@OP
This is why I don't advise guys to be too serious with girls who are below 23 or still in a nigerian university. At that stage they don't fully know what they want yet,their emotion is fickle etc. Except for few girls.

That said, if your girl is from a broke home,you need to teach her contentment. Does she really need to buy aso ebi?NO. Will she understand that considering her age?NO.

About the virgin stuff,my guy you are on a long thing. During my younger days,I dated 2 different undergraduates who told me they were virgins. It was when I insisted on getting down that they confessed they were open. Your girl may be different though. Virginity and character aint same though. She may be a Virgin and be very rude,stingy etc.

My conclusion is that you and this girl are not on thesame page. You are also over analysing her which is not fair to her,cut her some slack that's what most girls in her position and age range do. We live in the BB age and the dating game has changed but most guys don't know it yet.

blank: Initially, i didn't want to reply but i decided to do so. Don't take this too personal but you sound stingy. I personally believe that a lady should pay her own way. However, there is nothing wrong in you showing her empathy. You want her to empathize with you but you are not doing the same for her. I know you are not married or anything but i have seen guys that are in love and are commited to a relationship. If you had said that you will give her 2k out of the money you have but she got angry, i would have understood with you and seen your point of view.

You need to stop over-analyzing her and just accept her statements at face value. I did not see anything wrong in what she said. I think you should do it step by step as well. Buy 2 suits now and then some later when you get paid.

^^^ this is just crazy!
Is he her father?!!
@op, go with your gut feeling abeg. If she feels to you like a leech, count your losses and move on.
No time. From the description she sounds like she's just cutting her maga skills. With time she go open eye finish, abi u wan make she open her first office for your head?

Ab025:

According to my friend Segun, when a woman tells u she is a Virgin, have it in ur mind as 50/50 until u see dig and confirm it, afterall, seeing digging is believing.!

Fixed

blank:

You need to stop over-analyzing her and just accept her statements at face value. I did not see anything wrong in what she said. I think you should do it step by step as well. Buy 2 suits now and then some later when you get paid.

@blank.......u must be a joker, u said the guy shud buy 2 suits now and the others wen he gets paid!!! Who told u d guy is workin, he is not workin but is being sponsored into his masters programme by his parent, if he buys 2 suits now and giv d remainin money to his gal, where will he get d money to buy the other suits....?

Btw, have u done ur masters to know how dificult the project presentation and defence is...? Do u think it is like b.sc that u can just manage with anyhow dressing as u like......?

Pls let's think of the best solution for dis young man or do u want him to fail in his final presentation because of a gal who is selfish and thinks only of her own needs.....?

@OP no vexoo bt END TIME RELATIONSHIPS... Na xo E dey b

Ab025:


@blank.......u must be a joker, u said the guy shud buy 2 suits now and the others wen he gets paid!!! Who told u d guy is workin, he is not workin but is being sponsored into his masters programme by his parent, if he buys 2 suits now and giv d remainin money to his gal, where will he get d money to buy the other suits....?

Btw, have u done ur masters to know how dificult the project presentation and defence is...? Do u think it is like b.sc that u can just manage with anyhow dressing as u like......?

Pls let's think of the best solution for dis young man or do u want him to fail in his final presentation because of a gal who is selfish and thinks only of her own needs.....?

First off, I did not direct my post to you. Seeing as you have taken it upon yourself to reply, I will still respond to you.

I am not a joker. I gave my opinion. Give yours and move on. I am an MSc degree holder and I know "how difficult project presentation and defence is". I doubt you know what you are talking about. I do not see what "manage with anyhow dressing as you like" has to do with the topic and with project defence.

I mentioned getting the suits after he was paid because the whole issue of him buying suits was for his new job. Try and keep up. No need to get too ahead of yourself. Understand that people have different opinions on issues. Give your opinion, I give mine, the op can make his decision.

Debrief's Thread : What's happening to our Girls??

Koko Answer: Well they all want a Davido , unfortunately our boy Guitar is not .. Yet

Oh boy * pulls ears* go get those suits ASAP and forget about that girl..you don't need a wife now.. explore & shine your eyes wella before you leap you hear??

I have brothers and that's exactly what I will tell them. You are NOT her Father... Good Raddiance to bad foundation.

Aso ebi ko , bandaid dress ni.

@poster......if u like, don't use ur money on finishing ur masters degree programme, u forgot that u are young and ur Dad is ur source of income and it is not as if u don't normally give this ur gal money but at this present stage where u can either use the money u have now for ur masters programme or for ur gal's financial problems, choose wisely o....

I don talk my own o, d rest is in ur hand sha!!!!!

Some of d responses on dis thread dai funny me, y wuld some1 call d op stingy,is it not what he has he will give, or should he put his masters and job interview on hold cos he dos not want to b stingy.. Its same pple dat say give her dat still turn back and tell him he is stupid..

As ma mummy will say 'eyan o kin fu ye ko ni oun wu wo

Bros if na cos she b virgin ur brain dai boot.. Being a virgin dos not automatically make a reasonable or complete babe.. Bros u treat lik every oda babe abeg..

Most Nigerian girls are leeches anyway. You are more likely to marry a leech at the end of the day, sad truth. The mentality there is to leeeechhhh. It is between prostitution or leeching from the boyfriend in Nigeria for girls, while the men do Crime. Times are hard in naija. She has chosen the part of leeching to survive. Tell her how you feel about her asking you for stuff all the time. Asking monetary assistance from a struggling boy is like pouring water into a basket. She should be considerate, empowering you and not sucking you dry. In the scenario you posted, a considerate person would be excited you finally got a job, bridesmaids issue can go to hell.

Guitarlife:
**********************************
My girl: The little problem i have is about money i am part of my sis bridal train and i need like 6k for the cloth and 2k for the shoe will we use but mum is paying part of it for me and they ask me to get some also but with no avail i dont want to bother you but no body to assist me and i also wants to get some material for my training and my cousin is also doing her weddng this saturday i have to get what i will put on myself so thats what my prob is all about thanks for listening love u

Jeez, you need to sit down and think calmly. You are actually painting a picture of this girl as a bad girl cos of this minor request. Do you really think that's fair?! Break up if you not happy instead of whining

You are dating someone that you are 6 yrs older than and you feel cool that you cant provide for some petty needs. It's not a crime to be broke BUT you have no business being in a relationship.Face your studies and get back to dating when you can stand like a real man!! ALL THIS LONG TORI and u cant even give her nothing out of 8k

@OP,
Get your priorities in life right. There is a time for everything.
Right now,your priority should be to conclude your masters programme and get a good J.O.B. that will put food on the table for you and your family in the future.
Once this is achieved,the girls will come,and then you will probably look back at this girl and wonder why you were stressing yourself.
By the way Mr Guitar,you appear to have a fixation and obssesion with virginity,why? In this auto tune age,its like looking for a needle in a hay stack. I suggest you take it easy.

Do you need a prophet to tell you that girl isn't really into you
Be realistic to yourself man, a true virgin, inexperience as she claimed wouldn't be bold enough to ask you for financial aids the way she does, that girl from your description of her chat with you aint got no shame, and that girl is no virgin believe me, so stop letting yourself get decieved, a girl who love you be it virgin or not will never demand for financial aid from you withen couple of months you started dating, even if she needs something, it wont be direct as she puts it, she will just make it obvious to you that she's gat a need, and you will be the one to ask her before she tells you her financial need.
So think again bro!

From my own point of view, u have a great girl, u said she doesn't hassle u when u can't provide? Guy, u are lucky!
its not news dat girls expect their boyfriends to try to an extent to help with cash, if u really like her u will do what u should do,without her asking.

My girl: I think you should do it stepwisely one by one but dont worry if mine will affect you i will get solution elsewhere thanks
what's selfish about this remark now? Nothing! She's asking for 8k, and u want to spend almost a 100k on ur wardrobe, now who's being selfish?

I think u are scared of being taken for a fool DAT u r actually now acting a fool, looking for something where there's none.

also u take urself too,seriously, okay, so u r a post grad, u r about to become working class, so? And then? Are u the first ever guy to be a graduate? You better handle this chick very well before she finds another who has all your qualities and more.

Also when u go on dates, do u expect her to offset some bills? Haba, u r d guy nao? This is an undergraduate girl with six other siblings, have a little mercy.

pls,don't make her into,something she's not. When she has a high paying job of her own, u can then come and complain.

My question is:What kind of mother gives her daughter half of the money for Aso ebi and asks her to source for the rest from where ever?
Is she telling the daughter to go and prostitute her self?

OP,
I find this hard to believe as a mother. Investigate this very well,cause am quite sure your girl is being economical with the truth OR you the OP,is giving a dog a bad name in order to hang it.

Basildon1:

Jeez, you need to sit down and think calmly. You are actually painting a picture of this girl as a bad girl cos of this minor request. Do you really think that's fair?! Break up if you not happy instead of whining

You are dating someone that you are 6 yrs older than and you feel cool that you cant provide for some petty needs. It's not a crime to be broke BUT you have no business being in a relationship.Face your studies and get back to dating when you can stand like a real man!! ALL THIS LONG TORI and u cant even give her nothing out of 8k

May my God in heaven embarass you with many blessings!!!

Now Op, you wanted a "traditional" lady (as you mentioned in your first post) and you got one, now be a "traditional" man and do the needful! You think say to be man na beans?

Why on earth are you whining? If a girl is independent and refuses to cook, clean and wash for you, you say she is a feminist and not a wife material. Now she is being a "lady" and you are bitching about.

Relationship is not by force! You are a student, face your studies! When you "man up" you hook up, SIMPLE!

@ basildon : i wish i could like ur post a million times.
OP, so because ur girlfrnd asked u for 8k (cos e be like say na dat one pain u pass) ur complaining.
do you know if she is just testing u?
ur complaining that u pay for ur dates, how do u expect a 20 yr oldstudent 2 pay for ur meals?
if na working class babe u dey date i for understand ur pain.
pls if ur not ready 2 handle the responsibilities that come with having a girlfrirnd, then stop dating! period!
i see absolutely nothiong to complain about here.

Like someone has posted already, she's just 20yrs, still an undergraduate, still vulnerable to peer pressure. She's yet to know what life is in the 'real world'.... Not defending her though but c'mon!!! Just be straight with her....whenever she ask for money and you have, give her. And when you don't, tell her you don't have to give. Just be sincere about it! When you have more than enough, give her without her even asking! If she aint okay with it, let her walk!

Btw.....why spend 19k on suit?!!! That contact I gave to you the other time has new designer arrivals (good ones) and you will save as much as 5K. Oya do the math and know how cheap the suits go for! PM me if you've misplaced his number.

Guitarlife:
**********************************
My girl: The little problem i have is about money i am part of my sis bridal train and i need like 6k for the cloth and 2k for the shoe will we use but mum is paying part of it for me and they ask me to get some also but with no avail i dont want to bother you but no body to assist me and i also wants to get some material for my training and my cousin is also doing her weddng this saturday i have to get what i will put on myself so thats what my prob is all about thanks for listening love u
**************************
Guitarlife: I need to buy 5pieces of suit for my resumption. One cost 19500naira I have just 30K on me cos I bought fone.what do you think I should do?
**************************
My girl: I think you should do it stepwisely one by one but dont worry if mine will affect you i will get solution elsewhere thanks.
***********************

@ bolded. This type of insult on top 8k? Bwahahaha! Abeg break up with her already and save her your drama. If she had any self esteem, she should have broken up with you on the basis of this reply alone!

*and I can't even stand women that ask their boyfriend's for money for everything but she comes off better looking in this particular conversation you posted!*

To be sincere, the way we ladies want to milk guys dry these days is quite alarming!
The major purpose of going into any relationship for some ladies now is to get the money that the parents couldn't give at home.
That part of "i'll get it elsewhere, don't worry if you don't have it" by an average nigerian babe is a way of getting sympathy and all that kind of stuff.

Don't ask how I knew, na hostel tinz!

op, she might just be acting under peer pressure and all that, i'll say sit her down and talk to her. Let her realize that she has to know why she choose to be with you and turning you into a dad shouldn't be one of them. You might wanna try saying it in a nicer way, though!

@OP:

Please answer the following questions:

Does she wash your clothes, cook for you or do any domestic chore for you?
Do you do the same for her?

Answer and then I will know what's up

TheMadame: My question is:What kind of mother gives her daughter half of the money for Aso ebi and asks her to source for the rest from where ever?
Is she telling the daughter to go and prostitute her self?

OP,
I find this hard to believe as a mother. Investigate this very well,cause am quite sure your girl is being economical with the truth OR you the OP,is giving a dog a bad name in order to hang it.

I also wondered if her mother really said that.

@ Guitarlife

If you have the money, give. The Lord loves a cheerful giver .
She is from a not too financially strong family. I'm sure there is food in the house but hardship as not enough to go round (6) children is way too much.
Again, give her bros. Try to put her on some =N= without complaining . . . I mean each month, just wire a certain amount into her account.
No be ya chic she be? Life must be hard. I keep praying that Nigeria will get to the stage we are in here. A stage where students can easily get a job and fend for themselves without having to ask anyone for money.

That's what they get for having too many children. I blame parent for not doing family planning.

stillwater: Most Nigerian girls are leeches anyway. You are more likely to marry a leech at the end of the day, sad truth. The mentality there is to leeeechhhh. It is between prostitution or leeching from the boyfriend in Nigeria for girls, while the men do Crime. Times are hard in naija. She has chosen the part of leeching to survive. Tell her how you feel about her asking you for stuff all the time. Asking monetary assistance from a struggling boy is like pouring water into a basket. She should be considerate, empowering you and not sucking you dry. In the scenario you posted, a considerate person would be excited you finally got a job, bridesmaids issue can go to hell.

Guitarlife: My girl does not see anything wrong in demanding for money from me. We started dating officially in April but prior to that she has asked for money from me which I always slyly turn down. I have observed her very well and it seems she has this orientation that the man should be fully responsible for the financial burden of the wife. I am not saying she is wrong but. When a lady is not ashamed and sees it as a right for her to demand money from her boyfriend then that is a thing to be bothered about. Moreover, I am just rounding up a masters programme(which has been stalled by the ASUU strike anyway) and I spending a lot on defence and stuffs. And I am not yet working so I would have expected her to show a bit of restraint in making any financial demands. I have studied her thoroughly and I think her pattern of thought about this isuue is kinda intransigent becos I have tried everything thing within power to make her understand that I am also dependent on my pops for survival for now and she can see that I do not indulge in any form of frivolous expenditure. But it seems her outlook on this issue is largely shaped on the popular belief these days that it is the responsibility of the boyfriend to shoulder the needs of his girlfriend.
For the records, I pick the bills when we go out on dates and she has never offered to offset any bill. Be it taxi fare or eating out.
For the records too, We do not indulge in any type of sexual immorality like kissing, smooching or s*ex.
This was the main reason I left my previous girlfriends to be with her cos they always put pressure on me for sex.But my present girlfriend does not which is what I always wanted and becos she is a virgin.
Everytime she asks me for money and I refuse she always allow it to go but I can sense a feeling of discontent within her.
As it is now, I am like a trophy for her amidst her circle of friends cos it seems she is the only one lucky to have hooked up a postgrad student on a relationship.
I can literAlly cut the air of pride around her when she is with me amidst her friends with a knife.
I am now a bit disturbed that her decision to continue dating me might have nothing to do with the love she has for me but the respect she is able to get amidst her friends for dating a 'big boy'. Lest I forget, she comes from a humble background too . Her parents are both secondary school teachers with 6 children to cater for.This is a transcript of a discussion we had today. She is away at home now with her parents. Please read the tone of her messages and tell me if that is not a red flag:
**********************************
My girl: The little problem i have is about money i am part of my sis bridal train and i need like 6k for the cloth and 2k for the shoe will we use but mum is paying part of it for me and they ask me to get some also but with no avail i dont want to bother you but no body to assist me and i also wants to get some material for my training and my cousin is also doing her weddng this saturday i have to get what i will put on myself so thats what my prob is all about thanks for listening love u
**************************
Guitarlife: I need to buy 5pieces of suit for my resumption. One cost 19500naira I have just 30K on me cos I bought fone.what do you think I should do?
**************************
My girl: I think you should do it stepwisely one by one but dont worry if mine will affect you i will get solution elsewhere thanks.
***********************
I am sorry my write up is kinda disjointed. Its cos I am typing from a phone.
I need matured family section posters to take their time and disect my post in order to advice me correectly before I take a drastic decison.Thank you.

@ guitarlife,now that i have seen your story is not tales by moon light,this is my humble opinion and suggestion that i will give if you were my biological brother.number 1 look for a girl with a sense of maturity in all aspects,has serious minded ambitions to be less dependent on anybody,her aspirations and goals are serious minded e.g getting a job,getting a masters degree,establishing a buisness etc and is not after brazillian hair,money for bridal train and whatever trivialities she is referring to.from the messages ive read,i dont see any element of maturity in her and if you go ahead with the relationship you will have a lot of frictions because you guys are not on the same wave length.all her priorities now is about parties while yours is to be established,therefore,look for someone who will COMPLEMENT YOU NOT DISTRACT YOU EMOTIONALLY AND FINANCIALLY.IF YOU HAVE GIVE,IF YOU DONT HAVE DONT GIVE,IF SHE SAYS SHE WILL FIND IT ELSEWHERE,TELL HER NO PROBLEM,THEN SHE WILL KNOW YOU ARE NOT HER ATM MACHINE.YOU NEED TO DRAW BOUNDARIES AND DEFINE YOUR RELATIONSHIP.TELL HER YOU ARE NO ATM MACHINES AND YOU HAVE MORE PRESSING NEEDS AND CHALLENGES MORE SERIOUS THAN BRIDAL TRAIN OUTFIT AND SHOES.THERE IS SOMETHING MY PASTOR SAYS

There is no need beingin any relationship that does not add any value to you.relationships should be all about give and take.mr a does this for miss b,miss b does this for mr a.ask yourself and ask her WHAT DOES SHE HAVE TO OFFER YOU,OF WHAT BENEFIT WILL SHE BE IN YOUR LIFE,WILL SHE PUSH YOU TO BE THE BEST YOU CAN BE OR OTHERWISE.I AM SURE YOU CAN SEE THE GREEN LIGHTS.DO YOU WANT A LADY THAT THE ONLY THING SHE HAS TO OFFER YOU IS HER HYMEN INSTEAD OF IDEAS,VISIONS AND GOALS,FINANCIAL,MORAL AND EMOTIONAL SUPPORT.MEN,YOU NEED TO ASK YOURSELF WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU WANT IN A WOMAN THAT AT THE END OF THE DAY WHETHER OR NOT YOU PEOPLE GET MARRIED,YOU CAN SAY WHEN I DATED MISS LAGBAJA,SHE WAS VERY SUPPORTIVE,THROUGHOUT MY MASTERS DEGREE,SHE WOKE ME UP TO READ,SHE HELPED ME DOWNLOAD MATERIALS THAT WILL AID MY RESEARCH,SHE HELPED ME IN MAKING PHOTOCOPIES OF SO SO SO,SHE HELPED ME SHOP FOR CLOTHES THAT I WILL GET.SHE WAS VERY SACRIFICIAL AND WAS NOT ENGROSSED IN HERSELF.SHE WANTS YOU TO DO FOR HER FINANCIALLY,ASK HER,WHAT IS SHE READY TO DO FOR YOU.AT THIS POINT IN YOUR LIFE,I THINK WHATEVER LADY YOU DATE WILL EITHER MAKE OR MAR YOU,DISTRACT YOU,PULL YOU DOWN OR ENCOURAGE,LIFT YOU UP AND BRING OUT THE POTENTIALS IN YOU.THATS MY 2CENTS.SO ITS UP TO YOU TO DATE AN IMMATURE GIRL OR A MATURED GIRL

Guitarlife, no too much talk.
Waka front. Period.

armyofone: @ Guitarlife

If you have the money, give. The Lord loves a cheerful giver .
She is from a not too financially strong family. I'm sure there is food in the house but hardship as not enough to go round (6) children is way too much.
Again, give her bros. Try to put her on some =N= without complaining . . . I mean each month, just wire a certain amount into her account.
No be ya chic she be? Life must be hard. I keep praying that Nigeria will get to the stage we are in here. A stage where students can easily get a job and fend for themselves without having to ask anyone for money.

if you are a female please stop embarassing other females.op is not her father,brother or uncle.she has hands and brains which means she can work to fend for herself and support her family.when i was a student in ife,i see young girls as young as 18,19,20,21 down to 3o making photocopies,running errands,washing clothes,going to hostels to make hair and nails to earn themselves a living to support their family.there was this particular young girl of about 19 years that comes around to my room.she will knock and ask me aunty can i wash clothes for you.i gave her clothes then to wash for me,dishes etc and i leave change with her on several occassions as well as giving her clothes and shoes that dont size me because i saw how hardworking she was.any time i see girls like her,i feel so happy.she is not running after a man that she can transfer her burden on.one day she opened up to me when we got closer that she comes from a very humble family,her father is a carpenter,mom is a trader in the market,they cant afford to send her to school because they dont have much and they have to cater for 7 of her other younger siblings and of which shes the first born.this girl earns money for herself.she says she earns like 3k per room on a good day and there is probability of going to at least 3 or 4 rooms and at least 12k will enter her pocket.those are the kinds of girls that earn respect even from men.even if she has a boyfriend she will make minimal or no demand at all because shes working herself.it is lazy ass ladies that will pour all their burdens on men and thats why men find it easy to take advantage of girls like her.or you think if the op is not someone that has a conscience,if it is a regular guy who doesnt give a sh1t about her virginity,you think he wont tell her to choose between his money and her virginity,saying he cannot be giving her money and she cant offer herself.

I am concerned that her mother asked her to look for the money.


From where

@op sorryooo!...just take heart ok??...e go better!!...such is life.

Mz_Stunner: @ basildon : i wish i could like ur post a million times.
OP, so because ur girlfrnd asked u for 8k (cos e be like say na dat one pain u pass) ur complaining.
do you know if she is just testing u?
ur complaining that u pay for ur dates, how do u expect a 20 yr oldstudent 2 pay for ur meals?
if na working class babe u dey date i for understand ur pain.
pls if ur not ready 2 handle the responsibilities that come with having a girlfrirnd, then stop dating! period!
i see absolutely nothiong to complain about here.

having a girlfriend is not equals to a girl becoming a liability for her boyfriend.there should be mutual benefit assurance.anyway she still be smalee.she never jam some crazy guys

Ujujoan: God save us from selfish and stingy men . . Amen!

when you work and earn salary no matter how little,you wont care whether anyone is stingjy or not,it is when a person is lazy and has high expectations of her boyfriend becoming her fianancial delivere,thats when the problem comes.like r.kelly will say LADIES STOP LOOKING UP TO MEN FOR YOUR NEEDS,LOOK INWARDS