Dear Op,

Kindly ignore your date. Live and relationship is not meant for sex alone. There is no guarantee that he would not have quit the friendship after 'collecting' on the first date.

Of course, we need to wonder the kind of conversations you have been having on Whatsapp??

Birds of the same feather, flock together

Let me see if I get this right

1.   You did not like his cheap & far Chinese restaurant. (Some where closer would be great even if not Chinese)
2.  You did not like the driving. (Your driver could do better)
3.   You did not like his speaking on his phone for a long time. (he could be on his phone with his real babe)
4.   You did not like the "kissing" request,  (Your gate man/house help would judge you)

Okay you survived and we are grateful to God.

Do you want to go on another date with him?
NO case dismissed.  or YES
a.     Take him out on a date to a classy Chinese restaurant and have your driver at hand.
b.   When you drop him off, blow him an imaginary kiss.
c.   Ensure that no body comes with phones,

I bet he will get the message.

Simple , get off the internet.

1.    Try not connecting into facebook, nairaland, bing, bb, skype, messenger for at least 2 weeks.

2.     Then try to be a normal person, talking and making friends with real people.

3.     Live a real life, go to church, movies etc and when u are in a bus or walking down the street. Observe everything .

4.     Insecurity occurs when you get your self esteem from faceless people who are sitting behind another keyboard.

5.     They do not know the real you. The real you is something so sweet even God loves you.

6.     Please the steps above will help you love the real you and know that you are unique. Live life a step at a time.

And when u re-connect to the internet, just glimpse for info and not for gossip.

@poster

have u slept with him?  if No then let him take as much break as he loves.

If Yes then he has had his cake and he wants out.

Remember he is older and should know better, if you where the one taking a break then we can understand.

But honestly, I believe u are either too young to be dating or choking him with love
(***you are at his place in his absence and plan to wait for him to come back***).

If you are too young to be dating then he feels embarrassed showing you off as his girlfriend.

If you are choking him then he feels you will soon become a burden to him.

Healthy relationships always strike a balance between love and work.
I hope you have not done the sleeping part because the rejection will break your heart.

But I pray that God sends you a true friend and you learn that love and intimacy are miles apart!

@poster

Your question is easy. It is right to marry anybody since the person is not related to you.

Marry a friends ex? Well it depends if you re a boy or girl.

If a you are a girl, will your friend not think you snatched him? Did you have a hand in the break up like a wrong advice.

If you are a boy, then it is easier. You are the one doing the marrying so you know what's up. But hope no snatching was involved.

Why does life have to be complicated and why should it be a friend's ex

The rule is that it depends on the circumstance.

If you do not believe then why does your conscience ask these question.

I do not believe this.

Weeks on ,  people were suspected, names destroyed, career in question.

9ice should grow up. In this internet age he should have come clean. He owes it to Toni or Rugged.

Silly of him to claim Rugged was his friend while he watch the chap suffer unnecessarily.

9ice should wake up from his champagne life and star filled lenses to learn to live life more seriously.

Girl846:  u are missing the main point. 
madlady : You hit the nail in the head.

@poster

When somebody does not say it then the person does not feel it.  Having intimacy with a person does not translate to I love you.

Assuming a guy pays a girl for intimacy is he supposed to feel in love after the act?

Now if you are interested in the love word then make sure find the person who is in love with you.

@poster

There is no easy way out of this.
Let me see, 
she loves you,
       cares for you
           will never hurt you
             always thinking about you
               cherishes you
                 adores you !

You can never break out of this relationship. If you do, she can hurt herself cos she has wrapped her world around you.
When a girl keeps her virginity for wedding day and meets someone that "likes" her, she pours her story, her life on you.

I have had an experience like that and it ended up in the altar,  of course that was some years later.

*** I can hear wedding bells ringing. But do not be scared, her love will last the distance. But pray about it all the same.

@2sexy,

The issue here is not your experience. It is what you become from that experience.

You should have left her a long time a go to find someone more caring.

You tie yourself to her apron string and you pretend you have a better plan now?

Not all experiences are good for us and only a fool waits to learn from his/her experience alone.

I believe that you should concentrate on building a new future for yourself guided by God !

AntKenny,

Wonderful. I loved every piece of your post. Yes it happens all the time.

But I just got wiser. I decided to make friends with the opposite sex with no attachment.
I still run into my friends all the time and we still have nice moments.

But I hardly meet up with ex-es and I when I do, it becomes awkward moments.
I guess the emotional baggage is too much to handle.

But I remember a moment of trying to contact an ex, it was not to re-start any thing!
It was because I did not want her to continue hurting cos deep down I still cared.

@poster

Please do not get me angry! You brought your issue on NL and many had no reasonable/useful advice for you.

You wrote to CBN and House on the Rock and their advice saw you through your trying period.

Now the storm is over and you come back to NL?

Just go back to CBN and House on the Rock with this success message and stop behaving like the 9 lepers in the bible.

But God really love you sha. My own is that you should forgive her!

@poster

You want her for rough play in public places. Is she married to you? I bet the girl is very young and maybe her first experience.
You want to sample her as a rough babe to the whole world ?

Question:
If she was your kid sister, would you allow another chap rough play her (public or private)?
If she plays big girl to please you, will you marry her?
Would you be there to explain when her rough play affects her ability to get a committed partner tomorrow?

Maturity involves commitment. Commitment involves responsibility.
Let us not ask for what we cannot give, seek what we would not lose, and knock on a door we would not dare open.

If you want to play rough then find a big girl who is equal to you match
and leave these little girls to discover the true friends God has destined for them

@mama-gee

Easy now for Goodluck J. See his cowboy cap represent the Niger delta hat.
That has been his trademark.

I believe Obama cross his legs in one of the pics is a sign of arrogance

@poster,

Do not worry on this one follow your heart. But we will use the head too.
You love him, great. He wants back, beautiful.

So let him come back but with a distance. He can come back but you cannot live together.
He can come back but no intimacy. Let him spend time together at church, events, lunch dates, see a movie.

The secret to a stable relationship is learning how to love without sinning. If he does spend  this 'quality' time with you
then we can be sure he will value you for who you are and not what you can give him(intimacy).
He will learn to love the real you and not get attached to your body and say he needs space when he feels he does not need it.

Then your conversation will mature to something meaningful.

Well God bless you!

@poster

I do not believe this!!!
You have gone out with someone for 3 years and you cannot tell if she is a virgin?

Did you spend the 3 years daydreaming about her virginity?

On a light note, Your 3 years should have been spent to discover if she is the wonderful person

you will like to spend the rest of your life with. It should have been spent learning her strength and her weaknesses.

You should be able to describe who she is.  If you have done this then her virginity status would not matter.

Friendships and relationship is an opportunity to build bonds that will last for the future.

Best of grace. You will need it .

@poster,

You don dey form Ramsey Noah. Babe say e get bobo, You say u must put head.
When your heart go knock engine then you go carry come NL like say we be mechanic workshop.

Seriously did you see the babe and just start asking her out?
You should learn to control your emotions and do some background check first.
If coast is clear then you begin enter.

Well its your luck? If she no get bobo and she dey lie then enjoy but if she get and the bobo na hard man nay your wahala.

No call me I no be witness for this case O.

@platinumnk

I do not agree that people must be insulted just to make a point.
Dummy is not my name. I understood what he did, not agreed with him.

To the issue about gifts I said :"If you do not want the car then let her have it."
I do not go snooping in girls stuff and I bet you have never snooped : "your guy's phone call or sms etc"

If you will slow down and read my mail you will notice that I am addressing his issue.
Advise is what he needs and give it if you have it.

What if the babe was using him as a mugu and leading him on and the ex is not really her ex?
Must some people go into unnecessary relationships (prostitution) to get gifts?
I would prefer a cup of water from a girl that I love  than a gold necklace from one feel nothing for.

@poster.

I understand you!!

You love her and your gift was an expression of love.
She loves someone else though her ex you felt betrayed.
So hurtfully, You tried to disconnect any thing or any way in which you showed her love (especially the car).

There is no growing up here. It is same as a jilted girl tearing up the pix of an ex.

Lets move forward. If you do not want the car then let her have it.
Is she still in love with her ex, that is more important.
So you ask her. This has to be done face to face. Watch her eyes(very important)
The expressions can be faked, lies can come from the mouth but in the eyes lies the answer you need.

You will be able to tell if she is still in love with her ex (especially if he is her first).
See there is always a danger that if she loves her ex more than you, then when her ex changes his mind
you become the new ex.

Forget the other comments focusing on the car and saying immature. Know that your decision starts from where her love ends.
Your decision to cut the rope and start a new journey with someone worth your love.

Keep blessed.

@kobojunkie wrote
GBAM!
Dude, I am not you. I don't want to even THINK AS YOU WANT ME TO.  I ENJOY DOING THIS. This is my hobby. If you don’t like that I love to criticize/analyze from where I am , then please MOVE ON. Simple!!


Use your own words above to greater effect. Dora enjoys what she does, and she would not think as you want her to think. If you do not like what she does then please MOVE ON. Simple!!

Can you in future avoid calling people immature if they decide not to agree with you? I prefer we stick to the conversation. !!

@poster,

2 things you can do.

a.   talk about it with him
or
b.   pretend you did  not see it.

I imagine you try a. , he will tell you he just uses it as part time, nothing serious, his ex-pic means nothing.
Of course you will agree with him that it was just harmless part-time.
But in your heart the insecurity is still there.
(Why) cause you could become his ex easily and though you really love him, he will be satisfied with looking at your pic(topless).

What is truly lacking is knowing that he truly loves you, that he will be there for you, that he is planning a future with you in it.
What you have is casual even though there is intimacy involved.  He could be seeing you as one of his porn tools.

I pray you re-discover the true meaning of relationship and God only could guide you to it.

Stay blessed.

@poster

You don dey write poem, e dey sweet you.

When casala go bust tomorrow,
you go ask NL people to help settle gbege.

You no go remember your poem.

All that glitters is not Gold. When you fall in love remember that you will fall out of love someday.
So choose wisely

@poster

Everybody has a weakness.
Pastors, Bosses, clerks, bus drivers etc.
Human nature is very exploitative. Naturally people exploit every situation they are in.
Bus driver gets to a stop and sees stranded people, he jacks the price.

But for the religious, your weakness before joining the faith can become your undoing.
For some people they cannot be trusted with money, and when the give their lives they try to handle it.
But over time, the become slack. they back slide,

then they begin to live the life different from what they preach. When they do it the first time and God does not "catch" them,
they start getting bolder, and justify it.

Until it ends in disgrace or the miss heaven.
The rule is look upon God only, and let us avoid the praise of our pastors and priests, it will  bring them down to earth and

like paul wrote, they will realize they are merely earthen vessels doing Gods work.

tpia
Please can you back off!!!
SoJuicy is telling her story and you have guts to analyse it?
Maybe tpia, you have such a story in your past and it seems no go area.
Anybody that stands up and decides to speak must be brought down to size.
Can you bottle it up and let others learn from her experience?

Life is really funny!
People do have experiences and abuse is something that is not easily spotted.
Everytime we believe others must submit to us because we rate better then it is abuse.

Example are abound and let us not pretend
a lecturer wants to sleep with somebody for marks - abuse
an employer wants to sleep with a candidate before offering a job - abuse
a poorer person needs a favour like money and I insist on sleeping with her first - abuse

@kobojunkie
Easy to ask questions and make comments !

Can u stand up to an ordinary lecturer in the school
or
Stand up to a boss in your office
or
Stand up to a person with a gun to your head.

Dora has done much more than all these.
Do not judge her. Do your own bit so that at least nija will hear your story.
Create your own history instead of sounding tough behind a computer screen.

Remember while we type on the keyboard, we are doing nothing but sitting on our butts.

Wow. 3 months the guy calls it quits.

Could mean.
a.    it took him 3 months to get all he wanted from you
or
b.    it took him 3 months to decide he had no future with you

Baby girl what do you really know about him.
- Do you know what makes him laugh, happy, smile?
- Do you know his dreams, fears, plans?
- Do you know his friends 'girls & guys' past or present?

True relationship would have provided answers.
If you spend time knowing each other he would still be trying to answer these questions about you.
But if we jump to the honeymoon part then it will not last especially if he wanted a fling.

Take Care and God loves you

Hi Lacrissa,

when you loose what is available, it touches you.
May be not love, but definitely some form of jealousy.

Let me explain. We guys can fool around without building emotional bonds.

But women by nature build bonds once the get 'close'.

You might not have felt this way if you still had your own relationship or the girl did not meet up.

Well it is time for you to look for someone permanent, serious and not just a bus stop,

Take care and pray about it,

Obinon, 

Why wait to be dumped or to dump ?

Go find a  girl that is free. Leave this one alone to sort out her life.

You would be wasting your time if you are waiting for her.

Just keep her on a hi friends level.

Why invest time and energy with someone who is not free, she would always give you mixed signals

and you would always be compared to the other guy!

@spoilt

prayer is the most important part. why?
God is the only one who feels it with her, we are merely bystanders ,

the healing has to start from the inside ,

Guy, 
she has not committed to you.
You should step now and find your true love.
No need wasting time around women who want to have many guys to choose from.

It is better to work with someone that is heading the same direction as you.

Of course women will tell you that you re immature,  but stepping now is the best option.

See it as , may be she does not want to say no as not to hurt you,  but she really is wasting your time.

You can keep her as friend though, but a woman can be truly committed to one person at a time.

The other people in her life are backup plans

Keep it simple and keep God first.

@poster,

You say you want to stop this,  question is ,  can you really stop?
If you could stop then you would not be posting on this forum.

Let me analyze this,  Head say stop,  Heart says do not stop.
So you can say it with your mouth and take all the advice but when you see him,  You might still not be able to stop.

Well 3 steps to do this. (follow it religiously)
1st   , pray about it, sincerely to God and ask God to help you quit.
2nd  , Tell him it is over, and you cannot continue in this deceit.
3rd   , Run , Dodge, Hide, Change your line , create your space etc.

Note: 1 and 3 are the most important. Avoid contact with him both physically or mentally.  See you need to convince yourself you are doing the right thing. And the space will allow God to heal you from the inside.

Good luck.

Congrats Mr Back up BF!

When you get back up AIDS or STD I hope you come to NL for advice.

What about decency, humility, love, ideals and other beautiful things that could come out of relationship?

Just straight intimacy,  aka tell me how to UnCloth her jeans so that I can do ,

Try and re-organize your life and priorities.

Put God first and your future will change,