husband's head.

Like I said earlier, my father's house has a deeper meaning than paying yearly rent or bricks.

I'm not responsible for what you and your likes have become, and my phrase stands, regardless of how you view it.

Seahawk:
A thinking adult sees a home built on the sweat of the husband and wife and proceeds to call it the man’s house thereby totally disregarding the contributions of the woman to the home. Yet this is Someone who claims not to see how marriage isn’t equally fair to women as it is to men.

YUGE congnitive dissonance there

I don't even understand the point of this argument. Where do brides go to when they get married in your village? Brothel?

Acidosis:


My father's house belongs to everyone, mom and children inclusive.

Father's house is a symbol of authority, and it shows the home has a head. See, where I come from, men are accorded the HEAD status, and we do not give room for frustrated and controlling bitter women to play ping-pong with their husband's head.

Like I said earlier, my father's house has a deeper meaning than paying yearly rent or bricks.

I'm not responsible for what you and your likes have become, and my phrase stands, regardless of how you view it.

I got it the first time you said it, no deeper meaning here , same old sh*it.

Yet, you have beautifully confirmed the point the others were making, the one you have actually been trying to refute, that marriage benefits men more. Husbands have the absolute power and they own the properties too. The euphemism head could be replaced with DICK-tator. I get why you try so hard to uphold this archaic system.

Stop beating around the bush and answer the question.
You are just yarning nonsense

Acidosis:


My father's house belongs to everyone, mom and children inclusive.

Father's house is a symbol of authority, and it shows the home has a head. See, where I come from, men are accorded the HEAD status, and we do not give room for frustrated and controlling bitter women to play ping-pong with their husband's head.

Like I said earlier, my father's house has a deeper meaning than paying yearly rent or bricks.

I'm not responsible for what you and your likes have become, and my phrase stands, regardless of how you view it.

Acidosis:

I don't even understand the point of this argument. Where do brides go to when they get married in your village? Brothel?

Ideally, They go to their new home. The home that becomes theirs as much as it is the man’s who is now their partner in life. That’s where they go (should go).

My village people call it “the husband’s house”. That phrase right away sets a tone which says the man owns the home. so, no matter what the woman brings to the table, it will never matter since she is not an equal owner in the home. It means she is never secure in her own home. We the see evidence in how people who think like you nonchalantly use phrases such as “throw a woman out” of her home. sometimes after many years of building their lives in that home.

That foundation faulty. It is the root of many of the unfair things that women have to endure in marriages. They believe that the home they have been building belongs to the man. They don’t have a stake in it, so at any time, they can be kicked out and made to forfeit their lives works.

You still don’t understand why marriage doesn’t benefit women as much as it benefits men?
You still don’t understand the point of this argument?

Can’t help ya then. I don’t know how else to say it.

Mindfulness:


Her husband's house? It's not their house but his? What is she? A guest?

I swear that word is demeaning to the female folks.Like as if women are incapable of having houses.Even a house the woman builds or pays a rent some people would still have the effrontery to call it her husbands house.

Whenever that word is used on me with statements like I"when you get to your husband's house" I quickly correct the person and tell them it is not my husband house but our house.

Yea woman also have great leadership skills. Some women more than some men. Some men more than some women. It’s not a gender thing. the person in actual authority (not the figurehead) might be the woman for all we know. The person carrying the home along and holding everything from collapsing might be the woman. Should we call it the wife’s house then?

You’re probably cringing at the sound of that. How a wife can put claims to your effort and make it sound like you don’t belong there?

Mmm

Acidosis:


My father's house belongs to everyone, mom and children inclusive.

Father's house is a symbol of authority, and it shows the home has a head. See, where I come from, men are accorded the HEAD status, and we do not give room for frustrated and controlling bitter women to play ping-pong with their husband's head.

Like I said earlier, my father's house has a deeper meaning than paying yearly rent or bricks.

I'm not responsible for what you and your likes have become, and my phrase stands, regardless of how you view it.

AmazonTopaz:


I swear that word is demeaning to the female folks.Like as if women are incapable of having houses.Even a house the woman builds or pays a rent some people would still have the effrontery to call it her husbands house.

Whenever that word is used on me with statements like I"when you get to your husband's house" I quickly correct the person and tell them it is not my husband house but our house.

Yes, it is extremely demeaning but such views have never been based on respect. This is why you will see statements such as 'I will send her back to her father's house' thrown around easily. A grown up woman is at risk of being pushed around and, at the same time, her husband can do as he pleases with no consequences whatsoever. And then they have the audacity to claim that marriage benefits women more.

That is why it is advisable that women engage in registry marriages and know their rights no well educated woman can easily be sent packing especially if she is a stakeholder in that house i.e. She pays the rent or builds a part of it.Marriage in the patriarchal African context favours men.Starting from the issue of brideprice which in my view translates to the man owning the woman which is why whatever the woman may own must also be owned by her husband no wonder the word husband house is in vogue in such context.I am glad that some women are waking up and no longer ready to play second fiddle.

Mindfulness:


Yes, it is extremely demeaning but such views have never been based on respect. This is why you will read statements like 'I will send her back to her father's house'. A grown up woman is at risk of being pushed around and her husband and, at the same time, the husband can do as he pleases with no consequences whatsoever. And then they have the audacity to claim that marriage benefits women more.

AmazonTopaz:
That is why it is advisable that women engage in registry marriages and know their rights no well educated woman can easily be sent packing especially if she is a stakeholder in that house i.e. She pays the rent or builds a part of it.Marriage in the patriarchal African context favours men.Starting from the issue of brideprice which in my view translates to the man owning the woman which is why whatever the woman may own must also be owned by her husband no wonder the word husband house is in vogue in such context.I am glad that some women are waking up and no longer ready to play second fiddle.

Preach sis, preach. May our daughters have a bright future.

Lmao Top Nairaland feminists don gather over a harmless phrase.

I'm sure it is also demeaning for a father to escort the bride (his daughter) down the aisle. Father and mother should do that to show "equality".


You ladies need to set your priorities rightly.

But it’s not harmless

It’s only harmless to you

Acidosis:


Lmao Top Nairaland feminists don gather over a harmless phrase.

I'm sure it is also demeaning for a father to escort the bride (his daughter) down the aisle. Father and mother should do that to show "equality".


You ladies need to set your priorities rightly.

Mindfulness:


Preach sis, preach. May our daughters have a bright future.

Thank you.
When the time comes my husband and I would never fail to educate my daughters on knowing their rights and that no man has the right to trample on them.And my sons on how to be better men who can learn to value and respect women and treat them like the fantastic humans they are.

Acidosis:


Lmao Top Nairaland feminists don gather over a harmless phrase.

I'm sure it is also demeaning for a father to escort the bride (his daughter) down the aisle. Father and mother should do that to show "equality".


You ladies need to set your priorities rightly.

Harmless? If I tell you that you will live in your wife's house and leave it when your wife so desires to go back to your mother's house you will develop cardiac arrhythmias. Hypocrite!

Elder0001:

Marriage made a lot of sense once upon a time


Mostly when women didn’t have the same roles and rights as men, and were effectively private property (a societal legacy that still influences our oddly-upheld traditions of a bride being “walked down the aisle” and taking her husband’s last name.)

Women didn’t have access to the workplace, so needed financial security. Men had income, but needed heirs. The exchange was simple. (And during the Victorian era, we prettied it up a bit by convincing ourselves it was about “love,” too.)

We’ve come a long way. Women have equal rights and roles in the workforce, so they don’t need financial security anymore. And while folks might still be interested in reproduction, does marriage still play a role?

Please note: we aren’t comparing “marriage” to “bachelorhood” or “single parents,” and we aren’t using “marriage” as synonymous with “monogamy.”

This post is about longterm, monogamous, cohabiting couples — why are we still getting married?

There’s a difference between what we say — and why we actually do.

Because it is emotion-based — but the emotion isn’t “love.”

To be honest ,- the future of marriage in the next 20 years is blurred.

Elder0001:
Ireneidiva,crackhaus your contributions will be appreciated.

I finally get to respond to your mention after deliberately steering clear of the thread for obvious reasons.

See, this issue is much more simple than it seems. The idea of marriage in the first place is noble and by all accounts good and necessary. Unfortunately, a lot has happened with the world and with the people in it, and this has soiled that which was meant to be a noble institution.

I'll be honest, the answer to your question is a NO. Marriage in its present soiled state makes no sense anymore only for one reason - everything that can be gained and gotten within this institution can be gained and gotten comfortably outside of it without the hassles of standing before a judge or cleric.

The real issue here remains that we Nigerians are among the "fakest" group of people on earth. We are great at projecting what isn't while existing on the opposite - there are only a handful of Nigerian women ready to be with a man long-term, birth his kids, and basically act like an unofficial wife without actually being a wife.
Despite this, young Nigerian girls are everywhere on the web trying to prove they don't need marriage but in reality will never want to date a man for more than 3years without getting some kind of marriage commitment from him. It's a joke really when you look at it with clarity.

Apologies if my post feels disjointed, I tried to summarize multiple thoughts in few sentences.

AmazonTopaz:
That is why it is advisable that women engage in registry marriages and know their rights no well educated woman can easily be sent packing especially if she is a stakeholder in that house i.e. She pays the rent or builds a part of it.Marriage in the patriarchal African context favours men.Starting from the issue of brideprice which in my view translates to the man owning the woman which is why whatever the woman may own must also be owned by her husband no wonder the word husband house is in vogue in such context.I am glad that some women are waking up and no longer ready to play second fiddle.

Interesting...

Under the law, who owns property acquired well before a marriage is contracted?

I agree with the females on this thread. They (whoever is in charge of this sad, evil world) should just scrap that thing called marriage. I actually don't know who it benefits.

2018, marriage is obsolete. Let's all move on.

Show of shame.

Mindfulness:


Harmless? If I tell you that you will live in your wife's house and leave it when your wife so desires to go back to your mother's house you will develop cardiac arrhythmias. Hypocrite!

That's why women should contribute to the acquisition of the family house.

AmazonTopaz:
That is why it is advisable that women engage in registry marriages and know their rights no well educated woman can easily be sent packing especially if she is a stakeholder in that house i.e. She pays the rent or builds a part of it.Marriage in the patriarchal African context favours men.Starting from the issue of brideprice which in my view translates to the man owning the woman which is why whatever the woman may own must also be owned by her husband no wonder the word husband house is in vogue in such context.I am glad that some women are waking up and no longer ready to play second fiddle.

Woe be unto any Nigerian man who engage in registry marriage with a woman who's not financially stable.

Teach your daughters to strive hard to acquire their own properties and their own wealth if they must engage in statutory(registry) marriage.

Acidosis:


Lmao Top Nairaland feminists don gather over a harmless phrase.

I'm sure it is also demeaning for a father to escort the bride (his daughter) down the aisle. Father and mother should do that to show "equality".


You ladies need to set your priorities rightly.

This argument isn't in any way related to feminism.

Elder0001:


Woe be unto any Nigerian man who engage in registry marriage with a woman who's not financially stable.

Teach your daughters to strive hard to acquire their own properties and their own wealth if they must engage in statutory(registry) marriage.

Nobody is saying that women should not own anything before entering a marriage.

Woe nothing it is registry or nothing.